Prompt #25: Olivia and Noah get invited to go with the Stabler family on vacation to a ski resort, but Kathleen (purposefully…oops…lol) miscalculates how many bedrooms are needed, so Olivia and Elliot end up sharing a bed, which the kids and Bernie are nonchalant about, while Elliot and Olivia are trying to figure out how to deal with it and being awkward about it.
Everything Is Icy And Blue (And You Would Be There Too)
~oOo~
"I'm sorry, what?"
Olivia is fucking cold. She packed all of her huge coats that she wears on the streets every day and numerous bulky sweaters in neutral tones. She even brought the ski boots that Elliot insisted she buy because he was trying to save her from another ankle injury.
Olivia is still cold. It's mid-December in Vermont and it's a different cold than New York, or maybe it just feels different because it feels new. When Kathleen had suggested a ski lodge that she could get a discount at from work, Olivia had smiled, encouraged her to go – that a Stabler family trip was exactly what Elliot would want for Christmas. Kathleen looked at her, reaching out her hands to grab onto Olivia's.
You have to come, Liv, you and Noah. It would feel like something was missing if you didn't.
Olivia had tried and tried to think of excuses not to go, but when she asked Eli, arguably the hardest Stabler nut to crack, he just shrugged, a slight smile breaking through his naturally sullen teenager expression.
It would be nice to have someone younger than me there. And you know you're family, Liv.
Olivia ended up buying those fucking boots.
There's snow everywhere and the lodge does their best to keep their guests warm but Elliot keeps opening the front lobby door – bustling in and out as he orders the poor hotel employee not to drop their luggage.
Kathleen looks up from the spa brochure in her hand.
"They only had six rooms left so you're staying with Dad."
So, Olivia had heard her correctly.
"There isn't another room I could stay in?" Olivia asks and she's fidgeting with the gloves on her hands and trying to stop herself from going red under her giant parka.
Kathleen tilts her head to the side, counting out on her fingers.
"Well, Maureen and Carl are in one, then you have Lizzie and Dickie, me, Grandma, and Noah and Eli… so that just leaves one room."
She perks up at the end as if she's proud of her planning.
"And I can't stay with you? Or Bernie?"
Kathleen does turn a little red at that. "Well, I haven't told Dad yet but Alison is going to be joining us," Olivia nods and smiles at that. "So, she'll be staying with me…"
"And the oldest gets her own room, Olivia," Bernie pipes in from her perch next to the gigantic fireplace in the lobby.
"Well, I can just swap with Eli then," Olivia replies and she's barely got the words out before Noah is shaking his head.
"Come on Mom!" Noah whines. "Eli says he'll let me play his Switch and we won't have any time during the day while he's teaching me to ski."
Olivia tilts her head back, rubbing at her forehead. "What if you get scared in the middle of the night?"
Noah scoffs at that, going to sit with Eli who has carefully managed to steer clear of this discussion. "I'm ten, Mom."
Kathleen watches the kid fondly and then looks at Olivia, brows raised. "He's ten, Liv," and Olivia smiles, rolling her eyes. "Please? It already took so much convincing to get Dickie and Lizzie to share a room."
Olivia can see she is running out of options. Elliot is walking towards them, a cart full of their bags trailing him, and something tells her that he won't be of much help in this argument.
"I just don't think that it's appropr–" Olivia starts but Kathleen is already turning to smile at her father.
"Luggage is in," Elliot says, as oblivious as Olivia predicted, looking between the two women.
"Great! You're staying with Liv," Kathleen says, and then she turns around, sitting beside Bernie who is warming her hands by the fireplace.
Elliot's brows raise, just a little, and he turns to Olivia, whose feet kind of feel like they are filled with cement. She watches him and sees the exact moment his lips upturn into something close to a smirk. Olivia narrows her eyes at him and he pulls his brows forward, schooling his expression.
"Cool."
"They know."
Elliot freezes from his unpacking, still bent over his suitcase where he had been laying out some button-up shirts. He looks over at Olivia, who has been perched on the chair next to the one (1) bed in the room.
Dammit, Kathleen.
"They don't know," Elliot replies, shaking his head. Olivia scoffs.
