If That's What It Takes

"Maureen Stabler?"

Maureen looked up from the open book in front of her on the library table, and her heart froze in her chest. She recognized the tall, saturnine man standing behind the Dean of Students as Don Cragen, her Dad's boss, and he looked grim. "Oh my God…" Her face started to crumple. "Daddy…!"

"No, Maureen, it's not your father, but he's going to need you." Maureen looked up with tear-filled eyes, and saw the streaks of tears on this man's cheeks that he couldn't quite wipe completely away.

"What happened to them…!" If Olivia was here, it would be her Dad. If Dad was here, it would be Olivia. She had reasoned it out so many times to herself over the years that she had never thought that someone would come get her if something happened to both of them. Nevertheless she was shoving books into her backpack even as she stared at him, feeling the tears spilling down her cheeks. "If Dad's okay but he's not here…then Olivia died." And a black hole opened up under her heart. She loved Olivia as much as she loved her father and mother. Olivia was like a big sister, or a really cool aunt.

"No. We don't think she will, but she was…badly injured…trying to save your dad."

"Oh, my God, Dad…" Maureen's heart almost stopped as she realized what that meant. If she dies Dad's going to blame himself for the rest of his life. "Where is he?"

"St. Vincent." She didn't even look at the Dean as she almost ran for the exit. Don Cragen was barely half a step behind her, his long legs matching hers stride for stride.

"What happened?" she dumped her books into the front seat and got in, not caring that her clothes were getting wet from the pouring rain, not caring that her stuff was getting wet. Her hair was dripping as she yanked open the door to the car and got in.

Don's hands weren't quite steady as he shoved the key into the ignition. When John and Fin got done directing the CSU techs, he'd told them he'd meet them at St. Vincent's. He didn't care what they would say to his bringing Maureen; he knew Elliot was going to need someone, and his oldest daughter was the closest available. Technically he couldn't drag Maureen out of class; Olivia wasn't related to her…but Maureen apparently did care as much as if Olivia was, and he wouldn't deny her the chance to be there if the worst happened. Because Don had seen the empty despair in Elliot's eyes, and knew that Elliot wouldn't survive Olivia's death if he weren't reminded that someone else needed him. "They went out to pick up a suspect. Shots were fired; we didn't know he was armed. Olivia was hit; she radioed for help, said it wasn't serious, but by the time we got there she was…" He took a deep shuddering breath. " The suspect was dead in the alley of a six-story drop, and Olivia was bleeding all over the rooftop. Elliot was putting pressure on her wound, trying to keep her from bleeding out…"

And he would never, ever get that terrible sight out of his eyes and mind, the sight of Olivia bleeding, crying, screaming, delirious with pain, declaring she couldn't live without Elliot. He'd known it was coming for a year and a half, had seen it coming since just before Elliot's divorce, and had thought long and hard about what he'd do if they did indeed become lovers. Now he could care less, so long as both survived. They could do whatever the hell they wanted with their lives; he wouldn't say a word.

"Dad loves Olivia."

"Yes," he said absentmindedly, willing the traffic ahead to clear so he could get Maureen Stabler to her father's side.

"No. You don't understand. Dad loves Olivia. Except there's this silly rule about not dating your partner."

Don stared at her, shocked that she, so young and wrapped in her own life, would know what was going on in her father's. "Yes. I know they love each other."

"Change the rules."

"What?"

"You're Dad's boss. You can change the rules."

"Sweetie…Maureen…I can't." He couldn't talk to this young woman as if she were a child. He couldn't see her as a child now, even though he'd watched her grow up.

"If you can't change them you can bend them. You didn't say anything when Olivia went out with Mr. Cassidy."

"You know about that?"

"I called her on the phone one night just to talk because Mom was being unreasonable about this boy I was seeing and I knew Olivia would understand and not get upset. I asked her if she liked my Dad so much why she wasn't going out with him yet. She told me about dating another guy who worked with her, Brian Cassidy, and how that worked out."

"Oh my God." If Maureen talked to Olivia about stuff she didn't even talk to Kathy or Elliot about, he was doubly glad he'd gone to get her. "Maureen…I'll sit down with your Dad and Olivia and work something out if she makes it."

"Is there a chance she won't?"

He swallowed. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Stop here." She unbuckled her seatbelt.

"What? Maureen…"

"Stop here. I'm only going to be a second." Don stopped…as if he had a choice, the traffic was miserable at five o'clock in the city. Maureen swung the door open and got out, running as fast as she could into a nearby building. Moments later she came out…and she had her younger sister Kathleen with her, holding her purse in one hand and a Walkman in the other. They got into the car, Maureen in the front and Kathleen in the back, just as the light changed and traffic started moving again.

Kathleen was pale as she took off her headphones, but she forgot to turn it off; Don could still hear music. "All right, I'm here, Maur. What's wrong?' Kathleen licked her lips nervously.

