Wishes of a sister

I hate you.

I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone. You are the person who took the person I loved the most from me, you are the person who took my brother from me, and worse, you are the person who will do it again.

You are the person who allowed my brother to walk the path that would lead to his death, the person who helped him carry out all the atrocities he committed, the person who whispered sweet words of encouragement and comfort in his ear, just as the devil does with those he wishes to tempt.

When I first met you I thought you were his girlfriend, that you were the woman he had promised to share his future with, that you were the one he would decide to share the rest of his life with, now I can see that although I was not correct in thinking you were his girlfriend, I was correct in everything else. Maybe my hatred for you was really born that night, even though I didn't realize it myself.

I remember when everything was better, when my brother and I were always together, when my only wish was that we could always be together throughout our lives, but as I could see, wishes rarely come true, because my brother was changing, or rather, he stopped hiding who he really was, since he stopped acting as if he was satisfied with the life we had, he stopped acting as if this was the life he wanted, he stopped acting as if Lelouch Lamperouge was a living person and not just a corpse pretending to live.

I could see it all, I could see thanks to his memories how you two met, I could see how you gave him that cursed power, that power that would end up driving everyone away, everyone except you... Is it wrong for part of me to wish that you had never met? Is it wrong to wish that things had never changed, even though it would mean that peace would never be possible? Is it wrong to wish that he had never fulfilled your wish? Is it wrong to wish that all his love was only for me? Of course it is, but I still wish for all those things.

My brother always thought I was a fairy tale princess, and I always thought he was like the prince in those stories. We were both wrong about who the other really was, but I was wrong again, because to me the prince became a demon, while he did see the real person behind the princess mask, whereas I didn't until the demon died, or rather, sacrificed himself.

That time when my brother was dead was the most painful of my life. Every day I woke up wishing it had all been a nightmare, I woke up wishing my brother was by my side again, and finally that wish was granted, I had my brother back, but it was short lived, just as all dreams are.

Now I see him running, running away from me, running towards you. You are the woman who accompanied him on a path of pain, on a path that tore his very humanity apart, and for that I hate you. But you are also what no one else was, you were the one who comforted him, who listened to him, who was always by his side, you were the one person with whom he didn't have to pretend to be someone else, and for that I hate you even more.

He didn't have to be Lelouch Lamperouge by your side, he didn't have to be Zero by your side, and now he is willing to stop being Lelouch vi Britannia just to be by your side. I really envy you, because giving up being Lelouch vi Britannia was something he was never willing to do for anyone, even me.

I hate you.

I hate you more than I will ever hate anyone.

I envy you.

I envy you more than I will ever envy anyone.

I hope he has a good life, I hope my brother has a good life by your side, because if I find out he's unhappy, don't doubt I'd be willing to move land and sea to get him back, even if it meant ripping away what makes you feel alive.

So I hope you have a good life too, not because I really want you to be happy, not because I have forgiven you for taking away the only thing I ever wanted, not because I understand the pain you have lived through. No. The only reason I wish for you to have a good life, is because it is the life my brother would have wished for you to live, and just as I did at the time of his death, I have promised myself that I will always seek to make his wishes come true, even when those wishes tear at my own soul.

I don't really hope that we will see each other again, for I don't know if I will be able to contain my anger at seeing you with a smile of genuine happiness, a smile that can only belong to someone who is with the person she loves the most, and even though your return would mean that he would also return, I cannot say that I will bear to see him again, for I will not see Lelouch vi Britannia, I will not see my brother, that person is dead, and the one who came back to life is a different one, a person who gave up everything to fulfill a promise, a person named L.L.

Goodbye C.C.


I hope you enjoyed this little story about Nunnally's thoughts about our favorite immortal witch and her relationship with Lelouch at the end of Resurrection. But don't worry, this story is not connected in any way to "The Journey of the Unholy Trinity", and the thoughts that Nunnally demonstrates in this story will not be the ones that Nunnally will show in the other story (at least not completely), it is just a different interpretation of Nunnally, one that shows that even with all her kindness, she is still her parents' daughter, and Lelouch's sister.