Chapter 12: Winter at the End of the World
They dropped anchor in the same shallow bay and rode the breakers to the shore. Landing was particularly difficult on that island without a boat, and Caspian tumbled rather messily onto the shore. As he was wringing out his tunic and dusting the crumbs of sand off himself he heard a voice say, "You have returned, and you will find your quest fulfilled."
He looked up to see Ramandu's daughter standing before him on the beach, her blue dress whipping around her legs in the breeze. She looked so pristine and glowing he felt decidedly disheveled. Nevertheless he gathered himself together enough to say, "Lady, you bring us good tidings. May we see the lords?"
She turned and smiled over her shoulder. "Follow me."
The entire crew trouped up the hill to the piazza where the lords had been sleeping. The table was now empty except for the nodding white head of the Lord Rhoop, and Caspian saw Reepicheep threading his way among the plates and he saw Edmund's doubting face before him and heard Eustace's questions and felt Lucy's hand in his. He breathed deeply, willing himself not to cry. Seeing Rhoop alone among the feast was a sight that went straight to his heart.
He could not dwell on it, though, because now the awakened lords, newly shorn, were coming forward to greet him. The one who led was a deep-chested man and very dark, with a powerful jaw. Caspian felt at once that he would not like to quarrel with this man, but he would want him by his side in battle. The man sank onto one knee at once. "My King," he said, taking Caspian's hand and bowing his head over it. "I am the Lord Mavramorn. I was your father's loyal friend while he lived, and so I pledge my sword in service to you."
"Lord Mavramorn, you are well met," Caspian said.
Mavramorn rose and stood aside so that Revilian and Argoz could present themselves. Revilian was a thin, almost sallow man with great courage in his sinewy face, while Argoz was more florid and peaceable. Before he had spent five minutes with them, he knew that in their quarrel Mavramorn was the one who had seized the Stone Knife and put them all in the enchanted sleep, while Revilian wanted to chance going back to Narnia and Argoz to stay and enjoy the feast. He wondered what his father had been like to draw so many lords of such different characters to him.
In a way, Mavramorn angered him. He was a man of action and vows, but his fierce manner made one want to contrast rather than compare him to the courtly Reepicheep who was similarly intrepid. He demanded to hear the story of how they found him and he told his own version of the quarrel. And yet, Caspian thought to himself, through all his swagger he did not take my part and stand up to Miraz. He abandoned me when I was just a child to sail east, following Miraz's suggestion. If he is really so masterful, why did he leave the liberation of Narnia to a group of children?
Here he stopped. Of course the four monarchs were not children in the ordinary sense. He smiled a little to himself. It's true that Peter would probably make this Mavramorn cow. Look at what he did to Glozelle and Sopespian, and they were always feared at Miraz's court.
He sighed and smiled at the lords. Perhaps it was not as straightforward as it seemed; he was beginning to understand that politics was a delicate business, particularly near tyrants. "Sirs," he said "It is my hope that you would all return to Cair Paravel with us. Narnia needs all the good men she can find, and your loyalty precedes you there."
Argoz nodded. "I have long grown weary of travel and greatly desire to see the land I once called home."
"And we will be there to fight whatever battles need fighting," Revilian said gravely.
Caspian laughed. "There are none now! You've missed all the action, my friends."
One of the sailors coughed, and Caspian half turned to look at his crew. "Ah! Of course—why stand here talking when we could be feasting as well? Take a seat, men, and partake of the food at your will." He himself drew up a chair near to where the Lord Rhoop was sleeping, and the three lords and Drinian sat near him. But Ramadu's daughter, silent and shining all this time took the place at his right. He felt her presence, could almost feel her glowing. "I am honored you should sit by me," he murmured to her, channeling Reepicheep. She turned to him and smiled her mysterious smile that told him he had once again something of more significance than he intended.
After they began to eat, Revilian spoke again. "Sire," he said, "If I may ask, what do you mean by saying there are no battles in Narnia? What action did we miss?"
Caspian got so excited he forgot his manners entirely and started talking with his mouth full of pheasant. He put a napkin to his mouth and remembered to swallow. "You will find Narnia greatly changed," he said with shining eyes. "All of the tales of Old Narnia, of fauns and satyrs and Talking Beasts, were not tales but half-forgotten history. The Old Narnia has come back from hiding, and the kingdom resembles something of the country she was when Peter the High King kept court at Cair Paravel."
Mavramorn scoffed. "Peter the High King! That is a fairy tale if I ever heard one! Our line begins with Caspian the Conqueror."
