Hello everyone! I'm sure this is a shock to everyone who is a fan of my work since it has nothing to do with Total Drama. I feel I need to broaden my fan-fiction horizons. I'll go into my main reason for this brief sample in the closing author's notes but I'll share my second reason here. I've recently become a HUGE fan of both Disney's "The Owl House" as well as Sir Terry Pratchett's AMAZING "Discworld" series! But I haven't written anything for either of those properties…yet! Also, I wanted there to be at least one crossover between these things, even if it is just a short one that I may or may not expand upon later.

This sample takes place during the events of the Owl House episode "Adventures in the Elements." It is at the point where Eda, Ermia, and Erdic are trapped in the Slitherbeast's cave. The basic idea is this, what if the joke Luz made became true?

Here is the first ever crossover between The Owl House and Discworld: The Owl Lady's Parler Avec Macabre


The Slitherbeast hacked up a human-sized wad of sticky dark purple phlegm to one of the walls of its cave lair. One giant paw was shoved into the expelled muck, and a trio of freshly caught prey was ensnared by its sticky properties. Prey to saved for future consumption in the icy cave. For reasons unknown, the hulking creature ran off.

"Don't worry," Said Emira Blight, the prey in the middle of the Slitherbeast's phlegm. She was a talented green-haired teenage female witch who was putting up a brave face, showing an adorable little smile of lingering hope as she turned to the right to regard her twin brother Edric. "We'll be fine!"

Right after the final word had left her lips, still turned into an adorable little smile, another wad of purple bile fell before the trapped trio. As the mauve goo splattered, the contents of it were exposed. A pair of witch skeletons pecked clean of any soft coverings.

At a speed that existed only to rub its nose in Einstein's face, the adorable little smile was sandblasted away and replaced by a tightened frown of exposed teeth and honest terror. The remains of past Slitherbeast meals slid down the curving slope of the cave floor away from the Slitherbeast meals yet to come.

"Nope," said Edric Blight, the prey on the right side of the Slitherbeast's phlegm. The male witch of matching age and hair color to his twin sister hadn't attempted to hide his true feelings on the situation, but still his expression morphed into a similar toothy frown of trepidation. "We're gonna die." He added, bluntly because the fear he felt had smoothed out any of the higher volumes his other violate emotions could have conjured.

"That's right!" A voice called out, a voice that seemed to be coming from a witch's skull. This was suggested by a witch's skull arising from a nearby outcropping of rock on its own. "Death is here!" The skull added. The trio's panic was too great to have them scream, or question why this voice sounded so familiar and so…adorable and youthful.

Regardless, that question was when the skull was lifted upward, and a delightful brown-skinned face with round ears and big sparkling brown eyes took its place. It was a welcomed improvement in the minds of the captive audience. "Just kidding, Luz is here!" The Hispanic human teenager said cheerfully, with a voice buoyed by raw optimism.

This new development spurred the last trapped pray in the Slitherbeat's phlegm to act for the first time since being captured. Eda had long since accepted the possibility of herself in deadly peril, but the same aloofness didn't apply to the human she had come to care for. The Owl Lady's older but foxy face scrunched up into a look of worried annoyance as her golden eyes flashed with fear for her pupil. "Kid, get out of here!" she ordered loudly. Then in a voice that was an attempt at a whisper, she added unconcernedly, "I'm just gonna sneak away when the thing starts eating the twins." Her head turned in their direction, ensuring there was no possible way her meaning could have been missed.

"Wait…what!?" Emira asked with screeched horror as Edric gasped loudly, finally releasing a portion of his bottled up fear.

Both master and student ignored the shock of the elder Blight siblings.

Luz stood before those trapped, her arms raised and her hands clenched into determined fists. "Do worry, Eda. I get it now." She said with her endearingly unflappable and naïve conviction. Her face then showed worry, or at least heavier emotions like regret. "I get it now. I was so obsessed with learning my second spell I didn't listen to you." She turned partially away, showing her mentor a finger gun as her conviction swelled up like a wave. "But now I'm gonna save you!" The human began running down the slope of the cave floor, eagerly punching the air with each new step as if she were boxing against unseen foes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Each punch was followed by a new eager proclamation.

Eda waited until Luz was out of earshot to convey her true thoughts on this development. "Well, at least I got to see her misplaced confidence one last time."

IT IS ALWAYS HELPFUL TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS.

A new voice called out from Eda's right behind the outcropping. It was a voice like a hundred coffins falling in a mausoleum, as vast as a cave and as dense as a neutron star. The witches whose first names all began with the letter E felt a chill crawl up their spines.

I AM A GLASS HALF FULL PERSON MYSELF…ER…SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, OF COURSE.

