The guild in Axel, the town of beginners, was as busy as ever during the winter. Adventurers hung out around the tables enjoying food and drink through their savings they amassed during the year. Not many bothered to do quests in the winter with the long tracks through the snow and remote quest locations due to monsters emigrating away until spring.
Only Kazuma's group was desperate enough to do high-level quest at this time and with every other adventurer present, they knew who was opening the doors to the guild hall before anyone came into view.
Chris, the silver haired thief, was the first to react. "Hey Kazuma, how did your quest…"
Her breath hitched and understandably so when one considered the state in which he arrived with his new fancy clothes from the demon girl already torn up and soaked in blood. Kazuma ignored the curious glances around him and pointed to an empty table. "Take a seat and order something. I will cash in our reward."
"And don't you try to weasel out of your explanation. We want details after dinner!"
"Yeah, yeah." Kazuma waved Megumin's nagging off, miffed beyond belief that his great reveal of devilhood ranked below a full belly.
"Hello Kazuma," The nice guild lady Luna greeted him at the counter. "It's good to see your group is back from the snow sprite quest without harm." Her eyes fell on the large hole in his vest and the copious amounts of dried blood. "Well, no life threatening harm anyway."
"I want to cash in the reward for the Winter Shogun," Kazuma said evenly but loud enough for everyone in the guild to hear. First step of becoming cool was to make everybody know what amazing feats he accomplished.
"Kazuma, that's a 200 million eris bounty. I won't entertain the thought from you even as a joke." Luna replied in the same volume, making everyone laugh and Kazuma couldn't stop himself from blushing.
"Just look at my damn adventure card for proof!"
Luna took the offered card and scanned its content with practised ease. At one point her eyes stopped moving and Kazuma grinned, expecting an apology at any moment. Instead, her face turned pale and she put the card on the counter with shaky hands.
"Excuse for a moment."
Luna left her post and walked left rather than right where the money was stored. Nothing other than the backdoor exit was on the left and Kazuma had no idea why she would have to go outside.
"What's wrong with her? She got weird after seeing my…" Kazuma's eye twitched after looking at his job description.
Kazuma Satou - Devil Swordsman - First Envoy of Hell
"Shit!"
The young man jumped the counter with one leap and followed the guild lady, who tried escaping through the back and calling for help. Cornered by him, she threw everything in reach at Kazuma while screeching. "Stand back you devil! I knew there was something wrong with you! No human is that depraved!"
The look on Kazuma's face could be described as unamused and defeated as he casually deflected every item with a flick of his sheathed sword. "Listen, I don't want any trouble. Just forget what you saw and keep the bounty for the Winter Shogun."
Getting unmasked as devil would destroy any chances of a carefree life he wanted to achieve. True, Kazuma craved adventure and excitement, but not through becoming infamous and wanted all across the country as devil.
Being a final boss sounded like a lot of work.
"Oh really?" Luna said and Kazuma didn't like the sudden scheming expression on her face. "I've heard devils have to honor contracts no matter what."
From his short stay in hell and talk with a real devil, he could say Luna was correct with that assumption for the most part. The introduction to her might have been bombastic and mysterious, but the little girl had turned into a true bureaucrat as soon as it came to putting the terms down to ink.
Even though the terms were as simple as "You get Vergil's stuff have fun with it, onii-chan!", Kazuma had to sign twenty certified copies for each department of hell in the presence of three lawyers. Hell had no shortage of those.
"You want it in writing? Fine! I sign everything!"
Luna grinned and wrote up a contract on official guild paper for quests with the speed of an experienced civil servant. "Thank you for your understanding. Please start your obligation as soon as possible."
Common sense drove Kazuma to at least read the damn paper, although he didn't have much choice but to sign it.
I, Kazuma Satou, am hereby obligated to take care of every high-level quest of the certified guild in Axel until the other party of the contract deems the terms as satisfied.
During the duration of this contract, it is forbidden for the devil Kazuma Satou to bring active harm against innocent citizens of Axel unless provoked.
In return, the guild of Axel swears to keep the true identity of Kazuma Satou as a secret.
Furthermore, any compensation for completing quests is withheld and distributed among the less fortunate inhabitants of Axel.
Satou Kazuma
"You are strongarming me into killing high-level monsters for charity?"
The innocent expression on Luna's face made Kazuma's blood boil. "It's either that or facing the consequences of being unveiled as a devil. I want to make sure you can be trusted."
"Fine, just grant me a small pittance for my quests. I still need to eat!"
With those words, Kazuma sliced his hand to the bone and dipped the quill into the gushing blood, signing the contract with a once again pale guild lady. He didn't think the document needed this kind of theatrics to be binding, but he savored the small payback against this shrewd business woman.
"I… I expect a quest per week at minimum!" Luna stuttered as he handed over the bloodstained document before fleeing into her office and locking the door.
The mighty Kazuma Satou, imbued by the demonic power of a badass half-devil, went back with slumped shoulders and a bad mood to his companions at the table. The three were already feasting like starved animals, stuffing their faces with expensive food and drink for which he had no money.
So he sat down and took a mug of cheap ale. "Somebody cash in the reward for their snow sprites. The guild lady snubbed me out of my money."
