The mood among the adventurers of Axel was at an all-time low. As arranged by the guild, almost every able-bodied person with an adventure card had gathered just outside the city gates to wait for the inevitable confrontation.
"Kazuma Satou? Has anybody seen Kazuma?" Even the guild-lady Luna had joined the ranks of defenders, still running around frantically asking every person if they knew where a certain newbie adventurer could be found.
"Kazuma? We went to that shop together. He said something about looking for his archwizard!"
Luna swung around to the adventurer, who was getting bodyshots and scoldings from nearby guys for mentioning their safe-haven in front of so many female adventurers. "Then he should have heard the announcement! Where is he?!"
Megumin stood apart from the big group of people with Aqua, who sat beside her on the grass and stared nervously into the wide open field surrounding Axel. "Where are Kazuma and Darkness? Hey Megumin, do you think they skipped town after the announcement? I would have if the mean guild-lady hadn't caught me!"
"Kazuma wouldn't run without dragging us with him and Darkness loves getting in unnecessary danger. They will come, I'm sure of it!
As if to punctuate her sentence, the mumbling of the crowd was silenced by the sound of heavy tremors, each of them a step of the massive fortress. It was now close enough to hear and every adventurer present felt the dread.
"There it is! It's coming out of the canyon!" cried an adventurer using Farsight from atop the town wall, pointing towards the south. The people of this world called the Destroyer a mobile fortress, but whoever survived a confrontation with the ancient weapon described it as a giant metal spider.
Several stories high and impervious to attacks due to a magic shield, every place the Destroyer appeared was doomed to become a barren wasteland. As such, their plan to hit it with all they got and hope for the best didn't inspire any confidence in those involved.
Until they noticed something weird.
"Doesn't it look like as if the Destroyer is running from something? Look, it almost fell over its own legs!"
Out of nowhere, a flashing blue light smashed into the magic shield from the fleeing fortress. The impact could be felt all the way to town and the massive machine tumbled. Relentless follow-up attacks at lightning speed pushed the ancient weapon away from the city, still protected by its shield but getting handled like a misbehaving puppy with a rolled-up newspaper.
The adventurers of Axel watched slack jawed as the mighty engine of destruction finally lost balance and fell on its back. Eight limbs moved uselessly in the air while the light kept hammering against the shield. After several minutes the attacks stopped with the Destroyer still unable to get up but not much worse for wear.
The constant flickering and hopping reminded the adventurers of an angry blue firefly until the light vanished all together.
Only to reappear amidst the group of spectators.
"See Darkness, that's how you hit an enemy with that thing! It's not that hard! Would you stop drooling on my coat!?"
"Gng… to be treated like a piece of worthless luggage… fu... fu!"
Kazuma Satou had arrived, one arm occupied with carrying Darkness by the waist and the other holding the bent and chipped sword of the panting crusader. Striking a fortress-sized mechanical spider repeatedly had left a mark on the two-handed weapon.
"Has anyone here the ability to get through the shield of that thing? Otherwise, this will take forever!"
That statement was partly true. It would take forever in his human form and Kazuma wasn't keen on transforming into a raging demon in front of every adventurer in Axel. With that option falling under the table, he either had to chip away at the machine in a long battle of attrition or hope for the appearance of another solution.
"Kazuma?" Megumin approached him from behind and tugged on his coat for attention. She was holding a long package wrapped in blue paper and offered it to him. "This is for you!"
Kazuma eyed the gift. "You're not trying to prank me, are you? You didn't sell my sword and giftwrap a stick for laughs?"
The archwizard turned red and puffed her cheeks. "I'm not a childish idiot! Open it to see yourself!"
Kazuma put the damaged sword of Darkness in the ground to free his hand and took the package. A quick tear at the paper unveiled his katana, still looking like he remembered it. He unsheathed the sword and looked at the blade to see it shine brilliantly under the sunlight.
"I went to a weapon shop to get your sword sharpened and polished as a surprise for saving me. Sorry for taking it without asking, but I wanted to surprise you."
Her gesture touched Kazuma on a deep level. It felt like an eternity since somebody had done anything nice for him, let alone a girl as cute as Megumin. "I'm wasn't really mad at you. Next time, just ask me before you do something with my sword."
