Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
WORLD #326 – The One with a Case of Snivellitis
A.K. reappeared in a Potions laboratory. He turned around and found himself looking straight into a wand aimed between his eyes.
"Who the hell are you?" the mysterious person asked.
A.K. furrowed his brow in confusion. "What the hell are you?"
The man who had been working on a potion that A.K. suspected was Wolfsbane, frowned and tilted his head. "You look like James Potter."
A.K. tilted his head the other way and offered, "And you look like a turd covered in Vaseline."
The figure's eyes flared as he incanted a stunner at point blank range. He was unprepared for it rebound right back on him, and he fell backwards unconscious with his wand still held out in front of him.
A.K. recognized those eyes when they had widened in anger. He sighed sadly. "Not another fucking one." Usually after an assailant knocked themselves out as spectacularly as that, A.K. would dose them and get some answers. But the all too familiar green of those eyes told A.K. the answer to the most important question. So he only force fed him a mild truth and compulsion serum.
A.K. ennervated the young man. "Welcome back to the land of the conscious. Perhaps you should be a little more careful with where you point that thing."
The young man shook the tiredness out of his head. "What did you give me?"
A.K. shrugged and answered truthfully, "A mild compulsion serum. I'm sure you can resist it if you want to, but it'll annoy you and make it more obvious when you're lying."
"Why did you give me that?" he asked as he got up and double checked whether the potion he had been working on was salvageable.
"To annoy you and make it more obvious when you're lying. Didn't we cover this already?"
The young man bristled and forced himself to not answer. He seemed to be at a significant disadvantage and had already managed to ruin this batch of Wolfsbane. He vanished it away and spun back around, his longer greasy hair slapping himself in the cheek. "You never answered my question. Who are you?"
"You're right, I didn't." A.K. admitted honestly. "And you didn't answer mine either. What the hell are you?"
The young man bit the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting out some idiotic response. "I'm getting extremely irritated by scarred, trespassing assholes barging into my home, interrupting my potions work, and ruining expensive ingredients!" He hissed out through his clenched teeth.
A.K. looked at the seriously upset man with all too familiar green eyes. "What the hell kind of Harry Potter, are you?"
"I'm not any kind of Harry Potter, you numbskull." He insisted angrily keeping a firm hold on his wand. "My name is Harry Snape and you would do well-"
"Jesus fucking assraping cocklicking Christ!" A.K. yelled louder than was necessary. "Of course! Snivellus and his second-hand tampon hair! That's what you look like!"
"Do not call my father that name, you incompetent wretch!" Harry exclaimed as he whipped out his wand. "Crucio!"
A.K. raised an eyebrow and hopped to the side, out of the path of the curse. "Excuse me?"
"Crucio!" Harry called out again after adjusting his aim.
A.K. stood there and took the spell. He stared at Harry impassively, before scratching his chest. "Wow kid, you're stronger than most. That actually itches." Truthfully it hurt a hell of a lot more than A.K. was letting on, but he wasn't about to give any Snape the satisfaction of knowing that. Not even a brainwashed version of himself. "Are you about done giving me all the evidence I need to lock you up?"
Harry stopped his curse and looked at A.K. with a touch of fear in his eyes. "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" A.K. sighed. "Hmm… well it'd be nice to hear that you're not dating the ferret."
"The ferret?" Harry asked curiously.
"Draco?" A.K. inquired.
"Eww gross!" Harry insisted.
A.K. relaxed for a moment and exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding in.
Harry continued in disgust. "He's practically my brother."
A.K. groaned. He should have seen that one coming a mile away. "Your brother, right. Of course. So I guess Lucius is all just a misunderstood good guy? Who's slipping your daddy the sloppy flesh weasel?"
"You know nothing about us!" Harry snapped back, looking tempted to curse again.
A.K. stared Harry down for a moment. He opened up his mage senses a little further and his eyes widened at the location of a specialized parsel hiding charm. "You're bloody marked!"
Harry visibly flinched and resisted the urge to slap his own forearm. His lips curled in distaste. "I've no idea what you're talking about."
A.K. just shook his head. "Oh this is fucking rich. You're a whole bloody family of super secret spies. I bet you just cry yourself to sleep on someone's shoulder because of all the muggles you have to kill to maintain your cover."
