The idea had been stuck in her mind for some time now and she had finally given in. Nina had no idea where the urge had come from, but she saw no harm in indulging it.
Gazing out of the window at the grey sky, she began considering the letter she was about to write. Not intending for him to ever actually read it meant not needing to be too careful about the contents.
Sitting down at the desk, she took out a piece of paper and a pen from a drawer and began to think. Should she go into great detail and write a whole autobiography of Nina Myers? She was well aware of the questions he wanted answers for, of course.
"Dear Jack," she whispered to herself as she wrote before crossing it out. Something less attached would be more appropriate.
Jack, it's Nina,
It will come as no surprise that I write this in Europe and not in North Africa. My escape was well-planned and it's possible the US government still has no idea.
I'm in an hotel room in Munich but I won't be here much longer. There's a job in Spain so I'll be flying to Barcelona tomorrow. No civilians in danger this time and I doubt CTU will hear about it.
I'll give you a little biography. I'm sure you've wondered about my identity but there's no mystery there. Nina Myers is my real name and I was born in Boston. My parents were also from Boston, they died when I was a teenager. I have a younger brother who still lives there, he's married with kids. If for some reason you ever meet him, remember that he isn't me.
You want to know why. You said I have no cause and you're right about that. I stopped believing in anything a long time ago. People change and not always for the better. Remember what you said about compromises? I didn't need you to tell me that. I've been compromising for a long time, ever since I made certain choices.
In a better world I would never have made some of the choices I did. I wasn't born evil, nobody is, but Jack? There's not a lot of difference between you and me other than intention. You go as far as you need to protect the innocent. I do it to survive because I made certain decisions in my life.
I never loved Tony. I assume he feels used because he was. I needed a malleable ally and he was the best candidate. Has he moved on yet? I never did get to see him the last time I was at CTU.
Jamey wasn't the first person I ever killed and that won't come as a shock to you. You've seen the video. Faheen wasn't the last, either. I don't enjoy killing but I will do whatever it takes to ensure my survival, I made peace with that a long time ago.
I never wanted to kill Teri. I mentioned Germany in front of her and that meant she had to die. Could I have ignored the order? I could and they would have killed me for it. So I didn't and Teri died instead. I don't mean to sound callous about it but it is the truth.
Writing this won't get the thoughts out of my head. You most likely wouldn't read this even if I handed it to you. Catharsis? Not in the slightest. I'm wading through memories that haunt me.
I could write about so much more than myself. I know of plots and conspiracies in several countries, most of which will never come to fruition. You've seen terrible things but you've only scratched the surface. Even you can't stop it all. Despite everything, I wish you could.
Remember your promise? I don't doubt it for a second because I know you. But you also know me, Jack. I won't make it easy for you and I will fight you all the way. That's my promise.
Do you ever wonder if I'll come after you? You must have considered it at some point, you know how far I'll go to protect my own interests.
I know you believe in revenge, eye for an eye. The last refuge of the bruised ego. Do you ever wonder if I've found love? Would it be enough to kill a partner of mine, make me feel the same loss you suffered? Sorry to disappoint but there's nobody like that in my life right now. In my line of work there's no room for romance or happy ever afters. Kind of like yours, I guess.
I must warn you, Jack. Be careful not to let that need for vengeance consume you. Gazing into abysses never ends well.
I want to tell you a little about the Drazens. I first met them about six months before that day. First impressions were not great. Guess I should have known they were going to bring me down.
Andre was so very business-like as the ringleader of the plot. Alexis, he was the pretty face and we both know what he was doing for the cause.
It would have been hard for me if they had succeeded, knowing that I played a part in your death. I would have mourned you, Jack, but I had no other choice. Sleeping next to you, knowing that the day was drawing closer? That was hell at times. One good thing about Tony, I knew he was certain to survive that day no matter what.
Teri saw the look I gave you when you arrived at CTU. You might already know that from the safe house tapes. Have you seen them? I can't imagine you would want to.
Jack, I want you to believe me. Teri did not die because you chose her over me. Even if things had been different between us, circumstances on that day led to her death. You did everything you could to protect her and Kim. I'm the one to blame, not you, and I hope you realise that.
Now, this part you won't believe but I hope you and Kim are finding happiness. You didn't deserve this, neither did Teri, but life isn't fair and that's a lesson we've both had to learn many times.
The plan was to get close to you, become your most trusted friend and I more than succeeded. I wasn't supposed to go as far as falling in love with you but I did. I loved you, Jack, and in a way I still do even after everything.
Remember the Sunday morning in Santa Barbara? You could tell something was bothering me and you were so sweet about it. I was so close to confessing, telling you everything but I couldn't. Doing so would have endangered the both of us.
You might think it was all a facade but not everything was. I showed you as much of the real me as I could, especially when we were alone.
This life is hard to leave. If I had enough money then I could disappear but even that would be temporary. One mistake and they would find me. The only real escape is death and I don't want to die. There's nothing after death, Jack. Everything I've seen has convinced me that we only get one chance to live.
I've been back to the States since our last meeting. It wasn't for long, less than a day. I stayed in a New York hotel overnight to prove that I could. Show potential clients that the exile wouldn't stop me from returning to my birth country. As long as I don't need to go anywhere near LA I should be fine.
If you ever read this, I hope it gives you something. My death might be the only thing that could give you closure but remember my promise. I will fight all the way.
- Nina
She picked up the letter before reading it until she found every word acceptable. Folding it in two, she considered keeping it with her. If he was going to find her at some point, he might as well get some answers as well. Dropping it into a drawer until it was time to leave, she stood up and looked outside as dark clouds began to roll in.
