DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended

a/n: Thanks to all my reviewers. Warning: this chapter talks about self injury...this is the last chapter that will have this, as Harry is going to slowly get a handle on his grief. There is very little changed of the original text other than to place all the events of the day in the same chapter.

Chapter 14

Monday, July 15, 1996

Lupin woke Harry up early. They had to be at the solicitor's office at 8 a.m. for the reading of Sirius' will. They were Flooing to Diagon Alley from Grimmauld Place, and walking to the solicitor's office.

Once everyone had fallen out of the fireplace at The Leaky Cauldron, Harry asked, "Who was Sirius' solicitor?"

Remus said, "Dedalus Diggle. We will be going directly to his office."

The group walked through Diagon Alley until they arrived at Mr. Diggle's office. Once inside a secretary said, "Mr. Diggle will be with you shortly."

But before they had a chance to seat themselves, Mr. Diggle came out and said exitedly, "Come in, come in, everyone."

Diggle appeared to be just as excitable as the last two times Harry had seen him. He bustled around the office gathering parchments before finally settling behind his desk and inviting everyone to sit. Apparently, there were no other people who needed to be at the reading of Sirius' will. Dedalus tapped a parchment on his desk with his wand. Suddenly, Sirius' voice filled the room.

"I, Sirius Black, revoke my former Wills and Codicils and declare this to be my last will and testament. I direct that my just debts and funeral expenses be first paid from my estate."

"I make the following specific bequests be made from my estate:"

"First, to Arthur and Molly Weasly: twenty percent of my Gringott's vault, to be divided as follows: half will go to Arthur and Molly, the remaining half will be divided among Charlie, Bill, George, Fred, Ronald, and Ginevra Weasley. For those of the children who are still under twenty-one, the money will be held in trust until their twenty-first birthday. The trusts will be overseen by Arthur Weasley."

Mrs. Weasley looked like she was going to faint. Sirius' voice continued, "To Nymphadora Tonks" ten percent of my Gringott's vault."

Tonks looked quite surprised. She said, "He didn't have to do that."

"To Remus Lupin: thirty-five percent of my Gringott's vault, along with the family home."

Remus just looked extremely sad. Sirius' voice said, "And finally, to Harry Potter: the remaining thirty-five percent of my Gringott's vault, to be held in trust until his twenty-first birthday, overseen by Remus Lupin."

"My friends and family, I will miss you, and I wish you all the best."

The silence was overwhelming. Harry sat stunned. He did not expect to be given so much from Sirius. His heart ached. He didn't care about the money. He would much rather have his godfather back. He didn't remember much of the rest of the session, except that Remus had him sign a document. Remus led him from Diggle's office back to The Leaky Cauldron. Harry vaguely remembered Flooing back to Grimmauld Place and being led to the parlor, where he had sat ever since. Later that day, a memorial was going to be held at Hogwarts. Harry didn't know if he could handle it, but he knew he had to go.


All too soon, it was time to leave for the memorial. Ron and Hermione had come and tried to talk to Harry, but he just continued to stare into space. How could they understand? They both still had a family, while Harry had lost all of his. They finally gave up and left. Soon after he heard Remus and Mrs. Weasley calling for him to come into the kitchen. He ignored them too, hoping they would also give up and leave him alone. But it was not to be.

Severus came into the parlor and looked at his charge. He could tell the boy was suffering from a mixture of shock and grief. Lupin was caught up in his own bereavement and would be little help today. Severus knew it would be up to him to get Harry through this. He walked over and gently helped Potter to his feet. He said, "I know you do not want to go to the memorial, Harry, but you must. You need closure. I will stay with you as long as you need me."

Harry didn't respond to him, but also didn't fight when Severus steered him into the kitchen to join the others. They were taking a portkey to the edge of Hogwarts grounds. Harry made no move to grab the portkey, so Severus placed the boys hand on it (a sock this time) himself. He stayed behind Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder while reaching and touching the sock with his other hand.

As soon as the group landed, Severus steered Harry to the memorial service. As each person came forward and spoke of what Sirius meant to them, Severus felt the boy lean backward, using him as his support. Severus made no move to stop him. Several order members, and some of the children were giving him strange looks, but he just glared back at each of them in turn. He knew this was ruining his reputation as the snarky potions master who cared for no one, but he found that he didn't care. He had come to take his role as Harry's guardian very seriously, and was beginning to be as protective of him as he was of his Slytherin students.

A few people came up after the memorial to offer their condolences to Harry. Harry just nodded as each person spoke, not really responding to anyone. How could they understand? There were no tears today, just a profound sense of loss and emptiness deep within his soul. Severus kept the promise he had made in the parlor and never left his side. Finally Remus came up to Harry. He pulled him into a hug, telling him it would get better. Harry allowed the hug, although he couldn't bring himself to believe what Remus was saying. It would never be better.

Later, the headmaster tried to talk to Harry. Harry spoke for the first time, looking at Dumbledore while saying, "I have nothing to say to you." There was a hint of anger in his voice.

