Thoughts of Regret and Return
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So here I am now; 15 years past.
In a house that's too big for one person,
With the same cat I've had for years,
And the same thoughts and memories.
Tears stung my eyes and my vision blurred. I held up the newspaper and looked in the eyes of the only one I knew could really help me.
His dark hair had grown long and tangled; he looked as if he needed a shower and some good dental work. His eyes though, they looked as if they'd lost their flame. Lost hope was the only phrase I could think of to describe that look. He was still Sirius though; the same one I had known all those years ago.
I knew what I had to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but for closure, I needed to do it. My heart had started up for what had probably been the first time, in a long time.
The sensation I got in my gut wasn't really anything new. I hadn't felt that in years but I had felt it before.
Before I knew it I had the muggles telephone in my hand. Dialing the numbers swiftly I heard the 3 rings. Then something I needed to hear for a long time –
"Travel Fun UK, this is Alice how may I help you?"
"1 ticket to London please."
The plane ride was yet again, hell.
Between the lovely sessions with my paper hurling bag and gravol that I used to pass myself out twice, I was feeing pretty good about the decision.
Even plane sickness wasn't enough to stop me. Although that wasn't really too much to go on considering I was drugged up and not especially sane during the flight there.
There where quite a few questions floating around my head too…
What if he hates me?
What if he never wanted to see me again?
What if he punches me?
Then I decided to make a truce with myself. I would go and check on him. I wouldn't even talk to him if I didn't want to. I'd just check on him. A plan was already formulating in my head. I had to stop at Diagon alley first though.
I wondered how Maybells was holding up in the cargo section as the plane descended from the air. I held up my paper bad and braced myself.
"How may I help you mam?"
"Hi, I was just looking for some polyjuice potion?"
"Oh, over here," The shop owner said leading me over to a dimmed corner and pulling out two bottles. One looked to be the size of a coke and the other was 2 litres.
"We have two sizes, regular or supreme?" he questioned looking bored.
"I'll take two of the smaller ones," I said quietly pointing to the coke sized one.
"Okay then."
He put them on the counter, "That will be 5 gallons please."
I put the change on the counter and waited while he rung it up.
"Now the wizarding law states I have to ask you why you need this but for you I'm guessing its just wanting to make sure your husband isn't cheating or something. Am I right?" He asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.
"Oh… yah sure."
He nodded with a boyish grin and gave me the bottle and receipt.
"Bye," I said with a twisted smile as I walked out of the shop.
I needed to get groceries so I decided to hit the supermarket.
It was busy as always, and this was the muggles one! I picked up some stuff and went to wait in the line when I looked over. I almost fainted when I saw dark hair covering a handsome face and a slightly built upper body although still slim. The grin that had been on my face faded.
I immediately went to the washroom. Pulling the door open I locked myself in a stall. Taking the bag I took out the bottle. Scanning the label I threw my hair back into a bun and ripped the cap off. Taking the bottle up to my nose I sniffed scrunched up my nose and drank. Two mouthfuls and I paused. It was disgusting tasting! If I hadn't been in such a shock I would have spit it out.
Swallowing the last mouthful I felt an unusual feeling in my chest. My skin felt like it was going to fall off and a burning chill went threw my spine.
My head started to throb and the washroom felt as if it where shaking or spinning or something! I almost blacked out but managed to keep my ground. Feeling nervous I walked out. I looked in the mirror. Ah! I looked exactly like the girl in front of me on the plane. I had managed to pluck a hair from the top of her head. I was now a bleach blond bimbo! I laughed in the mirror and pretended to check my hair as an old lady came in.
She glared at me as I snickered.
I went out searching heads for Sirius. I was sure I had seen him!
I scanned the crowed with my eyes again finding nothing I huffed and moved myself into a line. I stared at the salad in my cart and tapped my foot irritably against the floor. The line was long. I was at the end of it. My heart was beating rather loudly in my chest as I heard someone pull up behind me. I glanced back and felt my knees go weak. This was not a good idea, I decided that now, but it was too late. I could feel the energy drifting off him.
"Long line hey." He said looking at me curiously.
"Yes, very long." I managed to choke out wondering what he'd done with women all the time I'd been gone. Of course he'd been in prison for most of that time…
"God, this is going to sound weird. Your eyes though, they totally remind me of someone, I just can't figure out who," Sirius almost whispered.
I felt extremely light headed; I couldn't do this! I looked up at him and felt my eyes sting from holding back the tears. I turned abruptly and leaving my grocery cart, I ran.
I heard him call me asking for my name. I just couldn't do it though. I ran all the way to the other side of the store and quickly took a back entrance.
The clouds were still gray and it looked as if it was going to rain. I didn't feel much like apparating so I walked to the nearest tube entrance. (A/N -Underground train in England, think that's what there called anyway? Sorry I don't live there… I did go when I was 5 though! Lol.)
The rain started coming down, first in small drip-drops then it poured. I slipped into an alleyway and conquered up an umbrella. The tube was crowded and there was this funky smell floating around. I held my nose as a train stopped. Climbing on I sat down beside an elderly woman.
"You look sad," the lady commented.
I looked over and smiled bleakly.
"Yes well I can't really help it."
"I'm sure it'll get better. Life always does, whenever you feel you've hit rock bottom, there's always something."
"Thanks, I hope it goes that way. Life would be so much easier if it did."
