Thoughts of Giving Up
The days and nights when by with no word from Sirius. Not one. The stress and pressure was enough to kill me. Although by then a part of me was already dead. The darkest part of my life had just started. The part where Lily and James were dead and their beautiful child left with some cranky muggle relatives. Just to see little Harry again would have meant the world to me. Or Becca or even Remus. "No," was Dumbledore's only answer. He had the good grace to say this with sorrow in his eyes, but still the words stung. It was only going to get worse though. I had no way of bracing myself for what was coming…
-Flashback-
"The ministry has banned all Apparatation. It's not even safe to floo anymore." Becca's depressed voice hung in the dreary January air.
It was a Saturday. It should have been a happy day. It was my only day off from work. With the Death Eater attacks being too frequent and horrible, a day off should have meant the world. It didn't. I was having tea with Becca; I would have rather stayed in bed. Becca seemed intent on getting me out though. She was just being a good friend but it was hard to feel happy. The fake smiles I plastered on my face hurt no matter how many happy thoughts floated around in my head.
"Yeah well the country has been in a state of emergency for days now. It's no wonder they're closing everything down. You can hardly go to the wizarding mall with out being worried of attacks. I've taken to going to the muggles' mall now. Its so much nicer when people don't look all depressed and worried."
"Yeah."
A few moments passed. I looked down at her hot coco. It was still full to the brim.
"You haven't touched your coco and you love chocolate what's wrong?" I asked watching her face go pale.
"Uhhh…" She murmured as I raised an eyebrow. "Okay I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone."
I nodded but looked confused.
"Well you see… That coco had baileys in it right?"
I looked at her strangely but nodded again.
"I missed," she whispered in a strangled voice.
"…Huh?" I questioned, when realization dawned on my face.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT?" I pretty much yelped.
"Shut up!" Becca whispered while glaring at me.
"Oh, Sorry. But Seriously! How long?"
"Yes seriously and 2 weeks," She looked down at the tablecloth with worried eyes.
"Bec tell Remus now." Was my only advice.
"I can't, he's on a mission for the Order and it's his full moon in a week. I don't want him to have to go through all that with this on his mind as well."
"Oh… well when he gets better tell him. He HAS to know before you start to show it. Then if you don't he'll think you don't want it or you don't trust him or something."
Becca looked at me lamely, "He's not a girl you know."
"Yeah but Remus is just like that. Very… sensitive."
She glared at me.
I looked at her wearily. I didn't need her mad at me right now. I was already depressed from missing Sirius. I was almost sure he was alive but it still hurt. I was just so caught up in all of it. It drove me nuts not knowing where he was…
"Yeah well, I've got to go to the ministry and then I'm going to St. Mungos to get my next shift done. I'll call you tomorrow and tell you if I've heard anything. You stay strong alright?" Becca said, patting my arm as she got her stuff together.
"Alright, see you." I voiced back, drinking the rest of my hot coco in one big gulp and waving my friend goodbye.
I got in my tiny apartment about 7 Pm and was exhausted. Even the easy days were getting to be hard on me. After they hadn't heard from Sirius for almost 3 month I was forced to sell our roomy flat and move into a smaller one. It was all right. I didn't like sleeping in a huge apartment with no one else anyway. Becca had asked me to stay with them but I couldn't… I valued my independence too much.
"Hey Maybells." I greeted my dark haired kitten with weary eyes. Becca had given it to me to keep me company. I really wished Sirius would come home; he'd be a bit annoyed at the cat at first. I knew he would grow to love her though, just as I had. It would be amusing watching him in his animagus form chasing the little kitten around.
A reluctant ghost of a smile appeared on my face. I crawled under the covers and switched off the light.
At 3:00 in the morning I got up, feeling a strange grumbling sensation. Almost like something bad had happened and my body was trying to warn me. I got up and went straight to the muggles phone beside my rocking chair that was beside the window. It was just a matter of time till someone knocked on the door and revealed what it was that was making me feel so ill. I didn't have to wait long. A ministry owl pecked on the window. I let it in and took the letter.
The scroll on the letter was sharp and dark.
'Dear Miss Black,
We request your presence for questioning in the disappearance of Rebecca Grates.
