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Dear Readers: This novel does contain references to rape and abuse. I understand that these are sensitive topics, and I would not wish for any reader to suffer as a result of coming across these references without warning.
Be advised, this story is rated M
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Chapter 18
Turning slowly to face Darcy, Elizabeth could not explain her feelings.
It would be so easy for both of them to resent the other. They had both made mistakes at the beginning of their acquaintance and throughout their separation, held onto their unfavourable opinions, but neither could fight this inexplicable pull to the other.
Though she did not doubt his declaration, Elizabeth couldn't drop her guard completely, not yet. This had now changed, the dynamic between them had shifted and though she had fooled herself into believing she would be able to part ways with him after finding joy and passion in his arms… she now understood, that she had irrevocably lost a piece of herself to him.
Could her fragile heart bear such a brutal affliction?
Squaring her shoulders, she levelled him with an inscrutable look, needing to test him to ascertain how serious he was about her. Not a man to court scandal, would he stand by her if they were discovered? Would he lose respect for her?
"You like me, Mr Darcy?" she said archly, watching the uncertainty alter Mr Darcy's posture and felt a pang of guilt before she pushed it aside.
Walking towards him, she moved to the sideboard and poured herself a finger of brandy into one of the tumblers and held it up into the flickering firelight.
"I have discovered that I like brandy." She said taking a sip, "I like it very much, indeed."
Looking back at him she saw hurt flash in his eyes, before he masked it. The air changed becoming dark and tense. Elizabeth flinched as he took a step forward.
"I understand you perfectly, Mrs Collins," he said coldly.
Elizabeth flinched at his use of her married name.
"And what is it you understand?" she asked, a little numbly.
"That you were merely toying with me. I understand you do not wish to further this interlude and I will not press the issue further." He said, not looking at her but striding towards the door.
"You are wrong," she whispered so softly she was not sure he had heard her.
"Pray, enlighten me then." Came the terse reply from behind her.
Elizabeth looked to him, her expression hard and her posture tense as she pinned him with and unflinching stare.
"How arrogant you are to presume to dictate my desires, Mr Darcy," she snapped.
The anger flaring within the depths of her gaze only seemed to ignite his desire further. Cursing under his breath, Darcy struggled to still the huger scorching through him. His body and his mind conflicted as he fought the urge to claim her lips.
"I would never presume anything where you are concerned," Mr Darcy stated keeping his tone calm. Needing to distract himself he shrugged out of his jacket, his muscles rippling under his shirt quickening her pulse and causing her to blush hotly.
Allowing herself to watch him as he worked, she noticed with a small triumphant smile, that he was not merely looking away from her, but turning so that he could hide his discomposure.
"Men!" she scoffed, crossing her arms about her chest.
"Pardon?" he queried.
"You are all the same. Driven by your own selfish needs!" Elizabeth accused.
"Is that so?"
"Yes! We only have to look to the master in residence of this very home. Mr Bingley, who is everything an upstanding gentleman should be on the surface… but underneath his smiles and jovial disposition he is just the same."
"You would pass judgement so freely on a situation, you do not fully understand?"
"It does not take an academic to figure out what he did! And with his wife's youngest sister!" she bated, no longer knowing what to believe and lashing out.
"Charles, has no recollection of this incident," replied Darcy.
"Convenient."
Heaving a sigh, he gestured widely with both arms, before planting them firmly on his narrow hips, "I see that you wish to change the topic and I will allow it for now, as I will not have a good man's name abused with such accusations. I have never seen Charles so drunk that he cannot recall the events of an entire evening and what would his reasoning be to indulge to such an extreme that he cannot recall taking your youngest sister to bed?"
"Are you calling Jane, a liar?"
Raking his hands roughly through his already chaotic locks, Darcy shook his head, "Not Mrs Bingley, no."
Letting out a harsh bubble of laughter, "I knew you thought my family beneath you, but to question the moral integrity of an innocent young girl, who does not know the way of the world."
"I know you think very little of men, and it is understandable given your experience. But you have to admit that Miss Lydia's behaviour is callous and insensitive, which makes her appear ingenuine and dishonest."
Gasping her indignation, Elizabeth struggled to find the words to refute his claim.
"If look at it from an unbiased viewpoint. When had Miss Lydia ever shown any inclination to Bingley? Why would she wish to do such a thing to her sister, by insinuating herself between a happily married couple?" he demanded.
"He could have charmed her; he could have forced her." She accused.
"It doesn't add up and would you were not so angry, you would see the gaps and inconsistencies too."
"It appears you are quick to defend Mr Bingley, you believe him superior to Lydia. It is always the same. When a wrong has been done to a woman, who is there to defend her? Who will make it right? Is she always to be held accountable, for simply existing in her womanly form?"
"You speak of an unfortunate reality," he admitted.
"A woman must seek her own justice, it would seem. Our circumstances do not allow that it will be granted to us as easily as it might be a man," she stated with conviction.
