Title: My Skin

Author: Sey (changed my pen name :D )

Disclaimer: I don't own em' I just write about em'.

Warnings:
You
And Your
Obscene
Intentions

Type: Smut

Jibber Jabber: I don't know if you can actually get "turned on" by my writing…hmm…its not really "sexy" its more… I dunno… emotional … descriptive? That may not be the right word but oh well.

I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed my story. Without you guys, I would have no reason to continue it.

I didn't really intend for this to be 3 chapters. But so much has happened (Katrina, no internet access) that I just decided to post what I had so far. I think I have a problem with tenses…I switched a lot in this chapter. Eh oh well.

Songs That Inspired This Fanficion:

"My Skin" By Natalie Merchant – "Take a look at my body. Look at my hands. There's so much here that I don't understand. Your face saving promises. Whispered like prayers. I don't need them... I've been treated so long, as if I'm becoming untouchable.

Well contempt loves the silence. It thrives in the dark. With fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart. They say that promises sweeten the blow, but I don't need them. No, I don't need them…I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel sweet love of my life. O, I need this. Do you remember the way that you touched me before? All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored.

Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers. O, I don't need them. I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness. O, I need this. I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angel sweet love of my life. O, I need this. Well is it dark enough? Can you see me? Do you want me? Can you reach me? O, I'm leaving.

Better shut your mouth and hold your breath, kiss me now and catch your death. O, I mean this."

I was laying there on the ground trying to soak up what was left of me, what was left of my wavering innocence. I did not receive any sweet nothings whispered into my ear. The only sound I received was the silent ringing that was bouncing off the walls, with my pounding heart joining in for an erratic duet.

I felt something slide across me, spreading a warm and wet liquid down my thigh. I could feel the fluid begin to dry against my skin. It wistfully reminded me of the way Yuki's kisses dried on my skin. I knew somewhat of what was supposed to happen, but I didn't know exactly how everything was going to take place. My body tensed again; countless times it has done that. My body was refusing his probing. My mind was refusing to enjoy this unfamiliar sensation. My muscles tightened around his finger, my stomach was beginning to wane. This isn't how it is supposed to feel. I'm supposed to be whimpering in pleasure, instead of silently crying in protest.

My voice was burning my throat. The rancid taste of choked air, the bitter stinging of a salty solution seemed to be the only ones who could transmit my pleading. Once again I dug my nails into the hard wooden floors, scratching at their panels, refusing as much as they were to give up my fight.

A second one surveyed into my body. My body lifted itself up off the ground, demanding that he stop his estrangement. His fingers were trying to tear my muscles apart. I continued to inform him this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want his body; all I needed was his heart, or what was left of it. All I needed was his gentle kisses when I came home from being beaten down at NG. All I needed was the light smell of his cigarettes, cologne, and endorphins mixing into his shirt and surrounding me when I buried myself in it. I just needed him to hold me when I couldn't stand this world anymore, when I couldn't stand being away from him anymore. I only needed his everything. Was that too much to ask for?

He seemed to be ignoring me. I was trying to explain to him through the blazing feeling in my throat, and the cold blinding feeling of my tears, that his fingers were in to far. That his motions of opening and closing his fingers repeatedly were ripping at my insides. Yuki just tried to kiss me, to silence me, as I pushed on his chest.

Now that I look back on it, I was so selfish not to notice his horror, his feelings of helplessness. He wasn't kissing me to silence me, as I had thought on the cold ground of that dim apartment; it was the only thing he knew that I enjoyed. The only thing that I begged him to do to me was kiss me, never to touch my body.

Yes. Now that I look back on it, I can clearly remember the slight glint of horror in his eyes that the shadows disguised in the darkness. The way I screamed and pleaded must have brought back horrible images and memories for him. The way I struggled against his touch must have been a disgusting taste of nostalgia that left a bitter flavor in his mouth.

I could feel his warm moist lip capture my bottom one, his tongue gently petting at my lip, his teeth sometimes tugging at it. He was making the skin that covered it flare bright red. I could feel my pulse everywhere, as if I had thirty different hearts scattered throughout my insides.

My stomach was pulsating with the beat of my heart. My lips were being filled with blood to the brim. It amazing that I had even that much blood to spare. I wanted to graze my fingers across my lips. They felt unusually heavy. So heavy that I wasn't able to keep my mouth closed for very long. It gently hung open, my bottom lip acting as an anchor. I could feel my tiny pants past by them. They always seem to be so sensitive, even after just one tiny kiss. Do they want more contact? Or is it just simply the moisture drying on them?

I could feel the blood crashing into the tips on my fingers and shooting back up into my arms, running as fast as it could to keep me alive. Which at that moment, I didn't see the reason why it should even try. I didn't feel very much alive at all. Everything was hazy, and rather fuzzy. My skin was tingling slightly, as if every limb in my body was falling asleep. I wanted to do nothing but feel. Feel my skin, my lips, and my face. These new sensations intrigued my curiosity. I kept getting 'that feeling' in my stomach, and right afterwards goosebumps would attack my skin.

