I Can't Remember

I honestly can't remember some of the things that should be so clear in my mind. Things that just happened yesterday…or so it seems.

Sirius has only been in Azkaban for six months, but it already seems like an eternity ago. An eternity away. Which means, it has only been an eternity since I lost four of my greatest friends: James and Lily Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. Yet it is Sirius Black who I find myself dwelling over the most, and somehow missing even more. He's not really gone, but to me he is. To me, he has to be.

But with his actual being dying (in my mind), so must his memory. And that's becoming clearer and clearer as I can't remember as much as I used to.

I can't remember his laugh. The insane laugh that would signify a new idea forming in his mind. The carefree laugh that would easily dismiss any worries at hand. The forced laugh that tried to disguise any pain he might have been feeling. His laugh…I can't believe I can't remember his laugh.

I can't remember his voice. The low voice that introduced conspiring. The high pitched voice that suggested mocking. His voice, talking, yelling, joking…all the things that made his voice valuable.

I can't remember his eyes. The way they would glint mischievously whenever he knew he was doing something against the rules. The way they would shine when he was joking and laughing. The way they would blink back tears after an unpleasant confrontation with his family. Those eyes that were so expressive…they are lost to me now.

I can't remember what it's like to be with him. To be engaged in one of his lunatic plots that almost always ended up with one of us in trouble. To be surrounded by his carefree attitude and disposition towards life. To be a witness to one of his few, yet much needed, breakdowns.

He gave so much to me, to all of us. And then he took it all away, without even a second thought. He sacrificed everything that was important…and for what? I'm not even sure. I can't remember.

Oh. Wait. But now I remember:

I don't want to remember.

A. N. I don't know why I wrote this and not another chapter to Escaping Destiny. But I hope like this as well. It's just…weird. Whatever. I hope you'll take the time to review, but if not, thanks for reading anyways. Sorry if I disappointed any of you.