Medical centre, T'Soni residence
Liara hovered, at least that's what it felt like, as the team of healers worked quickly around her. She didn't know what to do, how to help. The tension in her stomach had intensified, muscles rigid, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to hold in her despair.
Her son looked small and helpless on the large medi bed. He was sobbing, tears streaking his red cheeks, his eyes wide with fear searching the faces around him.
She felt an arm snake around her waist and the comforting presence of her bondmate. Shepard's voice was low and held a pleading edge "can't they do something about him being so upset?"
"I do not know what they are doing at the moment no one is telling me anything," she heard the tension in her voice and felt Shepard stiffen at her side.
"Someone tell us what's going on, why is he still distressed," Shepard's voice cut through the business in the room and heads turned in her direction.
"Aygah," the sound almost sobbed out from her son. He had been repeating that over and over again but she had no idea what he was calling for.
She felt Shepard move away from her to the side of the bed and for a moment her son stilled and seemed to relax.
"Hey little guy, you're safe now, it's all ok," she watched as Shepard reached out to stroke the child's head and for a moment calm settled on her son.
"Aygah," this time the cry was accompanied with flailing hands as he attempted to push everyone away from him.
Shepard returned to her side and spoke quietly as the hubbub in the room began again, "he's asking for Vega."
She turned to stare at her lover. Of course, why had she not realised that herself. Before she could answer Lady Nara entered the room and she focussed her growing frustration and hurt on the High Priestess.
"Where have you been, I needed you here… they are not helping him," she knew her tone was harsh and under normal circumstances she would never speak to her mentor with such disrespect. But the pain of her son's rejection was fuelling her rising anger.
"I have been examining the evidence of the experiments they carried out on him and the scans that we have taken here," Nara spoke softly, "it is not good."
"Do something to help him," Shepard said.
Liara looked between the two of them and wanted to scream with frustration but before she could say anything Nara spoke again.
"We are going to sedate him now for the operation to remove the ports. The one at the base of his brain stem will take a little time but we have no concerns about removing it."
"And then he will recover?" she asked.
Lady Nara hesitated before she spoke, "that depends on your definition of recover."
She was about to explode in fury and anger but Lady Nara stilled her with a hand on her cheek and continued, "they have effectively wiped his memory and in their attempt to speed up his growth and development caused irreparable damage to the nodes in his brain that had developed his biotic abilities and… overstimulated his psi cortex so he has no control over his mind melding."
Liara felt legs fail her and only Shepard's strong arms kept her from falling to the floor. No wonder her son was distressed. It was very rare for the kind of damage Lady Nara was talking about to happen to an Asari but when it did it was almost always incurable.
The Asari ability to join minds and nervous systems was a complex mix of physiology, dark energy and biotic components and although every Asari learned from a young age how to use it only those with deep scientific, healing and medical knowledge understood how it worked.
But every Asari knew what happened when it went wrong. To lose control of that facet of their being was to be driven mad, never knowing whose thoughts were in your mind, whose experience you were living, whose feelings were flowing through your body.
There was only one course of action with such damage and that was to remove those parts of the brain and long healing therapy for the mind whilst learning to live as an Asari without that fundamental element of their being.
Most decided to embrace the arms and welcome of the Goddess. Although her sisters damage had been different, she too had still lost that essential part of her and for some time Liara had been convinced that was the route Liselle would also take.
She brought her mind back to the present and found she was being guided out of the room and into the hall flanked by her bondmate and her most trusted advisor.
"Wait," she stopped and stood more upright on more steady legs, "I want to be with him when you put him under."
"It is already done Liara," Nara said gently, "but we must talk about how we will manage his recovery. He will need an extended period in stasis while his mind heals."
"How long," she heard Shepard ask but Liara already knew the answer.
"At least two years."
This time it was Shepard who felt unsteady on her feet and she pulled her lover tight to her side as they continued to walk away from the room that held such pain and misery.
Later the same day – private living room, T'Soni residence
"No… I will not leave… I will not leave you," Liara shouted, arms stiff at her side, fists balled, a feint glow of blue mist surrounding them.
Shepard considered for a moment that she had probably mistimed this conversation, but she had to return to active duty within days and the clock was ticking on the departure of the Nexus. She didn't have much choice.