Eda looked down and saw another skull looking up at her from where Luz had just been. For the briefest of seconds, she was impressed by how much better this attempt at a imposing voice was from the overly affectionate little ball of energy and happiness. Then her practical nature reclaimed control and knew what she needed to do right now. "Luz! What did I tell you!? I want you to get out—!"She began, furious and concerned.

I AM NOT THE HUMAN GIRL.

The voice called out again, this time as the skull began to rise upward. It kept rising and rising, atop a form that wouldn't seem to stop ascending. As it arose higher and higher until it eventually stopped, the trapped trio realized something. None of them were hearing this voice. At least not in the typical way hearing was usually done. It was as if the words were impatient, and chose with great zeal to skip all the business of forming in the mouth and moving through the eardrums to instead simply jump straight into the mind. It wasn't that words were being spoken but rather it was that Reality itself was being changed so the speaking of words was unnecessary.

Once the shock of that realization wore off, Eda, Emira, and Edric regarded the new being before them for the first time. He was a skeleton, one who towered over them, imprisoning them in his daunting shadow. Erima had heard the more fashion obsessed of her female classmates speak about things like 'new black' in the latest outfits for young witches. The robes this immense figure was draped in were Old Black and it would eat new black for breakfast. It was a black that surpassed space with the stars plucked out. They were a stark contrast to the hints of the figure whose form could be glimpsed at within them. The hand holding a long scythe was bone white, as in it was made of white polished bones. The skull in the robe's cowl regarded the three of them. With an endless smile that didn't suggest either much merriment or much false merriment, a smile that simply was because there wasn't any tendons or lips to suggest any other look. The skull, like any skull, didn't have eyes. But within the sockets were eyes of a sort, two bright blue stars that seemed to contain universes all their own, bathed in sapphire shine.

It didn't take a genius to understand a few things about the current situation but sometimes the mind of sentient creatures required the painfully obvious to be stated.

"You…you aren't…Luz…" Eda struggled to say. "Are you…?"

NO.

"Then who…who are you?"

I THOUGHT THE SCYTHE AND BLACK ROBES WOULD HAVE MADE THAT OBVIOUS.

"Aw, farts," Eda grumbled, deflating in the sticky phlegm, "You're Death, aren't you?"

THAT IS CORRECT, EDALYN CLAWTHORNE.

The Owl Lady winced at hearing her own name. There was no malice in it being said, not even the superficially neutral malice the powerful sometimes used against those they hated, but her name said by this voice…it felt like someone was walking on her grave.

There was a pause that seemed to stretch eons as Death regarded the eldest witch present. He had no eyes, and thus determining what he was focusing on was impossible, but Eda got the impression she was being stared at rather intently by the glowing blue sockets. The eyeless stare was powerful and off-putting, but also vaguely kind of comforting.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME AT ALL, DO YOU? Asked Death, his echoing voice just the tiniest bit more somber, which the witches would have thought of as impossible.

"We've met somewhere before?" Eda asked, her curiosity overpowering fear for now.

YES.

Eda waited, assuming more would be said, but Death apparently had nothing else to add.

The Owl Lady and the Blight twins remained quiet, feeling no need to fill in the conversational void left by the imposing skeleton with a scythe. After all, they knew what this being was and what he did. All witches did. As beings with magical powers, they could see Death whenever he was around, even when he wasn't coming to claim them. And trying to speed things along with Death felt like stepping in front of a moving train.

Death looked around the Slitherbeast's cave, his impossible to pinpoint gaze seemingly searching for something. In the back of Eda's mind, she imagined a worst-case scenario. Her fear of speeding things along with Death was overridden by the terror of thinking that he was searching for Luz, who she guessed he knew was in this cave given his earlier replies. It took a sizeable amount of restraint to not lunge at the embodiment of the End of Life. Death or not, no one would threaten Luz as long as she drew breath!

"What are you doing here, Bone-Bag!?" Eda snapped, her fear for Luz overpowering her own sense of self-preservation. The gasps of the Blight Twins confirmed this. "Have you come to finish us off after we're Slitherbeast food? Have you come to kill us!?"

I? KILL? Asked Death, obviously offended with a bony hand placed on his chest. CERTAINLY NOT. PEOPLE GET KILLED, BUT THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS. I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON, BRINGING THEM TO WHATEVER THE NEXT STEP IN THE JOURNEY IS. AFTR ALL, IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, WOULDN'T IT?

None of those trapped could fully comprehend what they had just heard. It felt like saying water was wet, or rather that there could be water that wasn't wet. It was a logically impossibility. But rather than dwell on that, one of those trapped realized something.

"So you aren't here to kill or hurt us?" Edric asked; his voice fragilely hopeful.

THAT IS CORRECT. Death confirmed with a nod of his cowl-covered skull as he turned his electric blue stare like Infinity itself towards the only male witch present.

