The case didn't move forward very quickly. Dumbledore was suspended from his position as Chief Warlock for the duration of the investigation. The Ministry itself stepped into Gringotts to examine the evidence, something the letters from Nadkoff implied was really not appreciated. Relations between goblins and the Ministry seemed to be straining under this investigation, and I could only hope they didn't fall apart.
The day of Halloween I woke up feeling a bit jittery. It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the term so I should have been excited, but I found myself more worried over what would happen that night. The last couple of years the Feast was ended with some form of unfortunate circumstance. The troll my third year, and the chamber opening last year didn't bode well for anyone's luck this year. Still, I tried to enjoy the day. I met up with Cedric and his friends after breakfast, where we spent most of the time in the shops they chose to go to. I didn't mind, it was nice to just get away from the castle for a while.
When the day was over and we made it back for the Feast we parted ways, Cedric giving me a quick kiss before chasing after his friends. I went to join my own at our table, and found myself growing more paranoid as the time went on. Adrian and Graham took notice as soon as it started, giving me their own concerned looks throughout the Feast. We made it back to the common room without incident, and just as I was starting to relax my father came in, telling us to go to the Great Hall immediately. In my own head I could only dub Halloween as jinxed.
The Slytherins huddled into our own little corner of the room, the older of us circling around the younger years after learning Sirius Black had attacked Gryffindor tower's painting, the Fat Lady. Discovering that name for her made me wrinkle my nose, considering it was such an awful title. Harry found the whole thing confusing, questioning why Black would go to Gryffindor when he was in Slytherin. I was forced to remind him that the Potter family was made up almost exclusively of Gryffindors. Black would have assumed the same for Harry, and gone looking there without confirming for himself. That just made him more upset.
The search of the castle was over by the next morning, and we were all woken early to make sure we were on time to our classes. It was this week that we started on the smokescreen spell in Defense. It was also the week of the full moon, which meant Lupin wasn't going to be able to teach the days before or of. Even worse for me, the smokescreen was a charm, and Flitwick was subbing for the fifth years. We had a day of theory with him, which he allowed me to participate in, but the Friday of the full moon was going to be everyone's first attempts.
Of course, that was ruined for me completely when Flitwick stopped me before I could even try "Ms. Snape, this spell gone wrong could have terrible effects. I must insist you only practice the wand movements if you intend to stay for today's class."
The Gryffindor girls to my right started snickering, and I could hear the Weasley twins from their place in the back of the room as the rest of the class went silent "That's a bit harsh."
I knew everyone was looking at me to see what I would do. But what could I do? He was a teacher, he'd already kicked me out of Charms for this exact issue, and Lupin had threatened to kick me out of Defense if I lost my temper and I couldn't perform a spell. I'd only just managed getting the redactor curse out by the skin of my teeth, and that wasn't even a charm. I had very few options at the moment, and the girls mocking me every time I struggled was making it hard to keep my head cool.
So I grit my teeth and bit back an angry retort, not quite managing to hold back my frown "Professor, all due respect, but how am I supposed to get better if I'm not allowed to practice a spell in a controlled environment?"
He shook his head at me, a small scowl forming on his lips "I cannot allow the potential injury to take place in this classroom. Perhaps Professor Lupin will allow you the chance on your own, but I will not have you performing any charms when I am around."
I hissed in frustration, slamming my Defense book shut and shoving it in my bag, choking back a dejected sob before speaking "If you're not going to bother trying to teach me, then I'm not going to bother listening to your drivel."
Multiple guffaws sounded around the room as I started to walk out, only pausing long enough to hear Flitwick say "Ten points from Slytherin and a week's detention for that, Ms. Snape."
It should have bothered me, walking out like that, but I wasn't going to get anything out of the class with Flitwick there. I probably should have thought of the consequences of my words too, but I couldn't have bothered in the moment. I'd been angry and upset and I was two months into the term and feeling so lost as to what to do. My own professors were starting to refuse to teach me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a nightmare coming true for me.
The next day I made it to the Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor quidditch match with little time to spare before it started. It was hard to watch through the pouring rain, but I kept an eye on Cedric the best I could. No one from my house joined me for it, none of them willing to face the rain for a match they could hear about after the fact. I didn't mind, Patrick kept me company for the duration of the game. Until the cold set in. It was sudden, but it was there.
