It had been a week since Lily had first woken up in the hospital wing, and she rubbed her forehead, the pressure behind it throbbing painfully.
"I am sorry for the discomfort Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore said kindly. It was their third meeting and the mind exercises he had her running through had so far only succeeded in giving her headaches.
Lily shook her head. "Surely you must have some idea by now?" she asked hopefully.
Dumbledore seemed grave. "I am sorry, but whatever your mind has conjured is very complex and very unique." Seeing her look of distress, Dumbledore smiled kindly at her. "I would not worry. It is all very likely that your memory will begin to return on its own."
"But it's been a week and still I can't remember anything I didn't already know! I can read and write and eat and laugh and sleep, but I can't remember my best friend or my favorite food or how to control my magic!" she yelled, and then, realizing she was yelling at the Headmaster, she tried to calm down.
"I feel awkward all the time," she said, "and people stare at me, but I never know if it's because I can't remember or because they knew me. I'm sure they're worth knowing, but it's so much easier to avoid them than to see the pity and sadness in their eyes that says I must be so much less than who I used to be."
"Lily," Dumbledore said, and she knew then that the reason she felt comfortable with the Headmaster was because he was someone with whom she had confided things in the past. She realized that he too missed her mind, missed the girl she was, and she wished that James was there, because he seemed to be the only one who treated her like she wasn't just a shadow of her real self.
She turned away from the Headmaster and though tears burned in her eyes, she resolutely did not let them fall.
"I think it would be a good experiment for you to return to your dorm room. You dorm mates, especially Marlene McKinnon, have been very concerned for you. If you are serious about getting your life back, you must make the first steps," the Headmaster told her.
She thought this was unfair. She was healed enough, but she did not want to go back to her dorm. She felt safe in the hospital wing, and James had, on occasion, snuck in to see her at night. She knew he wouldn't be able to do this if she went back to her dorm.
Almost as if sensing her thoughts, Dumbledore said, "You can not rely solely on that of one person to help you remember who you are. It is only through a thousand mirrors that we truly begin to see our reflection."
"And what if we don't like what we see?" she asked softly.
"I very highly doubt you will have that problem, Miss Evans. You are one of the most talented, kind-hearted, and spirited people that I have ever met."
"Thank you," she said, embarrassed.
…………
"You're going to turn my hair green. Be precise about the exact shade you want and then…"
"James, are you sure you want me to turn your hair…green?" she asked as they sat on her hospital bed and she fiddled with her wand in her hand.
"Why not? I've done it to you before!" he said, indignant.
"Really?" she giggled. "Why?"
He glared at her. "We were eleven. I fancied you."
"So?" she asked, confused.
"So, when you're eleven and a boy, turning a girl's hair green seems to be the most direct and effective way of saying you like her. For some reason, you didn't understand this because you weren't very flattered at all," he said and she laughed.
"James," she said, trying to contain her mirth, "that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
A smile twitched at the corner of his lips but he bit it back. "I still maintain that the plan was foolproof and you are just an incredibly deviant female who refused to bend to my whim at first."
"At first?" she asked, startled out of her laughter.
"Well, I suppose you still are, but now it's something I admire about you. Then, I was crushed," he explained. She smiled and their eyes shown with the same look of trust and affection.
"So what shade of green?" she asked finally.
"Emerald," he answered immediately, and she knew he said it because it was the color of her eyes.
"Alright," she said, and held up her wand to his face. If he seemed daunted by this, he didn't show it, and for this, she was intensely relieved and grateful. She swished her wand twice, focusing on his hair, those deep obsidian black strands, and willed them to lighten. She watched as they became dark green and then forest and moss, lightening and adding droplets of blue and yellow until the vibrancy was almost overwhelming. And then she stopped. His head practically glowed.
She couldn't help it, she giggled. He lifted up the mirror in his hand and carefully examined all around his head to make sure she hadn't missed a spot and that it was even.
"Nice," he said, grinning when he finally looked at her, and she laughed again. "You just have to remember to visualize the point where you have to stop and you won't lose control."
She nodded, suddenly more serious. "I'm going to spend tonight in my dorm," she told him.
"Are you going to move back there, or just give it a try for the night?" he asked.
"I don't know," she answered.
He looked away from her. "It might be a good idea for you to move back in permanently. I mean, you have to get back into the natural routine of your life in order to help your memory, right? And you're much too cool to hang out in the hospital wing all the time so it's a step in the right direction."