"They absolutely know."
Elliot starts hanging up his shirts, essentially ignoring her as he smoothes out each one, more delicately than she thought he was capable of.
"They've barely seen you since we've…" Elliot trails off and Olivia picks at a nail that has grown too long. "They would have no reason to suspect."
"That's what I've been saying for twenty-five years," Olivia replies, almost petulantly. Elliot does laugh at that and he slowly meanders to where she is sitting, placing his arms on either side of her, boxing her into the chair. Olivia holds her breath as he brings his head closer to hers, lowering his voice.
"Be happy, Liv," Elliot says. "We get a room to ourselves and an entire week to enjoy it." He slides his hand through her hair, tilting her head up, and captures her lips. Olivia leans into him, a soft moan escaping from her throat. They break apart and Elliot stands, going back to his unpacking.
"And who cares if they know?"
Olivia's stomach drops at that. In a sense, she knows it's inevitable that they tell the kids, knew it was inevitable when she fell into Elliot's bed three months ago.
Olivia had come over to the apartment, hands shaking in tepid anticipation. It had felt different, the way Elliot greeted her at the door with a glass of wine; the way he had gotten everyone out of the house so he could make her dinner.
"Is this a date?" Olivia finally asked when they were sitting at dinner, Elliot coughing around a mouthful of pasta. Olivia watched, incredibly amused, as Elliot thought of a satisfying answer.
"Yeah," he finally answered, shrugging like it was obvious. "I mean, I lit candles."
She woke up the next morning naked in his bed.
Olivia watches as Elliot moves to her suitcase, pulling out her shoes and lining them next to his in the closet. She loves this man. But the idea of sitting at a table with the Stabler clan – goddamn there are so many of them – and telling them that she is sleeping with their father, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with their father, it makes her nauseous.
Elliot has been all things patient with her and for that she's been grateful but she isn't some new girlfriend a widower is introducing to his family. She knows, despite outward politeness and warmth, there will be a part of each Stabler child that will think that this relationship did not start three months ago.
In a way, they'd be right, and that makes Olivia feel sick with guilt. Olivia never touched Elliot in the thirteen years they worked together, but sometimes an affair doesn't have to be physical, or even intentional, to be an affair.
The letter proved that. And Olivia wishes, more than anything, that she could speak to the dead. To apologize, maybe, or to just get some fucking clarification.
Kathy, wherever you are, am I joining you for sleeping with your husband even though he's technically single and very willing?
She has a vision of Dickie, body hunched over an interview table, trying to look mean and menacing but it falls flat because Olivia still remembers him as a child who asked for presents every month of the year.
Ever sleep with your partner, Detective?
After everything that has happened in the last few years, she's not sure how she'll handle it if something like that happens again.
A knock at the door breaks Olivia out of her reverie and Elliot stands, walking to the door. Kathleen stands on the other side, clearly stressed about something.
"Dinner downstairs in ten, Dad. Please don't be late," and then she's off, presumably to give the same message to the rest of the Stabler clan. Elliot points to her empty space, looking at Olivia.
"What's with her?"
"Alison is coming." Elliot's face doesn't change expression. "She's nervous to tell you." Olivia slides her boots on, standing from the chair.
"But I already knew she was coming," Elliot says. Olivia hums in agreement, sliding past him out the door.
"Well, it looks like the Stablers aren't great at keeping secrets." She pats his chest. "I'm telling them you've agreed to take the couch."
For all of Elliot Stabler's blatant protectiveness over his children, he's kind and attentive to Kathleen's girlfriend as they all gather around a table in the dining room downstairs, plates piled high with food from the buffet.
Eli and Noah are already pouring over whatever gaming console that Elliot got his son for his birthday that year. Olivia has to remind Noah multiple times to be patient as Eli tries to teach him a game.
Olivia feels her heart swell, looking at the two youngest boys. There is still a good five-year age difference between the two, but Olivia knows if– when this thing with Elliot becomes more serious, they will be the two most affected.
It's all so complicated, and that was before she had her own child to think about.
It's safe to say, Olivia barely touches her food at dinner.
