A/N:
Thanks for joining me again, and thank you Deadly-Bagel for betaing.
Stag-beetle, I sure hope most people got that "So long and thanks for all the fish" reference, though I'll admit it is recycled from another story I wrote where I hammered pop culture references into every chapter.
Wodenfang, That's an interesting angle to take, moving towards the equator to get more sunlight on the mysterious gemstone, or better yet, flying North and South throughout the year to keep the sun more directly overhead. Gods, I sure hope someone will figure something out in the near future.
Toothlessgolfer, Hmmm, if your suspicion about "sky light" is what I think it is then I think you're on the right track. You'll potentially get a confirmation in 3 chapters.
Dragonrider's Fury, yeah, poor forest, but it's used to such treatment from Toothless. Just don't get yer hopes up on Snotlout/Hiccup tag-team adventures. You'll see why in this chapter.
Epclaymore, I may dip a little bit into HTTYD 3 content, but I had planned for this story to be like a Simpsons episode where, no matter how grandiose or crazy things get, it always resolves with going back to the status quo. Hmm, then again, wouldn't it be funny to keep Hiccup and Toothless like this, and then if I do a HTTYD 3 adaptation, Hiccup is technically the one getting lured around by the Light Fury and Toothless is all like #feelsbadman? Ohhh, Astrid would not like that… as if Hiccup would let her down.
Caught
Astrid held a stick out and waved it tauntingly, laughing freely at the antics of Hiccup crouching low and wiggling his rump in the air with his tongue hanging out.
"You want this? Huh? You want it? Fetch!" She chucked the stick hard and watched it sail over the edge and down into what Hiccup and Toothless referred to only as "the cove". The Night Fury cleared the distance in a single leap, bare save for one of those modified tail fins that would lock itself into a fixed position so he could fly solo.
She took a couple steps back, gave a gentle push to her son who was sleeping in a little hammock strung between two trees, and sat down. They only recently settled on the name of "Nuffink" as it was one that they had considered before he was born. It was a tradition in the Hairy Hooligan tribe, choosing a humble name if the chieftain's first child was a son. It was their way of showing humility before the gods for blessing them with a legitimate heir so soon.
Already, Hiccup had thumped down by the ledge and was trotting up to join them again, breathing hard and radiating tranquility.
"Did ya get it before it hit the ground?"
Hiccup dropped the stick and purred as he laid his head in her lap. {Would you expect anything less from someone who has had thirty seven days to learn how to fly as a dragon?}
Astrid grinned. "Do you really want me to answer that question?"
The dragon warbled mirthfully at that and rolled over to lay on his back, his head next to Astrid's lap. A wingtip extended up to gently rock the hammock. {Now I see why you enjoy the routine of throwing your ax and retrieving it every morning. It's like playing fetch with yourself.}
Astrid gently backhanded his snout at that, and he gnawed on her fingers with toothless gums. What he said did get her thinking, though. Growing up, Hiccup had never developed a proper appreciation for the pleasure of working up a sweat. Working sharp blades and hot iron in the forge had always been under great duress with the dragon raids, he never did well at or enjoyed training with a weapon, and running was typically reserved for when he was spotted by someone and he really didn't want to risk the harassment he might receive.
Then, the day he became the hero of Berk and everybody started to truly respect him was the same day that his lower leg got so mashed up that it had to be amputated. From then on, walking was a chore, running was literally a pain, and flying with Toothless was the closest thing to the feeling of liberation that came from a good run around the island.
"I'm sorry," Astrid suddenly blurted out, staring at the ground.
Hiccup hummed thoughtfully. Astrid was not the least bit surprised that he knew exactly what she was talking about. Though he could not read her mind, he could easily recall his past, read her feelings like a book, and connect the dots.
He tilted his head towards her so she could place a hand on it and hear what he had to say, but she headed him off by saying, "I know you've made it clear a thousand times that you don't hold any grudges, but I never stood up for you. I kept telling myself, 'this treatment our heir is receiving is only making him stronger, it's for the good of the tribe', but…" She sighed. "But there's always a point where hitting a dog is only counterproductive."