Harry was biting his tongue refusing to react.
"So is that how you know you love your daddy? Because he can share in your pain?" A.K. asked with a smirk, just loving pushing this Harry's buttons. "He gives you all the tips on how to best clean the blood off after earning your Master's confidence? Or is this the kind caring side of that racist blonde poofter of a brother, holding your hand because daddy and Aunt Lucy are too busy playing house-elf hot spank-"
"That is enough!" Harry yelled a. "I refuse to sit here and let you berate me. You seem perfectly capable of breaking in here, but you can't make me stay and listen to you insult all those that I hold-"
"Why the fuck are you always the whiniest!" A.K. interrupted loudly. He was about to reply when he had to throw a shield up to his left side, blocking a dark binding spell. A.K. turned to his left and smiled. "Snivellus! How nice of you to join us."
"Dad!" Harry cried out and ran over to hug his father. Severus wrapped an arm protectively around Harry pulling him closer. He hissed at the nickname and couldn't believe what his eyes were telling him. "Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?"
A.K. looked around. "It's a bloody potions lab. Why do you all think it's so damn impenetrable?"
Severus was making sure Harry was okay and kept his wand trained on the intruder. He tried a different question. "Why are you here?"
A.K. raised his hands to show he was no real threat. "I just came to ask a few questions and the junior fucktard over there stunned himself, before hitting me with a Cruciatus. He seems a bit reckless on those 'life sentence in Azkaban' spells, you know? What sorts of things are you teaching these days?"
Severus' eyes widened in fear at the thought of losing his son. He made a snap decision and cast the only logical spell he could think of. "Avada Kedavra!"
A.K. just smiled and conjured a mirror that shattered but blocked the spell. He immediately conjured another mirror in place of the broken one.
Severus kept his wand trained on the man and said nothing at the lack of offensive response from this wizard.
A.K. saw the perplexed look on Snape's face at the floating mirror. He pointed to it. "Oh this? It's called a mirror."
Severus was immediately reminded of the childish antics of the former classmate this intruder reminded him of.
A.K. smiled. "I just figured looking in the mirror would hurt you more than any curse I could cast would. Don't worry, unless you look right into it, it shouldn't break."
Severus clutched Harry tightly and stared at the intruder. "You're never going to leave here alive, you do realize that, don't you?"
A.K. shrugged. "I'm pretty sure better baby rapists than you have tried but I doubt-"
"Avada Kedavra!" screeched a voice directly behind A.K., who only just got out an angry snarl before he felt the green light of death smack into his back.
Draco took off his invisibility cloak, smiled at Harry and Severus. He looked down at the intruder sprawled on the ground. There was a crackling and a flicker just behind him. Draco turned to the sound, right into the path of a punch that exploded his nose in a shower of blood. Draco crumpled to the ground screaming, clutching his broken face.
"Kids today," A.K. said with a shake of his head. "Tsk tsk." He waved his wand and burnt his other lifeless body on the floor in a cone of flame until not even ash remained. "Now my patience is beginning to wear thin. So before you go and do anything that actually pisses me off…" A.K. paused and raised his hand. Harry and Severus would have missed it if they blinked but they saw the intruder blur for just a moment before they were completely paralyzed.
Draco was still moaning in pain as he struggled to stem the flow of blood from his nose.
A.K. over-charged a numbing spell and it collided with Draco's face, temporarily silencing the blond ponce. "Do us both a favor and shut up ferret."
"What did you do?" Draco begged as he could no longer feel any part of his face.
"Is Aunt Lucy going to be dropping in or is that all the noses I have to break?"
"Who's Aunt Lucy?" Draco asked confusedly.
A.K. shook his head. "Your knob gobbling Dad, you ignorant fuckwit!"
Draco just looked at their intruder in disgust.
"You know what, fuck it." A.K. yelled. He walked over to the door, whispered a standard construction spell and jammed his wand into the stone wall. A few more incantations and the entire room rippled and melted into smooth stone all around them, sealing them in a now windowless and doorless room. A.K. smiled at the scared looks on the paralyzed Snapes and fear on Draco's face. "That should do the trick."
