This chapter just needed it's own chapter. It just...did.


February 12, 1968

If you think you know nerves, you haven't seen this.

I don't know what half the girls were nervous about. Jon andI were the only ones who were trying to get to London through our performance tonight. These other girls didn't even really take it seriously, from what I could tell. They had half an hour before the show started, and all they were doing was fixing their hair, applying their makeup, and adjusting their bright colored dresses, which were really in style then. Naturally, I felt out of place in a black dress, and my hair as curly as it ever was, when all of a sudden, every girl around was ironing their hair...actually ironing it, like they would a shirt. I thought it was completely ridiculous, but apparently it worked.

One thing that was getting at me was that Mom and Dad weren't there. Mom was still sick, and she couldn't leave the hospital in Oklahoma City. Dad didn't want to leave her alone. I wasn't expecting anyone to come when the families were allowed to come in to our little dressing rooms that we had. I would have expected Ashley, Emilie and Daphne to come in, but it was a strict family only rule. It made me feel like I was in a hospital with strict visiting hours.

I was surprised to hear Shirley's voice outside my room, saying loudly, "Come on, kids! Let's go see your sister, Naomi!"

I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughingas Ashley, Daphne, Emilie, Soda, Pony, and Two-Bit came in behind her. But it was actually the person at the back of the line that I was surprised to see.

"Hannah!" I shrieked, flinging myself at her.

"I found your teacher and your friends," She said, laughing, "So I followed them in."

"For having such a strict family only policy, the security didn't even doubt fora second that I could have seven kids all the same age." Shirley said, shaking her head.

"Hannah," I whispered, when everyone stopped paying attention to us, "Look at the color of my dress!"

"Black," she said, shrugging, "Doesn't it suit your song, a little bit?"

"Yeah, but..." I looked at the tiny mirror, "Any chance I could change my hair color in thirty minutes?"

Hannah laughed and went to talk to Ashley, and Shirley approached me.

"Why do you have your guitar, Naomi?"

I paniced. She wasn't supposed to see that. Actually, she wasn't supposed to be in my dressing room since she wasn't family. But anyway...

"I just brought it so that I could play it before. You know, keep my voice warmed up but still take my mind off the recital."

"Good idea," she said, nodding, "That's good. Calm your nerves." She went to talk to Emilie, who played the piano, so they were hitting it off okay.

"Told you I'd come!" A pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. I could only guess whos they were, and it didn't exaclty calm my nerves.

"I knew you were coming, Soda... I'm still surprised you did, though."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't miss the chance to hear my friend sing. Unless it was Two-Bit here." He nudged Two-Bit, who nudged him back, and it soon turned into a shove fight.

"Come on," Shirley said, beckoning for them to follow her, "Let's go to our seats."

I felt even more nervous then before, watching them leave. I sang quietly to myself, strumming my guitar every now and then...

"Idon't want to fall asleep anymore-
Because I know when I wake up,
You won't be here,
And I can't take it much more,

And I depended on you,
And you relied on me,
And now you've gone and left me,
It's blinded me, I just can't see,"

Somehow I couldn't sing Shirley's friend's song without wondering about the woman. But I didn't have to worry about it, because I'd done what Shirley had told me...and made it my own.

And I wondered when I'd start to regret it.


"Ladies and Gentlemen, our seventh performer of the night, Ms. Naomi Sterling."

My stomach felt even more sick then when I'd had the flu a couple months earlier. I walked up to the microphone, trying not to look for Shirley, because this would be alot easier if I couldn't see her. ButI saw her...and she held my eyes for a second. I could plainly read her expression.

She wanted to know why I had my acoustic guitar on stage with me. But I didn't let it faze me. At least, I tried not to.

"Hello," I said, smiling my sweetest, most crowd-winning smile, "My name is Naomi Sterling. Originally, tonight, I was going to sing Anna Scott's Now You've Gone and Left Me, but I found that, since it was written to ventilate personal pain and loss, it didn't feel right for me to sing, especially when I have my own pain and loss I'd rather sing for. I wrote this song for my Grampy, who died a bit more than a year ago. I appreciate everyone listening tonight."

I stepped back from the microphone to put my guitar strap over my head, and in those five seconds,I was hit with a dozen questions inside my head. Most of them were something along the lines of 'What the hell were you thinking! Sing the right song! SING THE RIGHT SONG!'

But there was no going back now. I licked my lips nervously, and stepped back to the microphone.I saw my life flash before my eyes.

"I didn't cry when I could,
Do you see me, do you think I should?
It doesn't feel right,"

I was silently greatful that my guitar wasn't having 'one of those days' that it had sometimes since it got cracked. And to think, it never would have happened if Ashley and Sodapop knew how to control themselves.