Hiccup groaned. {You're here for me now, even after I accidentally almost murdered you.}
Astrid sighed at that. That near-miss when Hiccup lost himself to a rage was over a month ago. It was a very unusual situation, though, and the eye-opening experience had taught Hiccup how to exercise self-control in his new body. Ever since then, villagers have been commenting about how Toothless seemed to have really calmed down and relaxed lately – before they remembered the soul swap.
In the body of a dragon, Hiccup had learned more and more to enjoy what he was capable of. He delighted in his ability to make children laugh by blowing smoke out of his nose, and it thrilled him to no end that a gentle shake could dislodge any troublemakers pulling on his sensor lobes too hard. He always wanted to help people, to brighten someone's day, and it was a satisfying way to put his new body to good use.
A couple weeks ago, a rider who Hiccup had trained and befriended from a distant island, Hauk, had visited for a little bit on a trading voyage. Though hardly older than Hiccup, Hauk was almost as big as Stoick was and made up for any difference with his youthful energy. Toothless always enjoyed play-fighting with Hauk, so when the young man tackled Hiccup into a wall and sat on his head, he was initially bewildered by the lack of instant retaliation. He had trained to become a dragon whisperer, though, and Hiccup was able to quickly fill him in. Hiccup then really got into their playful wrestling and they were soon throwing each other to the ground with whoops and roars of laughter.
One thing that absolutely thrilled him was to simply run. He would chase Stormfly, then she would chase him, then they'd forget who was chasing who and run side-by-side until Hiccup ran into a tree. They were actually fairly evenly matched depending on how dense the trees and brambles were. He'd also learned that he thoroughly enjoyed loping alongside Astrid on her runs, delighting in this new way of interacting with his wife. After such runs, he would then ignore her half-hearted complaints while he licked the sweat from her face and arms.
One day, Astrid said, "You do realize what sweat is made of, right?"
{Yes, salt, and call me gross, but it's amazing!}
Toothless had been learning to enjoy the exploits of his new body too, which the twins quickly started directing towards the art of pranking. He had taken a liking to training with fists and swords with Snotlout and learning archery with Tuffnut. When Valka showed him how to jump from dragonback to dragonback high in the sky, he could never get enough of it. Of course, out of principle more than necessity, he would fly only with Hiccup, but the experience of jumping between dragons in their near-weightless descent allowed him to run in a certain sense without aggravating his stump. With the standing he had with all the dragons who he had freed, first from the Red Death and then from Drago's Bewilderbeast, he had no trouble rallying a crowd in the clouds.
"Hiccup, are you…" She couldn't say it. It was a question that she had been wanting to ask and dreading to hear the answer. She knew from the look in Hiccup's eyes as he stared at her that he knew what she was trying to ask.
{You want to know if I'm happy?}
Astrid sucked in a breath and held it. She wanted the answer to be "yes" for his sake, but she also wanted it to be "no" for hers. In the end, she had no clue how she wanted him to feel.
{I don't think that's the pertinent question. If you're wondering if I'm thankful, then yes.}
Astrid continued to hold her breath.
"Thankful" had probably been the most-used word when Hiccup was teaching her to hear dragons by meditating. "Thankful" led to "peaceful", which led to "receptive", which led to Astrid screeching, "Oh gods! I heard you Stormfly! Tell me that was you and not my imagination!"
He taught her to be thankful in every situation. An imperfect ax throw allowed her to be thankful that she still had room for improvement – wouldn't life be boring otherwise. A sore neck in the morning, he insisted, allowed her to be thankful that she had elders like Gothi who she could talk to and learn more about sleeping positions.
Even during the dragon raids, Hiccup had talked about how he was thankful that his latest failed dragon-slaying invention did not cause even more damage and that his punishments were not more severe. When he came home with bruises or a black eye, courtesy of some teens who felt aggravated that the runt was their heir, he was thankful that it could have been worse.
Gods, no wonder he picked up this dragon whisperer stuff so quickly!