"You don't have to be here," she said softly, angry at his words. "You don't have to visit me so much. If you're bored with me you can go off and do what you want with your friends. You don't have to feel obligated to spend time with me just because I can't remember! It doesn't mean I'm stupid!"
"I know!" he shouted back at her, his hands coming to her face. "Don't think that for one minute I'm here because I'm obligated to. I care about you Lily! I like spending time with you! I like seeing you laugh and I like when you get a spell right and I like…I like being your friend," he said in a choked voice, as though they had either never been friends or they had been more than friends.
She didn't know what to say. She had an overwhelming urge to kiss him, but she didn't know how he would react or if it would be appropriate.
He smiled. "I just think that you should get to spend time with your friends too. Marlene keeps asking about you, how you are and what you're doing. She wants to help with your magic too. She…she probably knows things about you that I couldn't even dream, you know? You're best friends and girls and you've shared a dorm for the past seven years."
"You're right," she said. "It is a good idea."
"No more nightly visits though," he said as though that now he had convinced her he wasn't quite so sure he liked the idea.
She smiled. "I knew that. I remember the stairs," she said.
"Oh really?" he asked and they laughed.
"Do me a favor?" He was suddenly serious, and she smiled.
"Anything," she said, and she meant it with every fiber of her being. Her response seemed to throw him and she could tell he changed what he was going to say.
"Change my hair back?"
…………
She had left the hospital wing on her own. She had made her way up to the Gryffindor Tower. She had stood before the Fat Lady, and realized that she did not know the password.
"But you recognize me," she said to the Fat Lady.
"Well of course I recognize you, but that's hardly the point! You could be someone disguised as Lily Evans trying to get in!" the Fat Lady cried.
"But I just want to go to bed!" Lily exclaimed.
"I thought you were still suppose to be in the hospital wing?" the Fat Lady questioned suspiciously. Lily almost growled in frustration before a voice behind her spoke.
"Swizzlefigs," Marlene said. The Fat Lady harrumphed before swinging open.
"Thanks," Lily said softly.
Marlene smiled. "No problem," she said.
They walked in through the portrait hole and into the Common Room. Marlene paused while Lily looked around at the chairs and the fireplace and the people.
"Anything familiar?" Marlene asked softly. For a long moment, Lily stared at an empty chair near the fireplace. Her head seemed fuzzy as she did so.
"That's your usual spot," Marlene voiced. "Where you read and study."
Lily nodded. That seemed right. "Unless the Marauders come in and get too rowdy, at which point you either go to the library or you head up to the dorm. You like to tease them that they're the only two safe places in school because they're the only places that the boys can't go."
"Why can't the boys go to the library?" Lily asked, confused.
Marlene's smile dropped from her face. "It's not that they can't. It's that they don't. Avoid it like the plague actually."
"Oh." Lily still didn't quite understand, but she didn't push the issue.
There was an awkward silence.
"So, you're going to spend the night here then?" Marlene asked, trying to sound cheerful.
"Yes, well, Dumbledore thought it would be a good idea. He said it would probably help," Lily revealed.
"Oh," Marlene said in what was a clearly crestfallen voice. Obviously, she had thought Lily had wanted to come back on her own.
"James thinks it's a good idea as well. He said…well, he said that you would probably help me remember things that he couldn't help with."
"Like the fact that he's the reason you're like this?" Marlene said in a bitter tone of voice.
Lily couldn't help feeling herself bristle at this. "He's apologized. I'm not holding a grudge about it."
Marlene smiled. "You're not the type to anyway, though Potter's always been a bit of a special case."
"What do you mean?" Lily asked, hoping to get some more insight as to what her and James's relationship really was. "Why is he special?"
Marlene stared at her with a thoughtful look before shaking her head. "No reason, I guess."
Lily sighed and they walked up to their dorm.
"Is it weird?" Marlene asked as they began to get changed. "I've thought about it a lot, you know: what it would be like if I lost my memory like you have. I don't think I'd want to return to my eleven year old self now."
"I suppose that's it exactly," Lily said, startled by Marlene's words. "It's weird because I have all of these direct reactions to things: like happiness or anger or frustration, but I don't know if that's the reaction that I should be having, that it's really honest, or if it's just this eleven-year-old version still inside me that's reacting that way. I constantly feel like I'm just guessing at being a person."
Marlene was silent for a long minute before speaking. "The way Potter tells it, you remember some things though, mostly about before you came to Hogwarts. I was thinking that your memory loss might be connected to when you learned about magic."
