Dear Readers: This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.

Be advised, this story is rated M.

Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox.


Chapter 7

Just as Elizabeth went to place her foot on the first steps, to descend with Caroline to the drawing room, the sound of Mr Collins clearing his throat stopped her in her tracks.

"My dear, Mrs Collins! You would abandon your husband," he said with a sickly-sweet smile and coming towards her.

"We cannot possibly allow, Miss Bingley, to arrive alone," she replied nervously.

He paused a fraction, in shock at her lack of compliance. Reaching for her arm he tugged her towards him. Elizabeth let out a startled gasp of pain at both his grip and the pang in her ribs, which she tried to muffle by clearing he throat. Miss Bingley's eyes narrowed as moved towards Mr Collins.

"You may have to privilege of escorting not one but two ladies to dinner this evening, Mr Collins," Miss Bingley said.

And without waiting for the gentleman's reply, placed her arm in his and delivering a blow to his ribs with her elbow.

"Ouff," grunted Mr Collins.

"Oh, I beg your pardon," Miss Bingley said, with a smirk. "Shall we?"

"Of, of course," he replied curtly.

Elizabeth, feeling bolstered by her new friend's support, lifted her foot and brought it heavily down upon her husband's foot.

"Gah!" he squealed.

"Oh, dear! Caro, we are all clumsiness this evening." Elizabeth exclaimed not caring how he would repay her impertinence.

Elizabeth knew she would probably regret her boldness later, but it had felt good to make a small stand against her ogre of a husband. Sharing a small smirk with her new ally, they walked with a slightly unsteady Mr Collins, to the drawing room.

However, her triumph was short lived… when they entered the drawing room and Caroline had gone to speak with her sister, Mr Collins leaned into her and whispered,

"I will visit you tonight, my dear. I fear you begin to forget yourself," he spat menacingly, then turning to the room began his usual profusions and comparisons to Rosing's Park.

Elizabeth paled but managed to force herself to walk further into the room and busy herself with pouring a modest glass of wine. Taking a few deep breaths, she took a sizeable gulp of the rich, dark liquid to calm herself. Looking up her eyes instantly connected with Mr Darcy's.

Most would look away when they had been caught staring, but not him. His stare continued to pierce through her and then it struck her, the reason he had always made her uncomfortable was due to this exact knowing in his gaze. He always made her feel naked and vulnerable, all her insecurities seemed to float to the surface and yet she could not look away.

The door to the parlour opened and their guests from Longbourn announced, forcing them to break their connection.

"Mr Bennet, Mrs Bennet, Miss Catherine and Miss Lydia Bennet." announced the butler to the room.

Then she saw him; her father. Standing as he always did, in his simple attire and book in hand, with a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. Following Mr Bennet, entered Mrs Bennet whispering trying to stop Elizabeth's youngest sisters squabbling over something of little consequence. Where is Mary?

The younger two had not changed greatly, Kitty was the same as she had always been, her slender frame slightly taller than Lydia's. Lydia looked changed, but Elizabeth could not pinpoint what it was that was different by looking at her alone.

"Lizzy!" said the two youngest, noticing her and rushing straight towards her excitedly. Elizabeth did not fail to notice the look of surprise cross her father and her mother's face… so they had either not known she was there or were shocked to see her new plain appearance and severe hairstyle, she thought.

Taken aback by their genuine enthusiasm to see her, she failed to return their smile, flinching slightly when they both enveloped her in a hug.

"You look awfully thin, Lizzy." exclaimed Lydia.

"We have missed you!" said Kitty, wiping a tear away, "we thought you would write us, but you did not respond to any of our letters-"

"Your letters, Kitty. For I have been too busy to write letters after it became clear you would not invite us to stay with you. But Lord, Kitty still writes to you fortnightly," butted in Lydia rolling her eyes.

"And why should I not?" Kitty responded hotly.

"Girls, calm yourselves, I have missed you too," said Elizabeth, shocked that she meant it.

Blinking back the tears, she realised that her husband had kept more from her in his attempts to control her, than she had been aware. Perhaps Papa had done the same… she thought. Sadly, when she looked back to her Papa only to find that he was refusing to look at her. He was not demanding to know why he had not received word from his daughter or for her poor appearance!

