Dear Readers: This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.

Be advised, this story is rated M.

Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox.


CHAPTER THREE

December 1813

The next weeks passed not as Elizabeth had come to expect, her husband had visited her more that was his usual routine. Another irregularity in her husband is his change in his treatment of her… the past three weeks he had been… kinder. He had visited her in the evenings more frequently, but had not managed to, ehm, 'rise to the occasion,' and most disconcerting of all he had not blamed her or harmed her due to his failure, which was what she had come to expect, for it could not be his fault, she had always been the cause of such shortcomings.

Elizabeth however, could not enjoy this change, finding her inability to predict his moods and actions very unnerving. At least with their usual routine she could prepare for his fists connecting with her body, knew how to read the signs. Now quite adept in muting the vicious monologue accompanying his visits, focusing on the smaller noises; the tapping of a branch on the windowpane and the distant sound of wind chimes had become proficient at controlling her breathing when he pushed her face into the mattress. Of all those things, these past few weeks were torture, this pregnant pause before his anger unleashed itself with an unrivalled force and shattered her being… but it had not come.

This present moment was one of those times, where Elizabeth was sure she was about to be taught of her inferiority by Mr Collins. Swallowing past the bundle of nerves lodged in her throat, she resisted the urge to cower away and remove herself from her husband's presence, she had long learned he would drag her out from whatever hiding place she chose and try to humiliate her, comparing her to eve and then beat her sins from her. The scariest part of this side to Mr Collins, was that it was a sort of ritual he needed in order to bed her, she saw in his eyes only the presence of evil accompanied by a mad and wicked gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her when he overpowered her into submission.

Elizabeth had been in the sitting room watching a manservant pack their last trunk into the carriage Mr and Mrs Bingley had graciously sent, when Mr Collins had burst into their sitting room but he spoke not a word and stood menacingly in the doorway. Placing her hand upon the mantle beside her, she eyed her husband cautiously. He had never before raised a hand to her in the light of day and not with any servants around. They had heard her screams at the beginning, and they must hear his sadistic sermons, but it was never spoken of. Ever.

The older maid Mrs Hopkins, who always saw to her after husband's night visits once said, "Do not let him see your pain, do not give him the satisfaction." And from then on, Elizabeth remained silent during his visit's no matter how difficult. The first few times he had only tried harder to elicit a cry from her, but when he realized it was futile, he would throw her around with different degrees of intent, but it always ended the same. He would pin her down and force his way into her. Shuddering she could always feel his touch no matter how much she scrubbed at her body after the act.

"Are we ready to depart?" she asked, working to keep her tone neutral and calm.

Without a word, he made a sweeping gesture with his hat in hand towards the doorway to usher her out before him. After a moment's hesitation she squared her shoulders and walked trembling to the doorway, holding her breath as she passed him. He lifted his hand to his brow, and she flinched slightly but did not falter in her steps. Her stomach roiled when she caught his reflection in the glass before her and saw the satisfied smirk twisting his thin lips.

Without her husband's assistance she entered the carriage and took a seat beside the opposite window, facing backwards. She did not look to her husband as huffed and puffed entering, taking a seat beside the door, offering blessings to the servant who closed the door. His weight making the carriage dip at an awkward angle.

And so, it was a full day's journey to Netherfield and Elizabeth had sat in silent contemplation of what it would be like to see her family after so long apart. Had they missed her? Would they enquire as to her why she had not been to see them or invited them to stay with her? Though truthfully, she knew her family very rarely held their tongues, and would be more than capable of the forwardness needed to invite themselves to Hunsford Cottage should they wish to.

"My dear, Mrs Collins, I cannot wait to show my dear cousin of our wedded felicity! We nary speak a word of discord, do we my dear?" he asked, "Indeed we do not!" he finished without waiting for her to answer.

What a sick, depraved man she had married, thought Elizabeth with disgust. Secretly pleased her courses had arrived this morning, she could think of nothing worse than carrying this man's spawn and at least it would allow her a week's peace. She had heard of cases where women had cared for their abuser's child, even loved them. But Elizabeth did not know if she were capable of such an unconditional love… not anymore. Sighing to herself she looked out of the window once more.

