Disclaimer- Not much to say. I haven't updated in like a year, and for that I apologize. I have had writers block and decided updating some old stories might be the treatment. The lyrics at the beginning are from Guster.


Yes I'm blue, but from holding my breath

Louise's chest threatened to burst, her knees buckled beneath her supple body. She crouched among the tulle valleys made by her skirt, cursing the rustle of the fabric through clenched teeth. Something moved deep in her stomach, a flutter of life. For some reason that caused her throat to tighten more.

Girl's voices trickled in through the key hole, their tones as smooth as the dancers who spoke them. She heard Juliet among them, squeaking with excitement, so young. Louise felt her innocence leaving out the top of the dressing room.

Silence save the smooth melody of the piano fell over the auditorium. Back stage, Louise moved without noise, a phantom of muslin and silk. Through a gap in the curtains she caught a glimpse of pink silk slippers.

It was Juliet, moving with a pained expression on her homely face, sweat pouring over her brow. The ring of perspiration seemed a glowing crown in the electric lights.

Louise felt a sick regret creeping up her body as she left them. She had always been wrong here, too tall, too pretty, too vivid. She had resented it since she was young, her need to excel at everything, not to mention her ability to do so.

Still this had never been the solution she had envisioned for it. Sometimes she imagined dancing to Paris or even London, but that was in a hazy someday and she was a different Louise, an adult who would have no connections to the fears of a child.

Outside, she winced as the sunlight momentarily blinded her. The smelly streets of the small city were filled with people, well dressed ladies, boys in caps, men in top hats. Louise turned her back on all of them as she crept down the alley adjacent her. Louise pulled up her pink skirt to avoid the rotting garbage that littered the ground around her. On the other side of the alley the carriage was waiting for her. She climbed into the back, where her carpet bag was hidden.

Louise gave the driver the address. As they drove, she slid out of her Pointe shoes and into her oldest pair of boots.

As the carriage slowed, she peered through a crack in the curtains at the passing houses. Her own iron gates looked less formidable in the spring, when the creepers grew up the sides of them, covering the cold metal with pink blossoms. The impressive gardens were deserted today, as everyone had gone to watch the ballet.

Louise silently bid good bye to the house that had been her home most of her life. She had been outside more than any of the others, riding Snow White, wandering among the green and pink just thinking, hiding in the flowering bushes. When she was little, she had made doll forts there with Juliet and Danielle and waded in the little creek that ran through the willows with Pierre. Those days seemed now an eternity ago.

The next house was not so elegant or well cared for as her own. It was white and small but cozy looking. The carriage halted here and Louise began to sweat. Where was he? She was right on time and they'd been planning this for so long.

Louise finally grew impatient, climbing out of the carriage and heading up the drive. In back of the house she found a pile of small rocks and threw one at the window. A few moments later, the window was pulled open and a boy with dark hair looked down at her.

"Louise?"

"Where have you been, come on!"

"I don't know how to tell you this…"

"Just come, you can tell me on the way."

"That's just it."

"Nicholas?"

"I'm not coming."

Louise swayed on the spot, anger coursing through her veins. "Yes, you are actually, you're in just as much trouble as I am!"

"I am sorry…" but Louise would hear none of it. She turned toe on him and headed to the door of the house, banging her fist against the door. A matronly woman opened it, her mouth opening at the sight of this oddly dressed girl, so angry and beautiful.

"Mrs. Canby, there's something I need to tell you…"


Though they were only half way through the show, Juliet couldn't stop smiling. She thought her smile might fall off is she opened her mouth any wider. Everyone was clapping for her. Still grinning ear to ear, she ran off stage with the others to change for the second act. It was then something caught her eye, the backdoor to the theater was hanging open.

Curious Juliet crept unnoticed over to it. Quiet as possible she slid out, just in time to see a slip of red hair and a familiar pink dressed figure slip into a carriage.

"Juliet?" said Mary, a dancer and one of Juliet's few friends. "Hurry we're on."

"My grandmother's name was Mary you know." said Juliet suddenly.

"You alright?"

"Mmm, I'm coming."