And her mother instead of coming to speak with her had plonked herself in the seat closest to the fire, next to Jane and Mr Bingley, was sipping at some port and laughing.

Kitty spoke once more pulling her focus back, "Oh, but why have we not heard from you at-"

"Lord, I should not want anyone to see me with such a husband! Can you really blame her?" cut in Lydia.

"I am sorry, Kitty," she said, embracing her sister once more. Kitty had always been so sweet and soft-hearted. Always carrying an innocence in her countenancewhich Lydia never failed to take advantage of. She was a little surprised to see that the relationship between the two was strained. There was an undercurrent to their bickering that had not been there before…

Looking about the room, she noticed that everybody else was involved in their own conversations to have seen her emotional state nor her parents lack of acknowledgement. But at the last moment before she looked back to Kitty, Mr Darcy looked up and offered the smallest of smiles, before turning back to Anne and assisting the lady to stand signalling that dinner must have been announced.

After dinner, the men and women separated, and Elizabeth knew it was childish, but she consciously sat apart from Anne. Their conversation and the hurt were still too fresh. She had sat next to Caroline and Kitty, who was glued to her side. It did not matter that the rest of her family were acting in cold and different manner towards her, when she felt so wanted and loved by Kitty. These few days had turned all of her preconceptions of friends and family upside down.

She had learned that Mary was at home, having suffered a strong headache since yesterday after being out too long in the cold. Elizabeth found herself wishing it had been Lydia and not Mary who had taken ill. She sat watching Lydia speaking loudly and behaving uncouthly.

"But, Jane, why would you put little Charlie to bed when you knew we were to visit," Lydia was saying hotly.

"Oh, Lydia, it is for the best! You will see him next time," said Mrs Bennet, fanning herself.

"I do not wish to wait! I want to see Charlie now!" said Lydia standing.

"Lydia, it is late for a child to be up. Now, do not make me call for father-"

"But I will not wake him. I shall simply go and see him and then leave," she whispered pleadingly.

"Lydia." Came the stern voice of Mr Bennet from the doorway.

How peculiar… why should she be so desperate to see little Charlie? Elizabeth thought, looking to Jane who was looking studiously at the cup and saucer in her lap.

Turning to offer a smile to her father, he avoided her gaze and turned to Mr Bingley, saying that he would be in the library as he required some solitude. And then he was gone!

The blood began to pound in her ears as she sat frozen staring unseeingly at the doorway. She did not notice the conversation resume around her, nor the other gentlemen coming to sit with them. Failed to hear Mr Collins ask her where she was going as she stood and walked away. She did not see Mr Darcy's look of concern as she nearly walked into him, in her haste to follow after her father.

Entering the library, she found her father, illuminated by the roaring fire, helping himself to a finger of Mr Bingley's Brandy. He did not acknowledge her, but she knew from his movements and the set of his shoulders that he knew she was there. Turning to face her, he lifted his hand and held his book level with his face, but still refused to meet her eye.

"This is the only copy left in the country of St. Irvine in Latin. As you know I have always enjoyed gothic horrors." said Mr Bennet blandly.

"I remember everything I thought I knew about you. Perhaps had I paid better attention, the gothic novels may have been a clue to your true character." she said, barely concealing her ire.

"Perhaps," he said, sipping at his brandy.

"I hate you," she hissed.

He looked up at her then, finally.

"What is it, you want from me, Mrs Collins?" he spoke, and she flinched at his address.

"To know why?"

"There are many answers to such a question. You will have to be more specific."

"Why did you allow me to marry so beneath me, in intellect and in station!" snapped Elizabeth struggling to remain calm.

"Your bitterness is hardly appropriate, and this is not the time nor the place-"

"COWARD!" she yelled, cutting him short, "I look at you and see a spineless excuse for a man. A man who locks himself away with a book and his spirits for company. Extolling witty remarks at everyone else's expense, rather than take his place the man of the house and protector of his children. You Papa, are the biggest disappointment in my life. You tell me that I have become bitter and try to dismiss me, but you will hear me and understand this is all I have managed to retain of Elizabeth."