"But then why would I remember other things about magic like how to fly a broom or the town of Hogsmeade or the taste of butterbeer without having to see or do or experience those things?" Lily honestly questioned, hoping Marlene could provide more of an answer than she had been able to come up with.
"So then you remember some of your favorite things. That's only reasonable," Marlene answered.
"But I don't love flying, though I'm fair at it. And I like butterbeer, but I prefer mulled mead. Hogsmeade is beautiful, but I miss seeing some muggle things like watching the stoplights change and old ladies waiting at bus stops with their shopping. The things I remember aren't special at all."
"I didn't know you liked mulled mead," Marlene said with a slight frown. "When did you have that?"
She didn't know. James had told her the night he had sneaked some into the hospital wing, though he had only brought her a pint so as not to get her drunk, and had brought butterbeer as well, just in case she had forgotten the taste of either one.
He had been right. She had preferred it, though she didn't know why and he hadn't explained. She hadn't thought to question it. He said it was his favorite as well, and she had felt a fluttering in her stomach that they shared a favorite thing.
But she didn't remember on her own. Lily shrugged in response. Why would James know something my best friend doesn't? she thought to herself.
"You don't know?" Marlene asked after a long moment, though it wasn't really a question. "What do you remember then?"
Lily, for some reason feeling as though that question was accusatory, replied in a softly defensive tone, " I have some memories."
"Like what?" Marlene asked excited, but Lily took her time climbing into her bed and hiding in the covers so Marlene continued. "Do you remember when we snuck out at night to go swimming in the lake last May?"
She shook her head.
"What about the time we both protested having to draw our own blood in Potions, and Sirius Black fainted at the sight of his?"
She shook her head.
"Our first trip to Hogsmeade? Our first train ride to school? Our jokes about Professor Binns and the Grey Lady? Our secret crush on Emery O'Connor, the Head Boy in our first year?"
"No," Lily whispered.
"What do you remember?" Marlene finally asked, in a harsh whisper. "Things about Potter?"
"In all of my memories…I'm alone," Lily confided, on the edge of tears.
Marlene didn't respond, so Lily tucked herself further into her bed. Lily regretted ever agreeing to come. She closed her eyes when the other girls came in, pretending to sleep and hating their excited whispers that she was back.
She wasn't back, not the person they remembered anyway. And maybe that person never would be. Lily, day by day, had slowly allowed that haunting thought to sink in, and now as it filtered through her mind she came to a solid conclusion. She wouldn't care anymore who people wanted her to be. She'd be what she was, and if it wasn't good enough then those people obviously weren't worth her time.
As the other girls drifted off to sleep, Lily got out of the four poster she had slept in for the past seven years and without looking back, left down the stairs to her lonely bed in the hospital wing, hoping against hope that James would stop to check on her and she wouldn't have to pretend to be something she wasn't.
…………
It wasn't actually until the next evening that Lily had a chance to be alone with James. She had seen him in classes and meals, but he seemed preoccupied with something else and she didn't want to talk about why she wasn't staying in her dorm.
So it was that she was walking down the corridor without her usual companion these days, her books held to her chest on her way back from dinner to bed.
"Lily," a smooth voice said softly. She turned, but did not recognize the boy in front of her. He seemed to be in her year, and he had a smile on his face.
"Hello," she replied. He strolled over to her, and unconsciously she held her books a little tighter to her chest.
"You don't remember me…do you?" he asked, but his look was one of soft pity and concern, and so she assumed they must have been friends.
"No. I'm sorry," she said, for what she felt was the thousandth time. She hated that she couldn't remember and the anger inside her fueled the need to be kinder as an apology.
"It's alright," he reassured. "It's just, you and I, we used to…well…are you sure you don't remember?"
There was something measuring in his eyes as he said this, and feeling immensely guilty, all Lily could ask was, "What did we used to do?"
He gave her a soft indulgent smile and said, "Well, I could show you if you want."
"Yes," she said immediately and his smile widened.
"Great," he said and grabbed her hand before beginning to drag her into the nearest classroom. It was only when he had locked the door behind her that she began to get a bit suspicious. Still, she looked at him for guidance, sure that he knew what he was talking about.
"Well?" she asked. He grinned, and now looked slightly nervous.
"Here," he said, and reached out for her books. She obliged, and he put them on the desk.
"Did I tutor you?" she asked tentatively, not wanting to be rude.
He laughed. "Not really."
"Did you tutor me?" she tried, unable to think of another reason that they would be in a classroom.