"All I'm asking is that you consider this as a real option," she moved a little closer to her lover who promptly turned her back and stared out the large window.
"You want to send me away with this… this… copy of you," Liara almost spat out the last words.
"Spend some time with her Lee, before you make any decision. She's a better version of me not a copy," she couldn't help the edge of sadness leaking into her tone.
Liara spun around her body softening as she reached out to touch her face, "that is not possible, you are perfect…"
"Don't Lee," this time she was the one to turn away, "you know as well as I do, I'm broken, damaged, this darkness in me…" she ran a hand through her hair and stepped away, putting distance between them before continuing.
"I'm not the same woman you fell in love with… and for all our planning we don't have any way of winning. I'm not going to keep you with me for comfort when I can get you somewhere safe… out of this… far away from what's coming."
"If everything is already lost why are you staying, come with me, you should be the one saving your children not some stranger," Liara took a step towards her then seemed to change her mind.
They stared across the distance between them in silence for what felt to Shepard like a lifetime. It was almost unbearable. What the hell was she doing. She couldn't face anything without Liara's quiet strength and courage. She would lose herself again in the shadows that always threatened to engulf her.
"Was this your plan all along, is this why Ryder has been talking to me, asking my advice," Liara moved to the drinks cabinet as she spoke and this time her voice held an edge of steel.
"Who… I don't know anything about that. But yes, I've been considering this since we found out about it. Sending Vega with you is a…," What was she about to say. Having a stand in for me who is actually me is a bonus.
Sending her to another Galaxy wasn't hard enough I also want to send her with someone who really will replace me. For fucks sake Shepard you either want to do this or not, focus.
"I can't keep you and our children safe Lee, you know that. You know what we'll be facing. And yes, knowing that a part of me will be with you to protect you and keep you safe exactly as I would means I can't think of a reason not to do it."
She watched Liara's shoulders sag a little as she took a drink of something.
"Just so that I am clear about what you want me to do," her lover turned to face her eyes shining like diamond ice, "I am free to let her fuck me to make sure she is a suitable stand in for my bondmate?"
The words cut through her like a lazar but before she could respond Liara spoke again her voice cold and regal, "and if I find her unsatisfactory in any way you will choose another as your stand in for my exile…" she noticed Liara reach from one of the bottles and grip it tightly in her hand, "perhaps Garrus or one of my commandos."
Without any warning Liara launched the bottle in her direction with the power of a biotic thrown behind it and she only just dodged out of its path. The smash against the wall behind her cracked through Liara's parting words.
"I do not need your assistance to hand me off to someone Shepard, there is a long line of Asari and others who would be my lover and more. I am not a child or your property to make arrangements for."
She watched as Liara turned towards the open doors and stepped out onto the terrace and disappear into the gardens.
The roiling in her stomach coupled with her inability to take a deep breath made her acutely aware of the stress in her body. Hollow, she felt hollowed out at the thought of what she was trying to make happen. The burning behind her eyes turned to tears on her cheeks as her legs gave out and she slumped heavily into a chair.
With elbows on her knees, her face resting in her hands her body tried to release the tension with huge silent sobs while her mind fell into those shadows that were ever present around the edges of her consciousness.
Beachside guest chalet, T'Soni Estate
Vega took in the space she had been escorted too from her shuttle by two T'Soni republic commandos. They were polite and helpful but left her in no doubt that she would accompany them to her designated quarters with or without her cooperation.
They remained outside and she wondered for a moment if she was under guard or protection. The space was open and airy with a large living area whose best feature was the full glass wall facing the beach and sea beyond.
She moved to its open doors and leaned her shoulder against the door jamb and took in the magnificent view, breathing in fresh ozone as the rhythmic whoosh and crash of surf on the pristine white sands began to settle her.
With her arms crossed over her chest the familiar shape of her body grounded her and she had no idea how long she had been there just letting the peace wash through her when a sense of movement drew her back to the room.
"So, what exactly are you," it was Liara's voice but set with a hardness and cruelty she had never heard before. She didn't move as she had no desire to see the hate and disgust on the face she loved with every fibre of her body and soul.
"I am exactly what you think I am. An abomination, I shouldn't exist except that I do. I have no intention of staying around and would have left already if it had been my choice," she had managed to keep her tone calm and matter of fact despite the feeling that her heart was being ripped from her chest.