Edric winced and fought down the shudder of horror at looking into those sockets. "So…" He said in an anticipative prolonged manner. "Will you help us?"

WELL…YES.

"When?"

ER, WHEN THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR.

There was a beat of silence as the trio looked at the Grim Reaper utterly shocked.

EVEN AS I SAIT IT, I REALIZE THAT THIS ISN'T THE ANSWER YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, HOWEVER. Death looked at his feet and kicked a bony foot out from under the bottom of his black robe. His face didn't chance, but his head briefly turning away and being covered by the hand not holding his scythe conveyed embarrassment. I AM SORRY. SMALL TALK IS NOT AN ACTIVITY I OFTEN ENGAGE IN. I AM MORE USED TO BIG TALK. GETTING STRAIGHT TO THE POINT, AND ALL THAT. AND I'M UNSURE IF I SHALL NEED TO DO MY DUTY HERE OR NOT.

Seeing the Ultimate Reality show embarrassment was a shock, to put it rather mildly. But soon enough one of those trapped was able to grasp what the imposing figure that was now slightly less imposing was implying with that last bit.

"How can you not know if we are going to die or not!?" snapped Eda.

Death sighed, an impressive feat in one without lungs. THERE'S THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE, YOU SEE.

"What's that?"

I'M NOT SURE.

"That's very helpful," Eda grumbled.

Another lung-less sigh was heard. I THINK IT MEANS PEOPLE MAY OR MAY NOT DIE. ANY NUMBER OF SMALL RANDOM FACTORS CAN CHANGE THE FINAL OUTCOME. SOMETHING INVOLVING BUTTERFLY WINGS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, I BELIEVE. I HAVE TO SAY IT'S PLAYING HOB WITH MY SCHEDULE BUT I'M TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH MODERN THOUGHT.

There was a third exhale of breath lacking any of the spongy bits usually involved. AND I MUST SAY THE GODS KNOW HOW TO MAKE MY DUTY HARDER, IN PARTICULAR FATE AND THE LADY. BUT EVEN INGORING THEM, THERE ARE ALSO ALL THESE CONTINUINUUMS ALL OVER THE PLACE. AND THERE'S ALWAYS QUANTUM, OF COURSE. THOUGH I DON'T TRUST MATHS. GENERALLY I NEVER GET MUCH FURTHER THAN SUBTRACTION.

The trio looked at the skeleton, seeming to convey a similar lack of total comprehension as them. Another impressive feat considering he didn't possess eyes or muscles.

WOULD YOU RATHER I MAKE DEFINITIVE STATEMENTS IN MY FIELD? Asked Death neutrally.

"No! Nope! Nuh-uh, buddy boy!" Eda quickly said, before either of the frightened teens could possibly suggest otherwise. The Owl Lady had enough experience and acquired wisdom to grasp how bad that suggested idea would be if things as they were now were the opposite.

I ASSUMED AS MUCH. I AM THE GRIM REAPER. AND I DO NOT THINK PEOPLE WISH ME TO GET…DEFINITIVE. THEY WISH ME TO DO THE PERSONAL SERVICE ASSIGNED TO ME FOR ALL BY CUSTOM AND PRACTICE. I AM A TRADITIONALIST. WHY DO YOU THINK I STILL USE A SCYTHE WHILE THE DEATHS OF OTHER WORLDS LONG AGO SWITCHED OVER TO COMBINE HARVESTERS AFTER THEY BECAME FASHIONABLE?

As the anthropomorphic personification rambled to himself about things that went right over the heads of his captive audience, they were all silently amazed by this figure. Though impressive, he wasn't nearly as horrible as they each would have imagined. Death showed embarrassment, was bad at small talk, struggled with things, and complained about his co-workers. All that seemed so...for lack of a better word…human.

"So, what are the odds of us getting out of here alive?" Eda asked a moment later, ever the gambler. She felt emboldened by what she saw. If Death was human-like, even if only to a degree, then maybe he could be tricked or escaped from somehow? Of course, graveyards all over the universe were filled with those who thought along similar lines.

A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE. Death answered. EXACTLY A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE.

The trio of trapped faces fell so hard and fast that it seemed like they would hit the snow.

THOSE HAPPEN NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, YOU KNOW. Death added politely.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Emira called out. "How can it a million to one but also nine out of ten!? That's like saying that something can be a circle and a square at once!"

STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. OFTEN.

"I don't believe you!"

