see chapter 1 for disclaimer

Chapter 13

Sunday July 14, 1996

Harry found himself wandering the manor. Ever since he had learned of the reading of Sirius' will, it was all Harry could think about. No matter how many times Harry heard that it was not his fault, he couldn't help but think that Sirius would be alive if he hadn't allowed himself to be duped into believing that his godfather was in danger. The urge to cut to take the feelings away was becoming overwhelming. Just as he thought this he noticed his feet had taken him to the door of Severus' lab.

He looked inside to find his guardian working on a potion, as usual. He stood for a moment considering whether to go in or not. He remembered his earlier conversation with Remus about how Snape felt about his potions, and felt his intrusion would probably be unwanted. But both the potions master and Remus had made him promise to come to one of them if he wanted to hurt himself. That was much easier said than done. He felt like he was just being stupid. No one would understand why he felt this way. Except maybe for Snape. Some of the things the potions master had said led Harry to believe that perhaps he might understand.

"Potter."

Harry looked up as Snape motioned him inside. "What do you need, Harry?"

"Nothing," Harry said as he turned to go.

"Come back here, Potter. Something is obviously bothering you."

Harry sighed, turned around and faced Severus, "I just don't really want to be alone, but don't want to be around people, either."

"Well then come here. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but it sounds like it is best that I do not allow you too much solitude right now. You can either just sit, or you can help with this potion."

"I'll help if that's ok."

Severus set Harry to preparing some of the ingredients for the potion. The silence was only broken by Severus' commands on how to prepare the ingredients. Harry found it calming to just stand and work with his hands. About an hour later, Remus walked in. "Is Harry in trouble?"

"No Lupin. He just needed something to do," said Severus.

"Oh, well I was thinking that since it is such a beautiful day, that perhaps you might want a game of one-on-one quidditch. How about it, Harry?"

Severus said, "Go on, it will do you some good to get out of the manor."

Harry followed Remus outside. He really didn't feel like flying, but if he said something then Remus would want him to talk about what was bothering him, and he really didn't want to talk either. He contemplated his morning with Snape. Who would've thought that Severus Snape would understand him? But he seemed to see that Harry didn't always have to talk when he was upset, unlike everyone else. He decided that if he felt that way again he would go back to Snape's lab. Working with him felt nice, in a weird sort of way.


At lunch, Severus reminded Harry that they still needed to meet for their customary conversation that day. Harry still wasn't looking forward to the experience, but followed the man with a little less trepidation than he had the day before.

Once seated back in front of the fire in the Snape's study, Harry said, "So what are we going to talk about today?"

"I asked the first question last time, it's your turn."

Harry looked down at his hands and said, "Well umm...I wanted to know...that is..."

"Spit it out, Harry."

Harry took a deep breath, before saying quietly, "How do you know what it feels like when I want to hurt myself?"

Snape said, "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask that. Look at me, Harry."

Harry looked up and saw Snape bare one of his arms. It was covered in scars. Snape rolled his sleeve back down and said, "The reason I understand is that I used to do the same things myself. The headmaster is the one who found out and helped me to stop."

"Oh."

"Let's move on to something else. I want to hear about how you figured out about the Sorcerer's stone your first year."

So Harry launched into the story of how the trio had found out about the Sorcerer's stone and that someone was going to steal it. He felt a little sheepish telling Snape that they thought he was the one wanting to steal the stone. When he had finished, Snape said, "I hope you know that if you ever do anything so abysmally foolish again that you will be under restriction until you are 30!"

Harry laughed and said, "Is this what it's like to have parents?"

Snape looked seriously at the boy in front of him and said, "Yes, Harry. If you would have had parents to guide you these last few years, things might have been quite different. Did the Dursleys ever speak to you about the flying car incident in your second year?"

"No, but I felt just as guilty as Ron did when he got Mrs. Weasley's howler."

Severus said, "Still, that is not the same as having parents to guide you. Speaking of the Weasleys, have you spoken with Mrs. Weasley at all yet?"

Harry shook his head, and Snape said, "We will rectify that situation as soon as possible. As we have been conversing for well over an hour, I think that will do for today. Is there anything else you would like to talk about before you go get your things ready to leave this evening?"

Harry shook his head. He said goodbye to Severus and went to his room to pack the items he was taking with him.


When Harry heard the now familiar sirens announcing someone had come close to Snape's manor, he reluctantly grabbed the bag he was taking and headed downstairs. He was upset because Snape had suggested that Calypso remain behind. But Fico had appeared and made many promises about taking very good care of the snake while he was gone.

He arrived downstairs to find that Dumbledore had come with a portkey. They arrived at Grimmauld place without incident. The following reunion with his friends was bittersweet. No one seemed to know what to say to Harry. Deciding to move the subject as far away from Sirius as possible, Harry asked them what all had happened in the two weeks he had been away.

All six teens were gathered in the same room he and Ron had shared the previous year. The first thing Harry did when he entered the room was to approach the painting of Phineas Nigellus and remove it, saying to the the affronted wizard, "I'd like my privacy, thank you very much." He proceeded to put the painting in the hall, before returning to the room with his friends.

