Happy New Year!
Huge thanks to anmodo for betaing this chapter. Also thanks to everyone that has reviewed.
Chapter 3
Danny didn't know how long he had been staring at his brother's body before he felt Megan's supportive hand on his back.
"Let's go outside," Megan suggested.
The images of his childhood were coming thick and fast now, and he couldn't control them. The walls were closing in on him, the air was becoming heavy, and the voices were becoming distant. He couldn't breath, feeling himself stumbling towards the darkest memories that threatened to envelope him. But a set of hands reached out into the inky darkness and pulled him back.
Megan watched as Danny's face became ashen, and he started to gasp for air. She tried to get his attention but got no response. He appeared to be having difficultly standing – noticing that he was about to make a head long dive towards the dusty floor. She grabbed him and tried to pull him back before he passed out.
"Danny," Megan said, gently shaking him. "Danny, let's go outside."
Blinking his eyes a couple of times as he tried to clear his vision, Danny found a concerned looking Megan standing in front of him. He couldn't do what she was suggesting; he couldn't leave his brother alone in a place like this. "N-no I-I've got to stay here. I can't leave Rafi, not here, not this place," Danny managed to stammer.
"No Danny you need to go outside," Megan replied as gently as possible. "I'll make sure that Rafi is looked after. But right now, my primary concern is you. So let's go outside," Megan finished as she took his hand and led him away from the crime scene.
Standing outside, Danny felt the world begin to spin again. He felt the tears stinging his eyes and angrily wiped them away. He didn't deserve to cry – he had left a family without a father. Why had he abandoned Rafi? He was vaguely aware of Megan placing her hands on his shoulders and forcing him to sit. He winced as he swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. He looked away as Megan put her arm around him and tried to comfort him. He didn't deserve it, Danny thought. He tried to blink back the tears, but couldn't. He found tears streaming down his face and didn't resist when Megan pulled him into her arms. Burying his head in her chest, he let the tears full. Gently, she rubbed his back as the sobs racked his body. He wasn't alone in the world anymore – but he had no family. He was the only surviving member of the Alvarez family – although he wasn't an Alvarez anymore. As the realisation hit him, his body tensed. He thought of some of his brother's last words to him. Rafi knew something was going to happen – he knew he might die – yet he still hid it from him.
Pulling away from Megan's embrace, Danny sat up and wiped his eyes. He tried to take a couple of deep breaths to control his unsteady breathing. He would protect Rafi's family. He had promised he would. He would make it up to them – he had to.
Megan breathed a slight sigh of relief because at least Danny was showing some signs of emotion and wasn't bottling it up. She knew this wasn't the end of it, but at least he wasn't totally blocking her out. "Danny what are you going to do?" she asked gently.
"U-mm," Danny stammered. "I've got to tell Sylvia, I've go to start making Rafi's funeral arrangements and I've got to be at work in a couple of hours," Danny finished as he racked his hands through his untamed hair.
"It's Saturday and you're not on an active case so you don't have to go in. But you need to ask Jack for time off," Megan replied. "If you need any help with anything – however big or small—you only need to ask."
Danny stood up abruptly shrugging off Megan's supportive hand. "I-I've got to, I've got so much to do," Danny said wiping his eyes. He felt his knees go weak again when he saw the coroner wheel Rafi's body passed him. What the hell was he meant to do? How was he going to tell Sylvia? How was he going to tell Nicky? What was he going to tell Jack – sorry my brother was murdered, can I have some time off?
"I've got to go with Rafi, I've got to make sure they look after him," Danny said trying to get a hold of his emotions.
"Ok," Megan replied slowly. "I will follow in the car."
"Y-you don't have to," Danny replied. He really didn't know what to do. The people he cared for and the people who cared for him this much – were the team, his late mother and Rafi, and all of those people had been hurt or were dead. He knew Megan had been hurt – she had told him and he had seen the marks – but he hadn't known her then. He'd never thought he was a dark soul that hurt or killed everyone he loved. But after what happened to Rafi, maybe he was. Maybe he should just disappear into the night. But he couldn't – he had Sylvia, Nicky and Danielle to look after. He couldn't abandon them like he had abandoned Rafi. He managed to force himself to walk towards the coroner's van – it must have been the look in his face that they didn't question him as he climbed in beside Rafi. Maybe this was a terrible dream that he would wake from – but he knew he wouldn't. Rafi was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. He wished he could go back and correct his mistakes. He wished that he hadn't abandoned Rafi. He wished that he had stuck by Rafi through thick and thin like Rafi had when they were kids. He held his head in his hands – how was he going to tell Sylvia?