He petrified Draco, locking his face in a particularly unflattering pose with his mouth open. "Alright Snivelly, I only came here to get some information, but you all feel the need to torture or kill me. So let's do this the fun way." With a wave of his wand, Severus was no longer paralyzed. "You fancy yourself a master of Occlumency, don't you? Let's see if I can get the information I want out of that thick skull of yours."
Severus' eyes widened and he quickly raised his wand and turned his head away. He did not want to make eye contact with this intruder who apparently wasn't even all that pissed off when he got hit with a Killing Curse. Severus knew his mind shields were some of the best in the world, but he had a bad feeling about this one.
"Not even going to look at me?" A.K. challenged and relaxed his posture. A.K. whipped his wand slightly and conjured a pebble that smacked into the back of Severus' head. He chuckled just knowing how irritated that had to make Snape. "Aren't you even a little curious about me? Who I am? Why I'm here? What I'm going to do to Harry?"
With a snarl and a rasp, Severus spun right around and stared at his opponent. He raised his wand and screamed, "Legilime- oh fuck!" Severus' eyes clenched shut and he was pounding on his head with his own fists. He had fallen to his knees and was panting and grunting in pain as his eyes began to bleed.
A.K. knew this was no test of wills. He probably would have won that pretty easily anyway. But with the spell that had already been on Severus, he figured might as well cheat. And make it hurt. A lot.
Severus seemed to have stopped fighting and was no longer flailing on the ground. His vision seemed to clear, but his mind organization was shot to hell. He could barely think straight as he lay there panting.
"You gotta be shitting me!" A.K. yelled in complete disbelief. "You raped his fucking Mum when you were a loyal Death Eater? And he calls you Dad?" A.K. looked at Harry in shock. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Did Vernon skull fuck your eye socket and cause brain damage?"
Harry was fighting against the paralysis curse holding him.
"I'm sure the Dursleys were hell before dear old Dad came along, but shit boy! Raping Mum isn't the sort of thing you can just turn a blind eye to."
Severus was still laying there silently, catching his breath, hearing what this intruder was yelling but unable to retort.
Harry finally snapped his way free from the paralysis enough to reply. "He had no choice! Even Mum understood that."
"Bull-fucking-shit!" A.K. insisted. "He had a lot of choices, he was just too scared to accept any pain or death. It was your Mum that had no choice. She was being raped by a fucking Death Eater!"
"My father is not a Death Eater!"
A.K. shook his head. He was nearly certain this was a completely lost cause. He had seen enough and heard enough from the so-called loving father and loving son. He knew enough about this world's Voldemort now. He began to consider just mind raping every Severus he came across to get all the good dirt on each world's Voldemort. Too bad it required going into Snape's mind. That price is just a bit too high. A.K. apparated through their wards leaving the three of them trapped in the sealed windowless, doorless room.
Several hours later, the three trapped people finally managed to blast their way out of the potions laboratory. Waitiing there on the other side, protected from flying debris was Lucius looking surprised. "There you are!" He noticed his son's heavily bruised face. "Draco! What on earth happened to you guys?"
Severus frowned. "Where have you been? We've been stuck in there since that damn intruder left."
Lucius shook his head with a bright smile. "I didn't know what happened but could tell from our family clock that you weren't in any danger. I assumed some potions accident sealed you in, and I would just make things worse if I tried to barrel my way through the walls to you."
Severus' scowl lessened and he certainly understood. He knew how much they loved their family clock, though for some reason it always made his son snicker. "Yes well, we had a very unpleasant run-in with an intruder who popped his way through our wards, raped my mind, survived Draco's killing curse, and left us sealed in that room."
Lucius gasped and covered his mouth. "That's awful, but never mind that now. Did you guys feel it! You know what this means?"
Harry frowned noticing something felt slightly off. When they were sealed in the room, it felt stifled and separated but now that they were out, something felt very… different. "Feel what?"
"Look at your mark!" Lucius insisted gaily.
All three of them gasped and Harry countered the parsel hiding spells. The Dark Mark was practically gone. A faint outline still remained, but the magic powering it was gone. Harry slapped his forehead. "My scar! I can't feel him anymore."
"Is he…" Draco asked slowly. "Is he dead?"