Caspian knit his brows together, rather shocked that Mavramorn could contradict his king as if he were a schoolboy and angry that anyone should call Peter a fairy tale. He was about to say something, but he barely heard Ramandu's daughter whisper "Patience." He realized she was right. Edmund himself had had to school Trumpkin, and so the dwarf came to believe in the monarchs and in Aslan. Edmund would have gotten angry hearing this too, but he would not have flown at Mavramorn in a rage. Caspian pondered a moment how the king might have handled it.
He turned to Mavramorn. "Many in Narnia thought so until recently, but the monarchs came to us to revive Old Narnia, and the Talking Beasts came out of hiding. Ask my Lord Drinian—the member of our company we left at the end of the world to awaken you was the Lord Reepicheep, the most valiant of all talking mice in Narnia. And my lords I am sorry you could have not met them, but when we first came to this island we had with us also the King Edmund and the Queen Lucy in the old stories—two of the four ancient monarchs."
Argoz and Revilian exchanged uncomfortable looks, and Mavramorn burst out laughing. "His Highness has been bewitched by the ends of the world—it shows in the eyes. Surely Sire, you cannot think that we live in a nursery rhyme?"
"Lord Reepicheep was most assuredly a mouse," Drinian said quietly, "and a knight of the finest character that I have known."
"But then we can no more believe you, Lord Drinian, since you have traveled the same bewitching waters," Revilian reasoned. "Caspian, your father would not hold with such nonsense. You must know that. He was a good king because he kept his head about him."
Caspian wished Reepicheep were there to prove his valor and challenge a duel and wave his rapier under Revilian's nose and threaten him for calling the king by his first name. Only Lucy and Edmund and Eustace had the right to do that.
He collected himself. "Then you mean to say that you do not believe in Aslan, either?"
Finally Argoz spoke. "I do. At least, I might. I don't know much about all of this. But if your Majesty believes, than so do I."
Caspian turned to him and grinned. "Lord Argoz, you are a valuable ally indeed. Your willingness to believe has earned you a high place in Narnia."
"Surely your Majesty is joking," Mavramorn said. "Your tender years have not shown you what makes a knight."
Caspian's eyebrows shot up. He inhaled through his nostrils and said as regally as he could, "I was knighted by Peter the High King, and my allegiance is to him and Aslan. My lords, your service to my father will not be forgotten, but unless you are willing to join the Order of the Lion and swear allegiance to Aslan and the High King, I regret to say there is no place for you in Narnia." He rose so quickly that the company had to scramble to their feet. He stalked away into the darkness of the Island.
He was drawn to the eastern shore as if pulled by a magnet. Even in the dim light of the crescent moon he found the rocks where he had sat waiting for his crew, and he settled against them, staring over the black water edged so sharply with silver and brooding. Lucy was here! She saw them, sat at the table with them. And Edmund and Eustace and Reepicheep…how can anyone in Narnia say that they are not real now? After all they've done for the country twice over. But if they are never to come again, then this will be the rest of my life. I will tell my children about them and pray that they believe the four of them were real, but they will have no proof. And maybe they will not believe.
My children…how am I ever to have children if I don't have a wife? Who am I to marry now? I thought I knew where I was going, but now even though we know the way, I'm lost.
She walked silently and so he did not hear her footfalls, but he knew she was there all the same. He looked down at her, her perfect face and her shimmering dress, and she gazed up at him with eyes that were full of compassion. She reached up, and he helped her up beside him on the rocks.
They sat next to each other in silence, until at last she spoke. "Because the story is remarkable does not make it incredulous. They will come to believe in time."
"I hope so," Caspian sighed. "What if we came all this way and they didn't want to come back to Narnia as it is now? What if they are trying to regain my father's glory? Those days are over. If they don't come, does that mean our quest will have been in vain."
"No. All that you have done was not in vain, for you have accomplished what no other ship has. You and your company have seen things no other mortal in the world has seen—not me, not even my father. Would you call that a quest in vain?"
Caspian blushed at his own petulance. "I wouldn't."
They lapsed into silence again. Except for the moment where he held her hand, they did not touch. They sat together and listened to the waves crashing on the shore for hours, until at some point Caspian drifted off to sleep.
She shook him awake gently, whispering in his ear with her musical voice, "Awake, my Lord."
Caspian started and sat up confusedly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "How long was I asleep?" he asked her.