They sat together discussing the events of the summer that had brought them all to Grimmauld Place. Harry found out that since coming to his godfather's home all of the students had been told they were to see the same counselor Harry had bee forced to see. Neville said, "That therapist thinks I need to work on my fears. So she is going to make me talk to Snape in therapy. It's going to be awful."

Harry gave Neville a look of sympathy and said, "Don't feel bad, Neville. I have to meet with Snape every day to just 'talk'. I thought it would be horrible, but so far it hasn't been that bad."

Ron said, "I can't believe you let him be your guardian, Harry!"

Harry shrugged and said, "He's better than the Dursleys were. You should see my closet. I have a wardrobe full of new clothes, and I'm not starved or locked in my room. And besides, he's different when there aren't other students around."

Ron looked shocked and Hermione said, "We spent a few days around your family, Harry. I for one do not blame you for not wanting them as your guardians."

Harry said, "Why, what happened?"

Ginny said, "When all the houses were attacked, everyone was brought to Headquarters. So we had to put up with your relatives for several days before they were moved to a safe house. I agree with Hermione. They are awful. Your uncle kept demanding to see you, but no one knew where you were. Dumbledore was the maddest I've seen him since the dementor attack last year."

The other teens nodded. Harry said, "Was anyone hurt in the attacks?"

Hermione said, "My parents were pretty shook up, but other than that just some bumps and bruises."

Ron said, "Charlie and Bill had some scorch marks, and mum was really mad, but no one at our house was really hurt."

Neville said, "We had a lot of family at the house, so they weren't really able to get past many of the wards. Gran was upset, but not at me for once. She's actually proud of me for how I acted at the ministry. She bought me a new wand and everything."

Luna said, "We weren't actually home when our house was attacked. We were still at the newspaper when Mr. Weasley flooed us and warned us not to go home."

Harry turned to Luna and said, "I thought you were going on vacation?"

Luna said, "We were set to leave the day after the attack, but that changed everything. Now we have to use the money to replace our house. Daddy says he's just going to build a flat over the newspaper and we will stay there."

Harry found out that the Grangers and Dursleys had been placed in a safe house together. He felt sorry for Hermione's parents.

Nevilles' grandmother and Luna's father had joined the order. Neville had relatives staying at his house placing stronger wards there, and Mr. Lovegood was staying at his shop or at headquarters.

Then the conversation turned to where the group would be spending the rest of the summer. Hermione said, "They keep telling us they're going to move us somewhere safer, but won't tell us anything about where we're going."

Harry blanched. "Y-you don't know?"

So it was Harry's unhappy job to let them all know that they would be spending the rest of the summer after Umbridge's trial living in Snape's manor. The response was immediate. A few of the students just sat there looking shocked, but Neville had a distinctly green look about him. But Ron, well he reacted as only Ron would. He began pacing the room before stopping and shouting that there was no way in hell he was ever going to stay in the same place as the 'slimy git'. He stormed out of the room to find his mum to plead for her to change her mind.

The rest of the students continued to sit in stunned silence for a few moments. Hermione seemed to be the first to recover. She said, "Why are we going there?"

Harry shrugged and said, "Remus said it was because it was safer."

But nothing else was said as the door to the room suddenly popped open, and in stalked the potions master. "Everyone but Potter downstairs, NOW."

The students all scurried to get away from the obviously irate man. He strode out of the room and returned with the empty frame that Harry had placed the the hall. After hanging it up, he turned to Harry. "Explain," he ordered.

"I just didn't want Dumbledore to hear everything I said," whispered Harry.

"And why," said Snape in an exhasperated voice, "did you find it necessary to inform the rest of your cohorts of something we were obviously not ready to tell them?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't think them knowing was that big of a deal."

Severus said, "You need to learn discretion, Potter. There are times when you will carry knowledge that needs to remain hidden."

"I already do," muttered Harry.

Snape ignored Harry's statement and continued, "In this instance, it is only inconvenient. I had hoped to wait until the last moment to tell your friends, in hope that they would not add anymore stress to what promises to be several very difficult days for you."

"Oh," said Harry in a soft voice. "I didn't know."

"That may be," said Snape, "But in the future I wish for you to consider all the consequences of your actions. What if one of your friends were to be caught when we are out and about the next few days? The Dark Lord is unaware at present that I own a manor, but if they were to be caught by one of his lackeys they would be undoubtably tortured for the information. One of the reasons my home is so safe is because very few people are aware of its existence."

"But what about the therapist?"

"She is blindfolded before she portkeys, and the blindfold is not removed until she is safely inside. While she has seen the inside of the manor, she has no idea of its whereabouts."

Harry didn't know what to say to that. Snape must have decided he had said his piece. because he turned and strode from the room. Harry wasn't sure if he was allowed to leave. The potions master had not said that he was restricted to the room, but Harry was taking no chances. He remained where he was mulling over everything the man had said to him.