"You aren't going to actually make me sleep on the couch," Elliot splutters as he comes out of the bathroom to Olivia putting an extra sheet on the couch.
"Our children are in the adjoining room, Elliot," Olivia replies, pointing to the door not far from the bed.
"Then set up the couch and let me sleep with you," he all but whines and Olivia has to tamp down a smile. "If they knock, I'll get my ass over to the couch."
Olivia shakes her head. "Your ex-Marine ass won't wake up and I'm not dealing with that."
"Olivia…" Elliot says but trails off when he sees that she is serious. "This is supposed to be romantic."
Olivia rolls her eyes. "We weren't even supposed to be sharing a room."
Satisfied with Elliot's makeshift bed, Olivia slumps down at the head of the bed, and he crawls up into her space.
"Elliot," Olivia warns but he just grins, leaning in to kiss her. She lets him for a beat, still cannot believe after three months, after twenty-five years, that they get to do this.
"Come shower with me," Elliot whispers, and Olivia looks at him like he's gone crazy. "Liv, I'm not staying in a hotel room with you for an entire week and keeping my hands to myself." Olivia fists her hands into the soft cotton sheets on the bed. "Shower is neutral territory," Elliot says, hopping off the bed and taking his shirt off. "It'll drown out the noise."
"I won't be making any noise," Olivia mumbles but she slides off the bed, shedding her cardigan and Elliot gives her a cocky grin.
"Not in my experience," Elliot teases, unbuckling his belt as Olivia starts unbuttoning her jeans.
"We're too old for shower sex," Olivia whines.
"We're also too old to be sneaking around," Elliot calls over his shoulder. "But you don't seem to have a problem with that."
Olivia halts her movement, jeans open, and Elliot seems to realize his words because he stops in the doorway of the bathroom, turning towards her with a guilty expression.
"El…" Olivia sighs; he's not the guilty one here.
"I just don't like lying to everyone," Elliot admits. And it's always funny, Olivia thinks, that there is never a warning when they have a serious conversation.
"We're not lying," Olivia says. No one has ever asked her if they are sleeping together, if they are dating.
"We're not doing anything wrong, Liv," Elliot says instead. "I don't like being made to feel like we are."
Deep down, Olivia knows that is true but she doesn't know how to articulate her feelings to him in a way that won't hurt him with memories of a thirteen-year partnership and a dead wife.
She's not above using her body for distraction. She pulls her undershirt over her head and Elliot seems to get the idea, yanking her into the bathroom.
Olivia falls asleep to his snoring from the couch.
~oOo~
"I don't understand how you know how to do this," Olivia says, her voice barely carrying over the snow. "Why didn't I know you could ski?"
Elliot shrugs as he buckles her into her skis. Olivia feels the skin on her legs buzz from where his hands are gripping her.
"Kathy had family in New Hampshire," Elliot says, breathing heavily. Olivia's own body has not gotten used to the elevation. "We'd take the kids out there every Christmas." Olivia tilts her head at him. She can count the number of vacation days Elliot took in their time together on one hand. "Well, Kathy did."
"So what, you just remember how to do it?" Olivia asks, incredulously. Elliot reaches for the hat in his pocket, pulling it over Olivia's head.
"It's like riding a bike, Liv."
"Yeah, except I know how to ride a bike," Olivia replies and she hears Elliot snort. "What?" Elliot laughs.
"When's the last time you rode a bike?"
Olivia opens her mouth, suddenly offended.
"I had to teach Noah, thank you very much," Olivia says, and Elliot throws up his hands. He pushes her forward just a little and goes to stand behind her, aimed at the bunny slope in front of her.
"I stand corrected," Elliot says, voice cocky and low in her ear, and even in 25-degree weather, she can feel a flush forming on the back of her neck. He grabs her hips, shuffling even closer and she looks around her, suddenly worried someone can see them.
Noah and Eli aren't with them – they stopped an hour ago and have been riding the chairlift back and forth playing video games. The older Stabler siblings are at Bear Mountain, having already mastered stopping and starting a mere twenty years ago. Kathleen, Alison and Bernie went to town, wreaking havoc with Elliot's credit card at the local shops.
"Relax," Elliot says and Olivia really tries.
