Dear Readers: This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.
Be advised, this story is rated M.
Please do leave a review and let me know your thoughts, I am new to all this and would appreciate any feedback. xox.
Chapter 11
After Elizabeth had departed Darcy had stood transfixed and staring unseeingly at the door she had disappeared through. The sudden chiming of a clock, signally the new hour startled him from his reverie.
Damn.
He cursed himself inwardly, shaking his head to dispel his distraction. He had not behaved as he ought to. He had been far too familiar with his wife's new 'companion'.
"What are you planning Anne?" he mumbled to himself as he moved to sit beside the fireplace once more.
Tugging free his cravat he released a heavy sigh and looked at the flames. Anne had begun her crusade to rescue the former Miss Bennet since their first night at Netherfield. No marriage was perfect, and all involved more sacrifice than compromise as he knew first-hand. But as Darcy sat holding his tumbler of brandy against his temple, he could not still his mind.
What wickedness and torment could have changed Elizabeth from the spitfire she was into such a smothered and submissive woman?
The initial shock when he first beheld… he had barely recognised her. He had thought of her always as the finest and most challenging woman if his acquaintance. Thinking of her more often than was appropriate. The vision of her at the Netherfield ball with flowers and jewels glinting her luxurious chocolate tresses, forever seared in his conscious mind. To this day the smell of fresh cut grass and roses only served to bring her to the forefront of his thoughts.
Instinct had him observing her at every opportunity, but her behaviour and temperament were too unpredictable and changeable for him to create a clear picture. So, distracted he had been with helping Charles with his failing marriage he hadn't realised the severity of the situation before his Aunt had descended in all her magnificence!
It had all fallen in to place when Mr Collin's had issued instruction to his wife to prepare their things for their immanent departure. It was then from Elizabeth's panic-stricken face and ashen colour what the cause of her drastic change and erratic behaviour. He knew from the sinking pit in his stomach and at Anne's refusal to discuss this situation in detail that the young lady had experienced some form of abuse.
What gives any man the right to abuse those in his care!
He thought angrily! He did not take kindly to bullies and would be sure to make Mr Collins aware of that fact. He knew it was not his place to get involved in another man's affairs, but for a man to verbally or physically abuse a woman –
An unholy rage rang in Darcy's ears, drowning out all other thoughts. His gripped tightened on the tumbler in his hand and he knocked back the drink in one and stood moving across the room to open the window and breathe in the night air in order to cool his temper. He stood with his fists clenched at his sides. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the chilling night air, his anger being replaced by guilt and shame at his failings.
It had been easy to convince himself with the distance that his infatuation with Elizabeth, was driven purely by carnal lust. Then after his marriage he allowed himself to believe the cause of his continued thoughts of her were due to his unconventional marriage. He would never disrespect his wife in taking a mistress and so he deceived himself into thinking his enchantment with her, was simply wanting someone who had not returned his favours.
Then when Elizabeth had attached herself to Mr Collins and married quickly, he had felt triumphant. Triumphant that through her misguided pride and prejudice she had been forced to settle for the hand of that bumbling idiot!
Fool!
Darcy braced his hands on either side of the open window and hung his head. The guilt was almost unbearable, he was arrogant and conceited. His bruised ego had caused him to feel things he was not proud of, but he would never have wished something so sickening upon any living soul.
Opening his eyes slowly, he acknowledged the feeling he had held at bay for these years. He's lived had breathed her since he had parted from her on the dancefloor. He loved her, but her rank within the society did not allow him to put any merit behind such feelings. His father and his family had always told him the importance of the Darcy name. Never had he allowed himself to forget his duty and the example he had to set for his sister, Georgiana.
Closing the window, he moved away feeling exhausted and took himself to bed. That night he fell into a fitful sleep, full of vivid images and his own failings.
The following two days passed in blissful tranquillity. Elizabeth had been given the freedom as Anne's companion to do as she pleased during the mornings. She had rediscovered her love for long walks before breaking her fast. Breakfast was something she and Anne would share together alone in her bedchamber. As she and Mr Darcy occupied separate rooms the door would be left ajar to signal that Elizabeth could enter. Afterwards she would venture to the library or spend some time with Caro.
Who would've thought I would call her pleasant company, let alone a friend! Elizabeth giggled at the thought.
Then in the evening's she would have dinner with the entire party. After which, she and Anne would often retire early and partake in some sherry or port together. Mr Darcy always allowed them their privacy, which both pleased and displeased Elizabeth, though she could not identify why…
Mr Darcy would always appear at the end of the evening to carry Anne to her room, which always caused Elizabeth to blush. She knew Anne had mentioned that they did not have that sort of marriage, but they must kiss and hold hands. Elizabeth did not linger on such thoughts for they brought on such longing and dare she admit it, jealousy towards her new friend.