Patrick and I were sitting in one of the higher up rows of seats, leaving us as one of the first who saw the dementors. Of course, that meant we were closer to them too. I lost sight of everyone when I curled in on myself, the flashes starting as three dementors descended on me. The flash of green, Lily shoving me, my head hitting the Dark Lord's legs. Lily screaming at me, Sirius pushing me away from baby Harry, James slamming a door in my face. A flash of purple, Dumbledore chanting, the absolute agony that rushed over me that day.
It must have taken me a long time to come to my senses, but once I did I lashed out in panic. I struggled against the arms that were cradling me, yelling out in fear "No! Let me go! Stop! I don't want to hurt again!"
"Van! Van, it's me! It's Cedric!" Hearing his name made me stop abruptly, breathing heavily as his arms circled around me again "It's alright, I'm here. They're gone now."
His hold on me couldn't block the murmers going on around us "What's wrong with her?"
"I hear she reacted this way on the train too."
"She must be crazy."
"Did you see how many went after her?"
"What's that say when dementors like someone?"
I tried ignoring them, looking up at Cedric with tear filled eyes "Ced?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you win?"
He laughed, kissing my forehead and pulling me close "Yeah, I caught the snitch just before they descended."
I buried my face in his chest, smiling slightly "Good. Congratulations."
The sound of heavy footsteps rang in my ears "Vanessa! What happened?"
Patrick was the one who spoke up "Three of the dementors just kind of, honed in on her. She had a bad reaction on the train too, from what Cedric told us."
His voice rumbled in his chest, the vibrations soothing to me "It wasn't so bad on the train, but that's probably got more to do with the number of them than anything else."
"Mind if I take a look at her?"
"No offense, Professor Lupin, but I'm not sure yours is a face she wants to see right now."
"And why would that be?"
"Yes, why would my daughter refuse help from a professor?"
I could just tell my father was sneering, but Cedric seemed willing to put things at rest for now "Could we at least get out of the rain? Three dementors have iced up Vanessa's robes and I'd rather she doesn't catch a cold."
"Yes, let's."
"Hold on tight." I squeaked a bit as Cedric stood, lifting me with him. My legs curled around his waist and my arms around his neck, clinging tightly from the unexpected movement. He just chuckled at me "Don't worry, I'm not going to drop you. Pat, you mind getting my broom?"
"Got it!"
A small smile grew on my lips alongside a blush once I realized something, my head staying tucked into his shoulder to hide it "Van." He hummed his confusion "You called me Van. I didn't notice on the train, but you did it again just now."
His breathing hitched, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was carrying me down a lot of stairs or because of what I said "Is that, um, is that alright?"
I hummed, looking up at him and grinning at his shy blush "Yeah, I like it."
He grinned at me, both of our blushes growing brighter as Patrick scoffed at us "Madly in love, the two of you. I think you're going to kill us with all that sugar."
I couldn't help a surprised and giddy giggle, stifling it the best I could knowing my father was listening in. It ended up getting cut off when the rain hit us again, the walk to the castle becoming more of a run to escape it. I was forced to go to the hospital wing, mostly because Cedric refused to put me down until it was to drop me in a bed. Madame Pomfrey tutted over me, handing me a chocolate bar to nibble on after hearing I'd been attacked by three dementors. I think she was impressed I was still awake, and after the chocolate entered my system, so was I.
Cedric doted on me every chance he got for a week after that. Unfortunately, he knew what it meant when dementors took an interest in someone. I think he knew there was more that happened to me than just what was killing me. He wouldn't say he knew, he wouldn't even ask me about it. But I'd catch him looking at me, in class, in the Great Hall, in the library, even on dates. He'd just look so sad, like he was pained over something. I couldn't figure out why, and every time I asked he would say it was nothing. The doting didn't stop though, just became less frequent.
Another week and a half later, after my detentions with Flitwick were fully served, the consequences of my angry words in Defense made their mark. On November 24th, Lupin had me stay after class to talk to him. This time, I was extremely wary, and Adrian and Graham both told me they would wait for me outside the room. I gave them both an acknowledging nod, taking a deep breath and walking up to Lupin's desk.
"You wanted to speak with me, sir?"
"Yes, Professor Flitwick left me a note about the incident from when he taught the class for me." I raised an eyebrow, refusing to speak first on this "I'm truly sorry, Ms. Snape, but he made a valid point. You cannot perform charms without serious risk of them going wrong, and I'm inclined to agree with his decision to prevent you from performing any during class."
