"This is my first attempt at writing anything (fanfiction-wise) in two years, so go easy on me.
I suppose this could be an ongoing project if people like it, but I can get very busy at times so don't hold me to that."
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I merely use what's available to me.
A/N: I don't know what it is about writing, but for some reason, I can't stop. Be this good or bad, I will continue to do so. The urge to take this work and thrust it on a downward spiral has subsided. If you hadn't already guessed, "Warm My Heart" is, and will probably continue to be, completely unplanned. I have no real idea of where I'm headed with the story at this point, but I hope my readers will approve of the direction in which I'm taking it. That said, please lend as much constructive criticism as you see fit. I'd also like to thank the readers for positive reviews. You own me. 3
Double quotes are spoken lines. Single quotes are thoughts. I do this because I want to save italics for something important (whatever that is/may be).
Warm My Heart
Chapter Three: "An Understanding"
-----------------------
"A dream?" Hikari asked her weary friend, who then turned to look at her looking rather confused.
"Huh? Oh, Hikari!" Asuka replied. She slowly began to go over the last few minutes in her mind.
'I was… dreaming? Dreaming of him?' she thought, 'What the hell is wrong with me?'
Asuka rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She was tired, and heading home for a nap was looking like a winner.
'It felt kind of… nice. He was so… warm.' After pondering this, the girl desperately tried to forget it. She tried to forget him… At least for the time being.
"Asuka, are you okay? You were mumbling something… Something about Shin-" She was cut off by the redhead.
"No! Nothing! I'm perfectly fine! Just a little tired, that's all." Asuka was normally adept at lying. Not this time, however.
"Couldn't sleep last night. You know how that goes."
Asuka mentally slapped herself. In an attempt to cover for herself, she had probably given her friend a multitude of possible conclusions at which to arrive.
Her fears were confirmed when Hikari gave her a puzzled look.
"Are you sure you're okay?" the girl asked, clearly concerned about her friend. Asuka replied with a nod.
'It was just a dream. That idiot. Now I'M having strange dreams.'
'You know you enjoyed his touch.'
'Did not.'
'Asuka, you can't lie to me.'
'He's an idiot and a wimp. The kid can't even face his own father.'
'Just like you avoid thinking of your mother?'
'Damnit.'
Asuka's thoughts were headed south. She needed to get out of here, away from everyone. Away from her friend. Away from the boy who plagued her mind.
"I'm going." Asuka blurted out before rushing from the classroom.
-----------------------
Shinji was confused. Very confused.
He had been torn from his dream. Another one of his dreams about himself and her. One of his dreams in which she actually cared.
'Like she ever would.'
Shinji harbored no hatred for the girl. His heart wanted to love her. His body just plain wanted her. His mind wanted to understand her. It was all very confusing to him.
"Ah.. Uh, hey." Shinji managed to collect his thoughts. The two boys beside him were just as confused.
"Shinji, man, you need to get more sleep." Said Kensuke.
"I bet the devil is keepin' him awake at night. Am I right?" Touji added.
Shinji knew he was joking. He sighed.
'You have no idea.'
It was true, Shinji Ikari had feelings for this girl. Feelings which lead him to do many things that he would later regret. Things that would do no more than hurt him more and more. Things that he took so much pleasure in doing. Things that brought him pleasure, and later on, the desire to do these things again. He, of course, was very familiar with such things as desire, pleasure, hurt, and regret.
There was something about the way she looked at him at that moment, however, that made him question what he thought about the girl.
'Asuka…'
He saw the girl stand up and quickly make her exit. Something in his gut told him that it would be wise to follow, even if it meant receiving the punch he had already felt.
Before he could stand to leave, Hikari Horaki, the class rep and Asuka's only friend (that most knew of), walked up to his desk. She held some of Asuka's books in her hand, which she extended to him.
"She forgot these." The girl stated, "Would you mind taking them to her?"
"Oh… Of course not. I'll do that." He replied, accepting the books.
Hikari leaned in closer, making sure that nobody else could hear what she had to say. "Go." She said firmly.
As she moved away from him, Shinji picked up on the fact that Hikari somehow knew something he didn't. For some reason, he felt like finding out exactly what that was.
He didn't hear Touji say anything. He didn't hear Kensuke either. He had heard Hikari, and he had his mind set on one thing.
