Author's Note: I'm writing chapters as fast as I can! :) I'm about to leave to go out of state, so I'll catch up on personal thank yous with the next chapter!
"No! I won't go without Mark!" She yanked her wrists free from Grandmama in the carriage at the boat docks.
"Child, hush. You must trust that he knows what he is doing," Grandfather said.
Brigands appeared at the carriage door.
She shot out and flung her arms around him and Teresa. "Did Mark send you for me?" she sniffled and pulled back when Brigands didn't answer.
His and his wife's eyes were red like they'd been crying.
"What's wrong?" Her heart stopped. "Is it about Mark?"
"He sent us to go with you to America. I can't find employment and no one will receive us." Brigands swallowed hard and a tear fell. "He begged me to make sure you get on the boat."
"Why are you crying? What happened?" She spun to his wife in a panic.
"Let's go to your cabin and talk in private." Teresa led her toward the dock.
She looked over her shoulder. Brigands said something to Grandfather, who shook his head and covered a hand over his mouth. Grandmama turned her head into Grandfather and her shoulders shook. "What - ?"
"Come, my lady. We need to tell you something." The woman wiped her eyes. "The master wanted you on this boat. Please come."
A terrible sense of dread washed up. Mark had gotten her a room above deck. Grandfather opened her door with tears in his eyes. Grandmama quietly wept into a handkerchief. Brigands drew a shaky breath and another tear fell from his eyes as his wife clung to his shoulder.
She shook her head and backed up. Something had happened to Mark. Tears welled, but if she didn't go in the room to find out, it wouldn't be real for a few more minutes. "He's fine. He came the day before yesterday. He seemed happy while shopping for baby things at the market, like he had a plan." She gulped in air against the pain in her chest.
Brigands stepped forward and took her hand as he held her eyes. "He came to my house two nights ago. He wanted you to have a chance for a good life. I have to believe that he did have a plan and would've come for you one day."
"What do you mean 'would've'? Where is he?" Her chest heaved.
He wrapped his arms around her. "You need to sit." He and Grandfather guided her into the room.
Grandmama and Teresa sat on the bed on each side and put their arms around her, ignoring their own tears.
Oh god. No. She shook her head.
Grandfather knelt and took her hand as tears streamed down his face.
Brigands took her other hand and his voice cracked. "There was a fire last night." He swallowed hard and sniffled. "Two men saw it on their way home." His lip quivered and he pressed his lips together.
She shook her head and pulled her hands away as the tears fell. It wasn't true.
"They heard Mark inside."
Standing up, she pushed their hands off and walked to the corner of the room, shaking her head and gasping from the sobs. Wrapping her arms around herself, she rocked and bowed her head. If she didn't listen, it wouldn't be true.
Brigands' voice broke. "He didn't come out."
"Noooo!" The scream tore out as tears poured out. "It's a lie! He's fine! He promised to never leave me! He wouldn't do this!" She sank to the ground in the corner in sobs.
Brigands came over and knelt down. "I don't understand why he did it, but he spoke to me oddly that night. He...he said goodbye. I think he believed this was the only way you could find happiness. Maybe it was an accident or maybe he did it on purpose." He reached for her.
"No! He's not dead!" The sobs came in gasps and the room spun. She pushed herself up. "I'm going to find him!"
Grandfather caught her as her legs buckled. "Tanya, the boat left port." He eased her onto the bed.
"You made him leave!" She sobbed and pushed his hands away. "You made him think it'd be better if he was dead than with me! I love him!"
"Tanya - "
"No! Get out! Get out!"
Grandmama gathered her to her chest.
"Go! If you hadn't come, he wouldn't have left!" She pushed away from Grandmama and sank to the floor beside the bed.
Everyone left but Brigands, who silently eased his old bones onto the floor beside her without touching. Tears slipped down his face as he offered his profile. "He wanted me to promise to watch out for you. No matter how dark it gets, I won't leave you," he whispered.
She crawled into his lap like a child needing comfort from a father after a horrible nightmare. Only there was no waking up from this nightmare. "I love him."
"He knew." He held tight and stroked her back. "You loved him enough for a lifetime. And he loved you. So much. It's going to be alright."
She laid on the bed and stared at the wall. After crying so hard that she got ill, Brigands tucked her in bed. Grandmama and Grandfather came, but she just stared as the silent tears continued to slip down. Shock dulled the pain enough to not feel the gaping hole right now.
A knock on the door at dusk. "Tanya? You must eat." Grandfather came in and sat on the edge of the bed.
She just stared at the wall.
"I know you hate me right now, but I need you to believe that I took you away because he asked me to. We had a heated disagreement in the middle of one night because I disagreed with him that it would be best for you. He promised me that he would not ask me to do anything that would hurt you in the end. He wanted to protect you. I asked you to sign the divorce papers because he said it would buffer you from scandal. I thought if you signed them, he might not fight so hard to pull away." His voice cracked. "I thought I was doing what was right. I wish I could take it all back and fight him like you did. I won't blame you if you never want to speak to me again."
Her face crumpled.
He gasped in a breath through the tears. "I loved you the moment I heard you were born, and I will always love you." He moved to go.
She sat up and flung her arms around him. And let the sobs of grief come.
Brigands came in during the night with a lantern, still wearing his clothes. "I thought you might not be able to sleep either."
