Disclaimer: Let's simplify matters and say I don't own anything. Everyone comes out happy and nobody argues.
A/N: Looking back, I dislike the previous chapter. In fact, I don't know why I wrote it, as there was no purpose in doing so other than to update. I admit that instead of developing the story, I fell back on the idea of a shared dream. This was intended to build up to something, but doing so now would only rush the relationship along, if I'm even able to. Having said that, I didn't intend to go much further with the story. Originally, I had it slated as a four chapter affair. Here I am writing the sixth.
If anyone is interested in pre-reading, contact me.
Warm My Heart
Chapter Six: "Like a Mother / Enlightening Conversation"
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Shinji felt something prod him in the ribs. Stirring, he opened his eyes slowly to discover a stern face staring back at him. Misato's.
'Oh… Damn.' He thought, trying to come up with an excuse. Obviously, nothing he could say at that moment would be enough to explain without going into detail.
Another firm poke in the side got his attention as she spoke, whispering as to not disturb the second occupant of the bed; "Kitchen, now."
With that, his guardian rose and left the room, but not before shooting him a look that let him know she meant business. Shinji wasn't about to test his luck. Initial attempts to remove himself from the bed failed as his companion clung to him. Apparently, she had woken up at some point and decided that his sleeping next to her instead of in a sitting position would be better for him. He vaguely remembered feeling her push him down onto his side before shoving him closer to the middle of the bed and coming to rest against his back, wrapping her arms around him. She hadn't been very gentle. Her arms encircled him, trapping him in her embrace. As he tried to move away once more, she tightened her hold, making the boy wonder if she was actually asleep or not. Seeing as her arm had been trapped under him for the past few hours, he figured that the girl would be blaming him for the sensation of pins and needles in her arm as blood was allowed to flow freely through it once again. It would be nothing compared to the rage he would face if he were to make Misato wait any longer.
He chuckled as she mumbled something when he was finally able to free himself. Standing, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and began to walk toward the kitchen.
Misato wasn't pleased at all. Shinji wasn't surprised. It had been his intention to remove himself from the bed as soon as Asuka was sound asleep. What he didn't count on was her desire to have him in her bed as she slept. When the girl wanted something, she most often found a way to get it.
Still, he had to admit that whatever interrogation he faced was worth being able to sleep next to the girl he cared so much for. Although, it was a bit sudden. Shinji decided that it would be best to talk to Asuka after he sorted things out with their guardian.
Stepping into the light, Shinji tried to speak, but was cut off by Misato.
"No. Don't say anything, just sit. I want you to listen to me."
He could only nod dumbly and comply. Misato was usually never this stern with either of them unless lives were at stake, and he could see no danger in sharing a bed. She wasn't even drinking yet, which worried him. Something was troubling her, and he had a feeling he would find out what it was.
"Shinji… I'm not going to sit here and lecture you on why sex is or isn't appropriate at certain stages in a relationship or at a certain age." She paused, as if awaiting his response.
"M-Misato! That wasn't-"
"It is my duty to ensure that the both of you are able to perform as pilots to the best of your ability." She continued, "As such, I can't allow either of you to engage in activities which would render you or her unable to pilot."
Misato cleared her throat and fixed her gaze upon him. "As you are aware, pregnancy requires that a pilot be placed on leave until the child is born and the mother has recuperated…"
"So I need you to be honest with me. Did you or did you not-"
"We didn't! She just asked me to-"
She cut him off, smiling gently and looking at the ceiling. "I didn't think so, Shinji. I just… have to be sure."
The boy breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that the woman's firm look had been replaced by a thoughtful one.
"I won't ask you to tell me what exactly it is that happened between you two, because I think you should sort things out with yourselves first. In the years that I've known her, this is the first time I've seen Asuka like that. I'm sure you were just as surprised as I was when she…"
Misato abruptly silenced herself and continued to gaze at the ceiling. After an uncomfortable pause, he finished her sentence.
"Kissed me?"
Obviously, she knew. The extent of her knowledge regarding the events leading up to the kiss itself was unclear to him, but he was sure she had a good idea.
Misato nodded before continuing again.
"Shinji, even though you're pilots, you're still children. You've both been through a hell of a lot and a lot of hell, more than anyone your age, at least. I have no right to judge you, but at the same time, I… I'm worried about you. About both of you."
She paused again, her head lowered and she fixed her gaze on the table, drawing invisible circles on its surface as she spoke.
"There are some things you can't undo, no matter how hard you try or how much you wish that life would give you just one more chance to make it right."
"Um.."
