"Was Sky here?" Mom asked, and Hawk stopped in the middle of his punch-kick-punch routine.
He was in the basement, beating the crap out of a punching bag, and his chest was heaving with deep breaths. He had been so engulfed in his training, that he hadn't even heard Mom approaching. Startled, he turned to face her, sweat dripping down his back.
"Yeah?" he replied, trying to catch his breath. "How did you—?"
Mom looked embarrassed and annoyed. "Because unless you had a sudden inspiration to do laundry, there must be some other reason for your bedsheets to be in the dryer."
If there ever had been a moment in his life when Hawk had hoped for the ground to open up and swallow him, it was this. The condom on the nightstand. Shit! Had he remembered to toss it into the trash? He was pretty sure he had, but fucking Hell, if mom had been to his room and seen that too–
"Please go and make your bed, Eli. And after that we'll have a little chat," Mom said, and turned to walk back up, looking anything but happy.
"Sure," Hawk muttered a response, but gave the punching bag a couple of more fierce kicks, before stopping. His whole body was exhausted, his muscles trembled and ached, and still, it had done little to soothe the ache in his chest, the nauseating fear that still gripped his heart like a band of ice-cold iron.
He had no idea how much time he'd been in the basement. Time lost its meaning when he was training, but now he glanced at his phone and realized it had been hours. And still no texts from Sky.
With a heavy heart, he went upstairs, took the sheets from the dryer, and made his bed. His room was otherwise neat - no Hawk's dead body lying on the floor for mom to find, not even a condom on the nightstand.
Despite everything, he was at least relieved about that. Thank God he had remembered to get rid of it! The missing sheets from his bed were bad enough, but a used condom—
Had mom seen it, Hawk would have been forced to move out. Immediately. Even if he had no fucking place to go. He would have rather slept under the bridge with the homeless people than face his mom again after such a humiliation.
He made a mental note to be extra careful next time and to wash and dry the sheets before mom got home—
He froze mid-thought.
There probably wasn't gonna be a next time. Sky still hadn't written back to him and Hawk was seriously freaking out. He was pretty sure she was breaking up with him. But then there was the other thought, the even worse one.
What if she's done something to herself?
He knew she had tried to kill herself before. And she had been so upset when she had left, her eyes dark and full of tears—
That thought almost sucked the life out of Hawk. He couldn't take it. He quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Sky.
At least let me know that you r okay
I'm worried
He waited a moment, but - surprise, surprise - no answer came. He wondered if he should call Sky's dad, just in case something was seriously wrong, but then decided not to. He really didn't want to explain to Nicholas what had happened, and also he could get Sky in a lot of trouble if she really was just getting a tattoo because her Dad probably didn't know it. And then she'd be upset about that too. With a long sigh, Hawk pushed the phone back into the pocket of his sweats and shambled his feet downstairs where mom was waiting for him.
They sat in the living room - Hawk on the couch, mom in an armchair nearby. Hawk kept staring at his feet - they were still bare after the workout session, his long toes looked pale against the dark hardwood floor - and he had no wish to look up to meet Mom's eyes, or to have this conversation in the first place.
"So, Sky was here when I was at work?" Mom asked with a tone that told Hawk it wasn't really a question at all.
"Yeah," he replied. No point in trying to deny the obvious.
"You know that I like Sky. And I am happy that you have a girlfriend. But still… I'm going to say it as it is. I think you are too young to be… doing that," she said, and Hawk wished he could sink through the sofa straight to the basement, but no such miracle happened.
"Mom—" he groaned, but mom held up a hand to gesture she wasn't finished.
"But I realize I cannot keep an eye on you 24/7," she sighed. "I work, and you are on vacation. If I forbid you from bringing Sky here, you are going to do it anyway and just lie to me about it. Am I right?"
Hawk shrugged. He really didn't feel like explaining to Mom the depressing probability that he was never going to have sex again
Mom, clearly oblivious to this all, went on. "So all I ask is that you remember that your father and I live here too, so be respectful. And also… be safe. I mean—"
"I know what you mean," Hawk blushed all the way to his ears. "Jeez, Mom. I'm not an idiot."
There was a long silence after that. Hawk kept staring at his feet, and Mom sat in her chair, stiff and clearly uncomfortable.
"I really hope your Dad would have this talk with you," she said silently after a while.
"Come on," Hawk let out an exasperated sigh. "When is the last time Dad talked to me about anything important? Or about anything at all?"
"Don't say that, Eli. He's just been busy with work—
"I really hate it when you keep making excuses for him," Hawk snapped, but then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to… It's not your fault."
"We are not here to talk about your father," Mom said sternly but Hawk heard the sad undertone of her voice, as if she too missed Dad, as if she too wished things were as they had been before. When Hawk had been small and Dad had still shown some interest in his family.
