Dudley wasted no time at all in telling Ron, Fred and George about his trip to Knockturn Alley. They all seemed very impressed, and Dudley embellished his experience a little, describing how he saw the hag beckoning menacingly towards him and her sharp, greenish colored teeth as she leered out of the darkness with a human bone gripped in her pale hand.
At Gringott's, they went to the Weasley vault first, leaving Dean and his mother to exchange muggle currency at the top. There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag.
They then went to the Potters' old vault, now Dudley's. Dudley gasped when he saw all of the piles of coins piled inside and one of the twins gave an appreciative whistle. He was rich! He didn't fully grasp wizarding currency, but he was sure that the amount of gold inside made him a millionaire—maybe even a multimillionaire.
He immediately starting shoveling galleons into a bag. He intended to treat himself while he was at Diagon Alley. He had lost all of his gobstones over the last school year and wanted some new ones, and his wizarding chess set was looking battered. He also planned to visit the joke shop and stock up on some pranks. Maybe he would even buy a new pet to replace the owl which had flown away before he had even arrived at Hogwarts.
"Check it out!" Dudley said, showing his sack to Ron, Fred and George.
"Cool," Ron said, appreciatively.
Molly however had a rather strained smile.
Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking Dean's mother off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.
"We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins' retreating backs.
Dudley, Ron, and Dean strolled off along the winding, cobbled street. The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Dudley's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought himself a large
mango-and-popcorn ice cream, which he slurped happily as he wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Dean bought one too—butterbeer flavor. Ron, however, went without.
Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Cannon robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies. Dudley bought himself a handsome beater's bat made out of hickory. For an extra few galleons, the shop proprietor cast a spell which engraved the bat with the image of a Gryffindor lion. He planned to try out for the team this year. He also bought a padded pair of gloves to improve his grip.
In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks. Dudley bought some for himself plus a bag of dungbombs.
In a tiny junk shop full of broken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called "Prefects Who Gained Power".
"A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers," Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating ..."
"Go away," Percy snapped.
"Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out... He wants to be Minister of Magic..." Ron told Dudley and Dean in an undertone as they left Percy to it.
Dudley entered the Magical Menagerie to pick a new pet. He remembered the Hogwarts letter said "an owl, a cat or a toad," but Ron had Scabbers and he knew one of the Hufflepuff girls had a puffskein, so he felt he could have anything really. He wanted a Firecrab-loving its jewelled shell, but the owner of the store demanded a licence. Instead, Dudley settled for a fruit bat which lived in a cage with black curtain over it.
An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling outside the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows:
GILDEROY LOCKHART
will be signing copies of his autobiography
MAGICAL ME
today 12:30 P.M. to 4:30 P.M.
"Hey, I recognize that name," Dean said. "Didn't he write all of the book list?"
"He's pretty famous," Ron said. "Has spent his life fighting dark wizards and evil monsters."
"Cool," Dudley said, impressed.
The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. A harassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies... Don't push, there... mind the books, now..."
Dudley, Ron, and Dean squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to where the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mrs. Thomas.
"Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute..."
Gilderoy Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly white teeth at the crowd. The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair.
A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash.
"Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet-"
"Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it.
Gilderoy Lockhart heard him. He looked up, first at Ron, then at Dean, and then his gaze settled on Dudley. He frowned, head tilted to the side thoughtfully.
"Ah-ha!" he said, finally, pointing at Dudley with a ludicrous peacock feather quill. "I thought I recognized you—Derek Delaney, isn't it?"
"Huh, it's Dursley—Dudley Dursley," Dudley replied. "How'd you know who I am?"
"I keep up to date of all the upcoming young faces," Gilderoy said. "Your exploits last year, they made the front page of the Daily Prophet."
This was news to Dudley and he looked at Ron who nodded. "Yeah, it was mentioned—you stopping Quirrell, somehow the Prophet heard about it"
"Cool," Dudley said. He had never been in the papers before.
"Of course, it's not quite up there with beating the Bandon Banshee, but it's a start Dudley, it's a start. I said to myself, Gilderoy—this young Dudley is a man who will be going places if he has the right pair of hands to guide him." He leant forward, seized Dudley's arm and pulled forward.
"Nice big smile, Dudley, this will be worth the front page. It will do your career a world of good too—people forget, Dudley. You need to stay out there in the public eye."
Dudley grinned at the camera and at the crowd as Gilderoy shook his hand for the camera.
"One more, Dudley," he put his hand on Dudley's shoulder in a fatherly manner and Dudley smiled broadly.
At last, the photos were finished and Gilderoy released his hand.
"When young Dudley here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography - which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge -"
The crowd applauded again. "He had no idea," Lockhart continued, giving Dudley a little shake "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, "Magical Me." He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"
The crowd cheered and clapped and Dudley found himself being presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Smiling as the photographer flashed his camera again, Dudley raised his copy of "Magical Me" for all to see.
"Nicely done," Gilderoy whispered, approvingly. "You have a knack for this. Always get your books in shot—or, in this, my book in shot. It's free advertising."
After a few more photos, he bustled his way to the back of the store where Ginny was waiting.
"I didn't know you were famous," she said, impressed.
"Neither did I," Dudley admitted, but he liked the feeling. He supposed stopping somebody from stealing the Philosopher's Stone was a big deal and the press would have wanted to cover it. It was cool, he thought.
"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Dursley?" said a voice Dudley had no trouble recognizing. He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer.
"Here for another beating, Malfoy?" Dudley growled.
Ron and Dean fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books.
"Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Dudley here, eh?"
"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those."
Ron went red. He dropped his books into the cauldron, too, and started toward Malfoy, but a man with long blond hair stepped forward. He stared at them coldly.
"My son has told me all about you three," he said softly. "Let me warn you, if either you ever lay a hand on Draco again, you will regret it."
He reached into Dudley's cauldron and pulled out a copy of Lockhart's book. "Your exploits may have garnered you a minute bit of attention from some, Dursley. But others see you as you truly are. A fat, bullying waste of space. You and your kind do not belong in the wizarding world."
"Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."
"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley."
Mr. Malfoy sneered.
"Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly. "What's going on here?"
"Just a friendly discussion," Mr. Malfoy said, his voice still soft and dangerous. "I was merely telling your boy and his fat friend that they should leave Draco alone. And you … should pick better company. The company you keep, Weasley—and I thought your family could sink no lower."
There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over.
Dudley, never one to miss an opportunity to get Malfoy lunged forward, diving on Malfoy and knocking him flat to the floor. Malfoy squirmed vainly, trying to throw off the bulk which smothered him. Dudley raised his fist to punch Malfoy when there was a bang and he found himself thrown backwards. The shop assistant had his wand raised.
Draco was lying down, breathing heavily—Dudley was extremely heavy after all. Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools. Mrs. Thomas looked stunned at the brawl that had taken place.
Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury. "A fine example to set for your children... brawling in public... what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought-"
"He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity-"
But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Dudley, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. They said good-bye to Dean and his mother, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.