"I miss your smile, I miss your face,
Can you hear me good from your resting place?
Because I'm singing for you tonight,"

Somehow, the song lyrics managed to wipe out my semi-humorous thoughts. For about a split second, I had a feeling that Grampy could hear me, but it was gone soon after.

"And they're all telling me that I'm strong,
But really, I've been weak all along,
And all I have is this simple song,
To tell you that I miss you,"

I saw Shirley's face. Her brow was furrowed, but I saw unmistakable amusment in her eyes. She must have had a notion of what I was up to all along.

"Even though it hasn't really been that long,
I just can't let you go, no, it feels so wrong,
And all I have is this simple song,
to tell you that I miss you,"

The feeling came back again, if only for a couple seconds.

"We were two of a kind, you and I,
When I saw you were gone, I didn't even cry,
Because it didn't feel right,
Not a single tear shed on this face,"

While I sang, this song was doing for what I had never been able to do...cry openly over my Grampy. I swallowed quickly between the two lines, preparing for the crescendo in the next couple of lines,

"And I know you're smiling in your resting place,
Because you know that I'm singing for you, tonight,"

One tear slid down my cheek, and startled me. I'd gotten into the song to an extent that I forgot the audience was there. But they seemed to be enjoying it a bit. I could see that Emilie and Ashley were both crying openly, and Daphne looked a little sad. I couldn't find Soda, Pony or Two-Bit in the audience.

"I still can't believe you're gone,
Because I thought that you'd always go on,
And I really think you should know,
I don't know how to let you go,"

I think I snapped somewhere in there, because, the next thing I knew, I was a hysterical mess. Onstage. In front of a thousand people. Well, not hysterical enough to not be able to finish my song. That I could do, purely because I knew I had to.

"And they're all telling me that I'm strong,
But really, I've been weak all along,
And all I have is this simple song,
To tell you that I loveyou,
Even though it hasn't really been that long,
I just can't let you go, no, it feels so wrong,
And all I have is this simple song,
to finally say Goodbye to you,"

I smiled through my tears when the crowd stood up to applaud. I had felt for the entire last chorus that Grampy was right there with me. So this was that feeling that Shirley talked about. I understood now what she meant. The raw feeling made the music that much better. I wondered if I could ever feel like that in London, away from everyone.

I was met offstage by a huge round of hugs. Shirley had already made her way backstage, and pulled me aside for a second. Looking me in the eye, she smiled.

"I don't think I need to say anything. Naomi, that was incredible. Did you feel it?"

I sniffed, smiled, and nodded.

"Good. Do you want to know something? I was a little disappointed at first that you didn't sing my song, but now I'm glad. I should have seen what you meant. I'm glad you did it. You're going to London for sure."

I smiled. That was really all I had to do.

Once she walked away, I saw Soda standing alone, aboutten feet from me. I approached him cautiously.

"Soda..."

He looked up at me, and smiled. I couldn't tell, but in the dark, it looked like he was crying as well. Werethere any dry eyes around here?

"Yeah?"

I was standing directly infront of him now. I somehow didn't even have to ask.

"Your parents? And...your friends?"

"They were too young to die. None of 'em had to go that soon. None..." His sentence trailed off, and he adverted his eyes to the floor. I subconciously flung my arms around him in a tight grip, and a few excess tears leaked out of my eyes. I don't know how long we might have stayed like that...sharing in each other's loss...but something distracted us both.

The voice of a boy, about my age, singing. It was slow, sad, and sweet, and the voice rang clear around us, echoing a sorrowful melody I recognized from mychildhood.

"A gentle breeze from hushabye mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting
Waiting to sail your worries away"

We slowly crept towards the stage. Something about the instrumentals being played on a series of alto and bass zylophones and metalaphones gave it a dream-like quality, and I was reminded vaguely of a fairy, as I tip toed to the place where we could watch the show without being seen by the audience. I knew who was singing it at once.

"It isn't far to hushabye mountain
And your boat waits down by the key
The winds of night so softly are sighing
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea"

The sorrowful, haunting melody alone made me feel empty, but the image of Jon singing it now, and the image I had of his younger self, singing as his mother slowly died...

I was aware of Soda's presence behind me, andI was glad.

"So close your eyes on hushabye mountain
Wave goodbye to cares of the day
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay."

A glockenspiel played the melody one last time, andI put my head down slowly, and breathed deeply, composing myself. I turned slowly about, and held onto Sodapop, crying again, except this time, I wasn't crying for myself.

Guess how many chapters are left.

No, seriously, guess.

I'll tell you.

ONE!

Seriously. One left. I'll speak with you at the end of the next chapter about...stuff. Like, a sequel and whatnot.
This chapter...I was actually happy with. And I love the song 'Hushabye Mountain'. It's so pretty, in an erie way, the same with the song 'Once Upon a December' from Anastasia.

Now I'm rambling. I'll let you go.

Cheers,

Jamea