This morning, however, fresh snow had fallen during the night and Elizabeth had never been able to resist being the first to print her boot in a crisp blanket of snow. Dressing in her warmest grey muslin dress and a fur lined cloak and gloves, that Anne insisted she use whilst at Netherfield she rushed out into the crisp refreshing morning air and walked to the hilltop where she could watch Longbourn for a short while. She had then walked towards the Lucas' in order to enquire after her dear friend Charlotte, only to be told she was not home. Elizabeth had thought it odd that she had not been invited in but decided that she would call back the next morning. Her breath caught in her chest when she spied Mr Darcy riding a short distance away, as she was passing through the small woodland towards Oakham Mount. Before she could think better of it, she waved to him. Upon seeing her, he altered his course and rode in her direction. Elizabeth's heart leapt and thudded as she waited for him to reach her.
Her wore a rather becoming royal blue great coat over his usual black jacket and waistcoat, making the blue of his eyes take on an entrancing crystal quality. His buckskin breeches drew the eye to the powerful thighs straddling the great black stallion and down to his calves encased in expensive leather hessian boots.
"Miss Elizabeth," he said, dismounting.
"Mr Darcy, you are up early. All is well I hope?" she enquired slightly flustered.
"Yes, Anne is well I thank you for asking. I saw that it had snowed during the night and could not resist a gallop before breakfast."
"We have that in common, sir. I have always loved the snow," she said, in breathless wonder.
"Would you care for some company on your walk, or are you seeking solitude?"
"The company would be most welcome," she replied with sincerity, "As long as your horse does not mind being robbed of his exercise?" she teased.
"Forgive my lack of manners!" said Mr Darcy, in mock gravity, "Miss Elizabeth, allow me to introduce you to Falcon. Falcon, please make the acquaintance of Miss Elizabeth,"
The impressive beast was completely black and at least 17 hands tall.
"I am pleased to meet you, Falcon," she said, gently reaching her hand out to stroke the stallion's neck.
Falcon whinnied and made Elizabeth jump away and snatch her hand back.
"Manner's!" admonished Mr Darcy, "I am sorry, if he startled you,"
"No need, I have always been uneasy around horses, which is perhaps why I am such keen walker," she said.
Mr Darcy offered Elizabeth his free arm and the turned and began to make their way back toward Netherfield.
They covered the walk in companiable silence, though Elizabeth's mind was far from quiet. Her chaotic thoughts refusing to be silenced as she turned and studied his handsome profile.
Mr Darcy embodies a wealth of contradictions. His severe, proud bearing and gentleness spoke of his goodness of character and moral standing. Yet, his tall stature and powerful physique commanded any room and boasted of an unleashed authority of a man capable of defeating any opponent with ease. His intellect justified his serious and haughty mien, though she had not seen so much of that in him this time around. Elizabeth shivered as she thought of what it would be to have such a powerful man provide and care for you. Her gaze dropped to his muscular thighs as they moved and tensed with his steps and blushed scarlet as her gaze moved unintentionally to the fall of his breeches.
Goodness me!
She needed to stop giving into her curiosity. It was not so much that she wished to jump into bed with Mr Darcy. She did not know whether she would ever grant any man such privileges again… but there was an insatiable curiosity to know if all me held such tendencies as her husband and more importantly she wanted to know what it meant to be loved.
Her entire life she had believed that her family had loved her. But they had all forsaken her it seemed. All except her youngest sister Kitty. She felt such a shame that she had never given her much of her time when she had still been at home. Everything she had believed to be true had been turned on its head since her marriage and now she found herself watching Mr Darcy and Anne with avid fascination and yearning. It was the only logical reasoning behind her infatuation with gentleman walking beside her, commanding her attention.
"The quandary you are puzzling over, Miss Elizabeth… is it something I might be able to off my assistance in solving?" Mr Darcy said, startling her with his sudden speech.
Recovering herself quickly and trying to hide her blush, she replied. "I am afraid my answer will disappoint you, Mr Darcy."
"I very much doubt you would ever disappoint me, Miss Elizabeth." Came his quick reply.
The sincerity and the warmth in his gaze, caused her heart to stutter and her breath to catch. Laughing to mask her embarrassment she looked ahead and focused on the path before them.
"I would not be sure. I am still trying to figure you out, sir,"
"Ah, that old chestnut!" exclaimed Mr Darcy.