I could feel my pulse elsewhere also, but I was too embarrassed to even think about it.

Ah! He's was kissing my neck. Again I got that momentary feeling in my stomach. As if I was going one hundred and seventy miles an hour over a steep hill and down it again. Some people say it's your stomach dropping, but to me, it kind of feels as if it's just nuzzling into itself or curling into a ball like a cat would do. I stretch my shoulders downward and my head upwards, extending my neck. Am I trying to make more room for him to kiss, more skin for him to explore? Or is it just another relaxing reflex? Oh, here they come. Tiny numb prickles pushing up under my skin. They always make me feel as if I need to rub them to make them go away, or try and gently brush them back into my skin, but I didn't have any room on my own skin to do that. Yuki's hands were subconsciously doing it for me. His actions made me giggle slightly.

Oh no. I drew his attention away from my neck. The feeling in the pit of my stomach had changed. I wonder if I try and look seductive, will he start kissing me again? Oh gods I hope so.

I looked away slightly to my right. Making my eyes only stay half open. I really was kind of sleepy, or maybe I was a little anesthetized. I tried to make myself truly realize the situation so that I could blush more furiously than I already was, but that might not be such a good idea. I might pass out from the lack of blood flowing through my body. I already feel slightly lightheaded. I slid my thumb across my lower lip to try and cause any sort of attention to it. Was it working? Was he staring at me and silently telling me to move my thumb? I didn't want to look at him.

I heard the familiar sound of metallic teeth being pried apart, and I knew what was to come next.

"The quicker I get it in, the less it will hurt, right?"

No! No! Wait! That's not what my look was supposed to be telling you to do! Was it too seductive? Or was he turned off by the look? Did it look like I was trying to hard? I bet I looked like a complete idiot. Shit. Now how am I supposed to be cute after that little stunt? I can only imagine what he was thinking. 'Jesus you brat, stop trying to act like you're experienced. You look dense when you're making that face, like you're a little slow in the head. Maybe if I get this done and over with as quickly as possible I won't have to feel embarrassed for you anymore.'

I can just imagine it.

My body went into minute convulsions, spasms if you will, picking itself up off the ground only to knock itself back down with just as much force. My voice was cracking, breaking, pleading, and begging. My body was trying to rip his grip off of it. His face was contorted with confusion, anger, or was it dismay? His fingers digging into the pale flesh that wrapped around my arms. My hips were pushing against the ground, pushing my body away from his. He yelled for me to calm down. He yelled at me to stop. His ambers eyes were frantically dancing around my face, my body, not knowing what to do, or what do say.

Then he kissed me. Finally, that was what I wanted. My body's convulsions were brought to a minimum. Whenever I would meekly jerk away, his grip would catch me. I made a slight noise against his mouth. Adrenaline replaced my blood. I had not a drop left in me. I was running on a pure rush. What would I have done if I had actually gotten away from him? Would I have really been able to run outside, bare as the day I was born. Would I have really been able to run home, and explain to mother, to sister, to father, that I had almost been raped by a beautiful man who had an infamous reputation for being a skirt chaser. Could I run to Hiro's house which was countless miles away from this apartment? Would I have ever been able to come back to this place to face him?

I felt something press against my entrance, and subconsciously, Yuki's grip tightened around me once more. His breath was heavy against my cheek as his tongue taunted mine. I could feel the flaring, burning sensation of my skin under his hands, and I could feel the smoldering wave of his heat that ricocheted off of my skin.

He entered me, and my innocence was no more.

The raw feeling, the raw sensation, made my stomach turn inside out. He clenched his fingers even more tightly around my bruising flesh and hissed inwardly as his shoulders caved slightly inward. His lips were pursed together with such force that the blood had seemed to drain from their surface only to reveal the beautiful color of his skin. I could feel his abdomen tighten and slightly uncoil. I noticed the tense definition in his jaw from his teeth being clinched together.

His beauty astounded me. The pain caused an even greater, if possible, adrenaline surge throughout my body. Maybe it was drugging me. Maybe it was causing me to not be myself. The way his shoulders heaved up and down. The bone that jutted out from where his collar bone seemed to meet it's end was begging to be licked, or nibbled.

The muscles in his arms slightly straining, holding up his up body; I want to cling to him. I want my skin to touch his. I want to breathe the same rhythm as him. I want to see how my lips feel against the dip in his neck as I hold onto him. I want to immortalize him, to preserve this image, this man, this love.

I only heard him murmur something about 'tightness' as I was being split apart. I blinked almost feeling a loathing sensation come over me as I relived what my mind, this man's body, was making me do and think, but another part of me liked it. I hated that part of me at this moment. There was too much friction, to much frantic movement. Yuki grabbed the crook of my leg and lifted it dangerously high. A constricting feeling shot through my thigh and hip, it seemed to be ripping apart each tendon as it traveled its way through my muscle. I jerked and contorted until Yuki lowered my leg.

