Note: This chapter is a parody of the infamous "Steamed Hams" skit from The Simpsons, but with Star Fox characters. Enjoy!

Chapter 53: Slippy's Steamed Hams

Falco Lombardi was standing outside of the house of one of his closest friends, Slippy Toad, while holding a bottle of champagne. Upon ringing the doorbell, the avian was greeted by Slippy, who opened the door.

"Well, Slippy, I made it," Falco greeted, "despite your directions."

"Ah, Falco, welcome!" Slippy cheerfully said, "I hope you're ready for an unforgettable luncheon!"

Falco grunted as he entered the house. As he did so, Slippy went to the kitchen to get the roast he had been making. But, much to his horror, smoke was coming out of the oven. The toad gasped, opening the oven and discovering that the roast had been burning.

"Oh egads!" Slippy cried, "My roast is ruined!"

Upon seeing the Five Guys that was across the street, Slippy got an idea.

"But, what if I were to disguise fast food as my own cooking?" He said to himself before chuckling, "Delightfully devilish, Slippy!"

Before Slippy could exit through the window, Falco came in and saw him. The avian's face became unamused.

Slippy with his crazy explanations

Falco's gonna need his medication

When he hears Slippy's lame exaggerations that will travel in town tonight

"SLIPPY!" Falco shouted.

"Oh, Falco, I was just, uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?" Slippy said.

Falco looked at the oven, "Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Slip?"

"Oh," the toad lied, "uh, that isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm, steamed clams!"

Convinced by his lie, Falco left the room. Now that he was gone, Slippy ran out of the house and over to the Five Guys across the street.


A few minutes later, and Slippy entered the dining room with a platter that had cheeseburgers and fries on it.

"Falco," Slippy greeted, "I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers."

"I thought we were having steamed clams." Falco stated.

"Oh no," the toad lied, "I said 'steamed hams'. That's what I call hamburgers."

"You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" The avian was in disbelief.

"Yes!" The smaller male lied, "It's a regional dialect."

"Uh-huh." The taller male wasn't buying it, "What region?"

"Corneria City." Slippy stated.

"Really?" Falco didn't believe him, "Well, I grew up around there and I never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'."

"Oh no, not in the area you grew up in. It's a Southern Corneria City expression." The toad said.

Falco took a bite out of one of the burgers while Slippy had a sip from his drink.

"You know," Falco noticed, "these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Five Guys."

"Oh, hohoho!" Slippy laughed, "Patented Toad burgers. Old family recipe!"

"For steamed hams?" The avian was starting to catch on to his lies.

"Yes!" The toad smiled.

"Yes," the taller male said, opening up the sandwich he was eating, "and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled."

"Uh," Slippy realized that his lies were coming back to bite him, "you know ... the one thing I should ... Excuse me for one second."

Slippy stepped into the kitchen before coming out, realizing that it was on fire. He yawned, hoping that Falco would leave.

"Well, that was fun." The toad cheerfully said, "A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."

"Yes, I should be -" Falco started to speak before seeing the fire, "Good lord, what is happening in there?!"

"Uh, Corneria's Borealis!" Slippy quickly lied.

"I - Corneria's Borealis?!" The avian didn't believe him, "At this time of year, at this time of day, at this part of Corneria, localized entirely within your kitchen?!"

"Yes!" The toad lied.

"... Can I see it?" Falco asked.

Slippy hesitated before saying "No."


Falco and Slippy stepped out of the house, where they heard Slippy's father, Beltino, scream.

"Slippy!" Beltino cried, "The house is on fire!"

"No, father, it's just the northern lights!" Slippy cheerfully shouted back, pretending not to know.

"Well, Slippy, you're an odd fellow." Falco said, "But I must say, you steam a good ham."

As he turned to leave, Falco looked back at Slippy, who awkwardly gave him the thumbs up.

"Help!" Beltino screamed, "HELP!!!"

Falco walked down the street as Slippy went back in the house, eager to tame the fires inside.

Note: Never thought that I would parody a scene from The Simpsons, but I've always liked the "Steamed Hams" skit, so I did it. While I'm at it, I'm here to announce that I'm going to release the first chapter of my new story, "Amnesia", on Monday, January 18. Originally, I was going to release it on the 25th, but I figured that I would be really busy with College work. What did you guys think about this chapter? Let me know when you leave a review or give a constructive criticism stating what you like and what you don't like. Until next time guys, peace!