Dumbledore looked older than Severus had ever seen him. He looked at Harry and said, "If you change your mind, let Severus know," and then gave Severus a pointed look before taking his leave.

Harry said, "I want to go home."

Severus sighed and said, "Soon, Harry. We'll be leaving for headquarters momentarily."

He steered Harry back over to where Dumbledore was and said, "Mr. Potter wants to go home. I need an extra portkey."

Dumbledore reached into his pocket, and brought out a stone. He pointed his wand at it and said, "Portus." He placed the stone in Harry's hand. Severus also touched the stone and a moment later, Harry felt the familiar tugging at his navel.

They landed in the kitchen of headquarters. Severus led Harry back into a room that had been set up as a makeshift lab. Severus transfigured one of the chairs into a couch and directed Harry to lie down. Harry didn't argue. He was feeling tired after the events of the day. The next thing he knew, Severus had placed his hand on his forehead and muttered an incantation. Harry fell asleep immediately.

Severus took the time while Harry was sleeping to begin working on the wolfsbane potion for Lupin. By the time everyone else returned he was finished. Lupin came down to check on Harry, and Severus had him take the potion. Remus said, "Molly will have dinner ready in just a few minutes. Do you think we should wake him?"

Severus said, "Go ahead. I will be up in a few minutes when I've finished here."

Remus woke Harry up and told him it was time to eat. Harry tried to say he wasn't hungry but Severus was adamant that he try to eat something. Before he left, Severus made Harry promise to come find him if he started having a hard time. Severus began work on another potion. He believed Harry would need a sleeping potion tonight, and it was most effective fresh. About an hour later there was a knock at the door.

"Enter," said Severus.

Hermione entered Severus' workroom looking quite distressed. "Yes, Miss Granger?"

Hermione looked nervous, but determined. She said, "Professor, I'm really worried about Harry. He got really quiet and then took off. None of us know where he went, and I'm afraid he might do something."

Severus sighed. He knew he shouldn't have allowed the boy out of his sight. He said, "Come here, Miss Granger."

Hermione obeyed. Severus pointed to an hourglass on his workbench and said, "This potion must simmer until the hourglass is empty. Then it must be taken off the fire immediately. Can I trust you to follow these instructions?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well. I will go find Mr. Potter."

Harry found himself sitting in a closet. Once dinner was over, Harry didn't want to be around anyone and had been walking around Grimmauld Place. He came to the room that used to house Buckbeak. It had been cleaned and Buckbeak was no longer there. Harry supposed the hippogriff had been given back to Hagrid or set free. He was drawn to the closet. It housed all of Sirius' clothes and if he closed his eyes he could imagine his godfather there.

Harry was surprised to find a knife similar to the one Sirius had given him. Harry sat down and held it. It felt cool in his hands. Harry had not had access to anything with which he could hurt himself since Snape had retrieved him from the Dursleys. He felt overwhelmed with the urge to cut in order to feel something other than the emptiness that threatened to overtake him. He cut once, and was bringing the knife down to make another slice when a strong hand grabbed his arm. He looked up to see Snape looming over him.

Snape plucked the knife out of his hand, pulled out a bandage and cleaned off the knife before closing it and depositing it in his robes. Harry said, "That's not your knife!"

Snape said, "And it is not yours either, Mr. Potter."

Harry had learned in the last week that the only time Snape said Mr. Potter was when he was angry. This could not be good. Snape reached down and grabbed Harry's uninjured arm and helped him to stand. He then pointed to a chair in the bedroom and instructed Harry to sit down.

Severus reached into his robes and pulled out a healing potion and more bandages. The boy had cut himself quite deep this time. It would take several administrations of the potion before the cut was healed, and it would have to be bandaged. After dressing the cut, Severus sat down in a chair across from Harry. "Why did you do this?"

Harry wouldn't look up. He whispered, "I don't know."

Severus gazed at Harry for a few moments and said, "I believe you do know, Harry."

Harry looked up at Snape. He couldn't even bring himself to believe that Snape wouldn't understand, because ever since he had seen the scars on his guardian's arms the previous day he knew that Snape did. So lying or hiding the truth was out of the question. He said, "I just wanted some relief."

"Relief from what?"

"Feeling like it is all my fault. Missing him. The emptiness."

Severus said, "I have told you this before, but I shall reiterate: Your godfather's death was not solely your fault. Yes, there were things you could have done differently. However, you are a 15 year old boy, not the savior of the wizarding world. It will take awhile for your grief to pass. It is completely normal for you to miss him. But when you hurt yourself you are just delaying working through the feelings you are experiencing. Tell me, how long does the relief last when you cut?"

"Not very long."

"Hmm...so do you think this is a good way to handle the feelings?"

"No," said Harry very quietly.

"You've been doing other things when that desire comes upon you this week, and I have actually been quite impressed with your actions. Why did you not come and find me?"

Harry just shrugged his shoulders. Snape continued. "Do you realize how dangerous it was for you to use an unknown knife?"

"What do you mean?"

"The knife could have been cursed. It could have caused you a great deal more harm than you meant to make."