Hiccup purred from his belly-up position and placed his head in her lap. {I'm thankful to have a loyal and loving wife. I'm thankful to be able to continue sharing my life with you. I'm thankful that our tribe is so deeply at-peace with dragons that this crazy situation can actually work out.} He gave her arm a little lick. {I will be thankful when my wife exhales before she passes out.}
Astrid forced her breath out as she stared down at him, blinking rapidly. She felt warm. No, not just warm but uncomfortably hot, like a thousand needles were tickling her skin all over. Yes, it must be the heat and humidity.
"But are you happy?" she asked, sweeping an arm along Hiccup's neck and body. "Like this?"
{You just gestured to all of me.}
Astrid deflated.
{I will choose to be happy in this body because I don't have any choice right now, but if I could change back, there would be so many things to be thankful for, like kissing my wife and holding our son. I'm choosing to focus on what I can be thankful for right now because I don't want to set myself up for great disappointment later. However, I will be very thankful when I am once again in my normal body.}
Astrid closed her eyes and nodded. She never could figure out how, in a tribe like hers, she could end up with a man who could be her peaceful harbor when she felt battered by the storm. She leaned over and pressed her face into Hiccup's neck, thankful for his gentle purring, because her eyes were quivering.
"Damn it," she whispered. "It's your fault that I'm crying!"
She straightened and Hiccup gave her an imploring stare and a little croon as if to say, "and…?" She rolled her eyes. "And I'm thankful that nobody else is around to see it." Hiccup nuzzled his nose into her neck.
She gave Nuffink another gentle push and settled into Hiccup's shoulder, content for now. The day was theirs, and taking a break from any responsibility to cuddle with her husband all day long sounded like a wonderful idea.
Hiccup gently rolled to his side and curled up around Astrid, and she wrapped her arms around and rested her head on a foreleg.
"Love you, Babe," she murmured.
{I love you too.}
The dragon's gentle purring was causing her eyelids to grow heavy. Everything was just perfect. Taking a little nap here while their child slept sounded like the most amazing idea ever.
Nuffink started to cry.
"No," she groaned, "don't tell me." Hiccup's scrunched-up nose was all she needed. "This is the third time since we started our walk in the woods. I'm gonna have to use leaves to clean him up. Again!"
{There's one other thing I must admit I'm thankful for.}
Hiccup rolled to all fours and then sat back on his haunches, waving his front paws in a show of just how impotent he was at tasks that required rotating wrists and opposable thumbs. Astrid stood and looked down at her soiled child.
"And I bet he's hungry too."
Hiccup offered her a toothless smile.
"Useless reptile."
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Toothless glared at the female standing just off the docks and said, "Tree grow tall because roots go deep."
The female flicked her chin up and said, "It is not the roots that weather the storm but the branches above."
Rrrr, this meant war!
She had barely arrived on a boat, and everyone else from her tribe had already moved on to the village. Whenever she visited this island, she was always trying to convince Firefly to "lift anchor" and fly around the world, explore new places, drift on the winds, but Firefly always insisted that he was firmly rooted here with his tribe whereas she flitted about with the wind and drifted with the waves. She learned about and quickly adapted to the fact that Toothless had swapped places with his Firefly, but now that this female could talk to Toothless – she was not a dragon whisperer – she was trying to tell him to fully accept this new life in this wayward body, to fully embrace this awkward change in his life, but he had to set her straight because… because… she opposed him!
Somehow, the argument settled down in a strange way.
He scraped his prosthetic foot against the grass and said, "A tree give shade and sometimes food, but it come from the roots beneath."
The land-strider smirked back at him. "So you can take what it gives and move on to the next."
"Rrrrrr! A tree survive long time of no rain because roots provide."
She was nonplussed. "A tree cannot seek out water and so must patiently wait and hope to receive."
Hrrrr, she was a tenacious one, Toothless had to admit that. "You can cut down tree and it still not dead because roots bring up new life."
"Good point there," she said, and Toothless smirked triumphantly. "Never seen a tree dodge an ax."
"Rrrrr! Roots hold tree in place when storm blow hard!"