"We will tell Mr Bennet, of how Lady Catherine has asked us to dine with her many times per sennight, how honoured we are by such condescension! How she very much approves of my choice in wife -" Mr Collins paused, looking at Elizabeth with such concentration that she felt his stare and returned it.

"You will tell them, Mrs Collins, of how content and happy you are with your situation in life." her husband continued, but his tone was hard with his instruction.

She realised then with complete clarity, he had merely been kinder to her, so that their relatives would be kept ignorant his true tendencies and depravity. He needn't worry on that score, she had told her father she was unhappy and that she wanted to come home at Jane's wedding (granted she could not speak out loud of what she experienced at the hands of her husband, not then), but her father had told her that she needed to be an adult now. 'You are no longer a child under my care, Lizzy. You will have to obey your husband; he is the one responsible for your welfare now. You may come and visit as often as you like.' She had tried to speak further, tried to voice that he hit her, however, her father abruptly ended the conversation as if he knew of what she was about to speak. And so, she did not attempt the conversation again.

"Of course, Sir." she said flatly to Mr Collins, waiting for him to look away before she looked back at the countryside passing before her. The scenery starting to become familiar. Her heart sped up; they were not far now.

"Are we to stay at Longbourn or Netherfield?" she asked, realising she did not know what their plans were.

"We are to stay at Netherfield, as it is Mr and Mrs Bingley who have extended such a generous invitation. You will not be conspiring against me with your father on this trip. No, you shall not!" he teased.

"You needn't worry on that score, Sir, our plans have already been made." she quipped unable to resist. Perhaps, being back in her home county was bringing back the obstinance in her.

Quicker than she thought him capable the heel of his boot came down on her foot and his hand came around her throat, not hard enough to mark her, but with enough pressure to hold her still.

"You will show me RESPECT," he spat. "Am I understood?" when she did not answer, he ground his heel further. "You will answer me!"

"I – I understand." she choked.

He pulled back and just in time, as they turned onto the long drive leading to the Netherfield estate.

"Now make yourself presentable Mrs Collins, you would not wish to embarrass me, would you? After I have been showing you such kindness and generosity in uniting you with your family for Christmas." he jeered, daring her to make a smart retort.

When they finally pulled up to the house and Elizabeth alighted the carriage, she was firstly greeted warmly by Mr Bingley and then somewhat cautiously by Mrs Bingley, who hesitated before crushing her in a deep embrace. Elizabeth froze initially, being unused to such affection, but then softened, hugging her back. They stayed in this position until her husband (Mr Collins) cleared his throat, effectively ending their reunion and spoiling the moment. He instantly began to admonish her, for lack of the correct decorum and making him stand in an awkward fashion stalling him from greeting their hostess.

Mr Bingley, or course rushed to her defence, "No need to worry on our account! It is wonderful to see you again, sister Elizabeth! It has been far too long we have been deprived of your lively spirits!"

When they entered the house, Mr Collins walked ahead with Mr Bingley making the inevitable comparisons to Rosing's Park and not allowing her brother-in-law a word in contribution.

"I am so glad to have you here, Lizzy. It has been too long!" said Jane, from beside her.

Turning, she felt a little twinge in her neck from Mr Collins' warning in the carriage, "It has, thank you for inviting us." she said, finding it hard to dispel her awkwardness.

"But of course, you must know you need no invitation, Lizzy." Jane whispered with a small blush. "The festivities can begin now you are here! Our other guests arrived yesterday afternoon."

"Other guests?" Elizabeth enquired.

"Yes, we have Miss Bingley and Mr and Mrs Hurst as usual. And in addition to you and Mr Collins we have also – Oh! I am being so inconsiderate! You must wish to change out of your traveling clothes, I can introduce you to our guests once you have rested and refreshed yourselves." said Jane, turning and instructing one of the maids to show them to their room.