"I know not. But come. Your crew has gone back to the ship. You should come and rest where there is a comfortable bed."
Caspian nodded drowsily, and clambered down the rocks after her. As he jumped down beside her he asked, "Can your father give me a dreamless sleep too?"
She laughed a little, a soft, tinkling sound. "Nay, my Lord, for you are meant to dream many things yet." She studied his face for a long moment then turned and led the way.
He followed after her without ever fully waking up, despite the chill of the night and the length of the walk. He couldn't say why he followed her so mechanically; this simply seemed the most natural thing to do. In the house of Ramandu she led him to a bed draped with warm, rich silks. She pulled the covers back and helped him unlace his sandals. Minutes later he was sound asleep.
The next morning she woke him again with a cup of something hot and fragrant. "Your men are waiting for you," she informed him.
He sat up and took the cup from her. "What are they saying? I haven't seen them since last night at the table."
"They think you are quite angry," she said with a hint of a smile.
Caspian sighed and pushed his hand through his hair. "Not so much angry as…disappointed. I thought the days of disbelief were over when we conquered Miraz."
"The days of disbelief are never over," she answered. "Men will always fear and always doubt. Look at your friend King Edmund. He hesitated to believe me when I spoke nothing but the truth."
Caspian looked at her sharply. "Edmund is one of the most faithful people I know, short of Lucy."
"I know," she reassured him, "I mentioned him because I wanted to say that every man doubts, even the greatest."
He sighed and sipped his drink. After a moment she rose. "I shall leave you to get ready," she said, and turned to go.
Caspian laced his sandals and paced in the room for a moment. What would he say to the lords now? Obviously he had to make good on his word—a knight who did not believe in Aslan was no knight of Narnia. He wondered why he hadn't encountered this problem with any of the other lords. But then Bern was so obviously a good man, and Rhoop was broken, and Octesian and Restimar were dead. Still, Caspian found himself wondering again what kind of man his father was. Had he heard of Aslan? Did he believe? What would he have said of the High King?
Everyone was clustered around Aslan's table talking in low voices when Caspian emerged from Ramandu's house. Drinian saw him first, and he bowed to show respect. "Your Majesty," he said, "we wondered where you were."
"I passed the night here on the island," he answered. He looked at the three lords and drew in a breath. The hour had come and he found that he knew what to say without having to think too hard about it. "Gentlemen," he said calmly, "I wish you to know that I remain resolved. We will offer you passage to the west, but unless you avow your allegiance to Aslan and the High King and his consorts as well as myself, I cannot permit you to enter Narnia. Lord Argoz, if you hold true to what you said last night, I am already prepared to welcome you to the court at Cair Paravel."
Argoz smiled and stepped forward to kneel before Caspian. "I hold true, your Majesty," was all he said, but his face was shining with gratitude.
Revilian and Mavramorn were still looking uncomfortable. Caspian said to them "Gentlemen, do not feel pressed at this moment. Speak with the sailors and Lord Drinian. Consult the wisdom of Ramandu. You have the winter to decide. Drinian," he said, changing the subject to show the matter was closed, "We spend the winter here, but we still need a boat for the ship so we can go back and forth with ease. Speak with Ramandu about which trees he does not mind us using for that purpose. Also it occurs to me that our men will need shelters on shore. It would be far more convenient than having everyone return to the ship each night and more comfortable than camping in the open. Discuss this with Ramandu as well, and have the men set about this task as soon as you know what his wishes are."
Drinian nodded. "Consider it done, Sire."
Caspian gave one glance to the crew, then turned and walked away. The desire for solitude washed over him again; he couldn't be around a crew of loud and merry sailors, especially since everyone was very cheerful to be on the brink of the homeward voyage. Most of the time returning to Narnia was the last thing he wanted to think about.
He was reaching a quiet looking grove of trees when he heard someone wheezing behind him. He turned to see the Lord Argoz trotting after him and paused to wait.
"Not as young as I once was," Argoz panted when he reached Caspian. "And an enchanted sleep doesn't exactly leave you fit."
Caspian smiled indulgently.
After he caught his breath, Argoz looked into Caspian's face. "Your Majesty, you said that we should talk to Drinian and the sailors and Ramandu, but what about yourself? If I may speak frankly…" he trailed off here, waiting for permission. Caspian gave him a nod; he was curious to hear what Argoz would say. "You seem to be very sad, but I never saw such a light in someone's eyes as when you spoke of the four monarchs and Aslan. I want to learn of the thing that can change a man so much."