Sensing the anger radiating in waves from Kazuma and seeing the other two with cheeks full of food, Darkness took the initiative to ask him about his problems. In situations like this, the girls knew that their leader needed to vent his frustration or would get more unbearable by the minute for being ignored.
"Why would she do that?" she asked in a rehearsed tone that sounded as fake as her concern.
"Apparently, devils won't get paid in Axel," he mumbled into his mug and took a deep gulp to wash away his worries.
"Is that so?" Darkness said only half-listening, until Megumin spit out her food and the words finally registered in her brain. "Wait what!?"
Aqua stopped chewing on her fried frog leg to glare at him. "I told you! I told you Kazuma is evil now! Even more evil!"
"Do you want to know what happened or not?"
KONOSUBA!
"So you went to hell and a demon made you more powerful to spite the gods?"
"Pretty much?" Kazuma had told them everything except the exact nature of his new power, just that he was stronger now to avoid talking about his old world. "They hate the Demon King as well and what's the harm in getting a free gift?"
Aqua chewed faster to make her mouth capable of speech again. "I'm not sharing my property over Kazuma with some devil floozy from hell! Divorce from her right now!"
She half assed the attempt like everything, spraying Kazuma with crumbs. "In no plane of existence I would call our relationship as something that could be divorced. The thought alone makes me violently ill to the point of getting stomach aches."
The archpriest struck a sexy pose, whose effect was greatly diminished by the grease stain going from the corner of her mouth all the way to the left ear. "What would you have against a relationship with an exceptional goddess like me? Kazuma should be awestruck every day for the privilege to bask in my radiant presence!"
Kazuma sighed and wiped her face with a napkin. "The package is fine. The content is messed up beyond repair."
She struggled against the attempt of cleaning her face like a pouty child. "What does that mean? Speak clearly you HikiNEET!"
He put away the napkin and examined his work with satisfaction. "Aqua, you are a drop-dead gorgeous woman with a shit personality! If you were just a tad nicer, I would bend over backwards to get in your non-existent panties." Kazuma paused and blinked. "Where the hell did that come from?"
"Oh? Is Kazuma finally succumbing to my charms and admits how beautiful I am?"
"That's not it at all!" Kazuma felt the first stage of a migraine approaching. "You might have been the fuel for most of my earlier fantasies, but I know hooking up with the delicious naked butt under that skirt would put mine into trouble." The desk shook under the constant barrage of Kazuma's head hitting the table by his own volition. "Why did I say that? Please help me, why did I say that?!"
His forehead hit the massive oak table hard enough to dent it, making everyone wince from the force.
"Maybe it's a priest thing? Some people believe devils can be compelled to say the truth by high ranking clergy."
Megumin's theory opened a hole in Kazuma's stomach that was deeper than the blackest abyss. The prospect of being unable to lie in front of the debt goddess drove a chill down his spine and a sinister smile on Aqua's face.
"Hey Kazuma, what do you think about Megumin and Darkness?"
Silence reigned at the table as three girls watched Kazuma struggle with himself to the point his jaw made noises like a rusty drawbridge.
"A very earnest 'maybe later' for the former and a definite yes with a soundproof ballgag for the latter. Dammit, stop that you useless goddess!"
"What does maybe later mean?" Megumin asked with a blush. "Why not now? Is there anything wrong with me? I'm asking out of curiosity! Don't get any weird ideas!"
Aqua poked his cheek with a finger."Yes Kazuma, answer the question of our clueless Megumin!"
Kazuma considered stabbing his own throat, but his mouth was quicker than both hands around the hilt. "It means, I'm feeling conflicted by my thoughts about a relationship with Megumin due to her age. She's the girl I'm most comfortable with being around. I like her as a person and cherish the time we spent together. I hate you Aqua, I hate you so much!"
Megumin put her hat and eyepatch back on. "Oh ok, that's good to know then… Darkness would you come with me for my daily routine?"
She avoided eye contact with anyone and pulled on Darkness, who reacted how everyone at the table predicted. "Now? I didn't get to ask anything about the ballgag! This is my chance to explore his depths of depravity! Megumin don't drag me by the hair… hn… or maybe do! Kazuma I want to hear everything about your vile plans for me later!"
Another lackluster day came to a close for Kazuma as the two fled the guild hall. He didn't know what reaction he could have expected after revealing his new status as a devil but this was too lukewarm for his taste.
Where's the drama? The inner party conflict? The ethical and moral debate of letting a devil stay in the group? The opportunity for character development?
All brushed aside because the blue haired idiot can't be bothered to be mindful of his needs. The only thing left for him was to start early with the arduous task of getting the guild lady off his back by hunting monsters in the deepest of winter.
"Where are you going Kazuma?"
A single tear rolled down his cheek. "Changing into my old boring tracksuit and searching a tailor that is willing to fix this outfit for my last money. Afterwards, I will be busy hunting monsters on my own and use the time to plot my revenge against a useless goddess that brings me nothing but headaches whenever she opens her big mouth!"
"You are such a joker sometimes Kazuma! Kazuma?"
"You will never see it coming…"
"KAZUMAAAA!"