"Sadly, that is the way of the world. I do not understand why marriage has changed you as it has. This is every woman's progression in life. You have a roof over your head and food in your stomach, do not be so ungrateful," said Mr Bennet clenching his fists in anger.

"How dare you! You know why I am what I have become. You simply choose not to acknowledge it. My body is pathetically weak against my toad of a husband, but I will never relinquish my mind to that foul beast. Nor I will not remain quite to appease any man's guilt and most certainly not yours. That is your punishment for your failings as my father. You married me off to a man we mocked and laughed at together, a man you knew I could never grow to respect or even tolerate! A man who is deemed ridiculous by all those who have met him." Elizabeth turned away from him and walked to lean against the wall, clutching at her waist to stem her sobs.

"All those years, you must have truly hated me I see now that my worth was simply another amusement for you to discard. 'For what do we live, but to make sport of our Neighbour's, and laugh at them in turn,' I now understand you included me in this comment! Tell me what your plans for Kitty, Lydia and Mary are?" she demanded rounding on him once more.

Standing suddenly, Mr Bennet pointed an accusing finger at her, "You chose this! You accepted him and said you wanted to do what was best for this family and give Jane her chance with Mr Bingley," he roared.

"But I did not know! I was ignorant of Jane's engagement, which you were not. I was innocent of what a husband can subject his wife to, when and however he wants," she came towards him.

Mr Bennet held up his hand to stop her, "You have said enough, my child. Quite enough."

"How could you? I thought you were the only person who understood me and appeared to reward me for my precocious nature and quick wit! Even Jane, has abandoned me in her felicity," she sobbed her hand clutching at her abdomen.

"I shall leave you to collect yourself," he said, stopping a moment before her, as if there was something else he wished to say. He lifted a hand as though he were about to comfort her, but instead thought against it and then moved around her and left her.

After a few minutes, Elizabeth collected herself and moved to pour herself a generous amount of brandy, before gulping it down and choking against the burn. Then noticing her father had left his pretentious book behind, moved over to it running her fingers over the cover. Suddenly the anger came flooding back and she spitefully tore out the last chapter and threw it into the fire and watched them burn.

"I will, look to him no more. He cannot give me what I seek." Elizabeth whispered to herself, her eyes blurring as she gazed unseeingly at the flames.

A short while later, as servant appeared to retrieve her father's book.

Coward!

And she realised she must have been gone longer that she had intended. It would not do to displease Mr Collins tonight. Elizabeth shivered at the thought and threw back another brandy, before departing the library. When she had finally made her way back to the other guests, she found her family had already departed and so excused herself and made her way unsteadily back to her chamber. The journey took longer than usual, due to her drunken state and she had needed to stop on more than one occasion in order to stop the path before her tilting off balance.

Stumbling into her room, with a hiccough and dismissing Hannah, Elizabeth crawled onto the bed and closed her eyes…

A sharp pain as her head was pulled back from her hair had her crying out. Suddenly she was pulled upright, her husband's features distorted in rage before her, and thrown to the floo.

How much time had passed?

Trying to stand she caught the scent of his overripe breath and stumbled backwards, colliding with something, but did not feel it as she should. Perhaps she ought to drink on an empty stomach every time her husband intended to visit her, she thought with a small chuckle as she took in her fat and excessively sweaty husband. His greasy hair clinging to his neck and cheeks, as he watched her disapprovingly.

"You show lack of respect for your betters, Mrs Collins!" Mr Collins spat holding her jaw.

"But you have not earned my respect," she slurred, with drunken giggle.

Elizabeth felt herself being grabbed and let out a cry of pain as her husband's fist connected with her stomach. It took her half a minute to breathe through the darkness encroaching on her. Clutching onto her husband's night shirt, his foul sweaty stench enveloping her, Elizabeth felt a wave of nausea wash over her, making her bottom lip quiver… and then she vomited.

"Ahh!" gasped Mr Collins in disgust and pushing her away.

He raised his hand to hit her once more, but before he could land his blow she doubled over and was sick all over his feet. Collapsing to the floor, she heard her husband muttering his repulsion and loathing as he stormed from the room, slamming the door in his wake. Elizabeth managed to clean herself off as best she could from the water basin in the room and then climbed into bed still dressed and allowed sleep to claim her once more.