Megan climbed into her car and followed the van. She wasn't the one, whose brother had just been murdered yet she didn't know what to do. She couldn't begin to imagine what Danny was going through. Danny was a very private person – never divulging anything about how he was feeling. Maybe that was the reason why their relationship worked so well, as she was also a private person. But things may change as they had fortunately never been through something like this together. She had no idea how much Danny would let her in, how much he would let her help. She knew how hard it had been for Danny to let Rafi back into his life. She knew how much Danny was beginning to enjoy having Rafi back in his life, and that had been so cruelly taken away from him. She knew Danny wouldn't turn around and ask for her help. She knew she would have to keep an eye on him. She felt tempted to ring Sam and tell her, but that was Danny's decision.
Danny collapsed against the wall after he had officially identified Rafi's body. Officially identifying Rafi's body made it some what final. He held his head in his hands and tried to a take a couple of breaths, as he tried to think of how he was going to tell Sylvia. How was he going to tell Sylvia that her kids were now fatherless? But she wouldn't have to raise Nicky and Danielle alone. He would help Sylvia. He would make sure they had everything they needed. He would move them to a better area. He would make sure that Nicky and Danielle went to the best schools. He just didn't know how was going to make it possible.
Megan walked down the white, cold walls of the morgue looking for Danny. She turned a corner and found a defeated, tried looking Danny sitting with his back against the wall. Although she couldn't see his face she knew that he was crying. Silently, she approached hoping that she would bring some comfort to this depressing scene.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Danny walked towards Jack's office feeling utterly drained. After he had ID'ed Rafi's body, he had gone to tell Sylvia. He had held her as she broke down, he held back the tears that threatened to fall, as he told Sylvia that he would always be there for them – unlike he had been for Rafi. How he felt his heart break as he stood and watched Sylvia break the news to Nicky. How he saw the betrayal in Nicky's eyes as he looked at him. Now that he was standing outside his boss's office he had no idea how to ask for time off – having never done so before. He felt the world violently tilt and grabbed hold of a wall while drawing vital oxygen into his lungs – silently cursing himself for skipping breakfast. Feeling the moment of weakness had passed, he raised a hesitate hand and knocked on the glass door.
Not looking up from his paperwork, Jack summoned the person in. Hearing a familiar voice, he looked up to see a pale, tried, drawn-looking Danny Taylor. He watched as Danny stumbled into his office, looking completely lost. He frowned in concern; it looked as though Danny had aged several years overnight. He noticed the bloodshot eyes and dark circles under his agent's eyes. He noticed how much Danny was shaking and how unsteady he was on his feet.
"Are you alright?" Jack asked his concern rising by the second. Jack watched for a couple of moments as Danny blinked a couple of times. It was as though Danny wasn't aware of his presence. It was then he noticed that Danny was holding his desk with a death grip. Moving swiftly, Jack grabbed Danny's shoulders and forced him to sit on the couch. He gently tapped Danny's face as he tried to get a response, wincing when his hand met cold skin.
"Danny, you're freezing," Jack said as he quickly stood and draped a blanket around Danny's shoulders and sat next to him.
"I need- I need some time off," Danny asked in a small voice.
"That's not a problem, Danny," Jack replied fearing the worse. "Can I ask why? Are you sick?"
"Because, u-mm, b-because m-my," Danny stammered. He let his head fell into his hands. "Because- because my brother was murdered."
Jack sat stunned at Danny's words, "I-I'm so sorry Danny, is there anything I can do?"
"There-there's nothing you can do, Jack –nothing," Danny replied in a small, defeated voice. "Because of me, a family doesn't have a father. Because of me, a wife doesn't have a husband. Because of me, because of me-"
"Because of you hundreds of people are alive, because of you a lot of people been returned safely home, a lot of families have got the closure they needed. You are not the reason why your brother was murdered," Jack said as he tried to comfort the depressed Danny. "You are not that reason at all. You are a good person, Danny Taylor and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Danny shivered not knowing why he was cold, only just aware he was sitting in his boss's office almost spilling his heart out. "I-I need to get going," Danny said as he tried to stand up but found something was stopping him. "I-I have so much to do."
Jack put a firm hand on Danny's shoulder. "No. You need sit for a moment before you pass out. If you don't I will personally march you down to the ER." Jack frowned as Danny put up no fight. He looked out of his office to see Megan and sighed. He had no idea why they didn't get along. She was very good at her job but not arrogant. She had a sense of humour and made Danny happier than he had ever seen him. The rest of the team got along with her, especially Sam. It had to be simple personality clash between the two of them.
