A/N: Well, this is the second chapter to 'My Greatest Fear' which people liked more than I expected they would. Most people wanted an update so here it is. I couldn't just leave it, though. I'm not one to leave a story half finished, others things maybe, but never stories. Unless I get writer's block but I still finish them! Anyway, it felt incomplete so I thought I'd write another chappie.
Disclaimer: Okay, if I were Tammy, do you seriously think I'd be sitting at my computer writing 'What If?' fanfic's of all things?
Enjoy this chappie! Remember though, this is from Neal's POV!
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My Greatest Fear
Chapter 2: It's Not Important
I stood and my new shield was put onto my arm. Cheers erupted from the crowd behind me and I turned to face them.
Most of the people there were courtiers that I'd never actually met. The other more important people were my friends and family. They were the ones whose opinion mattered the most.
I walked down to join them all. They gathered around me. All of them; Father, Mother, Dom, my younger sister Alissa, Merric, Owen, Faleron, Roald, Shinko, Yuki and Kel. Dear, sweet, Kel; as steadfast and beautiful as ever. I stared into her dreamy hazel eyes and smiled. She smiled back. In her eyes I saw her pride and love but love for an older brother, surely. If only she knew how I felt. I had to tell her but I couldn't do it in front of everyone. It wouldn't be right; especially if she didn't feel the same way. I was jolted out of my thoughts by Owen.
"Show us your shield, Neal!" he asked, excited.
I obliged and watched as his eyes widened. He was like a child, Owen, like our baby brother.
"Oh, Neal isn't that just jolly! You're a knight! Can I try on your shield later?"
Everyone laughed, Owen blushed and Merric roughed up his hair in a brotherly way.
"Very good work Neal," said my father's voice.
I turned to face him and was swept up in my mother's arms. She was crying; tears of joy or sadness that her baby boy had grown up, I didn't know.
"We're so proud of you, Neal," she said, pushing away but framing my face with her hands. "When you left the university I didn't know what we'd do. I thought there was no hope."
Behind me one of my friends snickered (probably Dom) and I smirked. In a sarcastic voice, I said, "Well Mother, thanks for that. At least now I know who to go to for support."
Kel laughed and I realised then what a beautiful and carefree laugh it was.
My sister Alissa hugged me around the chest. "Congratulations Neal! I knew you could do it! I'm so happy for you!"
I patted her on the back. "Thanks, 'Lissa. That means a lot."
"Congratulations Nealan. You must be very happy."
I turned to find the person who had addressed me so formally. Sure enough, it was Yuki. Poor Yuki. She loved me. Or at least she thought she did. She deserved so much better than me and so much more than what I could give her.
"Yes, I am very happy. Thank you Yuki."
Something in my voice made her frown, bewildered. Then she gave a small sigh and backed down.
Yuki said, "You should take your shield to your room. You haven't owned it half a candle mark, and already you leave it to gather dust."
"She's right you know Neal," Kel said and grinned. "Come on, we'll take your shield to your room and then we can go eat. I hear the kitchen staff made extra vegetables, just for you."
I groaned. "Oh, joy! A rendezvous with the love of my life! Broccoli!"
Kel laughed and I flung my free arm around her shoulders as we walked to the doors. Everyone else went to the mess hall. My family would be eating at Lord Wyldon's table this evening.
Kel and I strolled to the squire's hall in companionable silence. It was the type of silence that only two people who had grown to love and care about each other through every imaginable situation could ever be content with. We didn't need to talk. Not that it mattered; we were probably on the same wave length anyway.
"How does it feel?" Kel asked, out of the blue.
"How does what feel?"
She playfully slapped my chest. "Being a knight, of course. What do you think I'm talking about?"
"Oh, that. Well," I seriously thought about it. "I don't feel any different. I expect I'll wake up very proud of myself tomorrow but right now, nothing. Unless you count relief."
She frowned. "Relief?"
"Yeah. I'm not a squire any more. I don't have to live on the road with Alanna any more. That's a blessing. And I've gotten through the ordeal in one piece."
"What was the ordeal like?"
I frowned down at her. "You know I can't tell you what happened."
"I didn't ask you to. Just… what was it like?"
I sighed. "It was… the hardest, saddest, most terrible thing I've ever experienced. I've no wish to ever do any of it again. I don't know how I'll sleep when you're in there."
She smiled at my concern for her. "I'll be alright, Neal. Don't worry. How bad could it be?"
The look that must have been in my eyes at that moment must have scared her because she unconsciously pushed herself closer to me and shivered, as if she were cold.
We arrived at my door and I unlocked it. Inside, stacked by the door, were my bags. Tomorrow I'd leave for my formal quarters in another part of the palace.
I put my shield on a stand and threw a cloth over it. I turned back to Kel and found her staring at my bags, mournfully.
I frowned. "Kel? What's wrong?"
Without looking up, she said, "Isn't it funny how fast time goes? It seems like only yesterday that we met and now here we are, a squire and a new knight, and you're moving out."
"Is moving rooms such a bad thing?"
"Not really but it just drives home how much we've all grown and changed. We're not the same people we were, Neal."
"That can't be all that's bothering you. You always welcomed change. Tell me what's really wrong."
Kel sighed. "There's no fooling you is there? It just feels that, by you moving rooms, you're really moving far, far away and leaving me. Do you know how sad I was when I had to go away suddenly with the King's Own? All I could think of was waking up the next morning and knowing you weren't going to be there."
I walked to her and took her in my arms. "Kel, I'm not going anywhere; not yet, but eventually something's going to come up and one of us will have to leave."
Kel nodded into my neck but I felt moisture there so I pushed her away to get a better look. She was crying.
Kel hurriedly tried to wipe away her tears but didn't succeed; they just kept flowing.
"Kel," I said and took out a kerchief to absorb her tears with. "Don't cry. Please. I hate it when you cry. I feel so helpless."
She sniffed and said in a choked voice. "Neal, you've never seen me cry."
I realised then that she was right. I'd only seen her cry a few hours ago in the Chamber.
I had to tell her. She had a right to know. I took a breath. "Kel… there's something I need to tell you…"
I was interrupted at that moment by a growl from our poor, underfed stomachs. Kel giggled and wiped away the rest of her tears. I never thought I'd hear Kel giggle. I smiled.
"What did you want to say Neal?"
I opened my mouth to reply but suddenly found that I'd lost my nerve. Kel frowned, confused that I had nothing to say.
Finally, I said, "Nothing. Let's go to dinner. We're both hungry."
I went to the door and she said, "But… Neal…?"
I looked at her and smiled tenderly. "Don't worry about it. I'll tell you another time. And anyway… it's not important."
A/N: So, there it is. I don't think it's as long as the previous chapter but it's still a chapter. I guess this story will continue on for another couple of chapters. I'll try and update ASAP but I don't have a draft for this story so I'll have to think of what to write. This was only supposed to be one- shot.
Well, now that I've had my rant, click that little bluey- grey box in the corner and review!