'Asuka…'
He stood and exited the classroom almost as fast as Asuka had not a minute earlier, leaving his two friends just as confused as Hikari was.
-----------------------
Asuka wasn't in the mood to think. Oddly enough, she wanted to sleep. She wasn't tired, but she wanted to sleep.
'No, I don't want to dream. I just want to stop thinking about him.' She cringed, 'and about whatever it is he does in his room.'
At this point, the girl knew she was just digging her own grave deeper. All hope of clearing her mind was lost. She simply removed her shoes and proceeded to her room, shutting the door behind her, and plopped down onto the bead, burying her face in the pillow.
'I need to stop thinking about him.'
'You need him.'
'I don't need ANYONE. I can take care of myself.'
'You want him to take care of you.'
'I don't want anything from him, and I don't want his pity.'
'Is it because he pities you that he cares?'
'He doesn't care. He's a little boy. I know what he wants. He doesn't want to care.'
'You have a nasty habit of assuming things.'
'I also seem to have a nasty habit of talking to myself.'
Asuka closed her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to be hurt. She wouldn't be hurt by him and his stupid dreams. It was then that she heard the door to her room slide open. The voice that followed was soft and caring. Asuka hated that about him.
"Asuka, I knocked and you didn't answer. You left your books at school and I was asked to bring them to you." She heard the boy say. He was nervous. His voice gave it away.
"Get out." Came her cold reply.
After a few seconds, she heard the door slide shut. Still, Asuka didn't move.
'I hate him. I hate how he cares. Why can't he just see that I'm fine and leave me alone?'
'He was just doing you a favor.'
'I don't need any favors from him.'
'Now you're just being silly.'
'I know what I need, and he has nothing to do with it.'
She then rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling.
"Idiot."
Asuka could have sworn she felt a tear roll down her cheek, but she made no effort to find out.
-----------------------
Shinji stood at the door, willing his body to move.
It didn't.
He knew there was nothing he could do for her. All of the words he could possibly think of to comfort her would be spoken to deaf ears. Today's dream lingered in his mind. None of this was out of the ordinary, save for the dream. That was definitely strange, but he shook it off.
'Probably a side-effect of Misato's… experiment.'
He couldn't call what the woman had created dinner. It even appeared toxic. Shinji sighed as he was finally able to remove himself from his post in front of Asuka's door. He knew that failing to have food on the table for a hungry Asuka would only add fuel to the fire, for a hungry Asuka isn't a happy Asuka, and he didn't care to make the situation any worse.
'Running away again?' the voice in his head began, 'What happened to finding out what was on her mind? Scared?'
'He who turns and runs away will live to fight another day.'
'I thought so.'
'Why am I arguing with myself?'
As Shinji turned and made his way to the kitchen, he heard her.
'I know I am.'
With that, the boy began to gather the ingredients necessary for tonight's dinner, hoping that cooking would be able to take his mind off of the girl.
-----------------------
Misato's attention was divided between the children she cared for and the pedestrians she had almost hit. Her driving style was, for lack of a better word, frantic. There were many reasons for this, she thought, but none more important to her right then than the children under her care. They were so young, and yet, they were some of the most complicated beings she had ever known. Probably because of the task they were given.
Asuka and Shinji were no ordinary children. They were pilots. The burden placed upon their shoulders was great, this she knew. They had a lot more on their minds than most kids their age. The world depended on them, on their ability to pilot. When something interfered with this ability in any way, it was her responsibility to find out what the cause was and to eliminate it quickly. Easier said than done.
She found herself at the door to the apartment. Before entering, Misato went through the possible scenarios awaiting her on the other side of the door.
Surprisingly enough, it was quiet.
'Well, at least they haven't started throwing punches.' She thought.
Shinji was cooking dinner. Asuka was in her room. None of the furniture was overturned. All appeared to be well in the physical realm that was the apartment.
Shinji hadn't greeted her. In fact, he didn't even turn to look at her when she entered. Asuka was still in her room. Misato grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down at the table. It was going to be an interesting evening.
After emptying one can, Misato went against her better judgment and made her way towards the door to Asuka's room.
'Shinji's almost done cooking. I guess I can use that.' she thought.