Hell, Hawk had talked more with Sky's dad than with his own these past months, and that was just sad and pathetic. Nicholas was cool, but he wasn't Dad, he couldn't fill that hole in his chest. Besides, now Hawk knew he wouldn't have even him as a father figure anymore, because his phone still sat silent in his pocket and he was slowly giving up all hope of ever hearing from Sky again.
"Then why are we here?" he asked, raising his eyes to meet Mom's. "I listened at the sex ed class, you know. I am being responsible. And yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like that… I was gonna take the sheets off the dryer before you came home, but…"
"But what?"
He shrugged. He wasn't gonna tell Mom why he'd been so immersed in his training that he had forgotten about the damn sheets. Absent-mindedly he brushed his knuckles that were still sore from the workouts of this morning and this afternoon. The skin was torn in many places, his hands were bruised, and again he thought about Sky's slender wrists, the red marks his hands had left on her skin.
He wanted to smash his fist into the nearest wall and scream.
"I forgot," he said a bit throatily and turned his eyes down. "Got something in my mind."
Mom leaned forward in her chair, her elbows on her knees, and took a look at Hawk, a long silent look. Hawk kept his eyes on the floor - even if he had worked on it, it was still uncomfortable for him to look people in the eye when he was nervous. He was grateful for Mom never forcing him to do so.
"Eli, is everything alright?" Mom asked silently.
He shrugged again and clenched his jaw. There was an open cut on his knuckles and blood stained the back of that hand.
"You are bleeding!" Mom exclaimed, noticing the same thing. "Did something… Did something bad happen?"
"Must've cut it somewhere when training," he muttered. "It's not a big deal—"
And just then his phone buzzed in his pocket and his heart leaped into his throat, he almost choked on it. He pulled the phone out without asking Mom if he could, opened it, and—
A text from Demetri. Fucking Demetri! Asking if he had read the latest Dungeon Lord comic, and the stupidity of that message almost caused Hawk to throw the phone to the opposite wall.
He hadn't read Dungeon Lord in months and had carried all the old ones to the attic in boxes, never to be seen again, another reminder of his embarrassing past thus erased and taken care of.
"Eli, the phone," Mom said. "We're not done talking."
He swallowed hard, his throat bobbed as he closed the phone and pushed it back into his pocket. Suddenly he felt like he would cry, the disappointment over the fact it hadn't been Sky to text him, almost bursting through his hardened shell.
"Sorry," he managed. "I thought… I thought it was Sky."
"Did something happen with her?" Mom asked silently after a short silence. "Did you argue?"
The emotion made his fist clench tight, his lips were drawn back as he fought the tears. He was not gonna cry, he was not gonna cry in front of Mom—!
He managed to hold back the tears but his voice still came out as a ragged sob.
"Kinda," he breathed.
"Oh, Eli. I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?"
No way could he tell her.
"I did… something stupid," he muttered. "And now she's not texting me back."
"I'm sure it's alright, sweetie."
"It's not!" He almost yelled, the emotion breaking his voice. "Can't you see? It's never gonna be okay, because I'm a fucking idiot, and—"
He stopped talking mid-sentence, took a deep breath, then another. His hands were shaking.
"Sweetie, I know it feels like that now, but I'm sure it's not that bad. Sky loves you, even I can see that." Mom's voice was reassuring and kind but it only made Hawk feel worse.
"Not anymore."
"Did she say so?"
"No, but…" it was so hard to speak because every word felt like a knife in his windpipe, and he was still fighting tears. "But I messed up. And she left. And I've been trying to call her and text her, but…" he shrugged, drew in a shaky, despaired breath.
"What happened, Eli?" Mom asked silently. "I can't help you if I don't know, but I'm sure it can't be that bad."
"Mom, it's private," he groaned. "I really can't tell you."
"I see," she said, and then after a while. "Does it have something to do with her past? Her PTSD?"
Hawk looked up in surprise. "How do you know about that?"
He sure as Hell hadn't told her. Sky's issues were her issues, it wasn't his place to tell anybody about them. And he hadn't wanted Mom thinking about Sky as if there was something wrong with her, because there wasn't. She was so much more than what had happened to her, so much more than some diagnosis.
"Nicholas told me," Mom replied. "He thought I should be aware if we are going to Europe together."
Hawk nodded. It made sense - kind of. If Sky got one of her episodes on their trip, Mom would freak out if she didn't know what was happening, but—
Hawk buried his face into his hands in a sudden burst of despair.
The trip to Italy. Mom had already bought the plane tickets, and now—
—if Sky is breaking up with me, I guess that trip isn't happening either. Mom's gonna be so pissed!
He wasn't going to think about that now. Missing the trip to Italy was the least of his worries.
"I… I accidentally did something that triggered her trauma," he said and swallowed hard. "I didn't mean to."
"If it was an accident, then I'm sure everything's going to be fine," Mom said, her tone warm and sympathetic. "Have you apologized?"
