Chapter 11
AN: Two chapters in one day...my goodness! We're almost through here, I think that's why.
And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
"Honestly OK," Dido
He thrashed about, trying to shrink away from the pain and the images burning in his mind. The old nightmares blended seamlessly with new ones until he didn't know up from down, left from right, only now and the stark unrelenting parade of images.
"Hey, hey, it's ok, I'm here, it's all right, Tim, open your eyes, it's all right…" Calleigh's voice penetrated and let him wrench his eyes open.
"Cal?"
"I'm right here, honey, I'm right here," she said, softly, a hand resting on his head. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, one leg tucked up under her. He blinked her into focus.
"I just…" he whispered.
"I know," she said, softly. "It's all right."
"Time's it?" he asked.
"About three," she said. "You've been asleep about four hours."
"Oh," he said, blankly.
She smiled sadly at him. "Are you hungry?"
"No," he said.
"Do you want to eat anyway?" she asked.
"No. Please?" he asked. His stomach was all twisted in knots. How could anyone eat?
"Ok," she said, reluctantly. He knew she shouldn't give into him, but he was glad she was. She looked tired and sad. "Let me get you a washcloth," she said finally.
No, don't leave me, he thought, panicked. His hand shot out to catch her arm tightly. "No," he said, breathlessly.
"Ok, ok, I won't go," she soothed. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." She smoothed back his hair and looked at him speculatively.
He looked away, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"Don't be," she said, quietly. Another moment passed and she said finally, "Here, scoot over." He did so automatically, surprised when she stretched out on the bed next to him. "Ok?" she asked, tentatively.
"Yeah," he said, still not quite looking at her. She chuckled quietly, but kept smoothing down his hair. It felt nice.
"Want to tell me about it?" she asked.
"No."
"All right," she said.
They were quiet like that for a long time. Tim had almost drifted back to sleep, when he became aware that Calleigh's breathing was funny. Short and choppy. He turned towards her and found her fighting back tears. "Shh, s'ok," he whispered, squirming up onto his side with a wince.
"I'm…I'm sorry," she choked out. "I shouldn't…you don't need…Oh, God." She was crying then. Tim didn't know what else to do but reach out an arm to pull her close.
"It's all right," he whispered into her hair as she cried.
"It's just…Eric and John, and you've been so sick and we were so scared we'd lose you too, and…" she sobbed.
"I know," he whispered. He knew that this had been just as hard for her. For her and Alexx and H. He just couldn't do anything about it. But now that the worst of the crisis was over, Calleigh's tight grip on herself was starting to dissolve. He could understand that.
Calleigh's storm was short-lived and she pulled back from him, eyes red. "I'm so sorry," she said.
"No. Not allowed," he said quietly.
"I'm not?" she asked, frowning a bit.
"If I'm not, you're not" he explained.
She smiled a little at that. "That would be a bit hypocritical of me, wouldn't it?"
"Yes," he said.
"All right," she said, laughing a bit. "I'm not sorry, how's that."
"Better," he replied. He tried to reach for the nightstand, but couldn't manage. "Kleenex", he said when she looked at him questioningly.
She laughed and sat up to retrieve them. "Thanks."
"Welcome."
"Ok, then," she said. "Is your mouth hurting?" she asked.
"A little, why?" he admitted.
"You're overdue for a pain pill. And you were getting a little monosyllabic," she said, pushing herself up. "I'll go get you one. I need a drink of water anyway."
"Ok," he said. He watched her leave the room.
She returned quickly, with a washcloth, a bottle of pills and a glass of water. "Here," she said, offering him the washcloth. "That'll help."
He took it obediently and wiped his face, careful to avoid the stitches. She shook out a pill and handed it to him in exchange for the washcloth. "Thanks," he said.
"Anytime," she said, smiling. "You still tired?"
"Yeah," he admitted.
"Why don't you go back to sleep? We'll deal with food when you wake back up," she suggested.
"Ok," he mumbled, his eyes already growing tired. "Tired."
"I know you are."
"No, of sleeping," he said.
She laughed. "I know. But it'll make you better quicker. So get as much as you can, ok?"
"All right," he agreed, letting his eyes close again.