Ha! The look on her face said it all. She looked confused, desperately scrabbling for some sort of reply.
Finally, she said, "That which has no roots cannot be uprooted."
"That which has no roots fall over and rot!"
Ha! Top that, land-strider!
"Unless it has legs."
Toothless' face fell. There was no denying that logic. "I think you right." There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other, both confused as to where to go from there, so he held his fists up. "Play?"
Off to the side, Tuffnut sighed. "So sad. I tried to train him right."
"You act as if it's a bad thing to acknowledge some value in someone else's viewpoint," Fishlegs said with a roll of his eyes.
"I just feel like I failed him as a mentor. We Vikings are supposed to be as unmovable as a mountain."
"Or tree!" Toothless and the female said at the same time. They looked at each other and chuckled.
"So, what you're saying is that Toothless should always assume he's always right about all things at all times?" Fishlegs asked.
Tuffnut crossed his arms. "I'm saying he should stick to his gut!"
Fishlegs scratched his chin. "Hmm, interesting. Alright, let's test that hypothesis." He grabbed a handful of Tuffnut's tunic and lifted him up so his feet dangled above the docks. "Toothless, does your gut say that I should toss Tuffnut into the water.
"No!" Tuffnut screamed.
"Yes," Toothless said.
Fishlegs looked at Tuffnut, legs kicking over the water. "Well, Tuff, do you have anything to say to change Toothless' mind? Oh, wait, nevermind, he should stick to his gut."
Tuffnut's protest was promptly followed by a loud splash.
Fishlegs smiled at the floundering rider. "I do love scientific experimentation." As Tuffnut started to haul himself back on to the dock, screaming very imaginative threats, Fishlegs quickly turned to run. "My gut tells me I really gotta go!"
Toothless idly watched for a moment as they ran off before raising his fists and looking at the female again. "Play?"
She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "What?"
"Play!" Toothless cheerfully said, feinting a jab at her that drew absolutely no reaction at all. "C'mon!"
"You know how Toothless is," Snotlout casually said from nearby. "Or any dragon for that matter."
The female grinned and eyed Toothless. "Alright, I suppose we can dance. On a scale of one to five, how much do you want it to hurt?"
"You? Five!"
"Just be careful," Snotlout said, rubbing his bruised jaw. "His knuckles are extra boney." She gave him a flat stare. "I let him hit me! Ya know, to help motivate him."
She rolled her eyes. "Riiight." Looking at Toothless she said, "Alright, hit me."
Toothless deflated. "You not ready. Need hold up fists. Like this. Not worry, I show. I be gentle."
She gave a sideways glance at Snotlout. "I think I can guess who's been training him. Oh, Toothless, you poor misguided thing."
Toothless scoffed at that. "Not poor Toothless. We play, yes?"
She grinned. "Yes. Hit me."
Toothless charged forward to land a fist in her soft stomach, but something hard hit him in a certain place and it really hurt a lot and he doubled over in pain. "Whyyyy?" he groaned.
"Oh, c'mon, you've seen me do that to other – what do you call us – land-striders? Well, I guess you're a land crawler, now."
"Hrrrrr," Toothless wheezed as he struggled to his hands and knees. "No, why land-strider body like this, have fragile thing there? Why not it tucked away between… rrrrrr... hip bones?"
She gave an understanding smile. "I know, it's dumb, right?"
He worked his way to a crouch. "Yes!"
The female whipped around and started walking up the ramps. Over her shoulder, she said, "When you're able to walk again, meet me in the forest. I'll see if I can undo the damage of Snotlout's teachings."
Behind him, said rider scoffed. "Ha! She always acts so high and mighty, but it's all just a show. Typical Camicazi."
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Silently, cautiously, Ruffnut crept forward along the ground. She was a sly lynx, and her prey were down in the cove, unaware that someone was spying on them from the ridge above. Soon, she would have what she wanted, and it would be glorious!