I tried to calm myself, I tried to breathe, and I tried not to think about the pain that was triggering every nerve in my body to panic.

I felt him press up against something inside of me, and all of a sudden Yuki's movements became smoother, less forced. It strained out a sudden moan in me. I gripped onto him. If anyone, but for the love of the gods I hope not, was watching us, they would've seen me as a pitiful human being; an almost full grown man clinging to another in such a deplorable fashion.

I tried to match my breathing with his, as I had wanted, but it was impossible. My heart was taking up too much space in my chest; getting larger with every beat, compressing my lungs, dying to escape. My whole body was shaking. I was creating scattered air against Yuki's shoulder.

"Breathe Shuichi. Don't think. Just feel me; my body." His voice was deeper. Something in it seemed overwrought and lost. If I was to speak would my voice sound like that? I was too afraid to find out. I don't know if his words helped or harmed the situation.

It caused goosebumps to flare against my skin again. Spreading from my upper arms and sending an electric shock straight down my back that ended and nestled into the base of my spine. Was it his words, the way he said it in "that tone", or was it both? I tried to do what he told me to. I swallow a harsh feeling in my throat, unwilling to go down to my unsettled stomach without a battle.

I felt his skin and bone mix together against mine. His hip bone was digging into me. I felt the pads of his ever-to gentle fingers sliding along my sides which made the goosebumps retaliate against his hands. My head fell back, my neck stretched backwards, and my voice failed me. It passed through my throat. It was hot and light, exactly like Yuki's body heat that was floating atop my skin. One of my hands automatically fled for my mouth, but Yuki pulled it away.

"No. You're supposed to do that. It's a good thing."

No. That voice. It seemed to flow through the lust he felt. I fidgeted gently under his body, which only successfully rubbed his smooth skin against mine, creating more friction and heat. Was I trying to run away from that voice? The only thing I knew was that it was sending volts of stimulating electricity throughout my entire body, and it scared me. I've never entirely lost myself, and the thought of doing so, loosing every unadulterated inhibition, frightened me.

"Do you want me to do it too? I can say your name if you'd like. Do you want me to be someone else, maybe someone from my books?"

I almost cringed away from his voice, but something inside me told me not to show it on my face. It told me to try as best as I could to keep eye contact with him.

My poor, poor Yuki, what had his disgraceful fan girls done to him? Did they want him to be their dream man, their wildest fantasy?

"No." I whispered against the upper part of his chest, holding onto him for dear life, afraid that these words might take my own. "Just be you. Yuki Eiri, just be him." My voice didn't come out like his. It had a little bit of a higher pitch to it, a helpless pitch, or was it hopeful?

I felt something pause in Yuki. I felt something in him hesitate. His breathe hitched. This scared me more than my incapability to control my body. The silence in the room made me shake even harder. I wanted to cry. I disliked not being able to stop the trimmers, and the more I focused on them to try and stop them, the more violently I shook.

"Yuki?" I lay back down on the ground. My face contorted at the pain I felt as the light wood pushed harshly against my spine. He began moving again. I blinked. I swallowed. I breathed. I blinked a hundred times more. I don't understand. His breath was getting quicker and his muscles were getting visibly tighter.

Ow! He thrusted harshly into me and against me. Ow. His pressure was hurting me. "Ow!" I was finally able to say it out loud. "Ow." I said quietly, more vulnerably than before. I shut my eyes and in an instant I felt something inside of me; something warm that seemed to spread out inside my body like an infection. I opened my eyes to see Yuki panting slightly. His faced was flushed.

Wow. He was incredibly… incredibly cute? Or is it handsome? It was a light pink that matched perfectly with his light skin. I want to laugh slightly, but I choose not to. It would be a rather inappropriate moment to. Even if I did, it would've been a nervous laugh. Yeah, a nervous inappropriate laugh; just like the ones you accidentally do at funerals.

I quickly and apprehensively laugh. Shit. I did it. Let's see how many times I can look like a complete moron tonight. My eyes set onto a patch of skin on his chest. Was this it? I've heard people say 'It's not like it seems in the movies. It's not like that at all.' But, was it really like this? My 'excitement' had died. I was thinking too much again.

He pulled out of me. I'm sure a made a face. I didn't like that feeling. It made me feel rather empty, but not in a literal sense. "Come on." Yuki kneeled beside me and used the crook of his arms to lift me up off the ground. Thank goodness he had answered my other question; was I supposed to lie on the floor all night. "I…I can walk." I said meekly. Not actually sure that I could.

"Trust me. You can't" How could he tread around like that? Didn't he have any shame?

"And you'll get stuff on my floor." It took me a few moments to realize what he was talking about. When I finally did I could feel my eyes widened to the brink and a blush tinge my cheeks.