"I didn't think of that."

"I thought not. And do you perhaps remember what I told you the day I found out you were harming yourself?"

Harry gazed at his hands and said, "You said that I would regret it if you found any more marks on my arms."

"And you probably shall. For the time being, your safety is my greatest concern. Until you are in a better frame of mind, you will not be spending any time alone. Follow me"

Severus led Harry to his workroom. Hermione was bottling the potion. She said, "I hope you don't mind, professor. I read the rest of the instructions."

"That's fine, Miss Granger. You are dismissed."

Hermione tried to get Harry's attention as she left, but Harry didn't look up. He didn't want her to know what he had done. Severus walked over to a desk and pulled a small box out of a drawer. He returned, opened the box, and pulled out a bracelet that he put on Harry's arm. He then pulled out another bracelet and put it on his arm. "This is a locator bracelet. It will allow me to locate you any time I need to. Do not try to take it off. You can't."

Harry reached down and tried to take the bracelet off. He jumped when the bracelet shocked him. "Ow, that hurt! You promised not to do anything that would hurt me."

"The bracelet will not harm you unless you try to remove it. I warned you not to try and take it off. I've used this particular consequence with my Slytherins at times and have found it rather effective."

"How long do I have to wear it?"

"Until I decide you are no longer a danger to yourself."

Harry scowled at Severus and said, "I don't like this. It's not fair. I'm being punished for having a bad day."

Severus turned to face Harry, looking very serious at him. He said, "I told you earlier that your safety was my greatest concern. This is not about punishing you, although it may feel that way right now. If I didn't do things you didn't like sometimes, then I would not be acting like a good role model. The bracelet I am wearing will help me locate you and alert me if you are hurting yourself. Would you rather be restricted to being within my sight 24 hours a day?"

"No," said Harry resentfully.

"Very well. It is almost bedtime, and I wish to speak with Molly about the sleeping arrangements. Come with me."

Much to Harry's dismay, he was not allowed to room with Ron that night. Mrs. Weasley had Neville move to Ron's room and he had to stay in a room with Snape. After going to the bathroom to change into his pajamas, Harry returned to the room and lay down. Severus came in a few moments later and instructed Harry to take a potion, explaining that he thought it best if Harry took some dreamless sleep potion. Harry didn't argue. He didn't particularly want to deal with the nightmares tonight.

Tuesday, July 16, 1996

The next thing Harry knew someone was shaking him to wake him up. Severus said, "Get up, dressed, and go downstairs. Breakfast is ready."

Harry didn't say anything, but as soon as Severus left the room he got up and walked to the wardrobe to pick out his clothes for the day.

Once he had dressed, Harry headed downstairs to the kitchen. When he entered everyone suddenly got quiet. "Nice to know no one's talking about me," he muttered before sitting down next to Ron.

"We're just worried about you, mate. You've been so quiet lately," said Ron.

"Yes Harry, we just want you to know we're here for you if you need to talk," said Hermione.

"I don't feel like talking right now. Okay?" asked Harry as he piled his plate with food.

"Okay, Harry," said Hermione.

Harry ate the rest of his breakfast in silence. The grief he had been feeling yesterday wasn't nearly as bad today. When he had finished Severus came up behind him and said, "Ms. Goldman is here, Potter. It is time for your session."

Harry sighed. He had not expected to have to see the therapist again so soon. He entered the parlor to find not only the therapist, but also Remus and Severus. Apparently, it was going to be a joint session today.

Once the four sat down, Ms. Goldman said, "I heard you had a difficult day yesterday."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

Harry told her about going to the reading of Sirius' will, and the following memorial. He was going to gloss of the episode the evening before, but one look from Severus let him know that he was going to have to tell them what happened. Afterwards, Ms. Goldman said, "Harry, I know you feel very sad about your godfather's death. It is normal to feel what you are feeling right now. What concerns me is that you are isolating and not letting those that are still here let you know how much they care for you. I want you to make sure to spend some time with your friends, as well as your guardians and godparents. They can help you through this."

Harry nodded, and Ms. Goldman continued, "In addition, I would like you to write a letter telling your godfather goodbye. You can say anything you want, tell him anything you want to say that you never got a chance to. Next week we will go over it, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Remus said, "I'm sorry I could not be there for you like I wanted to yesterday, but you know that you can come and talk to me anytime, right?"

Harry said, "Yeah, I know."

Ms. Goldman said, "Well, I think that is enough for today. Professor Snape, please send Ron in."

Severus nodded, and the three stood up to leave. Remus said he was going to lie back down, as he was still very tired from his transformation. Severus turned to Harry and said, "Do you have any homework to do?"

Harry shook his head. Snape gave him a long look. "Can I trust you to not go wandering off alone today?"

"Yes, sir," mumbled Harry.

"Very well. I will allow you to join your friends. Tell Mr. Weasley that it is his turn to see the therapist. If you have any problems, you will come see me at once. Agreed?"

Harry nodded. Snape walked off in the direction of his makeshift lab, and Harry returned to the kitchen to give Ron the bad news.