For the Fangirls...

Alteration One: Spread your Wings and Fall

Darkfiremoon found herself tied to an exquisite four-poster bed. She shivered, her shredded dress barely covering her. She could barely remember the events leading up to her capture. The council...the invasion...the slaughter of her convent. What was she to do? Surely she had been kept alive only to satisfy her captor's carnal desires. Her purity...her chastity...all that she held sacred was about to be violated by an undead beast.

"Are you comfortable?" a wry voice asked. She looked toward the doorway and saw Raziel in all his pre-Abyss glory. He was clad in a pair of black leather pants and not much else. He cast aside his half-cloak and his bare skin was as white as alabaster. He tossed his dark hair and smiled wickedly, spreading his new wings.

"You may have my body but you'll never have my soul!" Darkfiremoon vowed and shifted into a more comfortable (and provocative) position. He crouched over her and pressed his lips to hers in a brutal kiss. He chuckled when he saw her furious expression.

"You must hate me right now," he murmured, nuzzling into her neck.

"The goddess Hennig teaches us not to hate, but to understand," Darkfiremoon said stoically.

"Who?" he asked.

"The goddess Hennig," she explained, "Patron deity of Hakritar,"

"Where?" he asked. His pretty features were scrunched up in confusion.

"It's where I'm from, remember?" she shouted, "You invaded us when we refused to be annexed to Kain's empire!"

"Did I? Huh..." Raziel shrugged and resumed his manipulations. She sighed and supposed that non-original characters would have a hard time adapting to her 'alternate universe' idea. She had used the Chronoplast in order to put herself in such a position...though she would never admit it. Eventually she found herself moaning softly along to his attentions. All too soon he stopped and looked her long and mournfully in her eyes. Darkmoonfire knew what this meant. She figured he had just fallen in love with her, seeing as how pretty and brave she was being...even though they had known each other for all of five minutes.

"What else does your goddess say?" he asked throatily.

"To love and cherish all others," she replied.

"Could you love someone like me?" he asked dryly and nipped at her lip.

"Especially someone like you," she answered.

"Oh Firemoondark!" he exclaimed and kissed her, "Tell me you'll love me!"

"Darkfiremoon!" she hissed.

"Huh?"

"My name is Darkfiremoon!" she said.

"Okay," he said and resumed what he was doing, which was inexplicably naughty to be sure. Much to Darkfiremoon's dismay, the door burst open and in strode Miko-chan.

"Kawaii, Razii-chan! You've got such cute wings!" she cried and jumped up and down, giggling absurdly. She grabbed his wings and began to dance them about, singing J-Pop nonsense.

"What the devil..?" he growled and tried to claw her away. Unfortunately for him, she was immensely strong (she was a robot/schoolgirl/ninja after all) and was not done playing with the fun she had found. All he ended up doing was chasing her around in an agonized circle.

"Damn it, Miko!" Darkfiremoon hissed, "Get out of here! You'll have your turn next!"

"I thought it was my turn now," Miko-chan said, but not letting go of the furious vampire.

"No it isn't!" shouted Darkfiremoon, "I won the rock-paper-scissors! This is my turn! Now get...oh no...what did you do, Miko? What did you do?"

"Nothing..." she said, looking down at something very interesting on the floor. Raziel took this moment to give one last heave using all of his vampiric strength. There was a sound of ripping and crackling, interrupted by frantic screaming. Raziel thrashed about on the floor; his wings now a great bloody mess on his back. Miko-chan's eyes grew large and horrified and she was still clutching the ruined bone structure of Raziel's wings when she began to cry.

"Wah-ha-haaa! I broke Razii-chan!" she wailed.

"Miko-chan!" Darkfiremoon shrieked. "You've ruined everything! Untie me from this bed so I can beat you!"

"Hey guys?" a voice asked from the doorway. It was Jessica. "Moebius says Raziel's got to go present himself to Kain now," She noticed the whimpering mess on the floor and gasped.

"Oh crap, what'd you guys do?" she asked, "Moebius is gonna be so pissed! We weren't supposed to alter history! Now I'll never get Melchiah to spend the night at my house!"

"He was gonna lose his wings anyway...maybe we should just tell Kain we found Raziel like this when we got here," Miko-chan suggested.

"Like he'll believe that," Darkfiremoon snapped. "Why would you want Melchiah to spend the night at your house? He's gross! Get someone cuter...like maybe Faustus,"

"I like less-popular characters. Besides, Mel is nice," Jessica explained. "But enough of that! What're we going to do now?"

