"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me.
I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters therein. You get the idea.
A/N (01/03/06): Somehow, I don't feel right leaving this one alone. I first published "Warm My Heart" under the penname TheOneThing. When I started writing this one, I didn't have much to go on. My knowledge was sketchy and my writing style didn't please me. It was for these reasons, along with life getting in the way, that I decided to abandon this piece and drop writing.
Well, I guess something got me into reading fanfiction again. Blame the holidays.
The transition might be a bit awkward. I dropped the alias used to originally publish, as I no longer have to hide this from anyone. It will become my outlet, as nothing else I do can satisfy my need to dump creativity (however twisted or wrong it may be at times) onto others.
I'm trying to get back into writing once more, so please bear with me and any mistakes I make.
- PandaAttack
Quote
Key: Double quotes (") Said lines
Single quotes (') Thoughts
Warm My
Heart
Chapter Two: "Anger
(Experimental)"
-----------------------
"What was that idiot dreaming of?"
Asuka thought to herself as she walked quickly on her route to school, trying to rid her mind of Shinji, at least for the time being.
"Bringing me into his perverted fantasies! Disgusting!"
No such luck.
She then arrived at the school and stormed in, she could have sworn that a few of her fellow students got out of her way once they spotted her. She was quite upset, but she took some pleasure in the fact that she had something to use against Shinji, should the need ever arise. This alone brought her to a slight ease, which was good, because she was approaching her homeroom and she didn't want Hikari to notice anything.
-----------------------
Shinji
walked to school alone, quietly trying to recap in his mind what had
happened the previous night. He then ceased thinking about what
happened and began to concentrate on why it had happened. Why
had he been dreaming about her, of all people? What did it mean to
him if was her…
"Or if it was Misato…."
Shinji then shook the thoughts out of his head, not being able to forget about Misato's 'incident' earlier that morning. Although he wasn't completely relieved of the burden, Shinji was able to smile slightly at the hilarity of Misato's mistake. He then proceeded to walk faster knowing that he would probably be late if he didn't quicken his pace.
-----------------------
Shinji slumped down into his seat with a sigh, expecting Kensuke and Toji to appear at any minute.
When they didn't, he began to think about last night's events once more.
'Why was she
in my dream? There has to be a reason for it…'
'Because
you want her. You need her' A voice in his mind told him.
'Need her? Like I need her abuse? I must be going insane if that's why.'
He chuckled softly.
'Because she wants you. She needs you.'
'Just like she wants a disease, she needs me for nothing other than to boost her ego by flattening mine…'
'Even so, you feel
for her'
'She's a human being whom I happen to think
something of, that doesn't mean….'
'That you love her?'
Shinji shook his head to drive the thoughts out.
'That you want to have her all to yourself'
'No.. That's..'
'So you can admire her'
'Not true..'
'So you can tear
her clothes off and…'
'NO!'
'violate her, put her in her place and force your pain, the pain she deserves, onto her'
Shinji's head shot up, eyes shut, still lost in thought but his mind was still trapped between thought and reality.
"NO!"
Soon he came to his senses and realized that everyone was staring at him. Everyone except Asuka.
Shinji sunk back down to his desk.
"I don't want her to hurt… I just want…"
The morning bell rang.
"Stand. Bow. Sit."
This was going to be another long day, Shinji knew, and it wasn't going to be any better at home.
-----------------------
"You're the doctor here, Ritsuko, you tell me what the problem is." Misato looked at the blonde scientist, question in her eyes and a touch of aggravation in her voice.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that, due to the amount of time you've spent around the Children lately, you would have a better idea as to why their scores are so low." She returned the look, grinning slightly.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you already knew what was going on." Misato replied jokingly before returning her eyes to the coffee in her mug.
She had heard Shinji last night, or rather, earlier that morning. It had troubled her to hear the boy scream out loud. Misato knew all to well the Shinji was subject to nightmares. This wasn't the first time he had yelled out Asuka's name either. It hurt her to know that he was suffering, and it hurt her even more that he was forced to do so alone. She knew, however, that Shinji was strong. His being alone probably didn't help him to develop as a young adult should, but he needed that strength. Misato only wished that she could do something, anything for this poor boy.
As she stood and began to head for the door, the blonde spoke up. "I have an idea as to the root of the nightmares though."
Misato nodded. "Well, that's a no-brainer." She exited the office and began walking.
'Asuka. I guess I should have known it would be an issue at some point. They live together, after all.'
She departed the facility, hoping that all hell hadn't already broken loose at her apartment.
-----------------------
Shinji sighed as he closed the door to the apartment. "Guess I'm the first one home."
He savored the peace and quiet, knowing that it would soon be interrupted by a fiery, red-haired female. He dreaded the interrogation.
'I wonder how long she's known. Damn nightmares.' He paused, 'Maybe this was the first time.'
Despite the fact that she seemed to be on a mission to make his life utterly miserable, Asuka had her finer points.
'Her smile… I love that smile.' He thought.
It was true, Shinji Ikari had feelings for the Second Child. Although he had never made these feelings known, mainly out of fear of the swift beating that was sure to follow, but because he knew that this goddess was far beyond his reach. She was popular, outgoing, beautiful, strong, and almost always right. He was pathetic. A coward who hid in his room, listening to his music in an attempt to escape from reality. She made such things known to him on a regular basis.
Shinji's train of thought was derailed as the door to his room flew open, the subject of his contemplation now standing at the entrance to his sanctuary.
There was fire in her eyes, and he could tell that her rage was about to rain down upon him, in one way or another.
"I heard you. I heard you yell my name. I'm not stupid, unlike you," Asuka paused for effect, "Nor am I comfortable being a part of your perverted little fantasies. You got that?"