"There are some things in life that just never change, even if you tell yourself over and over that you want them to."
"Misato?"
"I made a mistake, Shinji. I made a mistake that I don't think I can correct. I thought what I had was true. For all I know, it was, but I just wasn't willing to take that risk. I took the easy way out instead, and tried not to look back… and I regret it. I always will."
Her voice was strained and her lip trembled as she spoke.
"I don't want you… to make the same mistake."
The boy sat there, confused and unsure of what she was talking about, of why she was telling him this. Why was she revealing this side of herself to him? He felt awkward listening to her, but couldn't bring himself to say anything.
"Shinji?"
"Y… Yes?"
"Do you love Asuka?"
Normally, he would have immediately reverted to questioning where she would get such an idea, but there was no hiding anything now. The question hit him like a ton of bricks, as Shinji realized that he had the answer, but he didn't know how to tell her… or anyone. Somehow, this woman knew what was on his mind.
"I… I think I do."
'Of course I do. I just can't say it, that's all.'
"Then I need you to promise me something."
"Hm?"
"Promise me that you'll hold on to her, even if she begs you to leave her alone, even if she runs… I know this is too much to ask… and it's not my place to do so… but please, for her sake."
"I promise."
Shinji wasn't sure that he could tell Asuka that he loved her. A part of him was still afraid, even after a night in her bed, that she would reject him. He was, however, quite sure that he could remain with her regardless of the circumstances, even if she wanted to push him away. Even if she didn't want him.
The phone rang. She moved to answer it, and he had a good idea as to who was on the other end.
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"Good morning Misato."
"Ritsuko… What's with calling so early in the morning?
"Section two delivered a rather interesting report to me."
'I guess it was inevitable.'
"I know, I know, Shinji and Asuka, right?"
The woman on the line spoke again. "I trust you will deal with this as you see fit."
"Of course. You know me."
"That's why I called."
"Really, now…"
"The tests scheduled for today have been cancelled. However, I wish to speak with them both myself."
"Sure thing."
"Oh, and Misato?"
"What?"
"They didn't-"
"No."
"I see. Well, enjoy your morning then."
With that, the call ended.
Sometimes Misato wondered why it was absolutely necessary to monitor their activities constantly. They are, after all, only children. Other than the fact that they were charged with the task of defending the future of humanity, they are, more or less, normal teenagers. Their pasts, however, are anything but ordinary.
She didn't blame them for turning to one another for comfort. In fact, she almost expected it to happen at some point. When she found the two sharing the girl's bed, Misato wasn't sure whether to be upset, congratulate them, or just let them be. Of course, she wouldn't be the only one to know about it. A report would be made and given to the commander, and she would most likely be summoned to shed light on the situation. It would be best to wake Shinji first, rather than having to deal with Asuka, most likely waking him in the process.
"Shinji?" she called, hoping the boy would be within earshot.
"Yes?" he appeared from behind the corner leading to the hallway.
"That was Ritsuko. The tests have been cancelled…"
His face lit up. Obviously, he thought they would have the day to themselves.
"But she wants to speak to you and Asuka."
The smile vanished. It looked like he wanted to say something, but she knew that it wouldn't benefit either of them to protest.
"Shinji," she walked over to him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder, "I'm sure she knows nothing happened. Ritsuko is a doctor, after all. She can… check if she has to."
The boy nodded. Satisfied, Misato gave him a light pat on the head and continued on to her room. She glanced through the doorway to the room belonging to a certain redhead, seeing that its occupant was stirring and notifying the one she was most likely looking for that his presence was required, reminding him that they would have to be on their way in a few hours.
The woman wanted to get back to sleep. After all, she woke up early in order to check on them. Be it motherly instinct or women's intuition, Misato felt confident that she would find them together. Sleeping, they looked rather peaceful. Upon seeing that none of Shinji's clothes were thrown on the floor, she concluded that they had simply fallen asleep together. Personally, she didn't think it was all that irregular, save for the fact that Asuka allowed him to sleep next to her. This was a welcome development indeed, and one that she would enjoy watching.
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'Asuka… Needs me?'
Misato's words and actions regarding her discovery of himself and Asuka sharing a bed came as a surprise to him. He was almost certain that she would have pulled them both into the kitchen and lectured them until they no longer desired to even sleep in the same residence together. However, she hadn't. Instead, she had spoken what he interpreted as words of encouragement to him. Misato seemed more like a concerned mother than strictly a legal guardian.
Shinji crept back into the girl's room and quietly slid the door shut.
"Shinji?"
