Author's note: G.I.R. graces our presence at last. I was at a loss for a while. I admit it. But I amassed a collection of suggestions from all the Invader Zim fans around me and came up with this. There will be some action coming up soon. And Dib gets to come back. :D
Disclaimer: I do not, and may never own Invader Zim or its characters, but that doesn't mean I won't continue to persevere after the fact.
When Zim arrived at his house he entered into the living room and dropped his penguin ofDOOM on the couch and started to remove his wig when an explosion rattled the walls and a large black cloud of smoke erupted from within the kitchen area. All the lights in the house flickered and dimmed for a moment before the computer restored power to damaged areas. G.I.R. , in his dog suit, stumbled out of the kitchen are covered in soot and other burnt materials giggling as hard as his circuits would allow.
"G.I.R. . What were you doing?"
"I fooooouuuuunded me's a grenade!"
"G.I.R. ! Have you been in my weapons storage AGAIN?"
"I put it IN the BLENDER! Pretty colours!"
"That's bad G.I.R. You know better than…. Argh. Never mind. I have more important things to worry about."
Zim stalked passed G.I.R. into the kitchen and flushed himself into his laboratory. G.I.R. watched him go and then went off in search of …um I dunno. Bacon.
Once G.I.R. realized that there was no more bacon left in the house, he then went running along the walls, rolling across the floor, and eventually flushed himself into the laboratory to find his master. He found Zim working on what appeared to be an Irken cruiser and ran up behind Zim putting his metallic hands on his eyes. "Guess G.I.R.!" he chirped.
Zim shrieked and waved his arms frantically while running in circles. "G.I.R., stop that! I command you! STOP!"
Suddenly G.I.R.'s inner workings phased into duty mode and he let go of the angry irken. "Yes mastah!" he said as he saluted Zim. Duty mode shut off a second later and G.I.R. remembered what he had come down to bug Zim about. "Can I have some heroin?"
"WHAT? No! I don't have any. Go amuse yourself elsewhere G.I.R. I- … What do you want it for?"
"I want to be COOL!" G.I.R. giggled and began hitting his head with his fists.
"…" Zim looked at his insane assistant, slowly turned around, and resumed working on his latest device of DOOM.
G.I.R. , now ignored once again, went off in search of the 33 rat traps he had hidden inside of a cookie jar which was lodged beneath the city's local water tower.
When G.I.R. finally returned 8 hours later after wreaking unspeakable havoc on an unsuspecting populace , he had an ice cream bath and filled some socks up with syrup. He then marched into the living and took out his rat traps.
It was at about that time that Zim emerged from his underground laboratory and regarded his insane robot slave with annoyance.
"Do you have any cheese master?"
"No G.I.R."
"Ahhhhhhh…. I got me some pipe cleaners! I'm gonna be a salamander."
"G.I.R., what are you chewing on?" asked Zim. So far today G.I.R. had broken several records for incompetence and theshort green alienwas not certain if he really wanted to know.
"Wallpaper. It's floral see?" G.I.R. opened his mouth and showed his master a ball of wadded up and VERY chewed on paper. With that G.I.R. flopped down on the floor and rolled in his sock and syrup concoction.
"I'm pissed!" he declared happily as he noticed Zim staring at him. "The scary monkey show wasn't on today."
"I can see that G.I.R. That is very nice for you. I'm going out for supplies. Watch the house carefully while I'm gone."
"WEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEeee!"
Zim attempted to exit his domain but was suddenly and painfully aware that something had a hold of his foot. The actual pain didn't register until he looked down to see a mine field of rat traps that which he had just stepped into. There was a long, exaggerated pause.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!"
As many of you can guess, this didn't turn out so well for Zim. G.I.R. however, thought it was hilarious. He almost malfunctioned, he guffawed so hard. Scratch that, his existence is malfunction. But that's why we love him so.
Zim stumbled out of the house screaming and trying to rid him self of the metal and wood contraptions clinging to his flesh. Once he had gotten them all off, he made a note to deactivate G.I.R. and try to reprogram him. He was such a destructive little…
Hmm. Destructive...that isn't a bad idea. Not at all. It was then that Zim's latest plot changed to include his robot slave and rubber piggies suddenly appeared on Zim's shopping list.
Author's Note: It was originally much longer and I went through three versions before I settled on this one. I realized that some parts I had in here were really supposed to happen later on in the storyline. I shall post another chapter later. Possibly today, in order to appease the masses. Also, have any of you ever seen a rat trap? Those things are huge. I saw some in Walmart and I couldn't stop staring. One of my friends had to drag me away. I may go back for some. :D Laterness minions.
Edit: The last time I had this posted somebody asked me, "Since when does G.I.R. get pissed?" The answer? When I wrote this it was supposed to something he had heard somewhere and didn't quite know what it meant but was saying it anyway. Like popular catch phrases. If that makes any sense at all. Buh bye.