He knocks the front of her skis together, like she's pigeon-footed. "Going down the hill is the easy part," Olivia scoffs at that. "You need to know how to slow down and stop."
Olivia's foot is cramping and she's starting to wonder what possessed her to skip shopping and have Elliot Stabler teach her how to ski. She supposes she has let Elliot teach her one other thing in her life – how to be a detective – and it went pretty well.
Really well.
"Liv?" Elliot asks, and she realizes that he is standing in front of her and he's got those stupid goggles on but she can still read his expression because she knows him so well. "You okay?"
"I want to tell them by the end of the trip," Olivia breathes out. They've always found ways to express their feelings at inopportune times. Olivia can't see his eyes – maybe a reason she decided now to tell him – but his mouth breaks out into a grin and she feels her chest lighten.
"Okay," Elliot says, easily and because they've never been overly sentimental, he grabs her arms and starts pulling. "I'm gonna have you going down Black Mountain by then."
~oOo~
Olivia nearly gets an opportunity that night at a dinner in town with the Stabler family. Elliot's in his element, smiling and listening to his children, taking some playful ribbing with ease. Lizzie has been a good sport, listening to Noah and dutifully answering any questions about her dance company.
Elliot is sitting next to her and Olivia can't help it, when Dickie is telling a boisterous story about work and she's sure everyone is focused on him, Olivia slides her hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. Elliot doesn't outwardly react but he does slide his hand over hers, holding it under the table and Olivia feels a fond smile tugging at her lips.
She wants the world to know how she feels about this man. And that starts with the most important people in his. Olivia clears her throat, straightening in her chair.
And then Maureen grabs Carl's hand, reaching into her purse.
"Guys, we have some news," Maureen says softly and Carl squeezes her hand as she brings an envelope in front of her. Olivia feels her breath catch in her throat, looking at Elliot who has not quite caught on yet.
"Dad," Maureen whispers; the entire table has gone silent, even Noah is looking at the envelope expectantly. She slides the contents of the envelope to Elliot, and Olivia realizes that they are ultrasound pictures and she gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth. Maureen looks at her father with watery eyes. "I'm pregnant."
A week before Thanksgiving, Maureen had sat with Olivia while the rest of the party played some board game that required more than five people. Olivia watched as Noah's eyes followed the way Elliot's children interacted with each other, joking and insulting and laughing.
"Do you ever wish you had more?" Maureen asked, sipping at her wine. Olivia paused, thoughtful.
"Sometimes I wonder…" Olivia admits, quietly. "But I like to think everything happens the way it's meant to."
Olivia finished the sentence without thinking, looking at Maureen who suddenly had tears in her eyes.
"Oh, Maureen, I didn't mean…" Olivia starts, rubbing Maureen's shoulders but the oldest Stabler daughter shakes her head.
"No, no, I think you are right," Maureen said weakly, voice thick with tears. "I mean I guess I used to."
Olivia led Maureen into the kitchen, giving her a little privacy from her boisterous family and in turn, Maureen opened up to Olivia about her fertility issues.
"You have time, Maureen," Olivia said, warmly. "But there are other options…"
Maureen nodded, looking over at Noah and smiling.
"I know, I know that, Liv," Maureen said. "It's just– Mom had five, four before my age. It just feels like my body is betraying me."
Maureen broke down, and Olivia held her as she sobbed in her arms.
In the low-lighting of the restaurant, surrounded by his family, Elliot looks at the ultrasound pictures, tracing his finger along the scan reverently.
"You're going to be a grandfather," Maureen whispers, and tears are streaming down her face, and the face of her siblings.
"It's a Christmas miracle," Bernie says, tears in her eyes. Olivia looks at Maureen, who nods back with a shy smile. The table cheers, excitement ripping throughout the Stabler siblings. Olivia watches Elliot, whose mouth breaks out into the widest grin she's ever seen. After everything they've gone through, everything they've seen, this is truly a miracle.
"Congratulations," Oliva says to Maureen, smiling wide. She turns to Elliot, nodding her head. "Congratulations, El."
Elliot looks around at his family like he's witnessing something holy. His eyes don't change when they land on her.