He laughed again and stalked closer to her. She backed up instinctively. "How about I show you?" he said as his hands grabbed her arms and his hot breath swept across her cheeks.
She pushed him back forcefully and her wand was in her hand before she even thought about doing it. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"Lily, you and I…" his face fell with disappointment. "We used to be secret lovers."
"What? Why was it a secret?" she whispered.
"Because you're a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin. We both feared our peers' reaction, but we could never help the chemistry between us. We, well, it's always been a physical relationship mostly, but we care about each other very deeply."
There was something about this all that just seemed very out of place, but she couldn't think of a polite way to excuse herself. "Why haven't I seen you before now?" she asked as tentatively as she could.
He gave her a look of deepest longing and lamented, "I couldn't come to your side when you were ill because I didn't want to blow our cover, but just before you were cursed, you claimed to love me. I was shocked, and I didn't really have a chance to respond."
He had moved himself closer to her during his speech, and his hand brushed her bangs the way James's did. She pushed the hand away from her. She wished it had been James's hand, that James had led her to the classroom.
For some reason, she couldn't believe that she would have a secret relationship, let alone with a boy she was not very attracted to. He was handsome, she supposed, but his nose was slightly crooked and there was something dark lurking behind his eyes that she didn't trust.
She again tried to push him away, but his grip settled down hard on her. "Don't play coy now, Lily, you know I like it when you struggle," he whispered in her hair, and the maniac grin on his face terrified her.
Lily's heart felt like a hummingbird's and she still gripped her wand in her hand but her mind couldn't think clearly enough to call forth a spell she could both control and use against him. She highly doubted dying his hair green would stop his advances any.
Just as she had screwed up her eyes and tried in one last effort to push him away, the door exploding and a very enraged James rushed in. He didn't bother with wands, but grabbed the boy who held her and punched him square across the jaw. He stumbled backward and James opened up his arms to her as she launched herself into them.
"What in the hell did you think you were doing Nott?" James spat.
"Oh, come on, Potter, like you haven't been using her memory loss to your advantage!" the boy called Nott cried.
Lily was surprised to see the look of shock register on James's face. Indignant rage on behalf of James filled her, blending roughly with the rage at being taken advantage of by someone she didn't know. She wanted to desperately hurt the boy in front of her, and somehow, through the fog, a pain shot across her forehead and she spoke the words without even knowing what she was saying.
"Expelliarimus! Diffindo!" And just like that, Nott was hanging upside down, his wand clutched in her hand. She dropped the wand, and quickly left the room. Once outside, she waited until James followed.
His face as he stormed out was one of unmitigated shock. "You just…you just hung Avery Nott upside-down!"
"It will serve him right. His blood flow needs to reverse direction back to what little brain he has anyway!" she said.
James was angry with her. She herself was a bit embarrassed at her display, but she had never felt so used and violated. What was worse, she couldn't even trust herself to know the truth about reality. She had to trust her instincts, and even though she felt guilty, she was more proud of the fact that she had proved that she was not someone who could be messed with that easily.
"But when I did that…" he said, now confused.
"Did what?" she asked.
"I flipped someone up by their ankle once, and you called me a bullying toerag," he said, trying to explain. The back of her head felt sore and bruised suddenly, like after her exercises with Dumbledore.
"Had someone just tried to take advantage of you?" she asked politely.
"He had just hexed me when my back was turned," James justified.
"Well then. I suppose you think I'm a hypocrite," she said. He looked at her for a long minute before a serious look came over his face.
"No, I don't suppose I do. I had started the fight. I did it in front of a lot people because I was being an immature idiot. I wanted to prove how good, how much better I was. It was a stupid thing, and you called me on that. You always call me on things, and I always admired you for it," he said smiling.
"Oh," she said.
"Are you okay?" he asked after a moment.
"I'm fine. I'm just really grateful you came at the moment you did," she said.
"Really?" he asked. "Judging from that hex, you seemed entirely able to handle the situation."
"Well thank you James, I—" but then something struck her very suddenly. "James? How did you know where I was? And what was happening?"
"I…I sort of have this charm on you…not anything weird mind you, just, it lets me know when you're hurt or in trouble," he said, not meeting her eyes.
Her heart broke. "I don't want to be a burden to you James. You don't have to take care of me like this! I-I can take care of myself!" She cried, though they both knew it wasn't true. Still, something inside her cried out that she was strong and competent and she wasn't anyone's burden!