He gave Danny's neck a supportive squeeze before he left the office. He looked Megan up and down, at her boots, her worn jeans, her leather jacket, the Arabic scarf wrapped around her neck and the record bag slung across her shoulders. "Megan," he called out tensely.
"Jack," Megan responded tension laced into her voice as she spun around to face him.
"Did you know what happened to Danny last night?" Jack asked trying to remain civil.
"Yes," Megan replied in a neutral tone.
"Then why the hell did you let him get into this state," Jack said coldly trying not to draw attention to them. "You let a person who has just lost their brother in a creditably violent way, who is in shock to wander the streets alone – do you know how dangerous, how irresponsible that is? He could have died!"
"What!" Megan replied slightly in shock. "If he was showing any signs of shock, I would have never left him. He said he needed some time alone to think, he said he wanted to tell Sylvia alone and anyway, do you know how worked up he was about telling you? You think I've screwed up, look in the mirror Jack. Do you realise how much you push him. How after the shooting instead of keeping at eye on him, looking out for him, supporting him – you took all your anger, all your frustration, all your fear out on him. So don't talk to me about responsibilities," Megan finished in an equally cold voice.
"Fine," Jack said fluming. "But you better look after him. He pretends to be hard and emotionless, but he's actually incredibly sensitive. He means a lot to the team. He's-he's special, so you better look after him."
At that moment, Megan didn't see the grouchy FBI agent who hated her, but a man who was terrified of losing another person close to him. "Of course I will. I don't think you realise how much he means to me. I know we don't get along, but I love Danny and I would never hurt him. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I would go to the ends of the earth for him."
"Ok," Jack said slowly. "Just make sure you look after him," Jack finished casting a worried glaze at Danny who was now curled up asleep hugging the blanket close to his body.
Megan pushed open the door and slowly bent down beside Danny and gently stroked his hair. As his eyes slowly fluttered open, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Hey."
"Megan?" Danny tried sounding slightly dazed. "What-what, I've really screwed up," Danny exclaimed as he forced himself to sit up.
"Why have you screwed up?" Megan asked gently.
Danny looked around; dropping his head as soon as he saw Jack, feeling too embarrassed to look at him. "Because, because – you know why," Danny exclaimed. He dropped his voice to a whisper not wanting Jack to overhear. "I damn near passed out in Jack's office, I-"
"Is that the reason you think you screwed up?"
"Yes and the fact that Rafi is dead," Danny replied.
"It's not your fault Rafi was murdered. You scared the hell out of Jack and I but that's not your fault," Megan reassured as she rubbed his back. "So how about we go home, get some food in you and figure out the next steps."
"But-"
"Look Danny you are no use to Sylvia if you end up putting yourself in the hospital by not taking care of yourself," Megan said cutting in.
"Ok," Danny replied slowly.
Jack watched the scene in front of him. It reminded him of Maria and him in the early days or even Sam and him. Maybe he was being too judgemental about Megan. Maybe she was right that he pushed Danny too hard. He only pushed him like that so wouldn't get himself killed. But the rest of the team had serious issues in one form or another. And Danny well, Danny was trying to get himself killed, he was sure of it. He knew he was pushing Danny too hard – but he had too.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Danny lay awake unable to sleep staring at the ceiling. He turned his head and watched Megan sleeping peacefully beside him. He had stayed strong throughout the funeral for Sylvia and Nicky. But he didn't know how much longer he could keep up this strong façade. He stared at the annoying glowing digits of his alarm clock and inwardly groaned. He had another three hours until he had to be at work. Jack had given him a minimum of two weeks off, but he needed to be at work, he needed to be doing something. In his early days on Jack's team, he had been stabbed while apprehending a suspect. He was supposed to have three weeks off but he had come back in one. Jack had driven him straight back home, threatening him with taking back to hospital. It could have been because he looked so pale or because he had been just released from hospital two days previously. He had got out of his car and leant against it, trying to draw in lungful of air, as he tried to prevent himself from passing out. He heard someone saying, 'what were they going to do with him', before he felt a hand on his shoulder guiding him around to the passengers door. He didn't really remember the car journey home, apart from Jack threatening to take him back to hospital if he even thought about stepping foot in the office in the next two weeks.
Danny closed his eyes as he pulled himself back to the present time. He was going to work today, he was going to stay at work – no matter what Megan or Jack or anyone else said.