"We're gonna help out Kain-san and throw Razii-chan into the Abyss! Swoosh swoosh swoosh, he'll go!" Miko-chan said. Jessica shrugged and untied Darkfiremoon.

"We can't throw him in! I'm not done with him!" the priestess of Hakritar cried, rubbing her sore wrists.

"We have to! We can't alter history or else Moebius won't let us use the Chronoplast!" Jessica replied.

"Maybe we should ask Razii-chan what we should do!" Miko-chan suggested. The three fanfiction deities looked down at the prone, agonizing body of Raziel and decided that would be a bad idea.

"How're we going to sneak past Kain and the others?" Darkfiremoon asked.

"Leave that to me!" Miko-chan exclaimed. The other two sighed but relented. If the little anime girl was anything, it was a distraction.

Meanwhile, in the throne room of the Sanctuary, Kain was addressing his sons.

"So none of you know what this is about or why Raziel has been so secretive as of late?" Kain growled.

"No, Lord," Turel replied dutifully. "Perhaps he is going to show us the prize concubine he just captured,"

"When was that?" Kain asked.

"When you gave the order to invade Hakritar," Turel answered.

"Where's that at?"

"I have no idea, Lord," Turel replied, "But she's very pretty. Her name's Starmoonglow or something,"

"Good for him," Kain assented. "Now answer me this...why are Zephon and Rahab kissing?"

"I do not know, my Lord,"

Lo and behold, the two vampires were kissing as though there were no tomorrow. The squelchy smacking sounds were becoming louder and louder and it made everyone in the room very uncomfortable. Standing in a darkened corner of the chamber was Miko-chan, who was wielding her magic weapon...the Yaoi Wand! Not only could she render the most masculine character into a raging homosexual but she could...well...that's pretty much all. Oh, and it can make toast too. Maybe.

"Cease that at once, both of you!" Kain bellowed but he was ignored. He had recently taken to ripping off appendages and felt the time was appropriate to exercise his newfound hobby. Though he was disappointed at Raziel's failure to appear at his own summons, he was glad to have something exciting to do. He was, after all, fourteen hundred and thirty years old. He had to find amusement where he could.

"Stop, enemy of true love!" Miko-chan cried. "Do you not feel the happiness emanating from these two luscious bishonen? You dare to interrupt? You will have to stand and fight me, first!" She made a dramatic pose and pointed her awesome wand at the deadly, crouching vampire. She failed to fire, however, because she was too busy watching the two lieutenants in various states of undress. In a moment, she was pinned to the wall with the Soul Reaver through her middle.

"Hey, that's cheating!" she exclaimed.

"What manner of devil are you, wench? Your soul should have been consumed by now!" Kain growled and stabbed her again, to make sure the sword was working properly.

"My soul rages with strength! Don't underestimate me, Kain-san!" she cried. Kain stood back and watched the girl try to free herself from the sword pinning her against the wall and decided to go and get some more shiny, sharp objects to reinforce the whole theme. On his way to the stationary cupboard, however, he encountered Darkfiremoon and Jessica dragging a very wingless Raziel down the hallway.

"My Lord!" Raziel sobbed, "Make them stop! They're going to throw me into the endlessly swirling waters of the Abyss!"

"It'll save me a trip then," Kain shrugged.

"What?" Raziel cried.

"Well, you see, your wings were a sign telling me that I needed to throw you into the Abyss so that you'd come back as a soul-eating wraith and thereby fulfilling all kinds of prophecy," Kain explained, "Well, actually, I was just jealous of your wings but Eidos decided to tack on a storyline from one of their unsuccessful games onto this one. All kinds of wacky time traveling will ensue because of it. Fun, eh?"

"Um...not really," Raziel said.

"Too bad," Kain said, "Cast him in, girls,"

Deep within the mountains, Moebius saw what was transpiring in the misty liquid of his cauldron. He smiled to himself and stirred the contents...soon the chicken soup would be ready! He cackled to himself. He was being efficient today, watching the future through his dinner. He sprinkled a bit more salt into the mixture and sighed happily. Already it was beginning to work! Kain was becoming out of character. He had even said 'wacky'! It wouldn't be long now...

Author's note: I'm so very sick of typing out the entire word 'Darkfiremoon'. Will anyone mind if I abbreviate it? This storyis just total nonsense. Yell if I offend anyone, alright?