"Lily," he whispered and his cheeks flushed softly. "I didn't put the charm on you after, well…I've had it on you since first year. I've never told you about it before, because I know you're a capable girl and you'd probably have hexed me black and blue if I had, but I care about you, and I don't like knowing that you're hurt or scared or anything like that, so…"
"Oh, James, I…" But she didn't really know what she was. Flattered and slightly indignant, but mostly touched and confused.
"It's stupid, I know," he said sharply, as though expecting chastisement from her.
"No, James. It's very thoughtful," she said, and took his hand in both of hers. "Thank you."
He looked at her, shock written over his features. "You're not…angry?"
"Should I be?" she asked, looking down at their hands. Why did her hand fit so perfectly there?
"No, that is, I don't want you to be. It's not that I don't think you can take care of yourself," he said, and the way he said it, she knew he meant it. "I just…"
"Want to be there for me, in case?" she asked, and couldn't help the smile on her face.
"Yeah," he said. "Are you sure you're not mad?"
She shook her head. "That's what it means to care for someone, James. You let them stand on their own feet, but sometimes people get knocked off balance and they need a steadying hand. I get the feeling I'm a bit proud when asking for that hand, so thank you. Thanks for being there for me, even if I think I don't need or want it."
"Lily," he said, and she could tell her words had sunk deep into his heart with the way his dark eyes pieced through hers and his hand reached up to brush back her hair. A sudden thought struck her as he glanced at her lips and made no move toward them.
"James," she asked, half-desperately needing to know and half-terrified to find out. "Are we…a couple?"
He looked at her a long time as though trying to decide what to say. "Do you want us to be?" he asked, and then, as though realizing he had not said what he intended, quickly continued. "I don't want to pressure you Lily. I don't want to give you the wrong idea about us, but I've always cared about you a great deal, and up until now, you've always known that. It's just so hard…to explain."
He looked away, and she couldn't help the happy blush that slipped onto her cheeks as she took his hand. "James," she said, "if I said I wanted us to be together…as a couple…"
When she looked up at him, he was standing much closer, and emotions flew through his eyes she wished she could read.
"If you want," he whispered, his head lowering. "I'll be anything you want me to be."
"Be mine," she half-demanded and half-asked. He nodded softly in response, as their breaths intermingled. For a moment he looked as though he was still struggling with the idea of kissing her, as though for some reason he shouldn't, so she reached up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.
This seemed to be all the incentive he needed as he wrapped her into his arms, encasing her tiny frame in his and kissing her like any moment they were going to be pulled apart only to never see one another again.
Even when he needed to breathe finally, he buried his head against her neck, placing kisses in between gulps for air. She continued to gasp, her face arched upward, her body shaking from excitement and pleasure and overwhelming happiness.
"James," she whispered drowsily, and immediately he stopped and pulled away, searching her face for any signs of distress or discomfort but she could only smile and pull him close again. "James," she whispered again in his ear, delighted at the way he trembled as she did so.
"I…I should take you back to the hospital wing," he whispered half coherently while his eyes stared at her lips with intense longing.
"Okay," she said, making no move to leave, but he turned away, and taking her hand, dragged her back like a small child.
She was practically laughing by the time they reached the doors. "James!" she cried, and he finally brought her to a halt. His face looked very determined.
"You're to go to bed now and sleep," he said, and she giggled.
"I don't know if I can," she whispered, and though she hadn't meant to be coy, she knew it came across that way.
"Lily," he said sharply, though his eyes were excited by her words. "One of us should get some rest, and I know it's not going to be me. Besides, you need it. It's been a long day."
She knew she couldn't push it anymore. "So," she said, and looked at their hands still clasped together. "Do I get a goodnight kiss?"
Her cheeks were flushed as she said it, and his other hand felt cool as it brushed across to tuck back her hair. "I don't know if that's such a good idea," he said, but seconds later his lips were on hers, holding them there softly in a much more demanding way than a normal goodnight kiss. She didn't protest, and when he finally did quickly rip himself away she thought it was because someone had come down the hall, but no one had and the look in his eyes seemed confused and searching, as if somehow hoping and fearing this had helped her remember him. She looked down and unable to answer that question, she whispered to him a goodnight and slipped through the door.
Why could she remember? She thought angrily. At that moment, she would've given anything to know him once more.
………………
Three days had passed since that first night, and while still holding hands and spending most of the waking hours with one another, James had not made any moves to kiss her again. Twice she had kissed his cheek in hopes he would instigate something more, but found she had to be more direct. There were times when it was easy to do, and his body seemed to crave every nuance and curve and sigh of hers, and then others when she would try to kiss him and he would pull away shortly, a strained smile on his lips.
