Chapter 13: Out Oars for Narnia

Every day the winds blew stronger from the east. The sailors brought all their things aboard the Dawn Treader, and Drinian was readying the ship for departure. He told Caspian that his hope was to get a more complete view of the coasts of some of the islands for the map Coriakin had made, and they spread out this gift and studied it together.

For now Caspian was everywhere among the men, overseeing their actions, ordering the next step. The longing to be alone and to hide and grieve still washed over him, and like waves of nausea, he never knew when he might get a pang. These days though, he forced those feelings down so he could finish the task at hand. He talked often with Argoz, he consulted Ramandu, he was all over the island paying no heed to his melancholy.

She bolstered him up. He didn't allow himself much time with her, just a couple of hours at the end of the day, when the work was done and the feast was over. She understood this, and he was grateful. Even so, he found himself sometimes waiting eagerly for dusk so he could walk with her and tell her of the preparations and his expectations for the return to Narnia, so he could feel her warmth, so he could taste her mouth.

This courtship was different. While Edmund had been hesitant, Ramandu seemed to know his daughter's time had come. He was sitting talking to her one night in the chamber where she had lead him the night of his return to the island and Ramandu came to the door. Before she turned to look at her father, he exchanged a look with Caspian. Caspian made the request wordlessly, and Ramandu's answer was a simple nod.

Then too, at the beginning of the end of the world he took more liberties than he would have in court at Cair Paravel. He knew she was a maid, she had to be because of circumstance as well as chastity. Still, there was something in her kisses which told him she couldn't be. She knew exactly how to kiss him, exactly how to breathe in his ear so he would get that heady rush where he lost himself entirely for who knew how long. There was a barrier they did not cross, but everything up to that barrier, which began at the hemline, was his. Thus he knew the exact curve of her inner elbow and precisely where to find the tiny birthmark on her neck, the graceful line of her eyebrow's arch. He reveled more in these details than he did her pristine beauty. Caspian had admired enough women, looking on them from afar. He wanted someone real, someone he could hold onto. Someone who could hold him.

Strangely, since he had left Lucy at the end of the world, the future stopped being real to him. He spoke of the preparations for departure without really giving thought to the departure itself, and landing triumphant at Cair Paravel was a dim vision almost like a fairy tale. So he didn't really think about the moment of departure until Drinian said to him one day, "If the weather holds your Majesty, we will be ready to sail in three days."

He told her that night. They had barely begun their evening together and they sat in the moonlight by the edge of the trees. "Drinian says we can leave in three days." His voice was blank, and he did not look at her.

"Three days! That is soon," was all she said in reply. He pulled her closer.

Now Caspian saw that a choice was before him, but he found himself unable to decide. He would break away from the crew to take agitated walks. Drinian watched after him closely; he could feel the captain's eyes on him. He tried to find ways to reassure his friend that this was not the old melancholy but a new dilemma, but he couldn't find a way to put it into words.

Finally it was midday on the eve of their departure and Caspian was still uncertain of what to do. He had walked almost the length of the island, all the gentle dips and rises with the mysterious smell that reminded him not of her, but of Lucy. She had called it "a dim, purple kind of smell." Exactly what he would have said.

He had picked some flowers idly, and he was still holding them in his hand. The truth was he had passed up the more elegant, fluted flowers in favor of the small sweet ones that looked like violet colored daisies. He looked down at the small bouquet in his hands and realized he was still picking flowers for Lucy.

"I can't ask her," he said aloud, shaking his head. "Not if I still love Lucy." He looked out east and sighed heavily. He was starting to get a headache from all this thinking.

He rubbed the space in between his eyebrows. If not her, then who? Galma? There is no one in this world I would rather be with, but if they came back, I know I would want to be with Lucy.

Another, sterner voice that was not really his own reminded him "They're not coming back."

He spoke aloud again. "When are you going to accept that, Caspian?" He crushed the flowers in his fist. Then he opened his hand and let the wind carry the petals away.

"Your Lord Drinian is worried about you," she said beside him. He was so used to her ways that her sudden appearances no longer surprised him.

He folded his arms around himself. "We're leaving tomorrow," he said.

"I know."

They were both quiet. All at once, he turned and took her in his arms, pulling her close to him. After a minute, she leaned back a little to look in his face, holding it between her two hands. "It is right that you should love her," she said. "She is another part of you. She…"

"Don't," he said, interrupting her. He let go of her. "Lady, you must forgive me, if you can. I have done you a great wrong. I have stood here and I have taken liberties no honorable man should have, especially when I…wasn't honest about my feelings. And you…you have been so good to me. So much more than I deserve. I—perhaps it's best that I leave." He backed away from her, starting now to realize what exactly he had allowed to happen in his grief. She was so noble and beautiful and good, and he had used her. He could never call himself honest or noble again.

