Insomnia

I don't sleep anymore

But can you really describe my resting as sleep

After all I'm not only human

I hate the blood lust

But I need it

I crave it

You can almost say I lust after it

But in the end it doesn't help

I still end up staring at a ceiling

Because I know there is light outside

And I wish to dance in it but

I can't

Not anymore

Because I'm not only human

My eyes have been heavy

For a long time now

But they refuse to close

I've counted sheep

Tried hypnotizing myself

I've taken so many pills

If I were alive I would be dead

And yet I'm still awake

I miss those crystal blues

The ones that used to shut so easily

And allow me to doze without much work

But they have been replaced

By that blood red color

And these eyes see everything

These eyes are eternally tired

These eyes won't rest

I figure I'm going insane

Maybe it's because the thought of eternity scares me

It's did when I was alive

And it still haunts be as I'm dead

I'm sure they all think I'm crazy now

Damn it, I think I'm crazy

Him not being here doesn't help

He only shows up for his own convinces

Never for anyone else's

That's just the way he is

But I wonder does he has problems

With sleeping that is

If I'd ask him

I know he would deny it

He's supposedly all powerful

He allegedly doesn't have a conscience

And when you look in his eyes

You know that his insanity

Is of a different genre than mine

Being conscious too long

Makes one crazy

Hours are drooling enough

Without seeing groups of 24 repeatedly

Lately I've been burying my head in my pillow

Trying to see how long a vampire can survive without air

So far I've gotten to 7 minutes and 45 seconds

But does this even prove that I'm partially living

Maybe if I stopped thinking for a while

I would be able to rest

Or maybe this is my punishment

For not wanting to let go to life

And choosing to cheat death

It's been a week

7 days

168 hours

10080 minutes

604800 seconds

I've counted them all

Inside the back of my brain

Slowly ticking

Like a bomb waiting to explode

Someone help me

My mind can't take this

I'm losing a grip on reality

Or did I even have one in the first place

Insomnia

Don't you have to be living

Insomniac

Is that what I have become

I can't remember

Ever having dreams

I can't forget

The peace and joy of sleep

-Seras Victoria


I wrote this 500 word drabble because I haven't been sleeping as much as I normally do. I think it's because my mom is constantly bothering me. Or it could be my grades. Or maybe I'm being left with too much time to analyze my life and realize that it really sucks. And it doesn't help that 90 percent of my thoughts are pessimistic.

I used to get 10-12 hours a night (On a bad night 8) but that's dwindled to about 2-3 if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I have fallen into a pit of depression. That or I too am really going insane… Please read and review. This is my first Hellsing fanfic.