By some lucky stroke of fate, they were not assigned a room in which they would have to share a bed but were in adjoining rooms. Elizabeth stood by the connecting door, staring at the key still sitting within the lock. At Hunsford Cottage, she had no such luxury as being able to shut her husband out, but here…

Gently she brushed her fingers over the gold key, with the intricately woven brass handle. Did she dare?

Just then a maid bustled in, startling her and making her jump back from the door. the maid offered a look of apology, followed by a curtsey and introduced herself.

"Forgive me, Mrs Collins. I did not mean to startle you." said the maid.

"That is quite all right, Miss?" Elizabeth asked.

"Oh, it is just, Hannah, Ma'am. Are you happy for me to organize your bath, or would you wish rather have one later?"

"Now is fine. Thank you, Hannah." Elizabeth, spoke offering a small smile.

Hannah gave a small nod and then went about instructing the footmen on where to place the copper bathtub, before filling it and erecting a screen around it for Elizabeth's privacy. The maid stayed in the room and began unpacking as Elizabeth enjoyed the safety she provided, to enjoy her first hot bath in nearly two years. It was not that she had not bathed since she became Mrs Collins. It was that her husband only ever let her have his water after him, and it was certainly never hot by the time she got in.

After her bath as she sat at the vanity table, she allowed herself to pretend she had not married Mr Collins and watched Hannah dress her hair and pin it up into her usual style since she married, parted down the middle and swept into a clean and tidy bun. Although, she noticed that Hannah had chosen to pull her hair through the bun to dangle in a single curl adding a softness to her appearance. She dressed in one of her nicer gowns. A simple, dull blue muslin dress and her worn slippers. Wishing she had a newer pair, now that she knew Miss Bingley was in attendance. That lady was bound to notice and be only too happy to point it out to the rest of the party.

"Hannah, Mrs Bingley mentioned there were other guests, visiting for Christmas. Do you know who they are?" she enquired, not wanting any surprises.

"Yes, Mrs Collins. Miss Bingley and Mr and Mrs Hurst are here, as are Mr and Mrs Darcy." She said, moving to place the final pin in her hair.

Elizabeth felt her heart plummet. She could handle most things but for that man who had taken so much pleasure in disliking her family and feeling superior to them in every way, to see her on the arm of his aunt's pastor and looking as she did was too much! But then why should she care, when the great Mr Darcy or Pemberley had in the end acquiesced to Lady Catherine's demands and married her sickly daughter. The proud Mr Darcy, who thought himself too good for Hertfordshire in the end, married for land and money! And so, he was no better than her any how!

A knock on the door frightened her to stand, pushing the stool back into Hannah and catching her unawares. The young maid looked to Elizabeth with a puzzled frown upon her features. Apologising to Hannah, she turned and called for the person to enter. In strode Mr Collins a few moments later and instantly her posture stiffened, and her hands clasped tightly before her, gone was the relaxed Elizabeth from a few moments ago.

"Ah Mrs Collins, I am glad to see you are ready, you know how I despise being late or the last to arrive. Come now, make haste." he said, frantically gesturing her out of the door and then looking to the maid, who instantly smoothed her features and dipped into a small curtsey.

When the door closed, Hannah stood stock still and could not pinpoint what it was that left a bitter taste in her mouth or the unsettling feeling in her stomach. She would be sure to watch this Mr and Mrs Collins more closely during their stay.

As the arrived outside the main parlour, they were greeted by Mr Bingley.

"Ah, there you are, now you are here our party is complete!" he exclaimed merrily, completely unaware that the comment he had made innocently, would make Mr Collins very cross.

"Forgive me, kind sir for keeping your other guests waiting. My dear Elizabeth it seems, took too long in preparing herself for dinner, but I can assure you it will not happen again, indeed it will not, will it my dear?" he said turning to Elizabeth.

"Indeed. We shall allow other members of the party to have a turn at being the last to arrive, although in turn it does not necessarily mean one is late." she smiled, blandly up at him.