He turned to the bed, a pair of blue eyes meeting his. "Yes Asuka?"
"Er… Idiot, where have you been?"
The boy couldn't help but smile at her, wrapped in a sheet and doing her best to act concerned while not showing it. What one would normally consider an insult, he found, was becoming something of a term of endearment. He didn't mind at all.
"Talking to Misato."
"… Don't tell me she saw us like… in the same bed?" she pleaded, visibly concerned.
He would probably have to explain anyway. "Er.. Yeah, she did, but-"
Asuka buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Now she's going to get the idea that we… UGH! NO!"
"Asuka?"
"She's going to think we had…"
"Erm, actually, that's what we were talking about." He scratched the back of his head, chuckling.
"SEX!" the redhead yelled, bringing her head up from her hands to address him.
Shinji's eyes widened and he motioned her to lower her voice, lest their guardian grow suspicious of them.
"No! She knows we haven't gone that far yet." He found that talking to her like this was rather awkward.
"Misato trusts us, I'm sure."
Asuka cocked an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean yet?"
He realized that his choice of words had been poor. "Uh, well, I didn't mean that we were going to… I mean… I'm uh… s-sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that we would or anything. It's early, you know?"
The boy could only stand there blushing.
"I-I'll be in m-my room if you n-n-need me…" With that, he turned to her door, preparing to open it and make his exit.
"Shinji?" He froze as she spoke his name, turning slowly around to face her.
"Y-Yes?"
"Did I say you could leave?" she spoke, her tone sounded desperate, despite her obvious attempt to sound assertive.
He took a few steps closer to the bed, waiting for any reaction from her before continuing. She didn't seem to mind him getting closer, so he walked over to the bed and sat down.
'Maybe she is changing.'
'Of course she is. Why else would she allow you to sit on her bed, much less enter her room at this hour?'
'True.'
"Asuka..."
"Shh. Don't talk." She shifted on the bed and slid closer to him, draping part of the sheet around his shoulder.
It was then that he realized that he was trembling once again. Thankfully, she probably attributed his reaction to the fact that it was cold in the room.
"Oh, the synch tests have been cancelled… but doctor Akagi wants to speak with us…"
Her look of optimism became one of uncertainty. Just as he was sure his did when Misato told him. Section two had probably notified the doctor. They had a habit of prying like that. It was their job.
"I'm sure it'll be fine." He did his best to assure her.
"W-Well, of course it will be! We didn't do anything!" she was raising her voice again.
"Y-Yes."
Shinji smiled, not knowing how else to respond to her. Yet another awkward silence followed.
The room was, as he noticed, more of a mess than he thought. Apparently, Asuka wasn't one to clean or organize on a regular basis, which didn't surprise him. Clothes were strewn about the floor with heaps here and there, probably denoting the length of time that they've been resting on the ground. He tried his best not to stare at the various undergarments that he saw mixed into the piles. After combing the room with his eyes, Shinji decided to think about how he would discuss what happened the night before with the girl.
'She asked me to stay with her…'
'She needs you.'
'Asuka doesn't need me.'
'She said it herself.'
'She says a lot of things.'
His thoughts were interrupted when he felt the bed move. Turning to look at the girl, he was met by the same pair of blue eyes.
"Shinji?" she whispered.
"A-Asuka?"
"I told you that I heard you the other night, when you screamed my name, didn't I?" she asked, staring at the wall.
'I guess I owe her an explanation.'
He nodded in reply.
"You really weren't doing anything… i-indecent, were you?"
"Of course not!" he replied quickly.
She smiled again, still staring at the wall. "Care to tell me exactly what it was that you were… up to?"
Shinji sensed that she was genuinely curious, as he expected, and decided to reveal his dream to Asuka. He hoped that she wouldn't take offense to it, as the Asuka in his dreams wasn't the Asuka he knew.
'Then again, do I really know her?'
"Asuka, do you ever have nightmares?"
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Asuka wasn't exactly sure she had heard him correctly.
'Shinji having nightmares. That's normal. Shinji dreaming about me… I can understand that. Shinji having nightmares about me kissing him? What the? Oh, no. Shinji having nightmares about me kissing him and then strangling him?'
She suddenly remembered her own dream.
'Kissing him… and then strangling him?'
'He's afraid of you, Asuka.'
'I wouldn't…'
'You've already kissed him.'
'I wouldn't do that to him.'
'Kiss him or kill him?'
'E..Eith-'
'As I said before, you've already kissed him.'
'I wouldn't… kill Shinji.'
'Of course you wouldn't.'
