Harry Potter, the Weasley family, and all associated characters and concepts belong to J.K. Rowling.
Note: this is a one-shot, but it can also be read as a companion piece to "Girl with Six Brothers," taking place sometime between chapters one and three of that story. But there's no need to have read "Girl." And now, on with the fic!
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"Fearless."
"What?" asked a confused Charlie.
"Ginny. She has no fears," clarified Bill.
"She doesn't."
"I envy her."
"So do I."
"What would it be like, to grow up without fear?" Bill asked his younger brother.
"I don't know. But I had a little of that, you know. A bit of not-fear. Well, I knew the fear. But I always felt safe, because I knew you would take care of me."
"Thanks. You know, my first memory is of Mum telling me to take you and hide if bad men ever came to the house."
"How old were you?"
"No more than three. You weren't even walking yet."
"You really were the big brother from the very beginning."
"Hm. Charlie, what's your first memory?"
"You telling me to never ever say that name."
"Oh, I remember that." Bill laughed. "You must have heard it somehow. I don't know where you could have heard it, since no one ever said it. They said it even less than they do now. But you just kept repeating it over and over again. It was just one more sound to you. You were giving Mum fits."
"I don't remember saying it. Just you telling me not to." Charlie stared off into the past, remembering a childhood of fear. "What do you think Percy's first memory is?"
"He told me once. Said he remembers asking Mum how he was supposed to keep both Fred and George quiet if he ever had to hide with them and neither of us was there to help him."
"Typical. He's always been old for his age."
"All three of us are." Bill felt a twinge of regret that he hadn't somehow been able to keep Charlie and Percy from the fear he had grown up with. "It was so different for us than it will be for Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny."
"I'm glad," said Charlie. "For them, I mean."
"Yeah, me too. What's Fred's first memory? Or George's?"
Charlie thought back. If a first memory was sometime around age three…. "It could be either Ginny being born or the end of You-Know-Who. Then again, it could be something earlier than that. They don't remember the war, but they remember it ending."
"Do you know what Ron's first memory is?" Bill asked with sudden energy. "It's the time Fred and George turned his teddy bear into a spider. It was a terrible thing to do to him. Most upset I've seen Mum since the war ended. But you know what? I envy him."
"He still has nightmares."
"And I envy his nightmares! Because Ron's nightmare's are just nightmares! He wakes up screaming, but then Percy or Mum or Dad or you or me will be there to tell him it's alright, that nothing is going to happen. And it's true. I remember having a nightmare once, I can't even remember what it was, but I asked Dad if it could ever really happen And he didn't answer. I don't know how old I was—it was after Percy was born, I don't know if the twins were around yet—but that's when I knew that we weren't safe. But when Ron wakes up screaming, he can know that he has nothing more to fear than two brothers with a mean sense of humor. He will outgrow his nightmares."
"Haven't you?" The eleven year old Charlie could not believe that his brother Bill, big, strong, fearless Bill, would still have nightmares. Like he did.
"Charlie, there's not a boy in the dormitory who hasn't woken up screaming. We don't talk about it. We're boys. We want to be brave. Everyone pretends not to hear. That's the rule. We all know about it, but no one ever talks about it. That's the rule."
"Oh." In a way, it was comforting that he was not alone in his nightmares, that maybe the other boys wouldn't tell him he was a baby. But at the same time, Charlie would have rather gone on thinking that Bill, at least, knew no fear.
"You wish I weren't afraid."
"I just, I wish someone weren't. Even now, everyone's so afraid. And I want to be brave," said the eleven year old, "but it's so hard when everyone is afraid. Even you." Charlie hoped Bill couldn't hear the disappointment in his voice.
"Ginny isn't."
"I envy her."
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