You had promised with all your power, to come and rescue me…

By Peace_Love_on_Planet_Earth

Fandom: The Blacklist

Pairing: Lizzington

A/N: Who's ready for some fluff and some sweet sweet agony?

This is in two sections from 4x16 Dembe Zumba. The car scene was the perfect time to corner Red into a deeper conversation when he was already emotional. They always make it seem like they're close by when they need to get anywhere to change locations. Baz being in the car made it slightly awkward but it was canon compliant that Red was emotional talking about Kate. The second part is when Elizabeth leaves Red with Baz in the woods and takes Dembe to hospital. We are staying with them. Megan has a cold, so Lizzy has a cold. Megan's hair looks goooood, I am a sucker for long(ish) dark hair. This is probably one of my fave hairstyles that she has.

TW: Suicide mention (non explicit).

Title and subtitle are from By the River - Stu Larsen which was in 4x05. I was listening to it this morning and I realised Red has put Lizzy on this kind of pedestal, he's watched her, her whole life, put people in her life to watch her and keep her safe but its easy to forget that at the start she didn't know him at all. I had this whole ramble about it on my way out but now it's not coming.

Thank you for all the comments! They are greatly received. Love reading all your thoughts.

Something fell apart in me, as I watch soul depart from me

She'd been with him all day, hunting down Dembe after he'd been poisoned. There had barely been time to process the possibility of him dying. Cooper had assigned her to work with Reddington and report back. She had been unusually quiet but she was getting over a cold which was making her head stuffy and her voice sound nasally. After a lead from Aram they were back in the car, Reddington clearly upset over the name that Aram had given them but not forth coming with the details until now.

'A man's greatest enemy is the dark forces pent up within himself…' He was staring out the window seemingly at nothing, his eyes unfocused as he spoke. "But not for me. My dark forces had a name. A person I entrusted with the most heinous offences of my life.' He shook his head briefly, his face creased with emotion, still staring vaguely out the window. She could see his reflection in the tinted glass. 'Every trespass I committed, expunged, cleansed as if it had never happened.' He paused, his mouth slightly downturn. 'My confessor…' He stated simply. 'Who doth now condemn me.'

'What are you talking about?' Elizabeth asked softly. He made a clicking noise with his tongue, glancing down but not at her.

'Kathryn Nemec.' He stated, still looking down.

'Who is Kathryn Nemec?' She asked, aware of Baz driving.

'A name that came to represent my darkest hours. My friend.' He laughed without humour before emotion took over his face. He took a breath, smacking his lips together before saying, 'Mr Kaplan.' He was nodding vaguely but looking down at his hands in his lap.

'Mr Kaplan?' Elizabeth's eyes were glassy, already filling with tears at the name. He knew this was a sore subject and yet he still couldn't look at her. 'She's alive?' She asked. He squinted as if trying to remember, looking straight ahead.

'When I pulled the triggered, I left without checking. I would never have been so careless if…' He shook his head, his words falling silent and his jaw tight as he stared ahead. He was still shaking his head as he spoke, 'There wasn't a part of me that wished I hadn't done what I had just done.' His emotion was clear, his voice thick.

A single tear trickled down Elizabeth's cheek.

'Its been her all along. Retribution for what I did to her' He pursed his lips aware of Elizabeth nodding silently next to him.

'Can the score be even now? She whispered, her eyes closed, tears continuing to fall. She took a sharp inhale, 'Can this be over?' She asked quietly looking over to him but still he wouldn't look at her. His gaze returned to some unfocused point out the window.

'All I know is I need to find Dembe.' He replied.

'And we will…' she affirmed, he still didn't look at her but nodded vaguely. 'But this can also be over now, you said you had regrets…' she added softly.

'Not now Elizabeth please…' It was almost a beg, his voice was choked and she could see in his reflection that his mouth was downturned in grief.

For a moment she was silent, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. Her head was foggy with cold and it felt heavy. They weren't alone, Baz was driving but he hardly ever said a word and clearly Reddington was comfortable expressing this much emotion in front of him. She could see the sat nav in front of her which read they still had twenty minutes of driving left to go.

'Reddington…' she rarely said his name and it felt strange coming from her lips but he barely acknowledged her. There wasn't that much distance between them so she reached out and took his hand. With everything that had happened in recent days she didn't have the energy to be angry right now. He jumped slightly lost in thought.

'You just said you wished you hadn't pulled the trigger.' She added gently, he held onto her hand, not moving it away so she lightly squeezed it to acknowledge the reciprocation.

'Hmmm' he murmured vaguely in agreement gazing down at her hand in his.

