Hey SAD chapter ahead! Sorry last one! (There is going to be 1 or 2 more chapters this is just the last really non-romantic, more drama and tragedy one.)

Thoughts of Leaving the Past Behind

I remember the plane, the plane that took me to where I am now. The ride was long and seemed never ending. In a way it was. I was still on that plane, still contemplating my past and my future. My present was non-existent when I was on the plane. I didn't want to believe that I had lost it all, that I was running away from the problems, running away from my life. Fortunately or unfortunately – your past has a way of coming back to haunt you.

-Flashback-

"My cousin really liked you."

"Really?"

"Yup! He talked about you ALL the time; seriously he L-O-V-E loved you!"

I was now having a conversation with a very hyper Nymphadora Tonks. She was around 13 years old and her appearance changing was constant. Her mother Andromeda had the 'Black' beauty. She reminded me a lot of Sirius. Her father was Ted (a muggle), who had died in a Death Eater attack 2 years ago.

"I tried to get her to see a special Healer about it, but Dora is just quite the handful and the healer wouldn't put up with her bouncing around."

"Mommmm its Tonks! I hate that stupid name you insist on calling me!"

"Shush dear I'm talking to Aunty Riley."

She walked away grumbling.

I was visiting Andromeda for two reasons. One: to find out if she had heard anything from Sirius and two because I needed someone to talk to. She of course invited me over and was quite friendly.

"Dear I haven't heard anything from Sirius. I just hope that poor boy hasn't gone off and killed himself. He is quite the adventurer. These days though just bring more and more death. It's so depressing. I don't know how you're dealing with this dear. I know how I felt after Ted passed. It wasn't a pretty sight let me tell you."

I nodded in understanding.

"Do you want some tea dear? You look awfully pale."

"No thank you Andromeda," I yawned feeling exhaustion take over me. "I think I'm going to head home soon, I'm feeling tired."

"Well alright. But remember you can always stay here if you don't feel like doing back to your flat."

"No I need a good nights sleep. Maybe I'll fell better in the morning."

"I do hope so. If I hear anything from him I'll send for you right away though."

I didn't need to ask who 'him' was, unfortunately I already knew.


I took a taxi back to the apartment. It was the same cold, depressing place I had left hours ago. I sat on the same rocking chair I had every other night, with my book in my hands, and I prayed. To whatever was up among all those stars, that things would change.


The next day I woke up with a goal. To do whatever it took to find my friends and solve the 'I don't rat' mystery.

I glared at my reflection in the compact mirror as I suited up in my best robe and took off.

I knocked on Remus's door and waved as he opened the door.

"Riley!" He said, obviously not expecting me.

I nodded "Hello Remus, I need some advice…"

He looked confused but answered, "Do you want to come in?"


I got back to my flat, tired as hell. I had been to the ministry, 3 suspected Death Eaters houses, and had a visit with one Death Eater at Azkaban, and it had gotten me nowhere.

I lay down in my chair and stared at the off-white colored ceiling. It was getting dark out. My mugggles phone rung. Totally out of the blue I picked it up.

There was a muffled voice and the connection was broken.

I stared questionably at the phone and placed it down on the receiver. I drifted off into sleep not knowing that was the last time I'd ever hear from my loved one.


The next morning was like every one I'd had since Sirius was gone. I got up, had a quick breakfast and headed to work.

When I got there it was a different story.

I walked into the phone booth, said my name quickly, and heard the clatter of the elevator as it whisked me off to the 4th floor. 'Auror expertise'. I got off the elevator and smiled as a man from my apartment glanced at me. He continued moving and suddenly stopped and swiveled around. Looking at me with a paling face he turned back and walked down the hall quickly. I was weirded out. 'What the hell…' I thought. I continued walking down the hall and passed a few people. Some of the women were giving me sympathetic looks, some looked scared, the men all looked hardened and even a bit afraid. By the time I got to my office I was extremely confused. What had happened? Why were people giving me weird looks?

I opened the door to my office trying to shove everything to the back of my mind. I was at work, and I was a professional. I didn't have time to worry; I couldn't worry. Something was dreadfully wrong though, I was sure of that.

I walked into my office. There where a few scattered gasps and people where all moving back.

"What's going on?" I almost yelled.

There was an urgent tap on my back.

I turned around to find Remus with a balanced face and some ministry officials.

My mouth hung open.

"Ma'am, could you please join us in the questioning room. We have quite a few of them right now. Questions that is."

The guy looked evil with his shiny glasses and classic smirk. Like he was putting a Death Eater away for good.

"Alright sir, but really what is this all about?"

Remus tried to answer but the guy interrupted him.

"Your husband is being accused of murder among other things. He's going to Azkaban. For a LONG, LONG time."

I felt a hundred knives stab me in the heart at that moment. The pain was excruciating, almost more than my parent's death. But at least with my parents I knew they were going to a better place. Not Sirius though. Azkaban was hell in the worst sense of it. Questions, questions and more questions, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I wasn't dreaming. It was real. I stared wide-eyed at the man that had just ruined my life.

I almost felt the color drain out of my face and I stepped forward feeling dizzy and uncoordinated. I was cold… freezing really. My palms grew sweaty; I looked down. They were turning blue! I felt myself fall into unconsciousness. No one caught me.


I woke up in the hospital with Remus peering at me from the side of my bed.

"Are you alright?" He choked out.

"Yes." I groaned looking at the needle pressed into my skin.

"Sorry about Howard. I tried to tell him to throw this onto of you with everything that's going on. I tried to make him let me tell you but he's just such a bastard sometimes."

I nodded feeling everything come back to me.

""What did he do?" I questioned looking at the white wall on the other side of the room and wished I could throw something against it.

So Remus told me. He was as sincere as a guy who had just probably lost his wife could be. I nodded, taking everything in. I didn't cry because I was beyond it. I was a sole trapped in a robots body. I could only do what my brain said to do and under no circumstances was I ever to use my heart again.

(A/N- if you have it play, "Jet - Look What You've Done" the song right now. It goes good with the story. Plus I was listening to it while I wrote this part! Lol. Love music, its so inspiring )

I slept threw the next day, and the day after that. I answered the Auror's questions and cooperated when they searched my flat and then, I packed.

I put everything I had into 4 suitcases and all my clothes into another. I picked up all my money from Gringott's wizard bank in Diagon Alley and closed my account. I shredded every paper that would show where I was going. I sent a goodbye note to Remus telling him to tell Sirius that I loved him and I just needed to get away from England for a while.

I climbed on the plane sneaking one last look at my homeland and trying to forget everything that had happened. I was going to have a new life, one where I wasn't tortured by the things I had seen in the past. My stomach felt sick and my intestines twisted. My head was on the verge of being ripped in half. I felt like shit.

A tear dropped to my hand, as the muggles plane descended into the air.

End of Flashback

I left everything behind, not my martial belongings, but my emotional. And Sirius.


Hey People,

If you missed it, she was in shock when her finger was turning blue and stuff. Anyway I went into shock once, it was really scary…lol I thought it was a cool personal touch. Sorry if it was a short chapter but I REALLY wanted to get to the good stuff. It was totally depressing writing this chapter! Fun, but depressing. Weird combo ay? Well I'll get the next chappy up ASAP!

Luv Nikki

Sooo did you like the chapter? Was it way too sad? Or really crappy? Give me the 'dish' in your review! (Sorry can't help but use dumb slang words in my notes! Lol.)

Luv Nikki