All she needed was some sort of dirty little secret to dangle over Astrid's head. It wasn't because they were enemies. No, nothing could be farther from the truth. They had been the closest of friends since the day they could walk, but it was always too fun to try to crack the impervious shell around "Astrid the Perfect". Well, nobody called Astrid that, but she was always so in control of herself, so Ruffnut savored the moments when she learned some dirty little secret, a crack in the shell to pry at, something to make Astrid squirm.
It was just a little excitement during these boring times when there were no crazed dragons, raiders, or dragon trappers to fight. Each time her true love, the one and only Eret son of Eret, would drop in on Berk with his crew, Ruffnut would sneak up and pounce on him. He was getting complacent, his resistance weaker against her overpowering allure, as she would manage to get closer and cling on longer before he managed to scrape her off and slip away. He knew, deep down, that he was destined for her, but he was simply playing hard to get.
He was gone, though, and wouldn't be back for a couple weeks. Hence the extreme boredom.
Down below, Astrid had stripped down and was wading into the water with Hiccup and their son. That wasn't any usable dirt to dangle over Astrid's head, though. The tribe had already acknowledged that her husband was the man inside a dragon's body instead of the man with a dragon's mind. Still, Ruffnut knew that if she was a patient hunter, her patience would be rewarded.
It has been a month since the last time she managed to make Astrid blush. Astrid had been complaining about how feeding her child every day made her sore. Ruffnut casually reminded her that Night Fury saliva was well-known to have healing properties, and when Astrid's groaning ceased in the following days, Ruffnut cornered her and pounced. Never before had Astrid's face ever turned so red.
"I don't care if you still smell it, that's as clean as this cloth can get until we can get back and toss this in some boiling water." That was Astrid's voice bouncing off the stone walls and drifting up. "Now, hold him or I'll chop off your tail and shove it– I don't care if I've made that threat before. You gotta admit it's a good one."
Ruffnut watched as Hiccup gently held their child in his toothless maw, a testament of trust in how greatly he has improved in controlling himself in his new body ever since that near-miss when he almost mauled Astrid. Somebody was very displeased to be held that way, though, and Hiccup winced at the crying, but some gentle swaying settled Nuffink down. Hiccup then took a couple slow steps back as Astrid bent down to scrub at some bits of clothing, and Ruffnut knew what that was even before the water took on a brown tinge.
"Don't gimme that 'desecrated holy sanctum' nonsense! Just because you befriended Toothless in here..." Astrid dropped the newly-cleaned clothes on a patch of grass along the bank and took the child. "Next time, I'll make you clean this stuff with your mouth!"
Hiccup whined at that and ducked away dramatically. He then walked up out of the water, shook himself out, and lay down on his side to provide a warm belly for Astrid to lean against as she sat with her child.
Ruffnut rolled her eyes. Next time Eret came to Berk, she would latch on and never let go, and then she would have a child and a loving husband and be doing what Astrid was doing… except Eret would do all the cleaning, of course.
Or maybe, after they figured out the mysteries of that strange gemstone, it could be fun to swap places with her dragon. But then again, Barf and Belch were two independent minds in one body. If both of their minds were in Ruffnut's body, maybe that could work… or maybe Ruffnut and Tuffnut could each swap places with one of their dragon's heads… somehow. No, that would only drive them both insane, but maybe swapping spots with just Barf and sharing the body with Belch… Yes, then there would be no chance Eret could get away!
She sighed and backed away from the edge, slowly rising to her feet. This whole hunt was a bust. At least it killed some time.
"Oh my gods, Hiccup, what is that!?"
Ruffnut froze. That was Astrid alright. It was probably nothing anyway–
"What's it doing down there? Don't you dare sass back at me!"
Ruffnut's mind went to only one place. This was too good to pass up. She spun around and sprinted towards the crevice that led down into the cove.
"It's so red and… Oh gods, is it getting even bigger!?"
A branch came out of nowhere and whipped at Ruffnut's face, but she ignored it and pressed onward, down into the darkness of the stone crevice.
"Ah! Yes, good. No, I can't wait. Alright, let's do this! Yes! Right here, right now!"
Ruffnut smacked her shoulder into a stone wall she didn't see. Her eyes were still adjusting to the low amount of light, but she rushed onward at top speed.