"What did Maureen tell you, Kathleen?" Don interrupted.

"I was having dinner with my friends and Maur comes in and says. 'It's Olivia, come on'. I came." She looked at her sister. "What's wrong with Olivia?"

"Olivia got hurt saving Dad's life. Captain Cragen says they're not sure she's going to make it, she was bleeding heavily when they left the crime scene for the hospital."

"Olivia…oh God, Olivia!" Kathleen fell apart in the back seat.

Don started to wonder if he was going to have the entire Stabler family in the car before they got to the hospital. "Maureen, I'm not sure if this was wise…"

"Olivia's teaching Kat what she needs to know to pass the Police Academy's entrance exams." Maureen said flatly as she dug a pocket-pak of tissues from her backpack and handed it to her sister. "She's got a right to be there."

Cragen almost rear-ended the car in front of him in shock. "Oh my God."

"Dad doesn't know. Kat figured we'd tell Dad after she got in because we're not sure what he's going to say."

"I won't say a word," Cragen promised. Damn, that was going to be a hell of a conversation…if Olivia survived to tell it. "Are we stopping to pick up anyone else in your family?"

"No. Just us. Mom and Dad aren't on good terms right now, and Lizzie and Dickie are too young. If she makes it then they can know. I don't want to deal with two hysterical eleven-year-old siblings, thank you very much." Now that the initial shock was over, Maureen seemed determined to look on the bright side until she knew otherwise.

They rode in silence, except for Kat's sniffling, until they got to the hospital.

"You okay?"

Elliot raised his head up out of his hands slowly. He felt a million years older, felt old and tired and worn, as he looked up to meet Fin's concerned gaze. "Yeah…" he whispered slowly.

"Any news?" John asked quietly.

He shook his head wearily as he let his head drop back into his hands. "Not yet," he said heavily. "She…he shot her in the upper arm, right at her right shoulder. There wasn't much blood to start with, and then she caught us, and then she started bleeding bad, I mean really bad, and it was all over and she couldn't hang on…" he realized he was babbling, and clamped his lips shut on the words. Fin sat beside him silently, and John sat on his other side, and they were all silent for a few minutes.

"Where's Don?" Elliot asked when he realized someone was missing from this little family.

"Cap said he was goin' to meet us here," Fin shrugged. "Dunno where he went, he made me come here with John."

"Daddy?" Came a light young voice, and Elliot jerked upwards, startled, as two pairs of girlish arms suddenly wrapped themselves around him. "Maureen? Kat? What—" he looked at Don Cragen in consternation.

"I stopped to pick Maureen up, and she insisted on bringing Kat along," Cragen said simply. It was easier than trying to explain the discussion they'd had in the car.

"What are you girls doing here…where's your mother…" he looked past them, wondering if Kathy was behind them. It was just what he'd need now…

"Mom's not here." Maureen looked at him seriously, and he was again struck by just how grown up she was now. "It's just us. Dad, is Olivia okay?"

"I think so, honey…" he looked up at them. "They sedated her in the ambulance; she recognized me as soon as the pain ebbed a little…" his eyes filled with tears, but he smiled though them. "She told me she loved me."

"Did you tell her you love her too, Dad?" Maureen captured his eyes with hers.

"I did, baby," Elliot said, stunned by the look in his daughter's eyes. She knew. This wasn't news to her. How had she known, when he hadn't?

"It'll be okay, Dad," Kathleen said. Her eyes were red from crying, but there was a brave smile on her face. "It'll be okay. She'll be okay."

"I hope you're right…"

A door opening behind Cragen caught their attention, and a doctor came out, stripping off a bloody surgical apron as he did so. "Are you here for Olivia Benson?"

"Yes," said six voices at once.

The doctor scanned all their faces quickly, took in the blood still smeared and drying on Elliot's coat sleeves, and addressed him directly. "She's going to be okay. We got her shoulders snapped back in place before the swelling around the joint occluded the sockets. She did pull a couple of tendons, but nothing too serious, and she'll be okay in a week or so. The bullet just barely nicked an artery, and if her arms hadn't stretched she wouldn't have lost so much blood. We're going to keep her overnight to complete her blood transfusion, but she'll be okay to go tomorrow. We're applying cold compresses to reduce the swelling, because that's where all the pain is coming from. If you'd like to see her now you can."

Elliot gestured to Don and Fin and John. "You go first. I'll go in with the girls after you." The three men disappeared into the room, stayed only long enough to wish her well, and then exited. Maureen and Kat rushed in ahead of Elliot, and he hung back a moment, just to see how Olivia would react.

"Hi, girls." Olivia's voice was weak and raspy from having screamed so much, but her smile was genuine and unfeigned. She hadn't seen Elliot yet.