Misato listened for a moment. It wasn't like Asuka to be holed up in her room without a reason, and it was even more unlike the redhead to do so without causing a commotion. Something wasn't right.
The knocks on the door went unanswered. Something was wrong.
Opening the door, Misato found that Asuka was lying on her bed, her head buried in the pillow. The gentle rise and fall of her back assured the guardian that she was still breathing, and therefore, alive.
'She's asleep. Must have had a rough day.' Misato thought. This both comforted and worried the woman. Asuka wasn't exactly the type of person to run out of energy.
'Still, she is human.'
Her curiosity satisfied, Misato quietly shut the door and walked to the kitchen, where Shinji was setting the table. Pointing to the hallway, she spoke.
"Asuka's sleeping, so I guess it's just you and me tonight."
The boy looked in the direction she was pointing nodded. He left the third plate where it was.
The two ate in silence. He was obviously lost in thought. Every now and then he would look in the direction of the hallway. Misato picked up on this.
"Something wrong?" she asked, returning his puzzled look with a stern one.
"Huh? Oh, no, nothing." He replied flatly before returning to his meal.
Misato, however, wasn't about to give up.
"You've been looking over there for the past fifteen minutes Shinji. I'm not clueless, you know." She looked at him, letting him know that he couldn't hide from her any longer. He sighed in defeat.
"Well… It's Asuka." He said, "She's been acting… different."
Misato knew he was worried about her. She was worried about the girl as well. Finally, progress had been made.
"She's been in her room all evening." He added.
'Not Asuka.' Misato thought, 'Definitely not Asuka.'
Nodding, the woman got up and retrieved another beer from the fridge. She hadn't noticed Shinji stand as well. He turned to leave, a plate in his hands.
"Shin-" Misato started, but was cut off.
"I'm sure she's hungry." He answered. There was determination in his voice, and she wasn't about to hold him back. Somehow, Misato had forgotten that Asuka was sleeping.
'I guess what happens… happens.' She thought. There was enough beer to help her through whatever was about to take place, anyway.
-----------------------
In all honesty, he was afraid. Shinji was afraid to even approach that door, lest he anger the sleeping being inside, but damn it, the boy was determined. Misato had sensed it too, and he silently thanked her.
He stood before the entrance to her room, unsure of what to say.
'I mustn't run away…'
'Having to tell myself that just to be able to knock on her door… I've lived with her for months and still…'
Gathering up all of his courage and deciding to think no more, Shinji decided to knock.
He was interrupted by faint sounds coming from within. The boy pressed his ear to the door in an attempt to determine the source of the noise.
'Asuka…' he thought, 'She's… Crying?'
He heard the redhead's muffled sobs. Something was wrong. He was going to find out what, one way or another.
"A… Asuka?" he managed to speak, awaiting a reply. None came.
Shinji tried again. "Asuka? I... I thought you'd be hungry. If you want, I can leave the plate by your door."
He cursed himself. Leaving the food and running away. Running away.
About a minute passed with no reply from the girl. As he listened, he could hear that she was still crying quietly.
'I owe it to her… I have to face her.'
'But you won't. You're too afraid of her.'
'I will.'
'You're afraid that she might reject you.'
'She seems to enjoy my cooking.'
'That's not what this is about.'
Shinji knew what it was about. The fact that Asuka would reject him frightened the boy to death. In the past few months, he had become more and more attracted to his roommate. More than just as a friend, but as someone who understood him and what he faced every time he stepped into the plug. After all, she went through the same. For this reason, Shinji desired no other. No other would understand him as well as she did. Ayanami included.
He had shared a plug with Asuka, after all. In that sense, the two had been one in a moment of desperation. Shinji didn't mind.
She had been the focus of his attention ever since. Although he didn't admit it, he didn't go a single day without thinking or worrying about her at least once. He had grown to accept the fact that she would always be loud and opinionated. This fact is what caused him to worry about her now. She was quiet. She said nothing. She was troubled by something. He was going to find out what, even if it meant a beating. Brushing aside the dream he had earlier that day, he cleared his mind as best he could.
"Asuka, I'm coming in." he warned before sliding the door open.
Through the darkness, Shinji could see that she was lying on her side in bed, facing him. As he walked toward her, he noticed that her eyes were closed. He moved closer. Setting the plate on a table, he looked at her. She had been crying after all. The boy threw caution to the wind as he approached the bed. The tearstains gave her away. A single tear left her eye and slid down her cheek.