'So it can be over now?' She pressed gently, her voice soft and husky.

'How can it be over, when Kate is determined to take down my organisation for what I did to her?' He let out a breath, sounding deflated.

'So, we'll talk to her. I'll talk to her. We can make things right.' She sounded more sure than she felt. If Elizabeth asked her to stand down, would she?

'No Elizabeth' he shook his head sadly still gazing absently out of the window.

'Why not?' Her nasally voice firm, she squeezed his hand again.

'You don't understand…' He breathed, his voice low and gravelly.

'Then explain it to me… Please?' She spoke softly, her thumb gently brushed the back of his hand and their eyes met briefly in the windows reflection. He shook his head slowly, his mouth drawn downward then took a breath,

'This betrayal…' He paused, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown. 'It runs deeper than you can possibly imagine Elizabeth… I can't just forgive that.' She moved side ways in her seat and brought her leg up to rest it against the seat angling her body more towards him. She was still holding his hand but as she moved she rested her other hand on his arm.

'You're hurt I get that but taking it out on Kate was a mistake, I know you see that now. She wasn't the only one who conspired to deceive you.' She added gently, he let out a heavy breath as though he'd been holding it for a while and closed his eyes for a moment.

'It's not…' pausing he took another shaky breath. She squeezed his arm allowing the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

'When you were gone, when I thought you were…' He didn't want to say the word, his eyes focused on their hands.

She remained silent, listening.

'She was there. I fell apart and she was there and all the while she knew you were alive…' He frowned, a deep crease on his brow. His mouth was slightly open and he worked it back and forth for a moment.

'She picked up the pieces when I came back from Cape May. She took care of me, made sure I didn't go back to Mama Lu…' his voice trailed off. She waited for him to continue but when he didn't after a short time she prompted,

'What happened in Cape May?' She asked softly, afraid to break the spell, afraid to push too much in case he clammed back up but the sat nav read ten minutes until they were to arrive.

'Many things… I saw…' He closed his eyes 'I wasn't in my right mind…' He murmured absently.

'Tell me…' It was barely a whisper, she wanted to inch closer but her seat belt was restricting her. She wanted to pull him into a hug, comfort him in this rare moment of candour. He swallowed, lost in thought.

'I saw things Lizzy…' His eye brows pulled together and he shook his head as he said her name. Elizabeth flooded with warmth, it was like feeling the sun on your skin after being cold for too long.

'You have arrived at your destination…' The sat nav informed them. In an instant his face cleared and he let go of her hand. He cleared his throat. Baz pulled to a stop behind another car and Reddington pushed open the door without a glance back. Both Elizabeth and Baz drew their guns as they approached the other vehicle.

Dembe stumbled out of the woods, his leg injured and bleeding, towards them and the cars. 'Dembe' Elizabeth called, relief in her voice. She ran towards him to help him up a ridge, Reddington close behind. They both grabbed Dembe by the arms, hooking them around their shoulders, helping him the rest of the way.

'She's alive. Kate is alive.' Dembe confirmed as he stumbled on his injured leg.

'I'm sorry, Dembe' Reddington told him as Elizabeth opened the car door and asked,

'Who did this to you?' Dembe turned towards Reddington, Raymond, gripped both his arms helping him stand.

'A man. He found Kate. He's injured in his left knee…' Dembe told them through gritted teeth as Reddington helped him into the back seat. He took off his scarf to wrap around Dembe's injured leg.

'Where did you last see him?' Reddington asked as he pulled the scarf tight causing Dembe to wince and let out a howl of pain.

'West of here…' He answered through gritted teeth.

'You need a doctor' Reddington told him, 'Keep that tight.' He left Elizabeth to help Dembe further as he approached Baz.

'Okay here we go…' She said, lifting his other leg into the car, she glance up at Reddington who was heading off.

'You're not going after him?' She questioned, a worried frown on her brow.

'I am.' He stated plainly, looking back at her. 'He'll lead me to Kate. Get Dembe to a hospital, please?' He asked her as he headed off into the woods with Baz leaving her with little choice. She checked Dembe's leg and closed the car door, opening the drivers door to climbed in.

She rummaged in the glove compartment for a moment searching for a first aid kit or something of worth. Dembe grunted periodically in the back seat but as along as he didn't move his leg, the pain was less and it had stopped bleeding thanks to Reddington's scarf.

She finally found a bottle of pain meds and handed them back to Dembe with a bottle of water that was on the passenger seat. He took them gratefully and swallowed two. It would be a fairly long drive especially if she was careful and avoided any pot holes.

She pulled out onto the main road and glanced back at Dembe. His head was resting back against top of the seat and his eyes were closed.