Three hours later, Danny pulled his car into the parking lot. Megan had started to protest when he had started to get ready for work, but she had seen the look in his eyes and understood. She knew that he had to keep working. He had never been so grateful than he was today that he was dating Megan. She had understood and supported his reasons to go back to work. She was badgering the lead investigator of Rafi's case everyday and chasing up leads using her own contacts and security clearance.
Danny rested his head against the steering wheel as he tried to collect his thoughts and himself together before walking into the office, before he walked into all the questions and concern. He hoped he was strong enough; he didn't want to break down in front of the team and everyone else in the office. He stepped into the elevator draw a shaky breath. He was just about to stab the button when he heard a voice calling out.
"Hey wait up," Martin yelled, as he ran towards the elevator. He stepped inside and found himself standing next to a slightly pale and nervous looking Danny. "Danny I'm so sorry about your brother, I really am. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine thanks," Danny lied putting on a fake smile hoping Martin would be convinced.
"Ok," Martin said slowly not quite believing Danny with his fake smile. "Don't you have another week and a bit off?"
"I need to work," Danny replied shortly.
"Ok, you know Jack and everyone will try and send you home."
"I know," Danny said trying not to sound short. "I-I just need to work, please understand Martin. I-I need to work… if-if I don't, I-I don't know what will happen."
"I understand man, don't worry. I will back you up if you need it," Martin said.
Danny produced a small genuine smile. "Thanks man," Danny said as he stepped off the elevator hoping Jack wouldn't send him home.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Megan leaned back on the chair as she started to run the prints that had been on Rafi's syringe through the Interpol database. There had been no hits on AFIS, so for an outside chance or desperation to give Danny some form of news, she had started to run the prints. She was just about to pick up a file and read through it when the computer beeped at her. Sitting up, she started to scan the information, she felt her heart skip a beat as she realised who it was and that Danny was meant to have died in that car crash twenty-one years ago. She quickly printed out the file wondering how she was going to break the news to Danny – that his father was alive, and he had murdered Rafi and that he was meant to have died with his mother twenty-one years ago. She glanced at the file again, the note at the bottom of the file caused her to flick out her cell phone and dial a number as she made her way over to the federal building.
Megan eventually made it to the federal building after she had battled with traffic and had stopped off at the DEA's office to pick up something. Having security clearance, she quickly walked through the federal building, dreading the moment when she had to tell Danny the latest development in the case. She approached Danny's team who were hunched around a table doing paperwork.
"Danny," Megan said as she stood beside him and gently tapped his shoulder.
Danny jumped slightly and spun around. "Megan?"
"I need to talk to you about something," Megan said as she dug her hands into her jeans pockets.
"Sure," Danny said as he got up trying to avoid the team's interested but concerned faces. He followed Megan down a corridor feeling his back begin to knot up with tension. "So, u-mm."
"There has been a development in Rafi's case," Megan started as she tried to think of a way to phrase the rest of the news. "We know who murdered him."
"What? But there were no hits on AFIS, so who could have murdered my brother? Do you have him-"Danny said as he ran off a string of words barely pause to draw breath.
"Danny calm alright, we don't have him yet. I ran the prints through the Interpol database, and got a hit. I think you should sit down," Megan said interlacing her hands as she tried to come up with words.
"I'm fine standing," Danny replied shortly.
"I really think you should," Megan said. But as she looked at Danny, she knew she was fighting a losing battle. "Ok this is going to be hard and confusing. Your brother's – Rafi's murderer, well he was – is u-mm, he's your father."
Danny stared at Megan as if she was mad. "No way, my father died twenty-one years ago, when he got drunk and drove the car," Danny said bitterly. "Megs he's dead, Interpol must have got it wrong," Danny finished collapsing into a nearby chair.
Megan crouched down so her eyes where level with his, she fingered the tape inside her pocket and wondered how she was going to give that to him. "It's not wrong – I ran it five times, I had a friend run it another five times. It was always the same."
"Why-why was-is my father in the Interpol database? Why would he murder Rafi? Where is he? Why didn't he die? Why did he abandon me? Why did my mother die?" Danny stumbled out firing off questions.
"Danny, Danny calm down," Megan said gently shaking his shoulders. "Your father is in the Interpol database because he is a lead dealer for a Cuban drug cartel and has murdered several people. The car crash, the car crash was staged."
"I was meant to die wasn't I?" Danny asked, dropping his head slightly.
Megan bit her lip and kissed his head. "Yes."
"I am supposed to be dead," Danny repeated too numb with shock to do anything else.