"Yeah, like a dozen times."
"Then give her some time," Mom said. "Maybe she just needs a moment to get herself together."
Hawk shrugged. "Yeah, maybe."
"You know, Eli - all couples have their ups and downs. All couples fight. And it's not the end of the world."
"Then why does it feel like that?" he whispered in a strangled voice.
"Because you're young," Mom said softly as if that explained everything. "And you are in love. And it hurts sometimes. But you're just going to have to give Sky some time now. She'll call you back when she's ready, and then you'll figure things out."
He let out a strangled sound, half-laugh, half-sob. "And what if she doesn't? What if I never hear from her again–?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Mom said sternly. "It's too early to worry about that. I'm going to make you a sandwich now because let me guess - you haven't eaten anything all day."
She was right, of course - and even if Hawk wasn't hungry and he still felt like he could throw up, he knew better than to argue. Mom was a firm believer in good food being the best medicine for almost anything.
"Okay," Hawk replied silently. "Thanks Mom–"
And just then his phone buzzed. Hawk dug it from his pocket so fast it slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor. He picked it up and flipped it open forgetting to breathe, his rapid heartbeat ticking in his throat. Even Mom froze and sat back down on the edge of her chair.
If it's Demetri again, I'm fucking gonna kill him–!
But it wasn't. It was Sky.
Sky: Is that what u want?
To break up?
Hawk: NO!
He was holding his breath, his hands that held the phone were trembling as he looked at the three dots that told him there would be more.
Sky: u sure?
Hawk: yes I'm sure!
I love you
r u okay?
Sky: no
but I don't wanna break up either
I love you too
sorry I didn't text
I didn't mean to make u worried
I'm getting the tattoo now
Hawk didn't even realize that he had started crying. Tears of relief flooded his eyes and fell to his cheeks, and his breathing came in ragged sobs.
Sky didn't want to break up. It wasn't over. She still loved him, oh God, she still loved him and they were still together—
"Eli, what is it?" Mom had gotten up from her chair, and her hand was on his shoulder. "Is it Sky?"
Hawk looked up, and only then realized he was crying. Embarrassed, he tried to wipe the tears with the back of his hand.
"It's okay, Mom," he breathed. "It's okay, she's not breaking up with me."
"Oh!" Mom exhaled and broke into a smile. "Oh, I'm so relieved!"
"Me too," Hawk sighed - an understatement of the year. He felt like he had dodged a bullet, as if he had been on death row and suddenly been pardoned.
"I'll make you that sandwich now," Mom said, giving a gentle squeeze on his shoulder, and then walked to the kitchen to give him some privacy.
Hawk returned to his phone and started typing again, even if his hands were still shaking a bit.
Hawk: u at the tattoo shop?
Sky: yeah
taking a small break now, but we're gonna continue soon
Hawk: I'm coming over
He didn't give a shit about the fact that Sky had told him she didn't want him seeing the tattoo before it was finished. Now, all that felt meaningless. The only thing that mattered was that Sky had said she wasn't okay, and Hawk knew she needed him.
And he needed her too, needed to hold her in his arms and breathe in her familiar scent of vanilla and roses, needed the reassurance that things were really going to be fine.
Sky: okay
I love u
Hawk: I'll be there in 10
He walked into the kitchen, stuffing the phone into his pocket, and grabbed the tuna and lettuce sandwich mom had made for him. His stomach growled as he took the first bite - as if his body only now could admit that it was hungry.
"Mom, I need to go," he said while munching his food. "I'm gonna meet Sky. Is it okay?"
Mom arched a brow as she started putting the ingredients back into the fridge and the cupboards. "Where are the two of you meeting?"
Hawk swallowed his mouthful, and took another. "At the… tattoo shop."
"Please tell me you're not thinking about getting another tattoo?" Mom asked, and the jar of mayonnaise almost slipped from her fingers. "Might I remind you, that your punishment from the last one is still ongoing–"
Hawk hadn't been grounded, but Mom had been shocked after seeing the hawk tattoo on his back at the tournament. She had cried a bit and then announced very sternly that Hawk was to cut the grass once a week for two months, do all the grocery shopping, and clean the bathrooms for the rest of the summer, and then they could talk about if that punishment had been enough.
Hawk sure hoped it would be. He really hated cleaning the bathrooms. And he had no intention of letting Mom know he was already planning another tattoo.
"No!" he said and swallowed his food. "I mean, Sky is apparently getting one. Not me. I swear."
Mom looked very skeptical. "Does her father know?"
"I don't know," Hawk shrugged, even if he was pretty sure Sky hadn't told her dad. "But Mom, please, I really have to go. I told her I'd be there—"
"Fine," Mom said with a sigh. "Finish your sandwich. I'll give you a ride."
Must be your lucky day - a double update!
I've been wanting to write about Eli's Mom for some time now, she is just so great. I hope you liked it!