Elizabeth's giggle caught her off guard and sounded foreign to her ears, but it felt good.
"Chestnut?" she blurted, as another giggle escaped.
"I do not know what possessed me to say that. I do not believe I have ever used that term before," he said chuckling. His eyes crinkling becomingly at their corners and his dimples on either cheek making an appearance.
The sound of Elizabeth's laughter was music to Mr Darcy's ears. It would be impossible to put into the words the elation he felt at producing an unguarded moment of happiness for her, however short it may have been.
"Indeed." She replied once she had recovered, a small smile still playing on her lips, "I find you somewhat of a perplexity, Mr Darcy."
"Then I am afraid it is my turn to disappoint you, Miss Elizabeth, for I am really not so difficult to figure out."
"I beg to differ, sir!"
"All you need is but to ask that which you wish to know," he shrugged.
"You speak as if it is such a simple matter. Have you no secrets?"
Mr Darcy stopped walking then and turned to face her, halting her steps further.
"Well, now. You did not make it apparent you wished to know my secrets madam." He said his frown severe.
Elizabeth would have been worried, could she not see the mirth glinting in his eyes.
How had I ever thought him a cruel man before?
"You should know better than to present me with such a challenge!" she said grinning.
"But if I told you, then they would no longer be secrets. Which would make my character a very dull study, would you not agree?"
Mr Darcy is teasing me. Again!
"Hmmm you make a valid point, sir. Touché" she said, "If it does not reveal a secret of yours, may I still be permitted one question?"
"Very well. What is your question?" he replied, a little breathlessly.
For a moment neither spoke, the white clouds of their breaths mingled and danced around them, while Falcon amused himself by rummaging in the snow to find some grass to nibble.
"I would like to know…" she whispered conspiratorially leaning towards him a fraction.
The movement made Mr Darcy lean in towards Elizabeth in the same fashion, loosing himself completely in their beguiling depths. Habitually he breathed deep inspecting to find her usual intoxicating scent of rose blossom and the outdoors, instead he encountered a faint citrus smell. It was still lovely, but not the tantalising scent he associated with the woman before him.
No doubt the parson thought it too costly to give the lady a small bit of luxury!
Darcy thought to himself working to keep his expression from exposing his anger and upset towards Mr Collins.
"… why do you hate to dance?" Elizabeth asked, bringing him back from his thoughts.
Frowning he replied, "I do not hate to dance,"
"Is that so?"
"It is. I am not confident with new acquaintances and do not have the confidence to converse as easily as some might- "
"But you do profess strong opinions that are not quite so diplomatically voiced as that…" she teased.
"I do," he said incredulously.
"Indeed, I believe Mr Bingley once tried to persuade you to dance and even singled me out as a potential partner…"
He paled, "Oh good Lord! You heard our conversation?" groaned the gentleman, "Miss Elizabeth, I cannot apologise enough."
"So, you see, you have proven you dislike the activity to quite a high degree."
"Ha! That is not what that proves,"
"Oh?" she replied, arching an elegant brow.
"That proves what an utter fool I am!" he said somehow closing the distance between them further.
"Why does that prove you to be a fool," Elizabeth said, trying to maintain an even tone but failing.
"Because, if I were ever given the opportunity again, I would not waste such an opportunity to dance with you Miss Elizabeth," he said, his voice washing over her in a silken promise.
Elizabeth gulped.
Both were so lost in the moment that everything else fell into silence around them. They both unconsciously felt tethered to one another, moving closer, when Falcon neighed and stomped his foot breaking the moment. Drawing back and creating some much-needed distance, they both laughed a little awkwardly and resumed their walk-in quiet contemplation.
It wasn't until Netherfield came into view again that Mr Darcy spoke.
"May I ask you a question, Miss Elizabeth?" he asked, with a small frown.
"I believe you have just asked one," she teased looking up at him.
"Why did you ask that question, if you believed you already knew the answer?"
"In all honesty I had not given it much thought…" she shrugged.
"Then it is my turn. I will not ask another question, but I shall provide you with the answer to what I have just asked." He said, giving her a sidelong glance.
She said nothing but looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer.
"I think you have done so to remind me of who you are. Your true character." He knew he was being too familiar but he could not help himself when he was around her.
Elizabeth gasped. Gaping at him they both came to a halt.
How dare he!
Gaping at him she grappled to find a cutting remark to deliver to Mr Darcy, when he spoke once more.
"And I can say with all sincerity; it was an honour to make your acquaintance again, after all this time, Miss Elizabeth." He whispered reverently, before bowing and leading Falcon towards the stables and leaving Elizabeth in stunned silence.