"I will speak of them gladly," Caspian said. He hardly knew how to begin, but the words tumbled out of his mouth. He told Argoz of Aslan's sacrifice and the sacrifice at the Stone Table and the mystery of Aslan's How. He told him of the war against Miraz and blowing Susan's horn for help and the arrival of Peter and Susan and Edmund and Lucy. He talked about seeing Lucy and Edmund and Eustace splash into the water and all their adventures together on that voyage. He talked until he was hoarse and could speak no more, and then Argoz spoke of his father.
Up until that moment, Caspian knew very little of the line of Telmarines he came from. He could only say that Caspian the First was the Conqueror and that Caspian the Ninth, his father, was known as a good man and who was murdered by Miraz the Usurper. Since he took the throne he worked so hard to associate himself with Old Narnia and the kings and queens of the Golden Age that he did not seek to learn about his parents. Yet hearing Argoz talk was salve on a wound he didn't know he had. He learned that his father had the same walk and the same animated eyes. He learned that his mother was beautiful and good but also willful, and that when she was particularly set on something a line would appear between her eyebrows. Doctor Cornelius and Trufflehunter had commented many times on this same trait in Caspian, and it comforted to know the got it from somewhere, that he had a family.
He drank in all of Argoz's words, and when the lord was finished talking he pressed his hand. He wanted to say a good many courtly and grand things to thank him, but all he said was "Thank you."
Argoz bowed his head in return, and they both walked their separate ways. Caspian went to the eastern shore. He did not really look where he was going.
He realized with a pang that was one more thing he envied in Lucy and Edmund. When he saw all four of them together they worked as a team, they relied on each other, they laughed with each other. When he asked Edmund for Lucy's hand he saw in the king's eyes a desire to protect Lucy, to watch over her. As much time as Lucy spent with him, as much time as she knew what he was thinking, he knew there was a part of her that clung closer to Edmund than anyone else on the Dawn Treader, that her first loyalty would be to her brother.
And me? Who would protect me? Who would love me more dearly than anyone else? I thought it would be Lucy, but she's gone now. He realized that he had a lot of friends, but all his life the only people he could have called family were Miraz and Prunaprisimia, who had little tenderness for him in their hearts. In essence, he was an orphan.
He wiped the tears off his cheeks and scoffed at himself. I cannot keep crying like this, he told himself sternly, but then the more he tried to compose himself the more he couldn't stop. He stood at the edge of the wood at the beginning of the deserted beach trying to master himself. He only succeeded after a long while, and then he stood there quite at a loss for where to go next.
She laid her hand gently on his arm. "My Lord," she asked, "Why do you weep?"
He looked at her and found he couldn't say anything. She made a soft noise of sympathy and then she wound her slender arms around him and pulled him close.
He embraced many people as king, but only Lucy and Edmund and Eustace had ever embraced him as a man. Now this woman had her arms around him and he gave himself up to the solace she offered.
When at last she let him go, he felt cold. "Come," she said softly, "it is nearly dinner time and the company will be assembled."
Caspian nodded, but as they walked he slid his arm around her waist. He didn't want to let her go yet. He didn't know why.
After that he began to seek her out as she sought him. He never told her of the weight on his heart, but her touch, innocent still but closer than anyone had ever touched him, comforted him.
They began to talk to each other. They sat on the rocks together and looked out over the last seas. He rested his head on her shoulder and asked her, "Have you always lived here?"
"Yes. For as long as I can remember," she answered.
"Alone? With just your father?"
"My father is not poor company. But yes…otherwise, I was alone."
"That must have been hard," Caspian mused. "To be alone like that."
She smoothed his hair and rested her cheek on the crown of his head. "But you have been alone too. I can see it in your eyes."
"Not always. There was a time—I had friends…"
"Those who were with you when you first came," she said.
"Yes."
"Why did they not return with you?"
Caspian was silent a moment. "Aslan sent them back to their own world. And Reepicheep had his quest."
She smoothed his hair again, combing her fingers through it. Caspian enjoyed the sensation and he let her smooth away the grief that threatened to resurface. At length she said "You seemed very close with Queen Lucy."
He lifted his head from her shoulder, and the tears pricked at his eyes as he looked out over the water. "Lucy understood me. There were times when I had no words, but she knew. It was almost as if she were speaking them aloud for me."
"But she is gone."