"Look at me," the tone was imperious and she pushed off the door post and turned to face her fate.
Liara seemed to hesitate but then moved forward quickly and stood eye to eye in front of her, "embrace eternity".
As her former lover's eyes turned black, she felt the familiar touch of another mind. Familiar in that it was unmistakably Liara but this was not the Liara of her memories, gentle, loving, tentative. No, this woman was powerful, intense and closed off.
Vega worked hard to overcome her disappointment and keep her mind open to Liara but couldn't quite follow what it was that was being searched through or for. It seemed to be over before it began and she physically felt the loss of the connection, brutal though it had been.
Feeling woozy she reached out for support closing her eyes for a moment. She felt a hand at her elbow and looked up to see a different Liara looking back.
"Come sit down," the gentle voice she heard now was more familiar to her and she allowed herself to be led to one of the large sofa's in the room.
Before she could stop herself, words began to tumble from her as she fought against the tightness in her chest, "I know everything about me offends you and I have no right to ask you for anything… but… my last memory of you was that morning." She paused wondering where the hell this was going but Liara was still listening and watching her intently so she pushed on.
"That morning on the Normandy, holding you in my arms, then watching you being forced to the escape pod on my orders…," the memory twisted in her gut and the tightness in her chest grew more intense, "I… Shepard… in my memory I reached out for you in my last moments and I swear to the Goddess I imagined I felt you in my mind."
The only sound in the room was the sea through the open doors and Liara had not taken her eyes from her. She swallowed hard and tried to steady her shallow breathing, "from that moment to waking up to the biggest headfuck… everything I know," she hit her chest with her hand emphasising her words, "every memory I have, everything feeling… all a lie… not mine."
Fighting back tears she leaned forward and spoke almost in a whisper, "so I'd rather you ended me… than sit there and hate me… because this lie is as real as it gets for me," she dropped her head into her hands despair and self-loathing rising like a tide to drown her.
She sensed movement and felt Liara sit next to her and was pulled into a hug. It was too much, after everything she had endured to feel those arms around her for real and not in a memory belonging to someone else broke her final barrier and she wept.
She wept for herself, for the life she had never had but was all she knew, for the family she grieved that wasn't her own. And she broke inside with the love that pulsed through her as certainly as the blood in her veins for this woman who was never and would never be hers.
"You really are her," Liara's voice broke the long silence between them.
She sat up straighter and pulled back out of the embrace, "no… I'm only a copy," she shrugged and shook her head slowly as she searched Liara's eyes for a clue as to how she was feeling.
Liara frowned a little and reached out to touch her cheek, "I see what she meant now, that I should meet you… you are her and yet… not."
Vega couldn't stop herself leaning into Liara's touch and for just one moment her chest eased and her breathing steadied, but she made herself pull away and stood.
"We did a lot of talking and comparing when we met on the Citadel," she said moving back to the terrace door, "I don't have the headaches anymore and my memories of the beacon are not as clear as they once seemed."
She felt Liara join her and laughed softly, "and I'm pretty sure I don't understand Prothean anymore. She's the real deal."
They stood close but not touching and in silence for a few minutes before Liara spoke, "Miranda Lawson is arriving tomorrow so we will have a better understanding of what happened to you."
"You mean how this particular monster was created," she tried for levity, but the comment came out as flat as she felt it.
Liara moved and cupping her face spoke softly, "I was wrong to treat you as I did, that was unforgivable. You are no monster, you are…"
She cut across Liara's final words, "whatever I am… I'm not her."
They stood so close she could feel Liara's breath on her face and she swallowed hard feeling heat rise deep within her. She glanced down at those soft blue lips and was about to lean in when Liara stepped away.
"Let us order some food, and I would like you to tell me everything about the rescue while we wait for its arrival," Liara's tone was light and friendly but she had seen the blush of heat on the other women's face the moment before they parted.
"Sounds good."
Beachside guest chalet, T'Soni Estate
Liara had no appetite but managed some of the food she had ordered from the kitchens. She noticed Vega had hardly touched her plate but had consumed two mugs of coffee and a memory of being on the Normandy during those first months after Shepard had rescued her rose to the surface.
Sitting in the mess hall talking with the young and handsome Commander for what seemed like hours about everything and nothing. Shepard with her ubiquitous coffee and easy charm.