"No, no, this is a job that requires opposable thumbs. Just, here– Grrrr! Hold still and let me do my thing! And stop licking it!"
Faster and faster Ruffnut ran. A root reached up and snagged her foot and she took a tumble. Ouch! That cheek would be bruised for a while.
"Yes, that's it! C'mon, put your back into it!"
Ruffnut tore around a corner and lost her footing. A flare of pain shot through her ankle as she slammed into a stone wall, but she kept pressing forward.
"Almost there... A little deeper…"
A stone found Ruffnut's foot and she tumbled head over heels, rolled to her feet, smacked into a stone wall, and kept on pressing forward.
"Alright, my turn!" The sound of grunting could be heard from both dragon and rider. "Oh, stop making me work for it. Just gimme the goods..."
Sunlight assaulted Ruffnut's eyes as she burst through the opening into the cove. Already, she was wearing a triumphant smirk and pointing at Astrid caught in the devilish act of…
Of…
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Astrid plucked up her child from the child from the grass by the water and cradled him in her arm, rocking him gently. The poor thing was so tired out he could barely cry anymore.
No, she thought to herself, not my child, our child.
Hiccup padded out of the water and shook himself off… and then gave an apologetic look at Astrid who was soaked from that. Well, she was soaked already from having waded into the lake to wash some clothes. Astrid grabbed one of the sopping-wet rags with her free hand and chucked it at Hiccup's snout.
Hiccup lay down and offered his side to lean against and a wing as a banket, so Astrid accepted. All was peaceful and right, but then she noticed something that stole her breath away.
"Oh my gods, Hiccup, what is that?!" she shrieked.
Nuffink had a rash. A rash! He had a gods-damned rash on the inside of his thigh!
{It would appear to be a rash.}
Astrid lightly backhanded Hiccup's snout in irritation, a gesture he would hardly feel through the scales. "What's it doing down there?"
{Well, maybe we were a bit overzealous in keeping him clean down there.}
"Don't you dare sass back at me! It's so red and… Oh gods, is it getting even bigger!?"
This was terrible. Her son had a rash! What to do?! What to do?!
Astrid forced herself to take a deep breath to collect her thoughts. Hiccup was a dragon, a Night Fury at that, so he could talk to any other dragon on the island… and Gothi was a dragon whisperer.
"Is Nose near Gothi?" she whispered, a thought suddenly forming in her mind.
Already, Hiccup had his sensor lobes dancing around, flicking around to find the optimal position to hear dragons from afar. Through the Night Fury, through the Terrible Terror, Astrid could sense what Gothi was projecting, having already been briefed on the situation.
"Ah!" Astrid shouted with delight. At last, some promise of a solution!
She saw an image of a bush that was common enough on Berk. Its roots had to be harvested and mashed up with a little water to make a soothing balm for Nuffink. Better yet, Hiccup could chew on them. Night Fury saliva had healing properties, after all.
"Yes, good," she said excitedly.
{Or I could ask Nose to bring some dried herbs that Gothi has at her hut.}
"No, I can't wait." She looked around and saw the bush she needed. What luck! "Alright, let's do this!"
Hiccup poked a claw into the ground near the trunk of the bush. {Shall I dig here?}
"Yes!" she impatiently said. "Right here, right now!
Hiccup started scratching the ground, and in moments, he had a hole to the roots. He was trying to grab them with his claws, but it was a vain effort.
"No, no, this is a job that requires opposable thumbs." Astrid shooed him away and set their child down on the grass between his front paws. "Just, here–" Nuffink started squirming. "Grrrr! Hold still and let me do my thing!" Hiccup started to lick at the rash and Astrid smacked his tongue away. "And stop licking it!"
She lay down by the hole and stuck her arm in reaching as far as she could. No, that wouldn't do. The hole needed to be deeper. Hiccup saw this and padded over to resume digging, cautious to avoid disturbing Nuffink.
"Yes, that's it!" Astrid cheered as dirt flew out of the hole. "C'mon, put your back into it! Almost there... A little deeper…"
After another moment of digging, Hiccup backed out for her to try again.
