Insomnia
I don't sleep anymore
But can you really describe my resting as sleep
After all I'm not only human
I hate the blood lust
But I need it
I crave it
You can almost say I lust after it
But in the end it doesn't help
I still end up staring at a ceiling
Because I know there is light outside
And I wish to dance in it but
I can't
Not anymore
Because I'm not only human
My eyes have been heavy
For a long time now
But they refuse to close
I've counted sheep
Tried hypnotizing myself
I've taken so many pills
If I were alive I would be dead
And yet I'm still awake
I miss those crystal blues
The ones that used to shut so easily
And allow me to doze without much work
But they have been replaced
By that blood red color
And these eyes see everything
These eyes are eternally tired
These eyes won't rest
I figure I'm going insane
Maybe it's because the thought of eternity scares me
It's did when I was alive
And it still haunts be as I'm dead
I'm sure they all think I'm crazy now
Damn it, I think I'm crazy
Him not being here doesn't help
He only shows up for his own convinces
Never for anyone else's
That's just the way he is
But I wonder does he has problems
With sleeping that is
If I'd ask him
I know he would deny it
He's supposedly all powerful
He allegedly doesn't have a conscience
And when you look in his eyes
You know that his insanity
Is of a different genre than mine
Being conscious too long
Makes one crazy
Hours are drooling enough
Without seeing groups of 24 repeatedly
Lately I've been burying my head in my pillow
Trying to see how long a vampire can survive without air
So far I've gotten to 7 minutes and 45 seconds
But does this even prove that I'm partially living
Maybe if I stopped thinking for a while
I would be able to rest
Or maybe this is my punishment
For not wanting to let go to life
And choosing to cheat death
It's been a week
7 days
168 hours
10080 minutes
604800 seconds
I've counted them all
Inside the back of my brain
Slowly ticking
Like a bomb waiting to explode
Someone help me
My mind can't take this
I'm losing a grip on reality
Or did I even have one in the first place
Insomnia
Don't you have to be living
Insomniac
Is that what I have become
I can't remember
Ever having dreams
I can't forget
The peace and joy of sleep
-Seras Victoria
I wrote this 500 word drabble because I haven't been sleeping as much as I normally do. I think it's because my mom is constantly bothering me. Or it could be my grades. Or maybe I'm being left with too much time to analyze my life and realize that it really sucks. And it doesn't help that 90 percent of my thoughts are pessimistic.
I used to get 10-12 hours a night (On a bad night 8) but that's dwindled to about 2-3 if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I have fallen into a pit of depression. That or I too am really going insane⦠Please read and review. This is my first Hellsing fanfic.