So much had happened to them both since those early innocent days. They had no idea that the end of the Galaxy all-consuming monsters were coming to destroy them.
Watching the women across the table she remembered their romance, falling in love, knowing the rightness and the lightness of their connection. Earlier, for a moment, she had fallen into the memory of the first time they had kissed. She had almost allowed this Shepard to kiss her and for a fleeting moment was aware that this is what her Shepard wanted.
She looked away for the black haired, fresh faced, scar-less Shepard in front of her and looked out across the beach to the sea.
Her Shepard was in pain, was carrying a weight no single being should be expected to carry. Her Shepard was willing to sacrifice everything in the name of duty and love. They had both been changed by the events they had lived through together and separately.
It did seem that this clone was an almost perfect facsimile of Shepard and she could find no lurking neurosis or other hidden personality when she had probed, none to gently, the other woman's mind.
This Shepard seemed unburdened by the messages of the beacons and the darkness that was present in her bondmates mind. But there was the same determination to do her duty, to destroy Cerberus or try until her last breath.
And this Shepard loved her exactly as she had that moment before the Normandy and their lives were torn apart. She was a second chance. A second chance of what though? Did she want to leave, turn her back on her own duty, to run away. What would that cost her, what might be saved if she did.
"You look deep in thought," a voice as familiar as her own brought her back with a start to the present and she looked into brilliant green eyes that sparkled reflecting the small smile that lifted the corners of Vega's mouth.
Their eyes held and again she felt herself getting lost in their depths even as confusion reigned in her mind.
She stood quickly, "I need to get back to the house to…" her voice trailed away as Vega stood and moved close.
"I don't know what to do Lee… but I'll do anything you want me too."
Without any conscious thought she pulled Vega into an embrace and felt the once familiar lines of this not Shepard's body fit hers as it always had.
"I have to…" she heard the breathiness in her voice as she whispered into the other woman's neck and pulled back so that they were once again looking into each other's eyes.
She didn't know who closed the distance between them but in an instant their lips brushed and a fire surged through her veins as she pulled them into a meld.
Although her arousal continued to build and their kiss deepened something didn't fit. It was as if her connection to this woman was hazy, distant, not solid. As she was trying to make sense of her feelings Vega stepped away and broke the meld between them.
"I am so sorry Lee… I just… please forgive me… you… I… it's all messed up. It's like I know you and I don't… I really should go."
She looked at the woman in front of her, who continued to back away, and saw the distress in her eyes that also cut into her features.
"I believe we were equally responsible for that," she said, "I need to go back to the house but I wish you to stay so that the three of us can meet tomorrow to make some decisions," she turned to leave and said over her shoulder, "we need to think about John's recovery and I may need you to help with that."
Walking back to the main house and processing the two melds she had experienced with Vega she tried to get a fix on what the differences were between her Shepard and the clone.
Her concern was not that the clone was missing something but that Shepard was much more than she had once been.
Liara and Shepard's private quarters, T'Soni residence
Liara moved quickly to where Shepard was standing and without words pulled her into an embrace.
"When will you accept that I will not leave your side… that we are bound across time to be each other's strength and comfort," she felt Shepard's arms around her and leaned into the solid plains of her bondmates body.
"I can't keep you safe… and we may never be ready to fight them."
"You cannot save everyone Shepard," she leaned back a little to look into her lovers dark and troubled eyes, "you do not carry this burden alone, you have done all you can to waken the Galaxy to what is coming. They will follow you and I will never leave your side."
Shepard's arms pulled her closer and she leaned her cheek against the taller woman's chest. In the circle of Shepard's arms, she was home and through the light meld that always seemed to link them when they were close since their bonding, she felt her lover settle.
"When I have completed my preparations here and everything is ready, I am going to join you on the Normandy and we will never be parted again."
"What about our children?"
A heaviness settled on her as she understood and accepted what Shepard had been trying to do, "we will need to be parted from them my love."
She couldn't help the tears that clouded her eyes and she felt her lover kiss the top of her head.
"We'll find a way back to them if we survive, I swear it. I love you Lee with every particle of my being."
"Show me," she pulled them into a deep meld needing to be one with the other half of her soul letting everything else go, except this moment with Shepard and their connection.