Going against all he knew, Shinji brought a hand to her face and brushed the tear away gently. It killed him to see her cry. Relieved that she was still sound asleep, he remained there, looking at her.
'God, she's beautiful.' He mused, chuckling softly, as he realized that he didn't see her like this very often. He decided to make the most of it, and stayed as still as he could. Every bit of him wanted her, wanted to comfort her, find out what was wrong. It could wait.
Asuka shifted in her sleep, moving her face closer to his.
'She's going to kill me if she wakes up like this…'
'You're enjoying this. Let her be.'
'I suppose I am.'
A small smile crossed his lips as her stared at the face of the girl he cared for so much. The girl that he would risk everything for without hesitation. The girl he knew he would die for, if necessary. The girl that had given his small, miniscule life meaning. The girl whom he, although not admittedly, loved.
Her lips parted slightly. A kiss came to mind. Shinji was tempted, but he resisted. That would be far out of line, and he didn't feel like dying tonight. Although, he wouldn't mind if it were to be at her hands. He had already experienced that once before… In a dream.
Her breath tickled him. A feeling he reveled in. Brushing another tear away, and then another, Shinji realized that she was crying again.
The girl's lips moved as she spoke softly, a little less than a whisper. "Shin… Shinji…"
He moved away slightly, afraid that she was awake and aware of his presence.
What happened next, nobody could have expected. Not Shinji, not Misato, who was secretly watching from the doorway with Pen Pen in her arms, who was equally stunned.
Shinji gasped as the girl closed the gap between them, sitting up and placing her lips on his. Her arms rested on his shoulders, wrapping behind his neck, holding him there. At first, Shinji protested, trying to pull away. Asuka's strength should never be underestimated, he remembered. Slowly, he began to accept her showing of affection, intentional or not, and he returned the kiss to the best of his ability. Shinji lost himself in the moment.
He was startled when she stopped. Asuka didn't move away, she didn't move at all. Shinji opened his eyes to see that she had done the same. Her eyes were bloodshot. The tears flowed again.
She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. He was just as confused as she was.
"A… Asuka?"
-----------------------
Asuka broke the kiss, but kept her hold on the boy.
'What… What in the hell? Did I just? Yes, I DID! I kissed him. I kissed Shinji.'
'and you enjoyed it.'
'… So what if I did?'
'You know it, I know it, he knows it now. Just get it over with. Tell him.'
'Tell him WHAT? I have nothing to say to him.'
'Hopeless.'
The boy in front of her was not the same Shinji she had known. He looked different. He looked at her differently. Asuka simply held him there.
"I…" both began. Both stopped, waiting for the other to speak.
No words could be said.
'He looks so handsome when he's not cowering. He's… smiling.' She thought, 'Because… I kissed him?'
'Good. About time you start using that brain of yours.'
'But why?'
'Oh, come on. You aren't dense.'
Asuka sighed, startling the boy.
"As.. Asuka?" he whispered.
She could only stare into his eyes. Those deep, dark eyes of his. There was something about them that had always confused her. Something about those eyes of his. They seemed locked onto hers now. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable, but there was something about the way he looked at her that she couldn't understand.
Asuka closed her eyes and leaned her head forward, resting it against his.
"A… Asuka?" he whispered, urgency in his voice this time.
"Shinji." She replied.
A tear made its way down her cheek. He wiped it away gently. She smiled. As she opened her eyes, she would see that he was smiling as well.
Asuka didn't know how long this moment would last, but she was going to savor every second of it. For once, she didn't have to be strong. This was the Shinji she liked the most, and she wasn't about to ruin it.
-----------------------
The words both of them tried so desperately to say never came out. For now, this was enough. The warmth they shared. For now, neither was alone. For now, they had one another.
Continued…
-----------------------
A/N: This chapter was a pain to complete. I mentioned before that I wasn't sure of where I'm going with this. I lied. Anyway, not much progress in this chapter… or is there? You decide. My schedule for the next two weeks is going to be a burden in regards to completing the next chapter, but I'll try my best to get it out before too long. Thank you to the reviewers who enjoyed, and I hope you'll stick with me as I navigate through the rest of this piece.
- Panda