'You still with me back there?' She called as she swerved to avoid a branch in the road.

'Yes…' Dembe muttered. His eyes still closed.

'How's the pain?' She asked gripping the wheel tighter than she would've normally, checking on him in the rear view mirror. Her body felt like a coil wound up tightly ready to unravel at any moment. Dembe looked up, he shifted sitting up more so he could better see her. He hissed as he moved his leg.

'The medicine helped thank you, it's not too bad as long as I don't move too much' he informed her, she gave him a tight smile, her brows pulled together in a frown.

'Raymond will be fine Elizabeth' he reassured her, noticing how tense she was but that wasn't what was on her mind. She knew he would be alright with Baz otherwise she wouldn't have left so readily.

All that Reddington had told her back on the drive to find Dembe had just left her with more questions. Questions she now felt she couldn't push Reddington for. Especially not in the near future when the moment had passed. He might never be that willing to talk about this again. What was it about Kate that made him so emotional?

'It's not that, I know he'll be alright with Baz…' she let out a breath, still gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She glanced back at Dembe making eye contact in the rear view mirror.

'He opened up on the drive down… Said some things about Kate, about when I was gone and Cape May?' She glanced back again and Dembe was frowning.

'He told you about that?' He asked, watching her in the mirror.

'Not everything, you know how cryptic he is but he was very clearly upset about what Kate had done, not just helping me. He was talking about what happened after he thought I was dead.' She clarified, Dembe nodded slowly in recognition.

'It was a bad time Elizabeth.' Dembe grunted as he shifted in his seat. 'Raymond, he… fell apart'

'He said that, he said that Kate had been there to help pick up the pieces and about going to Cape May. He said he saw things.' She told him. Dembe nodded again, holding on to the pull down handle above the door. For a moment they were both silent.

'Who's Mama Lu?' Elizabeth ventured, a shadow fell across Dembe's face.

'He told you about Mama Lu?' He asked slightly incredulous. She nodded slowly before saying,

'He said Kate stopped him from going to her.' She clarified, hoping that that would be enough for Dembe to tell her.

'Perhaps we should leave Raymond to tell you about that another time…'

'You know that he won't Dembe. You know that that moment of open honesty is a rarity and you that it probably won't ever happen again. If we had stayed in the car for longer, I do think it would have though.' She made eye contact again through the mirror before turning back to the road.

Dembe nodded slowly,

'I asked him if this could be over now, this between him and Kate and he said it couldn't because of what she had done, not because she faked my death but because of the betrayal afterwards, because she had lied to him for months whilst she watched him fall apart…' A lump formed in her throat at the part she had played in all of this. She was just as responsible. Dembe was quiet seemingly wrestling with the thought of telling her.

'Mama Lu runs an opium den that Raymond used to frequent. He had not been there for many years until that night after he thought you had died.' He paused, choosing his words.

'He went there in the night whilst I was sleeping, we didn't know where he had gone but we tracked him down to Mama Lu's but he had already gone.'

'He'd gotten high?' Elizabeth asked almost not believing it.

'Not just high, no… He sought oblivion. He wanted it to consume him, to forget and he did not care how he did it…' he told her watching her swallow, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

'Then he made his way to Cape May.'

'Why Cape May?' She murmured, trying to regain control of her emotions.

'There is a house there. It used to be a place where he and your mother went but…' he trailed off unsure of whether to tell her this part.

'But?' She asked glancing back at him.

'It is where your mother died Elizabeth…' She blinked back the onslaught of emotion.

Something was forming in her back of mind, a picture of Reddington's state of mind but he always said her mother had died of weakness and shame so he would never do something like that. Would he?

'I'm sorry Elizabeth…' Dembe said softly.

'You don't mean that he went there to…?' She couldn't say it. She couldn't allow her mind to even think it. It was impossible.

'That he loved you so much that he could not possibly imagine living in a world without you?' Dembe asked her thoughtfully looking out the window? She choked back a sob.

'That is why he can't let this go with Kate… We both pulled him back from the brink in the days after that. When he would not eat or sleep, when all he wanted was to go back to Mama Lu.'

They didn't speak after that and entered the highway in silence with the occasional grunt from Dembe and sob from Elizabeth who was lost in a turmoil of thought.

A/N; It seemed to me that there would be a deeper betrayal for Red or at least I would feel like it was a deeper betrayal than just helping Elizabeth fake her death. The deeper betrayal coming in the hours and days after, when he fell apart and Kate was there to witness that. That to me would weigh heavier, having my trusted friend see me falling apart, relapsing back into a drug habit, attempting suicide and STILL not coming clean.