I scowled at him "So you'll be kicking me out of the class then?"
He shook his head, sighing "No, I'd really rather not. But unless you can show me that you can perform any charms without causing injury to anyone then I can't allow you to participate in practical classes."
"Name them."
"Excuse me?"
My eyes rolled against my will "Name the spells you want me to perform, sir."
He seemed to debate the thought in his head for a moment, before nodding towards a dummy against the wall "Let's start with the stunning spell."
I tried not to cringe, knowing he was starting off easy. I took a deep breath, holding my wand at the ready and taking a moment to focus before firing off the spell "Stupefy!" My wand shot off a half formed stunner, hitting the target faster than it should have but not explosively. It wasn't the best, but it did work in my favor.
He gave me the next spell without hesitation "The freezing spell."
Well, that one wasn't really taught in my classes "Er, my year was never taught that one."
"No?"
I shook my head "No, Quirrel only focused on magical creatures and theory. We almost never waved a wand in his class. And Lockhart was a joke, only ever talked about himself. I think the second years got to hear some bogus spell for pixies from him, but that's it."
He frowned, moving to write a note on his desk "I'll keep that in mind. Very well, the disarming charm."
I focused back in on the target, taking only a brief moment before firing the spell "Expelliarmus!" This time I felt only a slight hitch as the spell left my wand, hitting the target perfectly when it left my wand.
Lupin didn't give me the chance to celebrate "The smokescreen spell."
This time, I hesitated. Flitwick didn't give me the chance to practice the spell in class, and once Lupin was back we moved onto ghouls so I never actually had the chance to practice it. He knew this. He was using it as the best test of my ability to control a failure without putting anyone at risk. So, I took in a breath and steadied myself before getting ready and firing the spell off "Fumos!"
My wand sparked, a plume of smoke bursting from the end of it and igniting as it filled the room. There was no chance of me fixing this, no matter how much I wanted to. If any other students had been in the room they would have been hurt before Lupin could stop it. The tears escaped as he put the flames out and looked at me "Ms. Snape-"
"No, don't. I get it." My hand swiped furiously at my eyes, trying to brush away the tears to no avail "I couldn't stop that, I'm not even sure why it started. Just, get it over with."
It disappointed me, that I couldn't prove him wrong. That I couldn't prove Flitwick wrong. But not even I could deny what just happened, no matter how much I wanted to. Lupin frowned at me "I still expect you to take part in theoretical classes, I won't neglect your education just because of a little wand waving. I'll have a discussion with the administration regarding the practical portion of your O.W.L. for Defense."
It didn't do much to comfort me. Even if I could perform the alternatives without feeling pain, they wouldn't count towards anything for me. I was stuck accepting what Lupin would give me, no matter how little it was. The only good thing to come out of this was that it was much harder to equate the man in front of me with my Uncle Remus. I wouldn't have to worry about a slip of the tongue anymore. I took my bag in hand, making my way out of the classroom and past my friends in a pitiful state. I probably looked like a kicked puppy, but I didn't have it in me to feel any sort of shame over it. Adrian and Graham were kind enough to shut down any questions before they were made, allowing me to sit in silence and process my situation.
I was never going to take Charms again. An exemption from the O.W.L. left me with only one result, even if I could turn my situation around by the end of the year. If Lupin could give me a chance to take the one for Defense without the practical portion, I'd only ever get to scrape by with an 'Acceptable'. This didn't mean much for me, considering I'd probably be dead before I finished at Hogwarts, but that didn't mean I didn't want to try. Adrian and Graham hadn't stopped looking for a solution, and a tiny part of me was holding on to a sliver of hope that they might find something. That part of me wanted to think about a future I could have, wanted to think about the limitations I would suffer from not getting an O.W.L. in Charms.
I had to force myself to stop thinking about that, to think more on what I would do with the time freed up from no longer participating in practical classes for Defense. Little came to mind, and so I deigned not to think about it at all for the moment. Instead, I tuned in to the conversation around me. Nott and Granger were in a strangely heated debate over house elves and the treatment of them, Adrian and Graham were muttering over a book while stealing glances at me, Alexandra and Ember were taking turns discussing the pros and cons of different boys in our year, and Harry was talking in hushed tones with Malfoy about who knew what. It was strangely cathartic, listening to the people I cared about talking to their friends. It gave me a small sense of normalcy.