He nodded and looked down at his feet. "I don't know why. I can't figure out why Aslan took her away. I thought…I thought we would spend our lives together. The first time she was here, when she reigned, she was here for many years. I can't see why it shouldn't be the same again. I wanted to marry her. I used to dream about it. Not just daydream…I dreamt of her while I was asleep. I thought she might have felt the same. So why? Why did she have to leave?"
This was towards the end of winter, and this was the first time he asked these questions aloud. Just saying them to someone did him a little good.
She laid her hand on his arm. "Aslan has said we cannot know any stories but our own. Perhaps she had something she needed to do in her own world."
Caspian said nothing to this.
"But my Lord, it seems to me the question is not why you left her behind, but how you are going to go forward without her."
"I don't know," he answered. "There was so much I was going to do with her." He laid his head wearily in her lap and let the sound of the waves and the gentle touch of her fingers in his hair soothe him just a little while longer.
The crew of the Dawn Treader was now making ready to sail west. The winds were beginning to come from the east, and Drinian said that the time was ripe. The boat was made and now the crew was readying the ship herself. Soon they would be collecting stores and then, as Revilian had wanted in the quarrel so many years before it would be out oars for Narnia.
Caspian was walking up the beach surveying the work of his crew with some gloom. Again the old question nagged at him. What would he do when he got back to Narnia? How could he go on? Would he have to sail to Galma and marry the pallid princess?
He was dragging a long stick behind him, making a line in the sand. He had just heard Drinian's report and was a little ways up the beach from him when he heard Drinian say to Argoz and Rhince "I don't know what we're going to do when the time comes to actually set sail. The King is in a bad way."
Argoz and Rhince agreed to this so readily that Caspian slowed his pace considerably to hear exactly what they thought was going on.
Drinian continued. Obviously he wanted to unburden his mind. "I had thought spending the winter here would…I don't know, calm his troubles. He used to laugh so readily. He was so active. But ever since we turned west and left their Majesties and Eustace and Lord Reepicheep in the east he's been a changed man."
"You mean he hasn't always been this melancholy?" Argoz questioned.
Drinian laughed his booming laugh. "Heavens no! Caspian was the merriest king I had ever seen in all my years and all my travels."
"Then what happened?" Argoz whispered hoarsely, as if he were talking about some tragic accident. Caspian stopped his walk altogether and looked over his shoulder at them.
"He wanted to go to the end of world, but we—well, chiefly Reepicheep and King Edmund—refused to let him. Then Aslan called them home, and King Caspian hasn't been the same since. This island makes one prone to strange fancies—I should say that the King left his soul at the eastern rim and only his body came back with us."
Rhince scoffed.
"I know it's odd," Drinian replied. "But look at him closely and tell me if you don't say the same. I'm worried. Peace may reign in Narnia, but that was when we left. The King himself told me there might be some trouble with Calormen over the slave trade in the Lone Islands. Even if there isn't, there is still much work for him to do when he gets back. How can he do it when he's like this?"
Caspian dropped his stick and walked briskly down the beach. The line of resolution appeared between his eyebrows. Anyone looking at him would have thought he was angry, but in Caspian's head he heard Reepicheep reminding him of his promises to Narnia and Edmund staying sternly "Caspian, you cannot do this."
He started to breathe faster and there was a tingling in his muscles. He wanted to stretch his arms, maybe run a little. Then he remembered something Lucy said when he was threatening to leave. She reminded him of his promise to return here, to Ramandu's daughter. She told him he would feel better when he got here.
He shook his head and continued his walk. If he ever met Edmund or Reepicheep again in Aslan's country, he wanted to be able to say he did the right thing. And what of the High King? He couldn't look Peter in the face knowing he didn't do all he could for Narnia. He had to go on. She was right.
She always haunted the same paths on the island, and he gravitated toward these instinctively. His direction was so subconscious he was almost surprised to see her coming toward him. When he did, though, he hurried toward her.
He took her hands. "You know. You know what I have to do," he said, searching her face. "Help me."
She didn't say anything, but her clear eyes were dancing as they searched his. At the same moment he bent towards her and she inclined her head to him, and he kissed her, a rich, full kiss that flooded his body with a warmth he had not felt for a long while.
After she pulled away a little shyly, they stood looking at each other. He still had her hands in his, but he let them go in favor of sliding his arms around her waist.
She tossed her head and her hair moved in silver waves. She said with a little laugh "Here the stories are all reversed: when the enchantment is broken and the knight comes back, the princess must kiss the knight to awaken him." Then she folded herself to him.
He laughed too, something he hadn't done in months. He held her close, and he kissed her again.