~oOo~
Olivia sits with Bernie, sipping a hot toddy as she watches Elliot play cards with Noah. Bernie definitely got the better end of the room deal – she has the largest suite, fit with a working fireplace and an unobstructed view of the mountains.
The Stabler children had gone to the local pub in town, Dickie deploying all guilt tactics he had in his arsenal to convince Elliot to let Eli join them. Noah had been down about losing his buddy, but Elliot quickly cheered him up.
"He looks like you," Bernie says, softly. Olivia smiles - she gets it a lot but it never fails to warm her from the inside out. Noah knows that he is adopted, Olivia has never hidden that fact from anyone, but it still feels nice to hear. "Those eyes scream Stabler, though."
Olivia scoffs at that, and Elliot looks up, narrowing his eyes. She shakes her head at him, signaling that she's fine and he goes back to dealing cards to Noah. Bernie chuckles into her drink.
"I remember when I saw Eli for the first time after they'd moved, all black hair and eyes, and I thought there must've been a mix-up at the hospital," Bernie shakes her head, nodding to Elliot. "Almost told that boy to do a paternity test."
Olivia takes a drink, watching Elliot as he teaches Noah a card game from last century. She likes the way he is with Noah – has always liked Elliot as a father, the way it is second nature to him, ingrained in him since he was a teenager. Olivia never understood, not since she had Noah, how a man with such a terrible father could be such a natural one. There was an innate need in Olivia to break the cycle, and it's something she's always seen in Elliot.
"It wouldn't have mattered," Olivia whispers and Bernie shakes her head.
"No, it wouldn't have," Bernie replies, very softly. "And he'll be good to your little one too."
Olivia looks over at Elliot's mother, who has about the subtlety of a racehorse, and sighs.
"Does everyone know?" Olivia asks and Bernie barks out a laugh. Elliot looks up again, clearly tense about the idea of the two discussing him.
"I don't know, hon, they don't talk to me about those kinds of things," Bernie says, honestly. "But I'm sure, either way, they'd like to hear it from you two."
~oOo~
Olivia lays in bed and stares at the ceiling. She can tell from his breathing that Elliot hasn't fallen asleep and she wants to know what he's thinking and she wants him close to her. She leans up on her elbows, looking at Elliot's too-tall frame splayed uncomfortably across the couch.
"El?" She whispers and he immediately turns his head, smiling sleepily at her through the darkness. Olivia motions with her head, rolling her eyes fondly and Elliot is crawling up the bed and Olivia has to stop herself from laughing.
She forgets about a Stabler child next door and burrows herself into Elliot's heat, his thick arms tightening around her stomach.
"He's a good kid," Elliot whispers in her hair. "You did an amazing job."
Olivia swallows around a lump in her throat. Elliot's arms tighten around her and his lips brush the hollow of her neck.
"What's wrong?"
Olivia sighs, turning so she's facing him.
"Your children are going to think I'm a whore."
Elliot reels a little, pulling back to look her in the eye. "What?"
"They know me, Elliot, they've known me as your partner, as someone you spent all your time with and then didn't speak to for ten years…" Olivia says and Elliot flinches at that. "When we tell them, they're not gonna think this is a new thing."
Elliot's quiet for a moment, inhaling deeply through his nose.
"Well, it's not new, Liv," Elliot hesitates when he sees Olivia's incredulity. "I just mean, my feelings aren't new and you'll feel better when you accept it. I know I did."
"But your children–"
"Don't need to know that, I agree," Elliot acquiesces. "But you're right, they do know you, Liv. They know that you are a good person who saved my life more times than I can count and that at the end of the day, you sent me home to my family."
Elliot pulls her close, and Olivia feels tears forming at the corners of her eyes.
"They know you, Liv, and they love you… so much," Elliot whispers in her hair. "We have that in common."
Olivia inhales his scent, trying to get as close as she can to him, and Elliot chuckles. She lets him hold her until the morning.
~oOo~
By Saturday, no one would call Olivia a skiing expert but she can go down the slopes alone and she can stop, even if she stumbles a few times to get it right.