Juliet hesitated a moment, before hurrying after the other girls.

The show ended early, due to Louise's absence. Juliet alone seemed worried. The other dancers looked at each other with smiles that clearly said 'typical Louise'. Juliet changed out of her costume and headed into the crowd. No one here seemed recognize her off stage, though they were all talking about how great her performance had been.

When she saw her family, Louise slid from her mind. Everyone was hugging her and telling her how wonderful she'd been. Pierre was there with a homemade card, and Grandfather gave her a small package, telling her to open it at home. Juliet slid it into her purse. Danielle had brought her a bouquet of fresh flowers from the garden, none of which were roses.


No one mentioned Louise as they drove home, Louise often disappeared and it was common practice to pretend it didn't happen until she returned, which she always did.

There was a woman standing by their gate as the entered it. She looked at them for a moment before vanishing behind her hedge. Juliet had seen this woman before, and believed she was called Canby, but had never spoken to her. She ignored her gut, which told her something was going on, and joined everyone for champagne in the parlor.

Danielle lay across the sofa, which was pink and trimmed with white. She swished the yellow contents of her glass around, staring into its depth, for once not thinking about anything other than the bubbles.

No one much felt like celebrating, the fact was. Everyone was worried and no one was willing to verbalize it. Grandfather roared that Juliet's performance was the best he'd ever seen while clutching his cup so hard it broke. Danielle knew her grandfather was not the type of man who roared or broke glasses.

Pierre slapped Juliet on the back and she gave a fake laugh. Danielle watched them through her glass, they were distorted and yellow. Danielle coughed and was ignored. Christian seemed to be the only one who allowed his face to show his feelings. Danielle wondered if he knew how ugly he looked when he worried. He was generally a handsome man, but it seemed sometimes he forgot this. Danielle finished her glass in one swallow and decided to go outside.

She was feeling slightly tipsy and the heat did nothing to help. She lay beneath a tree, singing softly to herself. This was something she liked to do on summer days when she had drunk a bit too much and was feeling warm and lethargic. Her voice sounded different in the hot air, the June bugs seemed to sing along. Someone else was singing too, an oddly familiar voice. Danielle closed her eyes, she was certain this was a lullaby.

She awoke to someone touching her hair. Her vision was blurred, but she could tell the someone had red hair.

"Wheeze?" she said softly, using Louise's old nickname. She blinked. There was no one but Christian, standing several feet away with his hands in the belt loops of his pants. He came to sit beside her on the ground.

"Did you…" Danielle began awkwardly. It was a very awkward thing to have to ask someone. "Did you just touch my hair?"

Christian looked puzzled. "No, I was across the yard."

"Oh. It must have been the breeze." Danielle was feeling nauseous and not much like talking.

"Do you think it's odd that your sister just up and left like that?"

Danielle took a moment to think about her answer. Her temples were pounding and making it hard to concentrate. "It's not odd that she's gone really," said Danielle slowly. "She does this a lot. I don't know why Grandfather permits it. I don't know if he could stop it anyway."

"So why do you look so worried," said Christian. He didn't say it unkindly but Danielle felt uncomfortable none the less. Christian was the sort of person who pointed things out when you'd prefer to ignore them. It was unsettling.

"Louise left at a performance. That's not like her at all. She usually would never miss a chance to show off. And she's been acting odd for weeks. I don't know if she's sick or plotting something or what but it doesn't make any sense," said Danielle suddenly. She didn't know why she had just told Christian that. She didn't much like him or even trust him but for some reason at the time it made her feel better.


Night fell and the yard was too cold to stay in. Juliet went to bed early but everyone else sat up late in silence. Louise didn't return. Grandfather sent one of the servants to fetch the police around midnight. No one slept as the waited for the news, which came with the sun. Louise had not been found.

The peace of the morning was broken by the sound of glass crashing to the floor and on of the servants scream. Rose came in to the parlor, not with a tray of tea like she'd said but with a letter with its seal broken. Grandfather read the note twice, his face pale. Finally he looked up, his eyes shining.

"She's gone," he said, looking like he'd said the words before.