"James," she whispered, unable to hold the tremor from her voice as he turned away from her willing form and back to the book in his lap, gripping so hard his knuckles were white.
"I'm sorry," he said. "It's not you."
"Yes it is," she said darkly, angrily. "Otherwise why would you hesitate so much? Sometimes it feels incredible, but others, it feels like…like you don't even want to kiss me."
"It's isn't – it's not like that. I want to kiss you, believe me when I say I do, but you're right. I do hesitate."
"It's because I can't remember…before," she choked, her heart cleaving in two.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I keep thinking that you'll remember something – anything – but you haven't, have you?"
She shook her head.
"And I wonder whether if it's because I don't give you enough time on your own to think about things."
"I like being with you," she said sharply. "I think at night before I go to bed. It's just a blank wall. It doesn't have anything to do with you."
"But it does Lily! It does! You're like this because of me!" he cried.
"I'm sorry!" she said. "I'm sorry I can't remember. I'm sorry I can't be who you cared about. If you don't care about me anymore then just say it!"
She couldn't help the water welling in her eyes. Sharply, and slightly painfully, James brought both of his hands to her face and forced her to meet his eyes.
"You're everything. I'll always care about you, even if I lost my memory I would know that. I love you," he whispered to her in a slightly desperate voice. "I need you to remember that."
She smiled as a tingling sensation swept through her body and hot tears slipped from her eyes. "I don't think I could forget, even if I wanted to," she said. He smiled, and then froze completely still.
"What did you just say?" he asked sharply.
She frowned. "I said that I didn't think I could forget…"
"Even if you wanted to?" he said in agony. And then, he tore away from her.
"James? Where are you going?" she asked as he started down the hall.
"I have to see Dumbledore!" he called as he rounded the corner, not bothering to look back at her.
She gave an exasperated laugh. Well, that was not exactly how she expected her first time being told she was loved would go…or at least, what she remembered as her first time.
She looked around. It had been awhile since she had been outside of the hospital wing without James, and remembering the last time, she hugged her arms across her chest. She didn't really want to go anywhere on her own. She made her way back to the hospital and her bed.
……………
"When you get a strong memory charm placed on you!" James cried as he burst into Dumbledore's office. "The things that you remember, those things are too important to who you are to be forgotten. It would damage your brain if you were forced to forget them!"
"This is quite correct James," Dumbledore said, focusing his bright blue eyes on the boy.
"But with Lily it's different! Some of the things she remembers are completely trivial, and some things are incredibly important! That day! That day I accidentally set fire to her Arithmancy notes for the entire year! We had a row and she said she wished for something, and she wouldn't tell me what it was. I performed the Wishing Spell so I could see, so I could know! It's supposed to become a wisp of smoke to show you what the wish is, but it's supposed to be for things, like a pony or my severed head on a platter, but what if she wasn't wishing for a thing? What if…" His voice trembled. "What if she wished she had never met me?"
Dumbledore was silent, and James knew it wasn't because he was pondering whether it could be true, but because there was nothing he could say to ease the pain of the reality.
"She fell unconscious when I performed the spell, and I thought that I had hurt her! I thought she was dead…at first I thought she had wanted to die…but I knew that couldn't…so I thought I had performed it wrong, that I didn't know what spell I cast, but I did do it right. She doesn't remember because the spell is showing me what she wished for. That's why she remembers some things, like her parents, because those memories aren't attached to me. But others, like her friends and this school…"
"I had thought the ward was a self-defense mechanism of her magic to protect her mind from another curse, but it appears I was mistaken. It is protecting the memories that are too important for her to lose without giving her access to them. The parts of her mind that need to know these things do, she just doesn't know that. The ward isn't a spell she cast, it is really the wishing spell, and the reason it has lasted this long is because it has connected itself to her magic, feeding off her desire for this life to be real," Dumbledore said.
"But it doesn't make any sense. If that was true, then why did she remember me?" James asked Dumbledore, desperately wishing that now he knew the truth that he was wrong.
"I don't know," Dumbledore said gravely. "I will have to speak with Madame Aviate about this."
Dumbledore stood and they began to leave his office. He turned to James as they parted ways outside the golden statue.
"If this is true," Dumbledore said, "we will be able to reinstate Miss Evans's memory."
AN: Wahahaha! I am evil. I know. Review. Please. Because I heart them.