She sniffled. "I keep remembering when he'd hold me in bed - " The sobs threatened again.
"Let's walk. It'll be good for the babe and you to have some air."
She shook her head.
"Then let's go to the kitchen and see if they have anything to eat."
She shook her head.
"My lady, I know you don't want to eat, but you must for the babe. You've eaten nothing since breakfast. The master loved that babe so much - you must keep up your strength. For his sake."
She nodded.
"I'll bring some things and see what agrees with you, my lady." He left.
Each heartbeat hurt. The ocean waves created a gentle rocking motion. She pushed herself to her feet and held the edge of the bed for support. And closed her eyes. It was like the time Mark had come up from behind and cupped the babe, gently swaying side to side. She held her belly with one hand, almost imagining it was Mark. Tears fell.
Brigands burst through the door minutes later and she startled. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, his eyes huge and the lantern trembling in his hand.
"What is it?" Her heart shot into her throat.
"I...he...it..." Brigands stammered, his face as white as a ghost.
"Is someone after you?"
He shook his head and stepped forward, snatching her hand. "He looks like the master," he breathed.
She cupped a hand over her mouth as the tears welled. "Stop it."
"He looks like a beggar covered in soot, but I swear, it's him."
"Brigands, this isn't funny."
"Come see." He dragged her out of the cabin.
She clutched his hand tight as he pulled her to the back of the boat, beyond the lights of the ship. It was deserted back here. Crates and crates stacked in messy piles and the roar of the waves against the boat motor drowned out any sound.
Brigands must be mad with grief. A stowaway must be hiding back here. This wasn't safe. When she dug in her heels, Brigands just pulled harder as if determined to show her.
He led the path through crates and pulled aside a tarp. Underneath laid a man covered in filth with torn clothes. His hair looked a matted mess and his face had cuts and several days' worth of beard. Dirt and soot obscured his features and skin tone.
Brigands gave her a pointed look.
It couldn't be Mark. This man might be Mark's size - he laid curled on his side, probably drunk. She glanced at Brigands and pushed the man onto his back where he wasn't completely filthy. A pink burn covered part of his forearm that sat at an odd angle.
A burn. Oh god, maybe it was Mark. Her heart beat faster with hope and she grabbed the tarp to roll him onto it and drag him back to the room.
Brigands must've realized her goal because he tried to tug the tarp where it hung overhead on a pole. He pulled and tried to pull it free from a hook.
If this was Mark, he needed medical attention now. She grabbed the tarp and jerked with all her might. It tore free. She knelt on the wet deck and helped Brigands push the man onto the tarp, ignoring the cold spray of the sea. The man certainly had enough muscle to be Mark. He smelled too much of soot and sweat to tell. Then Brigands pointed to his eyes and then the deck. He wanted her to be lookout.
She hurried out on deck and crept down the corridor. Ugh, she should've checked his knee to see if it was him. Probably not wise to take a strange drunk into her cabin. Silence. She waved Brigands to come.
The old man slung the tarp over his shoulder and leaned forward to pull with all his might.
A sailor's whistle came closer. Footsteps echoed on the deck. Biting her lip, she looked back at Brigands who struggled too much to go back. Waving her arms frantically, she glanced behind. A sailor came around the corner.
She darted forward in his path and did the first thing that would send a strange man into a panic - she burst into tears. "I, I..." Turning so the sailor's back was to Brigands, the older man's eyes widened and he froze so the noise of the tarp wouldn't give them away.
"Madam? Are ye lost?"
She backed up and turned in a circle as she nodded, getting him to follow around the corner. "I think I was sleep walking," she sobbed. "I don't know where I am."
The rustle of the tarp started again, so she started wandering down another corridor just fast enough to get the sailor to follow.
"No need for tears. What room?"
Oh goodness, what room indeed that would be away from hers? "I don't know!" she wailed and glanced at the door numbers.
"Well, were you above or below deck?"
Oh dear, the hall came out at the back of the ship where the long tarp still dragged. She spun around and bumped into the man. "I don't know my room number!" A light turned on in one of the cabins. Oops, maybe the dramatics were too much and waking people up.
"There, there. Were you above or below?"
Think! Think! "I was seasick right away. I only know the floor color," she sniffled.
"The floor color?"
She nodded and looked down. "Like this."
His eyebrows rose. "The floor is the same color throughout the ship."
Uh oh. "Take me to the entrance, and I'll be able to find it based on the floor," she sniffled and took his arm.
"Oh, uh, alright." He led the way down some steps and across a long deck.
A quick glance back revealed Brigands pulling the tarp out of the room. The man must be inside. Just a few more minutes.
It was hard not to laugh at the poor sailor's distress as she led him down two halls and insisted they return to the beginning. Third try.
"Madam, I really can go check the ledgers and see what your room is."
Mark may've given a false name for the tickets. "No, I know I'll get it this time."
He sighed and led her on his arm.
She peeked down the hall. The door was closed, so she went to the door, keeping her head down in a pretense to look at the floor. "This is it! Oh, thank you!" The lantern shined in the little cabin window. "I even left the light on! Thank you so much!" She slipped inside and shut the door on the poor baffled sailor.
Her hands shook and she closed her eyes, drawing strength to turn around. Please, God, by some miracle let it be Mark. Grabbing handfuls of her skirt, she braced for the worst. She turned with her eyes closed and drew a deep breath. One, two, three.