He had barely made it five paces down the beach when she snatched his hand. "No! My lord, that is not what I wanted to say. It is good that you have loved. It has made you stronger, made you grow. And you should always carry that with you. I could not love you if it were otherwise.

"But she is gone, and you are alone. I am here alone, too, and I have thought perhaps it might not have to be that way. Perhaps we…" Her boldness failed her and she trailed off, looking away uncertainly.

"Perhaps we can go on together," he finished for her. "Lady, will you return with me? Will you sail on the Dawn Treader and become my queen in Narnia?" He knew he could not leave her. He would be a fool to leave this woman who loved him not in spite of his flaws, but because of them.

She blushed and nodded, demure now. "I will, my lord."

He pulled her by the hand. "Come then, gather your things! We make for Narnia in the morning!" They ran together to her father's house and packed all they could, laughing through the night. She left him briefly before the dawn to tell her father, and he could hear them in the next morning whispering goodbyes. Caspian forced himself not to listen; moments of farewell had forever become unbearable to him because in those sad goodbyes he felt Edmund's hug and Lucy's innocent kiss and the memory was too hard to bear.

He went with them to watch as they sang their last sunrise together, and the music was mournful and melodious. How she could be real and mortal and sing like that he did not know. He chose to focus on this instead of the tears streaming down both their cheeks.

When the sun burst forth from the horizon, Caspian realized that it dawned on a future for him. Now his whole life spread out before him again. He would have a wife and, one day, a family. He would be king for the rest of his life. The freedom of his voyage was over; everything was now a sojourn in the past. He was on the way home, and the way back to life. The future yawning like that before him was awesome and more than a little scary.

Before the crew came to the table, Caspian and his bride to be knelt before Ramandu to receive his blessing. He laid his hand on both their heads and said "Make each other happy. Live, and love, and grow rich in joy and the comfort you take in each other." Caspian glanced at her sideways and realized that his whole life was now tied up with hers. So certainly and so fast. His heart skipped a beat.

Then the crew of the Dawn Treader came up from the beach. Caspian wanted to make a ceremony of his intentions at once, to be done with it. He drew in his breath and said to them "Friends, this is the dawn of our last day at the end of the world. We now all begin the voyage home in earnest: the dawn is behind us and we sail charted waters. The Dawn Treader has fulfilled her purpose, and we have fulfilled our royal quest. Now it falls to the lords to decide how far they come.

"Many days of travel lie ahead of the Dawn Treader, but we want to say here that it has been an honor to serve with you all. You have been good shipmates and bold adventurers and we have not at our disposal enough treasure to show our gratitude.

"This has been a long and strange adventure, and we have lost much on the way. Lord Reepicheep is, by the grace of Aslan, beyond the edge of the world, and King Edmund and Queen Lucy and their noble kinsman Eustace have returned to their own world after being our companions for so long. We have lost a member of our own crew in the storm, and we found that the Lords Octesian and Restimar have met unfortunate ends. However, we gained much as well. We saved the Lord Rhoop from the Dark Island. We awoke the sleeping lords. We liberated the Lone Islands from unjust rule and a brutal slave trade. And now, we as King of Narnia, have gained something else as well. When we land at Cair Paravel, Narnia will have a Queen as well as a King, for this great Lady has consented to be my wife." He took her hand and pulled her a step or two forward so she was next to him. The crew all cheered, and Drinian looked particularly happy. However, he felt that she was trembling next to him, and he found that his own heart was beating rather too fast.

They were ready to depart the island before noon. All of her things were stored in the king's cabin, the room where Lucy had stayed, and now she had bid her father farewell one last time and Caspian helped her into the boat. As he stepped into the boat after her, Caspian looked into her face and said with some wonderment, "Lady, I do not know your name."

"I am called Sereni," she answered. Then after a pause she added "My lord, I do not know your name either."

He tried to give her a reassuring smile, even though he was terrified. "It's Caspian."


A/N: Well, here you have it, folks. The penultimate chapter. I could theoretically end here, but there are just a couple of things I want to do with Caspian and Sereni before bidding them farewell for my AU epic. For those of you interested, Sereni's name comes from "seren," the Welsh word for star (at least according to the online dictionaires I found). Of course I had to name her, but I wanted to hold out until we came to a moment where she really needed a name, so to speak, when she becomes real to Caspian and fits in with his world.

To everyone who has read this far, you have my deepest gratitude for sticking with me. I thought Kings in Exile was long when I first wrote it, and this story still has a chapter to go and is three times as long! So thank you for caring enough to read it.