"Alright, my turn!" she said as she laid down by the hole again. She grunted as she reached her arm in as far as she could. "Oh, stop making me work for it. Just gimme the goods..."
No luck! She could feel the roots with her fingertips, but she couldn't get a good grip. If only…
A scuffling sound drew her attention to the entrance to the cove, a narrow cleft in the rock. Ruffnut burst out in a limping run, covered in scrapes and bruises, pointing an accusing finger at Astrid with a haughty smirk that quickly faded.
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Ruffnut stooped to catch her breath, accusatory finger still pointing. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She was so sure that she had some dirt to rub in Astrid's face...
Hiccup was crouched by a bush, grunting as he gnawed and licked at his dirt-encrusted claws. Astird was lying down next to him with her hand stuck down a hole in the ground. Nuffink was lying on the ground, gently fussing with Hiccup's wing, too tired to properly cry.
"What…" Ruffnut started to ask. She was so sure…
Astrid looked up. "Ah, Ruff, I figured that was either you trying to stalk us all morning long or a drunken boar crashing through the undergrowth." She urgently gestured with her free hand. "Come here quick!"
Ruffnut, finger still pointing with criminal conviction, triumphant smirk turning upside down in shock and confusion, stumbled forward.
Astrid pulled her arm out of the hole in the ground and stood to frantically beckon Ruffnut to take her spot. "Your arms are longer. Hiccup dug a hole for me, and I'm trying to get some of the finer roots of this bush, but they're just out of reach. Hiccup says that Nose says that Gothi says that these roots can be mashed and mixed with spit to make a soothing balm. It's great having a husband who can project his thoughts across the island, and that our village healer is also a dragon whisperer."
Ruffnut numbly lay down and reached into the hole under the bush, feeling very embarrassed. They'd just been trying to dig up some stupid roots.
Boring!
Astrid flicked a chunk of dirt off the bottom of Hiccup's chin, causing him to croon and lick at a smear of dirt on the side of her face. "Wow, Hiccup, we sure know how to make a mess."
Ruffnut groaned. Great, now she's adding insult to injury. She's taunting me and she doesn't even know it!
"Hey, what happened to your face?" Astrid asked, gesturing to the bruised cheek. "Get in a fight with a bear?"
Ruffnut strained a little more and managed to grab and tear out some of the stupid roots. "Oh, nothing. So… uhhh… when you were talking about something big and red…"
Hiccup stared at her impassively.
Oh gods, he's on to me!
Astrid picked up her child, which sent him into the biggest hissy fit of all time. She held up one leg to reveal a rash on the inside of his thigh. Ruffnut smacked her forehead against the ground in exasperation.
"Just look at it!" Astrid wailed. She then looked down at her child and cooed, "Oh, you poor little thing. Don't worry. Mommy's gonna make it all better."
Hiccup coughed.
"And Daddy too." She set her child down, snatched the roots from Ruffnut's hand, and crouched by the water to rinse off the dirt clinging to them.
"Here," she said as she shoved the roots into Hiccup's mouth. "Chew it up, but don't swallow." She sighed in exasperation. "I know you know! Don't gimme lip."
Ruffnut drooped in disappointment. She thought back on everything she heard Astrid saying but realized that it was about nothing more than a rash and the struggle to harvest some stupid roots.
How could I have thought otherwise?!
Turning to Ruffnut, Astrid said, "Oh, and a little bird told Hiccup that Hilda would be absolutely fuming if you abandoned her to spy on me and Hiccup. However, she probably will beat you only half to death if you double-time it back."
Ruffnut deflated. "And by 'little bird' I assume you mean her Terrible Terror?" The Night Fury was known to be able to communicate with other dragons from across the island, which was very inconvenient at times like this.
Astrid nodded. "And said little bird also mentioned that if you manage to find some morels on the way back, Hilda may even let you off with only a light scolding."
Ruffnut turned to sulk her way back home. Behind her, she heard Astrid saying to Hiccup, "I really don't want to know what got Ruffnut so riled up and shaken, do I? Didn't think so."
