Chapter Thirteen – When You Cry
Nathan couldn't stop pacing outside of the examining room, glancing every few seconds toward the door in hope to see the doctor coming out. They had already been in there for twenty minutes and he was starting to get really worried. He just wanted the doctor to come out and tell him that everything was fine; that Haley and the baby were doing okay. Better yet, he wanted to be in the room, holding Haley's hand and giving her support. It wasn't an irrational request, just a husband comforting his wife.
The door opened and Nathan turned to see the doctor, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Dr. is Haley okay? How about the baby?"
"Maybe you should sit down, Mr. Scott," the doctor said, motioning towards the seating area.
"No, I don't need to sit down, I just need for you to tell me what's happening." Nathan couldn't be patient, especially when it concerned Haley and the baby's health.
The doctor took a deep breath and nodded. "Haley lost the baby, Nathan."
Nathan didn't want to believe that he heard the doctor correctly. "Wait, she lost the baby, as in a miscarriage? How could this happen? The doctor in Florida said that everything looked great and that Haley was in perfect health."
"Sometimes these things happen, Nathan. It's just the way nature works to rid the body of an unhealthy baby. There was nothing either of you could have done. Now, I didn't tell Haley any of this because sometimes it's easier to handle coming from a loved one. Do you want to tell Haley yourself or do you want me to come back in with you and explain it to her?"
"No, I'll tell her myself."
"You sure?" the doctor asked him again.
"Yeah, she should hear it from me."
The doctor nodded. "Well, if you need anything at al, I'll be right down the hallway."
"When can she leave?" Nathan asked, knowing that Haley would want to get out of the hospital as soon as possible.
"As soon as she feels well enough, I'll discharge her." The doctor patted Nathan on the arm and turned off in the opposite direction, leaving Nathan standing in the middle of the hallway by himself.
Nathan took a deep breath, momentarily postponing the inevitable. Haley had wanted this baby so bad, was he strong enough to tell her that her dream wasn't going to come true? He had to be, he didn't want some stranger telling her what had happened. She needed to hear it from him.
He took one last deep breath and opened the door to her room, pausing at the door at the sight of Haley in the hospital bed, slightly taken aback. She looked weak and tired, and almost defeated. He wondered if she already knew the truth, if she somehow felt what had happened.
Haley was looking out the window but as he walked over to her bed and sat down next to her, she turned to look at him. Her hair was still damp considering they had rushed her here right after her bath and it had already started drying into curls. He loved when it did that because most of the time she dried it straight and he barely ever got to see it curly. He reached out and brushed a few of the curls out of her face, his hand gently lingering in her hair. He forced a smile and finally brought his eyes to hers, reaching forward to gently kiss her forehead.
"Hey beautiful," he whispered against her soft skin.
"Hey yourself," she returned, biting her lip as she looked into his eyes. She looked at him, really looked at him and could already see the pain in his eyes. "Oh god, Nathan," she whispered as her hand instinctively came to cover her mouth.
"Haley," he choked out as his hand reached for her face, gently wiping away tears that she hadn't even noticed had fallen. His palm cupped her cheek, doing his best to transfer over any strength to her that he had left.
"I lost the baby, didn't I?" She shook her head and brought her hand up to cover his, not able to fully comprehend the situation. "Oh god, I don't want to believe it."
"I know, baby, I know." He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, doing his best to kiss away the tears. He hated having to see Haley like this, so upset and distraught. It wasn't until she brought her hand up to his own cheek, that he realized he had been crying as well. He had been so focused on Haley that he wasn't even able to notice how upset he was himself.
"How, Nathan, was something wrong? Oh, Nathan, it's all my fault." The tears came harder and he put his arms around her, letting her cry into his shoulder.
"It's not your fault, Hales, don't say that. The doctor said it would have happened no matter what. He said it was nature's way of terminating the pregnancy because something was wrong with the baby, he said that there was nothing we could have done."
"But I felt it, Nathan, and I didn't say anything. It's my fault."
Nathan could barely understand her over the sobs. "Hales, what are you talking about? You felt what, sweetie?" He didn't get what she was trying to say.
She pulled back from him, her hands on his shoulders so that she could look into his eyes. "At the airport, when we got home from Florida, I had a pain in my stomach. But it didn't last long and I felt back to normal, so I thought that maybe it was just because of the airplane. I didn't want to tell you because I knew that you would be worried and want me to go to the hospital. I figured that it was probably just something that happened to most women, and I didn't want to be silly and go to the emergency room. I swear, I was going to tell you if it happened again."
Nathan could barely grasp at the information she was talking so fast. He shook his head and took Haley's face in both of his hands. "Listen to me, there was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault, Haley. There was nothing you could have done to stop it. I only wish you would have told me because then maybe you wouldn't be blaming yourself right now. Please stop blaming yourself, Hales. Don't do that to yourself, please, at least for me. I hate seeing you cry, Haley, it kills me."
"Nathan, I don't know what else to do. I really wanted this baby, I really did." She returned her head to his shoulder and let him cradle her in his arms.
"I know, Hales, I did too." He turned his head to the side and kissed her forehead, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. He didn't think he could say anything to make her feel better.
"I want to leave, Nathan, I can't stay here any longer."
Nathan could feel her trembling in his arms and he nodded his head. "I'll go get the doctor, he has to discharge you before we leave. Are you going to be okay?" he asked as he settled her back down against the bed.
She nodded. "Just be quick."
"I will," he replied, giving her hand a tiny squeeze for strength. Nathan turned back when he reached the door, pausing slightly as he watched Haley's hands return to her face. Her gaze lingered out the window and Nathan could feel his heart breaking for her. For both of them. It had taken him awhile to warm up to the thought of a baby, but he had decided that he truly was excited for it and couldn't wait to bring his own child into the world. It hurt him to know that they wouldn't be able to have that for awhile.
But there was one thing he knew. He had to be strong for Haley, because she would need him to help her get through this.
It just scared him because he didn't know who was going to be strong for him…
Heaven knows you're with me now
Heaven knows that you're here
I feel your breath all around me now
And all the pain just disappears
It goes away, it goes away
And it only hurts, when you cry
I'm alone inside, when there's tears in your eyes
I can't hide and say I'm fine
But it only hurts, when you cry
You carry too much on your shoulders
I can't wait till you let me down
Cause the only thing we're getting is older
This time never comes back around
You just gave it, gave it away
And it only hurts, when you cry
I'm alone inside, when there's tears in your eyes
I can't hide and say I'm fine
But it only hurts, when you cry
When you cry
Heaven knows you're with me now
And I'll do my best to hold on
Cause nothing is worth all this fighting now
And I won't give up till it's gone
Make it go away, go away
Make it go away, go away
Cause it only hurts, when you cry
I'm alone inside, when there's tears in your eyes
I can't hide and say I'm fine
But it only hurts, when you cry
- "When You Cry" by Vertical Horizon
Hey Guys- thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! Don't be mad at me for the miscarriage- I know a lot of you were excited about the baby. But like I've said before, I always have a plan for my stories and this was in there from the beginning. Oh god, do I sound like MS? Somebody might need to slap some sense into me already! But anyway, I just couldn't picture Haley being pregnant in high school, I just think that would be so much to deal with. Well I hope you don't hate me too much that it leads to me not getting any reviews! That would be like a very bad dream ;)
Kylie