Shinji nodded, not moving or saying a word.
"Good, and you had better make sure this never happens again." She spat. "You're disgusting."
Shinji was confused. 'Wait… Does she think that… Oh great.'
He saw the need to clarify. Even if he HAD been dreaming of her, it wasn't in that way… or rather, not with that in mind.
"Asuka, it's not what you think it is. I mean…" He was lost for words. Shinji wasn't about to admit what he felt, nor could he think of anything to say that would save himself in this situation.
Asuka turned to him. "Bullshit, Third. You do… whatever it is you do at night, in the privacy of your room. I know what little boys are like, and you're no different."
She took one small step forward, and then another, closer toward him.
"It makes me sick to think of what you do in here. It makes me sick to even BE in this room right now." Asuka was on a roll. "YOU make me sick!"
She stood before him, towering over him as he fumbled for words, knowing that she had won.
"No… It's…" Again, he could think of nothing to say to her.
"What? What is it? That's what I thought. You're just a perverted little boy with no self-esteem."
Asuka was proud of herself. She knew that she had hit home with this last statement.
Shinji looked up at her, and she could see that he was on the verge of crying. She was quite satisfied. She had broken him yet again.
"No…" He whispered. This surprised the girl. "Asuka…"
As she turned to leave, he summoned the courage to reach out for her arm. He succeeded.
"Don't EVER touch me!" Asuka yelled as she attempted to free her arm. His grasp was quite strong, and her wrist was beginning to feel sore. "Let go of me. NOW!"
He continued to stare downward. "Asuka… I…"
Asuka had had enough. She slammed her heel down onto his foot, causing him to withdraw his hand and nurse his foot. She wasn't done with him yet. Grabbing a handful of his hair, she pulled, making him face her. She pulled her arm back and hesitated, letting him know what he was in for. He didn't move, and she took the opportunity.
Asuka's punch hit it's target. Shinji flew backward, his head stopped by the wall.
"Care to finish that sentence, Third Child?"
There came no response. One arm was covering his face, his other hand over his mouth.
"Pathetic."
As she turned to leave the room once more, Asuka looked back at the boy. He was staring at his hands, covered in blood, which was now dripping down onto his pants and the floor. The look in his eyes wasn't one of rage, as she expected. No. As she stared at him, she saw hurt. The tears mingling with blood on the floor made her sure of it.
'Maybe I went too far… Misato's going to kill me.'
Asuka was torn between retreating to her room and helping the bleeding Third. He continued to stare into her eyes. She hated this. She hated doing this to him. Sometimes, she hated herself for doing this to him. She had to keep her defenses up, however, and this is what enabled her to live as she did. The great Asuka Langley Soryu needed no one.
'I'm going to regret this…' She thought.
Asuka left the doorway, returning seconds later with an ice bag wrapped in a towel. Slowly, she approached Shinji, who was sitting at the edge of the bed allowing his blood to drip freely.
"H… Here." She held the bundle out to him. He didn't respond, which annoyed her. "Look, you can't just sit there bleeding, put this on-"
"Why?" Shinji responds weakly, "Just… Why, Asuka?" He begins to choke, the flow of tears increasing.
Now it is Asuka who fumbled for words. 'Why? I don't know, idiot. Maybe because I'm concerned…'
"Misato is going to lose it if she comes home and sees you bleeding all over the place. Come on, just put this on it."
Asuka knew that he would need stitches, but she decided to worry about that when their guardian got home. For now, she just wanted to sort out her thoughts.
'You've done it now, Asuka. Now he's bleeding. You lost your cool again.'
'I couldn't help it… The idiot was touching me. For all I know, that's the hand he uses to.. UGH!'
'Do you know for a fact that he pleasures himself to you?'
'What the hell else would a pervert like him be doing at night, alone, in his room?'
'You can't be the only one who has nightmares.'
'Nightmares? What the hell am I doing in his…'
She was pulled back to reality as a hand took hers and gently guided the ice bag to the owner's wound. Asuka contemplated jerking her hand away. He had touched her again, and she felt the urge to make good on her threat of violence, but she resisted. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she found it brave of him to risk another beating. Instead, she stood in front of the boy, holding the bag for him, as he stared into her eyes.
To both his and her surprise, she stared back.
"Shinji…" Asuka could feel something within her break as she saw a tear roll down his cheek. He nodded slightly, as if there was something understood between the two that required no words to be said. Strangely enough, she felt as though she understood as well.
"As… Asuka." He said, voice slightly muffled by the bag. "Thank you."
This caught her off guard. She was the one that had made him bleed. Why was he thanking her? She had hurt HIM, and he was thanking her?
The two remained as they were, neither moving for fear of ending the moment. For all either knew, they could have stayed that way until the end of time.
"Shinji… Hey, Shinji! Wake up!"
Shinji was shaken from the world he was in. As he opened his eyes, he saw Toji standing beside his desk.
'Where…'
His friend shook him.
"What's up man? You thankin' me for waking your ass up? C'mon, let's get outta here."
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief… or one of disappointment.
At the same time, a very worried Hikari Horaki was shaking a drowsy Asuka.
"Wha… Wait… Shin-" Asuka could only shake herself awake as her friend attempted to put two and two together.
She then chanced a look at the boy and as if on queue, the words escaped both of their mouths.
"A dream."
To be continued…
A/N: I apologize for a short chapter. The decision to pick this up was a spur of the moment thing. It probably didn't all go together as I wanted it to, but it's here. I will continue writing, hopefully improving with each chapter. I'd like to remind the reader that this is fairly experimental. I've never written AxS before, but I'm a huge supporter of it, and I want to see how I do. Expect an update in the near future.
- Panda.