"There I feel that you are too harsh in your judgement. Not all men are depraved. I do not believe that simply being a man gives me absolution of wrong-doing."
"You say that, but you are a wealthy gentleman who I doubt would ever know what it is like to be at another's mercy."
"True, but that is not because I am a man, that is because of my principles and my father's example. I will not apologise for my existence! I am proud of my family name and our reputation; it was not easily gained." He said hotly.
"Oh yes, I forgot that you are a man without fault!" She spat more annoyed that he had made valid points and caused more than a little doubt to settle in her mind.
"I am not –"
"Please, do not crowd me. You are close enough," she blurted in a shaky voice, startled by his sudden stride in her direction.
Instantly he stopped mid step, placing his foot instead behind him so as to lean away from her a fraction.
A wave of calm rushed over Elizabeth at the ease with which she had been able to command him. It almost undid her to behold the look in his eyes and the instant affect her words had on him. Darcy had not had a moment's hesitation before stopping. With him it was instinctual, he would never take that which was not given to him. Elizabeth noticed that he shifted slightly as if trying to lessen his height, drawing her gaze again to the ripple of muscle and sinew beneath his white shirt, both a temptation and a warning of danger. It shocked her to realise the warning of danger did not frighten her, but instead heightened her awareness to her attraction to him. Glancing away to hide her emotions, she realised from the look on his face perhaps she had spoken too vehemently.
Darcy's brow furrowed as he studied her, trying to read her thoughts. But then softening his expression he moved with obvious intent to sit in a chair next to him. He crossed one leg over the other and waited, watching her expectantly, giving her the power to continue their conversation or leave without the fear that he would try to stop her.
"I was not thinking clearly, and I spoke out of turn. Not about Mr Bingley, I will never not defend my family. But I do apologise for my accusation towards you. I do not know what to say of my behaviour just now…" she said quietly.
"You need not say anything. If you would like to sit in silence we may. If you would like me to leave, I will. Or if you wish to leave then you do not need my permission nor will I take any offence to you quitting my company," he said gently.
After mulling over the options, he had spoken "I think I should like to stay a little while longer," she said cautiously.
"If you like, but know you may leave whenever you wish," he assured her once more.
Darcy knew not what had startled her, but he knew one thing for certain, Mr Collins should be very careful should he ever find himself in Mr Darcy's vicinity.
"Yes," she said unable to look away, as he placed his hands in his lap and continued to study her intensely. Elizabeth knew Mr Darcy desired her, in fact his gaze held more passion and hunger than her husbands, ever had. It was in the way he looked her, even when angry and arguing with her. The way in which his gaze caressed a path from her hair all the way to the hem of her skirts and back each time he saw her.
"I fear you are disappointed with what you see and what I am, Mrs - Elizabeth," he said softly looking at her once more, a peculiar look crossing his face.
"I thought you said that you would not presume anything where I am concerned?" she teased.
"Ah, I had forgotten your joy for professing opinions which are not your own," he teased back.
Elizabeth seemed to fight an inner war with herself, battling fear and anxiety and through it all remained a stubborn streak of determination.
"You are safe with me, Elizabeth," he assured her quietly.
"Thank you, Mr Darcy. I feel I should like to retire for the evening. I bid you goodnight." Bobbing a small curtsey, she waited for him to stand.
Instead, Darcy offered a small nod, "Goodnight, Elizabeth."
Walking slowly, aware of his eyes on her, watching her, Elizabeth's skin thrummed. Upon reaching the door she turned to look back at him.
"I like you, too." She whispered, watching as his mouth dropped open and his eyes sparked, and then she left and went to her rooms.
The next morning, Anne sat up in bed, trying to muster the strength to get through the day without causing anyone to worry or fuss over her, it was Christmas day after all. Stifling a yawn as her maid came in and set down a tray of tea at her bedside, Anne winced as her ribs and throat expanded awkwardly due to their bruising. She and Fitzwilliam had spent most of the night talking with her and she felt a great relief knowing that he was coming around to her way of thinking. From what she had gathered from his uncomfortable nods and throat clearing, it was Elizabeth who now needed convincing!
Looking over to the door to Fitzwilliam's room, she lifted her hand to get her maid Sally's attention.
"Is Mr Darcy awake?" she said a little weakly.
"No, Ma'am. I just saw his valet and he said he is still abed. Should I ask him to wake, Mr Darcy?" asked the maid, standing.
"Ah, no. Let us allow him to sleep. He's always been early to rise, so he must be tired!" she said with a small smile.
"Of course. Would you like some breakfast?"
"Perhaps in a little while, I am feeling quite content with my tea."
"As you wish," she bobbed.
A knock on the door, drew their attention and Anne was shocked to find Elizabeth hovering in the doorway.
"Elizabeth. Come in, why are you hovering upon the threshold?" she teased.
"Good morning Anne." She said walking over. "I fear I neglected you a little yesterday. How are you feeling?"
"Please, sit. Would you like some tea?"
"Yes, that would be lovely." Elizabeth mumbled, pouring herself a cup.