He spoke again, interrupting her train of thought. "In my dream… nightmare, whatever it was, you said something to me. Something I knew you'd never say. Then you… the you in my dream, at least, felt so cold."
'What the hell am I supposed to tell him?'
'How about the truth?'
'The truth? What would that be?'
'That you l-'
'I don't.'
"I've never known what death felt like… but it felt like I was dying. In my dream."
Asuka looked over to the boy, expecting either to see him crying or preparing to leave the room. The latter she could prevent. The former, she wasn't sure how to deal with.
What she saw surprised her. Shinji wasn't close to tears, and he didn't look like he was going anywhere. Instead, he sat on the bed, eyes fixed on the wall. The dark orbs seemed dull, empty. He didn't look like himself. He didn't look like the Shinji she knew. She wanted that Shinji back. It was the Shinji she had come to understand over the past few days.
"Shinji?"
"Yes Asuka?"
"What did I… the me in your dream say to you?"
He didn't respond.
She decided to speak up. "Yes Shinji, I have nightmares."
"Huh?"
"Well, idiot, you asked me if I had nightmares. I'm answering your question."
"D-Do you want to tell me? About your nightmares, that is."
She didn't quite know whether to tell him or not. It seemed strange. In his nightmare, she had made him suffer. In hers, he had made her suffer. Coincidence, quite possibly. Out of fairness, she decided to tell him.
"Remember the first time I kissed you?"
"Was it really that bad?"
"Well… That's not all."
"Oh?"
"In my nightmare… you followed me into the bathroom."
"Wh-Wha!"
"Let me finish." She growled, slightly frustrated. This was already hard enough for the girl, "You followed me into the bathroom… and kissed me again."
He sat before her, seemingly intrigued.
"You held me against the wall and kissed me. I tried to get away… I tried to push you away and run. Shinji, when I did that… you, the you in my dream…"
"Asuka?"
She felt tears welling up, recalling this wasn't something she wanted to do, but she felt that it was only fair to tell Shinji.
"The you in my nightmare wrapped his hands around my neck. The you in my nightmare killed me. The Shinji in my nightmare-"
Asuka froze as she felt a hand place itself on hers. Shinji's hand. Immediately following it was another hand to wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek. A gesture she had become familiar with. The promise to never cry again was broken long ago, and she saw no reason to make another such promise. At least, not when Shinji was around. She didn't know why, but his presence alone was comforting. Somehow, this boy had worked his way into her heart. He was a part of her now, she thought, and while she didn't say anything, Asuka hoped that he would realize this.
Shinji Ikari had found a place in Asuka Langley Sohryu's heart. An admirable feat, indeed. Something nobody else had been able to do so far, even Kaji. Not even he could break down her barrier. Not that he had ever really tried, anyway. Shinji, however, had managed to do the impossible.
The sun had risen and light streamed in through the window, casting shadows here and there and warming the two.
"Asuka?"
"Mm?"
"Mind if I sleep in here? W-With you?"
She grinned. "Pervert."
Asuka laid down on the bed, her back to him. Just as she expected, his arms encircled her as she was pulled closer to him.
'He's… warm.'
'You enjoy this.'
'What if I do?'
The girl hovered close to sleep when Shinji spoke again, barely whispering. He probably thought she was asleep.
"Asuka... The you in my dream told me that she… loved me," he paused, "to answer your question."
She didn't respond in words. Instead, she took hold of his hand and squeezed it. Feeling him tense slightly, she felt strangely content.
While she wouldn't say anything for the time being, she would tell him eventually.
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The two fell into a peaceful slumber, content and complete, as each complimented the other in an embrace that signified all that they were.
Today had proven to be interesting so far. Hopefully, they both thought idly, the rest of the day would continue in a similar manner.
Continued…
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A/N: Aha! I have gone NOWHERE with this fic, and I've managed to do it in about 3,000 words. This chapter comes off (to me at least) as OOC and such. The reason for this is that I've been in an unnaturally random mood for the past week. As for the future of this work, you can expect one or two more chapters. I've been pressed for time lately, thanks to school and… other obligations/things. To me, this chapter is just one big blur of text with no real purpose other than to show that Asuka can get Shinji back into that bed of hers. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I've gone WAFF-y, and you can expect more at some point in the future.
I have another project in the works (being about 60 done) that's also been consuming my time (and any creativity I have). One hint: Not so much Alternate Universe as it is… Alternate Reality? Yes.
Anyway, I hope this is still somewhat enjoyable… and if it isn't, don't worry, it'll be over soon enough.
- Panda