Sincerely A. Peterson
From The Department of Missing People
I read the letter twice through.I had just talked to Becca yesterday. How could she disappear in that amount of time?
Never the less I flooed there to find Remus with a blanched face while an Auror questioned him.I sat outside the interrogation room watching Remus and the man.I heard sobbing as the door to the office opened. In came Miss. Grates with Mr. Grates patting her back and trying his best to stay non emotional. The secretary glanced at her sympathetically, and offered them some coffee. A few moments laterI was called in as Remus was leaving.I patted him on the back and went in.
"Miss Black when was the last time you saw Miss Grates?"
"About 3:30 yesterday afternoon."
"Did she seem depressed or suicidal?"
"No!" I pretty much yelled.
"Do you know if she was involved with the Death Eaters at all?"
"You're asking me if my best friend was a Death Eater. Shit no! She's one of the nicest people I know."
"Miss Grates are you aware that the last time she was seen was battling with 3 known Death Eaters."
I turned white with fear. Had they got Becca too?
"No," I stuttered feeling faint again.
The auror pushed on, "Was there any reason a Death Eater would want to keep her hostage, did she have any inside information?"
"Not to my knowledge, she knew Lily and James Potter who were hiding from You-know-Who, they where found out though and are no longer living."
The auror scanned my face trying to detect any lies.
"Your free to go Miss. Black, send in the parents will you?"
I nodded at him swiftly trying to keep my irritation down to a minimum. Who did he think he was calling the elder Grates 'the parents' like they where scum on his shoe. Stupid heart-less bastard.
I walked out and tapped Mr. Grates on the shoulder.
"I'm so sorry about this Mr. Grates. I'll do anything to help find Becca. The auror wants to talk to you now though."
"Thank you Riley, we appreciate it." I shook his hand and patted Mrs. Grates on the shoulder and flooed home.
I couldn't get to sleep that night. Two friends dead, one friend missing and one husband missing. I had an enormous headache as I sat on the rocking chair looking out at the half moon that shone over the flats and houses. I looked around the room contemplating what I would do with it. I couldn't leave it like this. The walls were a boring beige color. It was clean, just not interesting or creative. At all.
I didn't know what I was doing thinking about interior design at a time like this. I should be on the bed balling my eyes out. I wasn't though. I couldn't. When I started to cry it meant that what was happening was actually true. All the misfortune and grief that had hit my life, there was no escaping it. I wasn't one for suicidal thoughts but some times you can help but want it all to go away.
The kitten crawled up my leg and onto my lap. The heat was on full blast but I still felt chilled to the bone. I slipped on an extra sweater and picked up a book. It was gong to be a long uneventful night.
There was a quiet knocking sound. An owl was tapping on the glass window as I sleepily opened it and let the poor freezing thing in. There were three words printed on it
"I don't rat."
I looked it over again and again. The parchment was old and the words looked as if they had been written fast as if they were rushed for time.
Sirius was my immediate thought. The words where jumbled though… I knew Peter's animagus form was a rat… but what did that have to do with anything? Maybe it was from Becca… I didn't know whether she was alive or not though. Even so, why would she send something like that?
My mind was reeling with nonsense thoughts about everything even remotely connected to that fraise. 'I don't rat'. I was almost sure there was a hidden meaning behind it all. I couldn't bring myself to the answer. It was on the tip of my tongue.
-End of Flashback-
If only I knew.
Hey People!
This is sort of a weird chapter; it's connected to the last one it just has a different name because I hate doing that 'part 1' and 'part 2' stuff. It's just so unoriginal. I think I said something earlier about Becca going missing a few days after she told Riley about the baby. I changed it a bit as you can see. If you have a problem with that or bother to review me about it you are clearly an insane perfectionist. There isn't much romance and stuff in this chapter, don't worry there'll be lots by the end! Anyway I'd like to thank the reviewers! You people are seriously the best! Lol. I love getting reviews! Also if anyone can recommend a good fic I'd love to read it. Whether it's yours or someone else's I love reading fanfic's almost as much as I love writing them! I'll update ASAP.
Luv Nikki
P.S. - Sorry If this chapter was a little on the short side. I wanted to get something new out though!