It's a little refreshing, actually, feeling the wind against her body as she slides down the white mountain. She doesn't end up going past the bunny slope, but it's relaxing and she catches Elliot watching her as he treks to the ski lift, something akin to pride on his face – like he expected her to stay inside all trip and he's proud that she's put herself out there.
There's just one more thing she needs to do.
On their last night, the Stabler family sits around Olivia as they all lament about going back to New York, back to work, and responsibilities. Olivia can relate, of course, this is her first vacation in years, but she's not really listening.
Her hands are shaking in her lap and Elliot keeps looking over at her nervously, and if it's not him, it's Bernie looking at her expectantly whenever there is a lull in the conversation.
"Liv?" Kathleen says and Olivia looks up at her confused face.
"Sorry," Olivia smiles, politely. "What?"
Kathleen laughs, fondly. "I was just asking Noah what you usually do on Christmas Day."
Olivia looks over at her son, sniffing at some green beans on his plate, and smiles wistfully.
"Uh, we sometimes visit some friends but... usually it's just been us," Olivia replies.
"Well, you guys have to come to ours, then, right?" Eli asks and Olivia looks at him, surprised, and he falters a little under teenage insecurity. "I mean, if you want to. And Dad's okay with it?" Eli looks at his father, who smiles and nods his head.
"Of course, Liv," Elliot says, turning to her, and Olivia feels something coming out of her. "You have to be there."
He stares at her for a beat too long. She turns to the table, who are all looking at her, possibly like she's had a stroke, and the words come tumbling out before she can stop them.
"Your father and I are seeing each other," Olivia blurts out. "I mean, we've been dating for three months."
"Almost four," Elliot replies, and he, finally, snakes a hand under hers, gripping it hard. He looks at the table, and Olivia breathes, letting her eyes trail over his children.
The entire table, except for Eli, bursts out laughing.
"Olivia!" Lizzie exclaims, and she feels her heart drop. "Now we owe Kathleen fifty bucks." She shakes her head and Kathleen raises her hands in victory.
"I told you the Christmas thing would work!" Kathleen gloats and Olivia can feel the rumble of Elliot's laugh beside her.
She stares in shock, shaking her head. "I told you that they knew," Olivia says, pointing at Elliot, and everyone laughs.
"I didn't know," Eli says, but he looks happy.
Dickie laughs. "How could you not know? You live with him!"
Olivia hears a scoff beside her and she turns to Noah looking very proud of himself.
"Eli, it was obvious."
Olivia reaches for her son, tickling his sides as he bursts out laughing.
"Yeah, Eli, it was obvious," Kathleen parrots, giggling. She points to Maureen, "Maureen said before the trip, very mature," she rolls her eyes, "but still a loser. Lizzie said at Christmas. Dickie," Kathleen points at her brother, who immediately goes red, "bet that we'd have to catch you," she lowers her voice, raising her eyebrows as if her innuendo was too subtle, "for you to ever tell us."
Elliot barks out a laugh, shaking his head at his oldest son.
"But of course," Kathleen points to herself, "I bet that it would be by the end of the trip," she looks at Olivia mischievously. "And since I was in charge of planning the thing, I was not above a little… cheating to win."
Olivia opens her mouth, in surprise. "You put us in the same room on purpose?"
Kathleen laughs, delighted. "Of course I did. God, for two mostly intelligent people, you are really oblivious sometimes."
Elliot looks over at Olivia, who smiles at him knowingly. He leans back, letting his arm settle on the back of her chair.
"Told you," Elliot whispers in Olivia's ear.
Surprisingly, their relationship does not become a huge topic at the table, for which Olivia is grateful and it makes her relax a little into Elliot's side, his warmth palpable through their layers of clothing.
She looks up at him, smiling.
"I love you," she whispers. He looks at her, and it's the same look he's given her for almost twenty-five years except it's so much better now that he is hers and she is his.
"I love you, Liv."
After another glass of red, she lays her head on her shoulder, laughing softly at a story that Bernie is telling that may or may not be true.
It feels right, being with Elliot at this moment. She feels his lips pucker in her hair and she hums low in her throat. She gives herself over to the warmth, to the feeling of family surrounding her.
It's a Christmas miracle.