ALONG WITH UPROOTING THE TRADITIONAL VIEWS OF MAGIC HERE, EMPEROR BELOS HAS MANAGED IN A MERE FIFTY YEARS TO SUPPRESS THE TRUTH OF YOUR WORLD FROM YOU. THE TRUTH IS THAT THE BOILING ISLES IS AN ISOLATED PART OF A FLAT DISCWORLD CARRIED ON THE BACKS OF FOUR GIANT ELEPHANTS, WHICH THEMSELVES ARE STANDING ATOP THE SHELL OF A EVEN BIGGER SEA TURTLE SWIMMING THROUGH THE VOID OF SPACE. I SUSPECT THAT IS STRANGER, YES?

The patented absurdity of the statement rushed over the trapped trio like a fierce hurricane. For the briefest of moments, they did not consider their probable demises. Eventually, one of them was able to reclaim enough inner control to ponder other topics.

"Hey, Bonehead," Eda called out, getting an idea. A crazy and probably stupid idea, but still an idea. And that was better than nothing. Gamblers were used to flying by the seat of their pants. "I've heard mortals can challenge you to a game for their life. Is that true?"

YES, BUT I'M NOT PLAYING CHESS. I CAN NEVER REMEMBER WHICH WAY THE LITTLE HORSEY MOVES. I DON'T MIND CARDS…EXPECT CRIPPLE MR. ONION.

Eda hesitated. She had a poker face that would bankrupt the any bank on the Boiling Isles, but that wasn't much of an advantage against a skeleton with glowing eyes. Still, she had to play to her strengths. "How about Hexes Hold'em?" she asked hopefully.

Death regarded her for a long moment. I CAN AGREE TO THAT. WHAT OF YOU TWO? He asked, turning his blue star like gaze towards the terrified twins. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN BEING A PART OF HER WAGER? YOUR FATES WOULD BE THE SAME AS HERS. ARE YOU WILLING TO HAVE THAT BE SO?

"Yup! Sure! Whatever!" The elder Blight siblings shouted in frightened unison. Any chance salvation would be clung to like it was the Jaws of Life.

OF COURSE, YOU REALIZE THAT THIS MIGHT BE UNNECESSARY, RIGHT? Asked Death.

"What do you mean?" asked Eda.

YOUR HUMAN WARD AND THE YOUNGER SIBLING OF THESE TWO ARE ATTEMPTING A HEROIC RESUCE AS WE SPEAK. THE YOUNGER SIBILING SHALL BE HERE IN A FEW MOMENTS WITH THE INTENT OF FREEING YOU.

There was a long pause. "Can they do it…without taking our place, I mean?" she asked.

NOTHING IS ABOSULTE. EXPECT ME, OF COURSE. LIFE IS FAR MORE CREATIVE AND RANDOM. THERE IS A CHANCE, HOWEVER SMALL. THE LAYWERS OF FATE DEMAND A POSSIBLE LOOPHOLE FOR ANY SITUATION.

"Will they do it?"

THEY ARE FORMER ENEMIES JOINED IN A SHARE GOAL TO SAVE THOSE THEY LOVE. NEW FOUND ABILITIES WITH GREAT DIFFCULTY MUST BE USED AS THEY OVERCOME THEIR PERSONAL DEMONS OR PREVIOUS FAILINGS. THE NATURAL DRAMA IS INHERENTLY RICH IN THIS SCENARIO.

Death paused, considering what he had just said as the trio waited with bated breath.

IF I WERE A BETTING MAN…ER…ONCE AGAIN SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, THEN I WOULD SAY YOU HAVE A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE. SO YOU SHOULD BE JUST FINE. IF NOT, I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU.


And that was this writing sample! As always, I hope you liked it.

The main purpose of this was to test a theory and see if the Microsoft Word format known as "Small Caps" works on this website. Sadly, Small Caps doesn't work it seems. So I uploaded this, then had to change all of the Small Caps parts to just being normal CAPS locked words. A fairly time consuming process despite this just being eight pages long! Lol. But I liked this so much that I was willing to do it.

Those already familiar with Discworld know why I would want to use Small Caps. Amongst so many great characters, the best debatably is none other than Death! And that is how Death calls, in Small Caps. I won't go over why Death in Discworld is so awesome (because I would start to gush for who knows how many pages about it! lol) but to anyone who is curious, I'd recommend reading either "Mort" or "Reaper Man," the first two Discworld books that focus on Death, and that just so happen to be amongst the best entries in this amazing series of over forty books!

To those of you who haven't read or even heard of Discworld before this sample, what did you think of Death's character and would you be interested in reading more of Discworld?

Also, I have a tiny bit more written up for what would follow this. If you want to see that, please let me know. If you do, you'll get to see Luz and Amity's reactions to Death, as well as seeing the previous encounter between Eda and Death alluded to.

For those wondering about the title, it's a play on the French phrase Danse Macabre, the "Death of Death." The words "Parler Avec" mean "Talk with" in French. So the true title of this sample is "The Owl Lady's Talk with Death."

Please read, review, favor, follow, and spread the word!