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have now reached Manchester, please get off if this is your stop." A ladies voice boomed out of the speakers.
"This is my stop," The lady sighed, "goodbye."
She got up and limped off the train with a small smile in my direction.
I got back to my apartment and changed out of my wet clothes. Putting on some dry ones I decided to go visit Remus. He'd probably want me to talk to Sirius but I didn't know if I could after that.
Ringing Remus' doorbell I waited. Maybe he had moved…? No I reassured myself. It said in the phonebook that he still lived here. I heard the lock being opened and a head stuck out.
He didn't seem too surprised to see me. Opening the door a friendly smile peeked out.
"Hello Riley, come on in." He held open the door and took my coat.
"Hi Remus." I choked out.
"I'll go make some tea; you can go sit in the living room if you like…" Remus gestured to a cozy room with a comfy looking couch.
5 minutes later he came in with a tray of tea and biscuits.
"Anything to eat?" he inquired.
"Nope, tea's fine."
He sat down in the chair across from me.
"Where did you go?" He asked after a moment of silence.
"What does it matter, I was away from here, away from where I was needed and where I should have been."
"Yeah but I tried for months to find you, you must have burned all the paperwork."
"Oh yes, build a bone fire with it all." I snickered.
He chuckled, "You're a smart witch to be able to move and not have anyone know where you went."
"Muggles transportation is scary these days," I stated with a cheeky grin.
"Ohh so that's how the mastermind did it?" He laughed.
"Yep." I nodded.
A few minutes passed as we sipped our tea.
"Why did you do it?" Remus now had a serious tone to his voice.
"I don't know. I just needed to get away."
…
"Every time I went there he asked for you, every time." He said in a hollow tone.
"I know," I looked at my shoes, ashamed that I'd let him down when he needed me.
"He loved you, hell Riley! He still love's you!" I stared into my tea, watching the colors swirl around.
"I let you leave one time with out him; I'm not going to put my best friends through that again. By best friends I mean him AND you. As terrible as it was, you should have stayed."
"Damn Remus! I know it was wrong and stupid! I was 19 though! What do you expect? My friends were all dying!"
"I expected you to be there for him, because no matter how much hell you were going through; he was going through more."
"I know." I had never seen Remus angry. He sure as hell was now though.
"Okay Riley. You are going to speak to him. And not with that stupid polyjuice potion either!"
My head snapped up.
He grinned at little, "Sirius told me about the incident at the grocery store. Figured it was you, blond though? Ha you'd look funny as a blond."
"Thanks for the support," I growled in mocking way.
"Mhm" was all he said taking out what looked to be a phone book.
"I'm calling Sirius."
I looked over at him, shocked.
"No. Not now, I'm… I'm smelly!"
He raised an amused eyebrow.
"Smelly?"
"Yes, I haven't taken a bath since 2 days ago."
He looked ill to his stomach, "Ri, That is seriously disgusting. Go use my bathroom and take a LONG shower. I'll take care of the dress."
"What dress?"
"Go!"
I emerged from the bathroom in a fluffy pink towel.
"That's not mine is it?" Remus asked looking at the towel.
"Ah! Get out!" I shrieked in annoyance.
"Relax!" He smirked, "Sirius told me everything there is to know about your body anyway."
A disgusted look crossed over my face.
"Ewww! You perv!" I said throwing him out of the room.
He laughed on the other side of the doorway, "What? We had to discuss something on those long boring visits."
I choked on a laugh and looked over at the bed that had a dress on it. The dress was beautiful; had a silky dark purple base with black lace over, the top was halter with a plunged neckline.
"There is NO way I'm wearing this!" I yelled.
"You better! That dress cost more than my work suit!"
"I'll look like I'm going to some really slutty wedding!"
"In that case, go nude!"
I glared at the door and put a noise blocker around the room.
"Ass," I muttered as I pulled the dress on.
I tapped my foot against the ground and passed the hall.
"Remus! Get your skinny-ass down here!
10 minuets later he came down in his pajamas throwing me the key, which I didn't even catch. I was stunned.
'What. The. Hell." I questioned staring open mouthed at him.
He laughed evilly, "You thought I was going with you?"
"Well… yeah."
He laughed louder.
"Sorry Hun, but he's all yours."
"What will I say?" I blurted out and went beet red in embarrassment when he turned to look at me sharply.
"Hmm I don't know. You could start by apologizing?"
I shook my head, still in semi-embarrassment.
"Okay then where am I going?"
He slid a piece of paper over to me and smirked when I scanned it. Flushing I nodded.
"Did you tell him I was coming?"
"Nope, he thinks this is my first random attempt at setting up on a blind date."
"Oh," was all I said before tucking the paper in my clutch and opened the door.
"Hey Ri!" He called when I was half way out the door.
I turned around with a cocked eyebrow, "eh?"
"Good luck, you look awesome. Sirius will approve." And with that he shut the door, the wood almost colliding with my nose.
I grumbled and went on my way.
Hey!
This is the second last chapter I think! I've decided I will do a sequel, although I don't know how long it will be. I'm trying to think up a title now… so review if you have an idea! Hope you liked it; next chapter will be up ASAP! Beware of sappiness to come. Lol. :)
THIS CHAPTER DETICATED TO ALL MY REVIEWRS & MY BETA!
3
Luv Nikki