"Oh, I have truly missed your witty comments, and what good fortune that Darcy is here too, for if I remember correctly you and he had many a debate when we all first met – "

"Mr Darcy is here?" interjected Mr Collins. "My good, Sir, why have you only just told me now? How rude he must think me, to be here and…" he blabbered as he rushed, pushing past Mr Bingley and ignoring all other guests as he stormed into the room in search of Mr Darcy.

Elizabeth did not bother to offer excuses before following him into the room, to find the guests parted and her husband now bowing profusely at Mr Darcy.

Mr Darcy was towards the back of the drawing room near Miss Anne d- no, she was Mrs Darcy now, looking just as she remembered her but perhaps not as thin and there was something else… she was wearing colour! Mrs Darcy wore a pale green gown, her hair pinned up, with a few curls to frame her face. The complete affect rendered her quite pretty.

Elizabeth made the necessary welcomes and pleasantries with the other guests, ignoring the obvious pity and laughter at her in their eyes, before she allowed her gaze to shift to Mr Darcy. He stood much as he did before, not quite part of the gathering, with the his usual haughtier. Observing the room with a combination of attentiveness and boredom. He was dressed as immaculately as ever, the fine tailoring a clear display of his wealth without having to adorn his person with jewels and laces. This evening he wore buckskin breeches, a navy waistcoat, black jacket with the staple white shirt and cravat to accompany them.

Making her way over to them, she was aware of his gaze never wavering from her and noticed that they paused at her feet a fraction longer than the rest of his perusal, before snapping up to meet her gaze, his expression inscrutable. Flushing but still managing to arch her brow in challenge, she dropped into an elegant curtsey, to which Mrs Darcy returned and he bowed.

"Mr and Mrs Darcy." said Elizabeth, by way of greeting.

"Miss – Forgive me Mrs Collins," replied Mr Darcy.

"Mrs Collins, how have you been?" asked Anne quietly.

"I have been very well –" she began before Mr Collins cut her off

"Mrs Darcy, your kindness and concern, to favour us with such a generous condescension. Mrs Collins is indeed so very happy with her situation in life, and tells me often how blessed she feels to have captured the attention of a gentleman such as myse -"

"We were sad that you were not able to attend our wedding," interrupted Mrs Darcy, more like Lady Catherine, but perhaps with not as much bite to her words.

"Yes, I must apologise, I had intended to be there –" Elizabeth answered before her husband spoke over her once more.

"Indeed, she had, but out of deference to you, as she felt a little under weather, I – we thought it best that we not subject you to the possibility of –"

"I am sorry to hear that you were ill," Mrs Darcy interjected once more causing Mr Collins to bring his hand to his lips in an effort to stop his speech.

Mr Darcy stood in shock trying to find any trace of the feisty and outspoken Miss Elizabeth Bennet, but he could not reconcile her with the woman before him. Gone were the rich brown curls that used to frame her face and the tanned complexion from time spent outdoors. She now wore her hair pulled from her face in a severe manner, though it did nothing to detract from her fine eyes and delicate features only serving to enhance them further, sadly the spark in her eyes now seemed to flicker and dim into inexistence. Her skin appeared pale and her cheeks slightly sallow. She was still handsome, but it was as though part of her was missing. Her gown looked old and dreary and she now wore a fichu concealing the creamy expanse of her chest and full breasts, he wondered if they were as he remembered. And then his gaze travelled down and held once more at her worn shoes, surely the parson's salary could afford to buy his wife a pair of decent slippers? He felt as though he had taken a blow to his gut. It seemed his desire for her had not faded after all. Looking to Mr Collins he felt an anger and a jealousy he had not experienced since the last time he saw her at the ball at Netherfield.

Looking up, she caught Mr Darcy move his gaze from her to Mr Collins with disgust, as her husband drew out his already moist handkerchief and mopped at his brow and the sweat now beading upon his upper lip. Mercifully dinner was announced swiftly cutting their conversation where it was, saving Elizabeth from further embarrassment. How am I to survive three weeks of this? she thought with despair.