For the Fangirls...

Chapter One: Prelude to Fanon Overdrive

After a long hard day of meddling in other people's affairs, Moebius the Timestreamer retreated back into the more comfortable chambers of his mountain cavern labyrinth. He flopped tiredly into his chair nearest the flaming cauldron and he pulled out a book. Now this was no ordinary book. It was a key to all life on Nosgoth (or at least the more important bits) and was forbidden in many regions.

"And this will turn the Soul Reaver into a cardboard tube? Ha! I'd like to see Kain cut my head off with that!" he exclaimed happily. Buying the 'Legacy of Kain: Strategy Guide' had been a definite boon to his scheming and twisting plots. With it, he believed he might have the edge to better serve his god. He laughed again and began to read more deeply into the text. What was this about turning Raziel into a cute little midget sort of a fellow...?

"Is the 'naked Janos' code in there too?" a voice called out from behind him. With a scowl, Moebius turned in his chair to glare at who had spoken. Didn't that damn peasant see the sign outside that said 'No Divinations and Fortune Telling after 6 p.m.'? When he saw the bold intruder, he gasped and then trembled. Indeed, Doom had come to Nosgoth for standing before him were the Fanfiction Fates, three anthropomorphic manifestations of certain aspects of the fanfiction universe. He had only met them once, long ago during a chronoplast lock-in party. All he really remembered was waking up with a raging headache, surrounded by glitter, deflated animal balloons and spilled ale. What a night that had been!

Standing foremost of the trio was a tall girl with a look of disdain upon her sharp, pretty features. She had long black hair and she wore a leather dress that left nothing to the imagination. Moebius knew that this was Darkfiremoon, priestess of Hakritar (a country never heard of but undoubtedly right next to Nosgoth). She was always destined to be captured by one of the leading vampires and to be used as a slave in some really hideous and sadistically graphic sex. Hers was not a kind fate, for though she would end up falling in love and marrying her captor, she would die in the sequel, inspiring at least 20 contemplative songfics to follow.

Standing meekly behind her was the dread being known as Miko-chan. She was dressed as a typical Nosgoth peasant, though for some reason she had cat ears. Her eyes were large and glassy and her blue hair was prone to being blown about in an artistic fashion during times of emotional overtures. She oversaw the peculiar breed of authors who just couldn't seem to keep their Japanophilia out of their stories. Out of the three, she was perhaps the one who made him the most uncomfortable, for she was always asking questions like, "How long have you and Mortaniusu-san been together?" and "Do you suppose the Elder God had his way with Raziel-chan before he let him dissolve in the Abyss?"

The third was simply known as Jessica, the Self-Insertion Technician. She looked like a regular girl from a regular home (if, in case, your home was Earth) and she oversaw all fanfictions that dealt with certain equations, such as 'girl from real world is teleported to Nosgoth' or vice versa. She always meant well enough, the Timestreamer supposed.

"What do you want?" he demanded. He saw Miko-chan reach out to fiddle with some complicated-looking glass instruments and he barked at her not to touch anything. She drew back her hand back quickly and sank to her knees. Tears began to spurt in great gouts from her humongous eyeballs.

"Wah-ha-haaaaa!" she sobbed, "Moebiusu-san yelled at meeee!"

"How could you, you mean old geezer?" Jessica asked, comforting the cartoonish girl.

"Oh, it's quite easy," he replied, "Why are you here?"

"We are here to use the Chronoplast," Darkfiremoon announced, stepping forward. With each step, her breasts threatened to topple out of her dress and Moebius didn't know whether to gawk or to laugh and point. He decided to look away as she continued. "We need to use it in order to change Nosgoth for the better. You see, it lacks certain...elements...and we mean to fix that."

"We want to bring peace, love and understanding to all of Nosgoth in the name of fangirls everywhere!" Miko-chan exclaimed, jumping up and striking a pose.

"But we'd better do it quick, because I have a big test tomorrow and my mom will kill me if she found out that I stayed up all night," Jessica stated.

"So let me try and better understand this..." Moebius said, pacing back and forth, "You want to use MY time-streaming device in order to induce homoerotic sadism with a pinch of romantic comedy?"

"It's far more subtle than that!" Darkfiremoon hissed and Moebius scoffed.

"Yeah!" Miko-chan said, piping in cheerfully, "We just might be able to save the vampires from getting cursed by the Hylden! We might be able to rescue Janos-chan from being thrown down into the void! We might get Kain-san and Razii-chan to be friends! We might even get to see them naked!"

Moebius pondered over this for a minute, though ignoring the girl's hentai requests. If by allowing these nutjobs use of his device, they just might be able to render his enemies so completely out of character, he could achieve his diabolical plans all the more easily. He sighed, knowing what kind of chaos would initially ensue...but the end comes, beyond chaos. He grinned to himself and turned to the eager trio.

"Very well. Do as you wish," he relented.

"Glomp!" Miko-chan cried, crushing his lungs in a mighty embrace.