"Are you going to stand and drink, or do you have time to sit with me a little while?" Anne said giving her awkward position a pointed stare.
"Of course, I am sorry, my mind is a little preoccupied." Elizabeth mumbled.
"Sally, that will be all, thank you." she said dismissing the maid, "Are you well, Lizzy? You look a little tired. Was last night an indulgent one?" she asked with a wink.
"Goodness! Where are my manners? How are you feeling? And happy Christmas!" Elizabeth replied guiltily.
"I am well, I am well, do not fret." Anne replied, chuckling slightly and then frowning at the pain.
"I am sorry, Anne." She whispered, with an uncomfortable blush.
Watching her closely Anne, allowed this moment of silence to figure out how she would broach the topic of the recent developments between Lizzy and Fitzwilliam.
"You are not taking breakfast with Mr Darcy?" she asked looking about nervously.
"No, he is most likely up and riding, you know as well as I by now how he enjoys a good gallop across the rolling countryside." Anne lied.
"Ah, of course!" Elizabeth sighed, visibly relaxing in her seat.
"It pleases me that the two of you are getting along so well. I know he doesn't make the best first impression and with you acting as my companion you will be spending a lot of time with each other. It is nice to know you can be alone together, and you will be keeping him entertained when I cannot," Anne said gently taking a sip of tea.
Elizabeth choked on her tea and began sputtering and patting at her chest in her shock.
"Oh dear, you are very on edge this morning, Lizzy."
"Oh, well, I-I-I…"
"And tongue tied it would appear," Anne teased.
"I am not. I am a little – ah…"
"Why don't you read to me a little, I did not sleep well last night, and it would soothe me."
"Yes!" Lizzy said, jumping up in her happiness for the distraction.
"Wonderful. Would you just go into Fitzwilliam's room and get my book? I left it on his bedside table yesterday when I was stretching my legs." Anne asked innocently. "The doctor says I must not venture far when alone, but I must exercise my muscles," she supplied with a little shrug.
"Mr Darcy's room?" Elizabeth gulped.
"Yes, but it is fine he is not in there, we would have heard him if he had returned." Anne lied.
"And you said it was on his bedside?"
"Yes. It is The Winter's Tale. I shall ring for more tea." She said, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Very well." Elizabeth said standing and smoothing her skirts timidly.
Clearing her throat, she paused with her hand on the door handle nervously.
"Are you sure you wish to read that book? We could perhaps start a new story. I found a book in the library-"
"No, I wish to read that one. It is my favourite." Anne said, cutting off her nattering.
"Of course, I will be right back, I suppose…" she trailed off anxiously raising her hand into a fist to knock.
"Oh, and Lizzy…"
"Yes?"
"There is no need to knock. After all he is not in there," Anne said, with another mischievous gleam twinkling in her soulful eyes.
Nodding and steeling herself, Elizabeth breezed into Mr Darcy's chambers and walked towards the bedside, just as Anne had instructed. She was so preoccupied with retrieving the book as soon as possible she failed to notice the curtains about the four-poster bed, dominating the room were partly drawn.
The room smelled of him. Warm spice, soap and leather and she could see some of his clothes had been discarded over the back of an armchair. Without realising what she was doing, Elizabeth moved towards it and trailed her fingers along the fabric, lingering on the silk cravat, before collecting herself and moving to the bedside table.
Reaching down she picked up the copy of The Winter's Tale and turned at a movement in the corner of her eye. Elizabeth forgot how to breath, clutching the book to her chest as she was confronted with Mr Darcy fast asleep in the bed beside her. Darcy was laying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes as the sheets draped low on his hips and the other arm reaching across the mattress toward her. The blankets only partially covered him, one leg and hip with the jutting bone under the skin were bared to her hungry gaze. His muscled chest was lightly sprinkled with dark hair, trailing in a provocative line down his taut abdomen, and disappearing under the sheet. His thighs were just as impressively masculine – Darcy chose that moment to groan something -startling Elizabeth that she dropped the book.
It landed on the carpet with a muffled thud, which in the tense silence was deafening. Frozen as still as statue, Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't stir. Bending slowly, she collected the book and straightened, looking to Mr Darcy to check she was still safe from discovery and then on the tips toes her way out of the room.
Pulling the door closed quietly she rounded on Anne, who was sitting up innocently nibbling at a piece of shortbread, her shoulders shaking with her barely concealed mirth.
"You did that on purpose!" Elizabeth accused crossly.
"Oh, Elizabeth! You should see the look on your face!" she chortled, grasping at her sides as pain shot through them.
"It is not funny! And it serves you right, that it hurts you to laugh! What if he had woken and found me in there?"
"Do you really wish for me to answer that?" Anne replied with an arched brow.
"I do not understand… What kind of wife, allows another woman to see her husband in the nude?"
"He was nude?" Anne said wiggling both brows this time.
"Anne!"
"All right, all right," she said placatingly. "Come, I feel it is time we had a direct talk, only this time there will be no beating about the bush."