"Hi, Olivia," Maureen and Kat hugged her gently, careful not to injure or jar her painful shoulders, and Elliot was stunned by how grown up Kat suddenly looked. Even the loud pink and green clothes didn't detract from the sudden maturity in her eyes.

"So this," Olivia was looking directly at Kat… "This is what the job is all about. Still determined?"

"More than ever," Kat said huskily, a catch in her voice, and Elliot's mind somersaulted. Was this…did they mean what he thought they meant…?

"Good. Then when I see you in two days you'll have finished the fifth chapter of the manual?"

"I finished it already. And I did the questions at the end."

Olivia grinned faintly. "All right. Good. I'll quiz you on it."

"Fire away. I'm ready." Kat grinned, and Olivia grinned back…until she saw Elliot standing behind them with his mouth open.

"Uh oh." Both girls turned and saw Elliot standing behind them. "Elliot…"

"You're mentoring Kat into the Academy?" he asked her incredulously, and Olivia looked suddenly uncertain, but smiled gamely. He turned to his daughters. "And when were you going to tell me?"

"Dad, I hadn't even gotten around to telling you I'm interning with George Huang this summer. How was I supposed to tell you Kat's going to go into Police Academy this fall?" Maureen spoke first.

Elliot stared at them. George Huang... Maureen and the FBI's Behavioral Sciences unit…and Kat and Olivia at the Academy. Later on he'd think all of this through. Right now, all he could do was look at his two grown up daughters and wonder when they'd grown up…and feel a tremendous upwelling of pride. "I am so proud of you girls…" He wrapped his arms around them, and they shared a tight three-way embrace for a second as Olivia smiled, a huge, relieved grin. "Hey. Why don't you run downstairs and see what's in the vending machines? Bring me something back."

Kat and Maureen shared a glance as they dropped their bags in a corner of the room. "All right. We'll be back." They knew Elliot wanted to talk to Olivia.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Elliot was in the chair beside her bed with her hand in his. "Liv…"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought the girls should be the one, not me. George agreed."

"That's not what I was going to say." He was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say, and the memory of her making those wild, agonized sounds on the rooftop that afternoon intruded. "Damn it, Olivia, for the love of God, please don't do that to me again!" His voice wasn't angry or accusatory; it was anguished.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

"You're damn right you scared me. I almost spent the rest of my life alone."

"So did I." Her voice was soft. "I couldn't deal with that, Elliot, I'd never be able to deal with the thought of you dying when I had the power to save you. If I hadn't been able to save you, I didn't want to live."

"I begged you to let me go. It would have saved you a lot of pain." He touched the heavy white bandaging around her shoulders gently, knowing that there were cold packs under all that wrapping. And knowing she was probably in pain under that.

"Physical pain, Elliot, maybe. Not the emotional pain. I knew if I let you go I'd hurt for the rest of my life, and it would be worse than the dislocated shoulders."

"You were screaming…God, I'll never forget that…you were in so much pain you thought for a while there that I'd fallen and you hadn't saved me and I'd died…and you kept begging me to forgive you for not being strong enough…" he took a deep breath. "Liv, you are the strongest person I know, bar none. For years I've drawn on your strength and given you nothing back. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that's what it takes. In fact, I'm pretty sure I will spend the rest of my life with you, because I never ever want to let you go now." He swallowed and said quietly, "In the ambulance I don't know if you remember…you told me you loved me. Olivia…I love you too."

"I love you too, Elliot. I'm sorry." She broke eye contact and stared at the bed.

"Why?"

"Because now it's going to be harder fro you to decide if you're going or staying with my feelings added to the mix. I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want you to know until you'd decided one way or another. It never seemed like the right time before…and it still isn't the right time…but now you know."

He felt only mild surprise that she'd consider that he'd even think about leaving…and then realized, suddenly, that he wasn't leaving. He'd never intended on leaving. "I never intended to leave. Olivia."

"You thought about it. In the bathroom."

"Yeah, I thought about it. But it was never an option,. Liv. You know…I ran into Freeman at the bar a week ago, and I suddenly realized that what you had with him was a partnership…until he found out about your mother, that is. What you and I have is so different…" he shook his head. "I can't describe it. We're kind of somewhere between friends and lovers. Olivia, if you let me…I'll go the rest of the way."

"Can you promise me that what we have isn't going to ruin us?"

"Liv…how could it? We're already more together than we are apart; look at how miserable working this year apart has made us. Whatever we do can only bring us closer, even if we do have to transfer to a different unit or different precinct."

A look of peace crossed her face, and she smiled. "I love you, Elliot."

"I love you too. And I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you."

"All you have to do…is just…be you…' She was fading visibly; it was as if she had been exhausted but couldn't let herself sleep until she'd talked to him,. He pressed his lips to the back of her hand. "Go to sleep, Liv. I promise I'll be here when you wake up." She closed her eyes, and went to sleep.