Lucius nodded. "Yes he is, and we need to hurry down to the Ministry and clear our names. Everyone felt their mark burn and weaken. I just came from the Riddle House. The place was destroyed, bodies all over the place, and where his throne used to be is just a pile of ash and bone. Did you really not feel it?"
Severus shook his head. "The spell on the lab must have cut us off. It's why I couldn't even send out a message spell to you. I think perhaps our intruder may have something to do with this."
Lucius shrugged. "Well let's give him a bloody medal then! We're free! We're finally free!"
Harry was rubbing his scar in disbelief. He looked up towards his father with a warm smile. "This is the best day ev-"
And all four of them knew nothing more than blackness.
They woke up to the smiling faces of several of the Ministry's finest aurors. Lucius looked around and saw two dozen other Death Eaters were locked in there with his family.
"Attention Death Eaters!" a lead auror began. "You will all be facing trial for your crimes. You will be questioned under veritaserum if we feel it is necessary. Your Master is dead. Now is the time to comply and hope you might be lucky enough to make a deal. The dementors are looking forward to a feast tonight. Rookwood, you're up first!"
Rookwood turned to Avery and whispered, "Remember what we planned. Tell Lucius too! This just might work."
As soon as Rookwood was led away in chains, Avery walked over towards the two Malfoys and two Snapes. He smiled sheepishly. "Quite a little mess we've got here, isn't it?"
Severus frowned. "Why was Rookwood smiling? What's going on?"
Avery grinned and motioned the four of them closer. "It'll be just like the first time. No one will believe we were under Imperius again, so this time, get this…" Avery smiled brightly at their cunning. "We're going to tell them all we were spies!"
"What?" Harry asked in shock.
Avery nodded like a house elf. "It's perfect! We knew the Ministry had loyal Death Eaters inside it and we couldn't trust any of the other Death Eaters, because we weren't sure of their loyalty. We were forced to maintain our cover, and only reported to certain secret groups or individuals helping us to," he giggled uncontrollably for a moment. "Work against the big, bad, evil Dark Lord. It's perfect!"
Lucius looked at Severus in fright. "Can… can you get away with that?"
Avery shrugged. "It's our best bet. And in the off chance there actually were any spies it'll just make them look worse. Besides," Avery smirked. "It's not like I was about to let you guys know I was secretly plotting against our Master." He giggled some more.
"Won't they question the people you were supposedly reporting to?" Draco asked with a touch of fear.
Avery shook his head. "Just say you used to report to Dumbledore before his death and ever since then, never revealed who you really were. Apparently the old man's Order was receiving information but they didn't know from whom. We're in the clear!"
Harry gulped and said nothing.
Avery saw the uncertainty and fear on all their faces. "Or don't. I don't care. But that's what everyone's been doing so far. And it's what I'm going to do."
They listened to Rookwood's screams as he was being dragged away. "But I'm a spy, dammit! I really am!"
The aurors came back down to the holding cells. "Malfoys, Snape, Potter! You guys are together and you're up!"
"I'm a Snape!" Harry insisted. "Not a Potter!"
"That will be discussed at your trial, I'm sure." The aurors bound them and took them away.
The group was led into the all too familiar Courtroom Ten. They were placed into chairs and immediately bound. The majority of the courtroom was empty and there were only five wizards apparently deciding their fate. Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour was presiding in the main chair. "Oh let me take a wild guess here," he began theatrically. "You're spies who were secretly working against the Dark Lord."
Lucius straightened himself up. "I demand the right to legal counsel to get past these ridiculous charges and claims."
"Settle down, Mister… Melfoy, is it?"
"It's Malfoy!"
"Whatever," Scrimgeour grinned and dramatically rolled his eyes. This day was turning out fantastically so far. "As we're still officially in a state of war, we need not follow peacetime procedures. Once the war criminals known as Death Eaters have been dealt with, we will resume our entirely too long and ineffective system of criminal justice. No barristers have been permitted yet, nor will they."
Lucius looked over at Severus fearfully.
"So," Scrimgeour continued. "Not going to beg for mercy with harrowing tales of being forced to make it appear as though you're a Death Eater when you're really just a spy for the light?"
"We are spies for the light!" Draco insisted impetuously.
