Dudley and his friends arrived in the Great Hall for the sorting ceremony. They sat down, Dean in the middle of Dudley and Ron with Neville on Ron's left. Fred, George and their friend Lee Jordan came over to sit opposite them. "Hope they hurry up with the sorting, I'm starving," Ron said.
Dudley couldn't agree more.
"You think your sister will be a Gryffindor too?" Dean asked.
"The whole family are," Fred said. "I reckon she'll be disowned if not."
"Especially if she ends up in Slytherin," George added.
McGonagall appeared in the hall, escorting a group of nervous first years. Dudley was sure he didn't look that worried when he first arrived.
She placed a rather tattered hat on a stool. The brim opened and it started to sing.
"For over a thousand years or more, I have had a task …" it began, and proceeded to sing a song about the virtues of the different houses that students would be sorted in.
"That was different than ours," Dudley said, applauding.
"It sings a different one every year," Fred said.
The chatter silenced as McGonagall fixed them all with a steely gaze.
"Archer, Cecil!" the hat called and a small boy with a twitchy manner stepped forward.
"Hufflepuff!"
The hat proceeded to sort the students. "Creevey, Colin," a short, mousy-haired boy became the first new Gryffindor. He sat next to Dudley, grinning all over his face.
He let out a small cheer as the weird blonde girl from the train was sorted into Ravenclaw—at least he wouldn't have to put up with her nonsense.
His stomach growled as "Robins, Demelza" was sorted into Gryffindor. By the time "Weasley, Ginny" was sorted into Gryffindor (to much applause from the other Weasleys and whooping from the twins), Dudley was ready to start gnawing on Colin.
Dumbledore stood up to say a few words. "I know you are all ready to feast, so I won't keep you any longer than necessary." And with that, he sat down. The hall applauded and food magically appeared on their plates.
"About time," Dudley said, grabbing a chicken leg. He wolfed it down with a ferocity and indignity only matched by Ron.
Across from him, Fred and George were teasing Ginny with tall tales about the Bloody Baron. Beside him, Colin was chattering away, and it took Dudley a few seconds to realise the short boy was talking to him.
"… came to see me. Huge he was! That's him over there! And he told me I was a wizard and …"
Dudley sighed as he piled some roast potatoes onto his plate. Just his luck to avoid Loony Lovegood only to now have this chatterbox instead.
"Can't you talk to someone else?" Dudley said, interrupting his chatter.
The boy looked put out for a second or two, then turned to the person sat on his other side who was another first year.
"Finally I can eat in piece," Dudley muttered.
"New best friend, Dud?" Dean mocked.
"Going to invite him to hang around with us too?" Ron taunted.
Dudley, too busy focusing on eating flashed them a rude hand gesture.
Finally, the feast was over and Dumbledore stood up again.
"Now, before we all turn in, I have a few announcements. Firstly, Mr. Filch wishes to remind you that he has added toxic gobstones and howling peashooters to the list of banned items. All of which can be seen on the notice outside his office."
Dudley frowned. He had bought toxic gobstones—apparently they contained a venom that made the victim break out in warts.
"Second, please give a warm welcome to our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart."
Lockhart stood up, beaming at them, showing a row of very white, perfect teeth, as he gave a wave to the audience.
He got quite a good reception, especially from the female population of the school. Many of the male students applauded quite enthusiastically too—Lockhart's exploits were, it seemed, quite well known.
"You think he'll be good?" Dean asked as they trooped back to Gryffindor Tower.
"Can hardly be worse than Quirrell," Dudley replied. "And if he doesn't have Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head he'll be an improvement."
Dean laughed.
"He has a reputation of fighting many dark creatures," Ron said. "His books are all best sellers. Mum adores him. I'm sure she has a Lockhart photo under her pillow."
Hermione had overheard them. "I've read all of his books already. He seems very capable—he had some unique ways to rid a Norwegian town of the trolls that were causing trouble in Travels with Trolls," she said for all to hear. "And in Wanderings With Werewolves he managed to cast the Homorphus Charm—that's really difficult magic."
"Cool," Dudley said. He had no idea what a Homorphus Charm was, but he assumed that Hermione was correct. Lockhart, it seemed, was already a big step up from Quirrell.