Harry, Severus, and Lucius all nodded with serious looks on their faces.
"Of course you are," the Minister mockingly indulged them. "And is there anyone who can prove this for you?"
Severus frowned. "If there was, then the Dark Lord would have found us out and killed us."
From behind the Minister, a familiar scarred man appeared from under an invisibility cloak. A.K. grinned and admitted, "In fairness, that's probably true. He was a pretty devious guy. I mean if all four of you were spies, and there were any proof he probably would have found it."
"You!" Severus insisted. "You bastard! You locked us in that room!"
The Minister spun around and asked A.K., "You know these four?"
A.K. nodded. "Yup. I locked them in that room. Didn't want them to do anything stupid."
The Minister looked at the Death Eaters chained to the chairs. "Any truth to their claim that they are spies for the light?"
A.K. shrugged. "I suppose the answer is yes, but I would be remiss to not mention that I left them locked in that room, because the ferrety looking one cast Avada Kedavra at me, the bigger greaseball cast Avada Kedavra at me, and the junior greaseball hit me with a Cruciatus."
The Minister looked back at A.K. "Well, that doesn't exactly bode well for them, now does it?"
A.K. shrugged. "There may be hope for junior greaseball, but I wouldn't exactly bet on it."
The Minister nodded. "Very well, Mr. Potter. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
"I'm not a Potter!" Harry insisted. "I'm a Snape! I have no relation to James Potter."
The Minister narrowed his eyes. "But you were born to Lily Potter? After a Death Eater raped her?"
"My father is not a Death Eater!" Harry argued looking hopefully at his dad.
"Right, right," the Minister cajoled. "And neither are you, of course."
A.K. smirked. "I questioned some of the good folks on the light that used to be friends with Harry Potter. They said he was always such a good boy, until he got tricked into drinking that disfigurement potion, went dark, and joined the Dark Lord."
"It wasn't a disfigurement potion!" Harry pleaded. "My mum was just hiding my real appearance. This is how I'm supposed to look."
"Oh really?" A.K. asked. "Snivellus? Any comment on just how you got your revenge on James Potter?"
Severus just said nothing, refusing to play their game.
"Dad?" Harry asked uncertainly. "This is how I'm supposed to look right?"
Severus maintained his silence.
"I don't care, Dad." Harry said through tears. "I love you. You're the only Dad I've ever wanted."
Scrimgeour rolled his eyes and looked up at A.K. "Touching. I'll leave this one up to you."
"So depressing," A.K. said with a shake of his head. "Such a waste of youth. I think this calls for my special magic eight-ball."
A.K. reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a toy severed head. He lifted it up and showed the prisoners it was Voldemort's noseless face. A.K. shook it violently for a few seconds while the Minister mumbled something about drama queens. A.K. looked down into the blackened abysses where the eyes used to be. "Outlook not so good. Oooh, tough break guys. I'd say give them the Sirius Black special and if they're coherent after a dozen or so years, then I suppose they really might be spies."
Draco gasped. "You can't do this!"
The Minister ignored them. "Any preferences on where?"
A.K. sighed as Harry buried his face into Severus' shoulder. "Yeah, stick them all together. I'm not completely heartless."
"Very well," the Minister acquiesced. "Four Black specials, coming up!" He slammed his gavel down in joy, announcing for the aurors to come in and take these away. As well as signal them to bring the next Death Eaters up.
The four of them were dragged away screaming their innocence, while Harry hung onto his father, desperately not wanting to let go.
A.K. smiled to see them gone. "Alright, Minister. I'm out of here. I think you can handle the rest of these louts."
"Is there any way I can contact you, if it's needed?" Scrimgeour asked hopefully.
A.K. shook his head as he began casting his dimension crossing magic. "Sorry, this isn't exactly my kind of place. I don't really belong here."
The Minister nodded his understanding. "I thank you again for freeing us from the tyranny of the Dark Lord."
A.K. waved him off while swirling his wand. "Oh and you know I was joking about putting them together, right?" A.K. smirked as he flickered and faded away. "Real far apart. Solitary confinement. Different sides of the prison. Lots and lots of dementors for all of them! It's not hard time without tears and scars!" And A.K. was gone, leaving a surprised and impressed Minister behind.