"Chunchunmaru!"
"What?" The warm tingles in his chest and stomach turned to ice.
"It's name is Chunchunmaru! The sword was already in perfect condition and the weapon shop couldn't do much, so I had spare money to name it for you with a branding."
Turning the sword in his hand confirmed her claim. The katana had big black lettering across the hilt which read the name Megumin just said.
"Isn't it cool? After today, everybody will know the name of the almighty sword Chunchunmaru!"
The smiling Kazuma tensed up to the point of shaking and tightened his grip on the blonde woman under his arm. During the whole exchange, they had completely forgotten about Darkness and the young man had yet to let go of her quivering form.
"Hng… being groped so roughly without my armor… can't breathe… Kazuma, you brute!"
A sudden electrical hum in the air stopped Kazuma from giving his pervy crusader some choice words about the right time and place for her freaky preferences. A quick use of his farsight revealed the source.
"The Destroyer is attacking! Take cover!"
Even lying on its back, the aim of the Destroyer was impeccable, firing a wave of fiery death towards the city from the head-mounted cannon. Kazuma dropped Darkness and jumped towards the attack with the intention of shielding everyone behind him. Two swords in hand, he spun them like the blades of a fan and took the full brunt to deflect the massive output of energy.
"That's so cool! Show that thing what Chunchunmaru is capable of! Nobody can compete with Chunchunmaru!"
"She means well. Don't hit her! She definetly deserves it but don't hit her!" Kazuma recited as mantra over and over again, until the laser was completely negated. Chunchunmaru survived the ordeal unscathed, but the sword of Darkness had melted like ice in the sunshine with only the hilt remaining in his hand.
After regaining his composure, he turned to the gawking crowd. "Let me ask again… does anybody have a plan to get through the shield of that stupid thing?"
Aqua raised her hand to the surprise of everyone. "My Sacred Spell Break might do it. Should I try, Kazuma?"
"I'm impressed by your initiative!" He patted her head like a proud parent. "Fail or success, It's nice to see you try to pull your weight for once!"
"Getting praised like a child doesn't make me happy! I want real praise!"
"You get all the praise you want when you actually accomplished something, useless goddess!"
"I will show you who's useless!" She trudged away in a huff, before stopping after a few steps. "Hey Kazuma, are you free after this?"
The sudden shift from angry to shy freaked Kazuma out. In all their time together, Aqua had never shown any quality that could have been considered as cute, which made it possible for him to sleep in the same stable as her. The blue-haired girl asking him out was a completely different beast, making him nervous with her hopeful expression.
It was like seeing a monkey in a tutu. Not impossible but highly unlikely and thus he had no strategy to approach it.
"I guess? Why?" Kazuma replied, feeling as if a vessel popped in his brain as Aqua blushed in response.
"No reason… we just... haven't hung out for a while. See you later!"
Aqua left, happily skipping with every step and humming an upbeat tune
"W… What was that? Kazuma, I'm getting goosebumps!?"
"I'm also getting cold shivers, and it's not the kind I enjoy…"
His archwizard and crusader put precisely into words how Kazuma felt about the situation. He also didn't appreciate the two of them suddenly huddling up and whispering to each other. Fortunately, he had a walking weapon of mass destruction to distract the destructive one of the pair.
"Megumin, I'm counting on your magic when the shield goes down!"
"Kazuma… I don't think even my explosion magic can take it down in a single blow."
Today seemed to be opposite day. Firstly, Aqua behaved like a decent, dateable human being and now Megumin had doubts about her explosion magic?
"I know explosion magic as well. Would that help?" Wiz the shopkeeper and secret lich, pushed herself through the crowd of adventurers. They all reacted with elation and great cheer to her arrival, praising the good fortune of having the former Ice Witch on their side. As already powerful archwizard in her former life and becoming several times stronger than that as undead, they had added substantial to their available firepower.
The prospect of a double cast also instantly reversed the forlorn mood of Megumin and the world was right again.
"Wiz, please walk the path of explosion with me!"
"Sure?"
KONOSUBA!
Aqua took point on top of the town gate, ready to fire her spell-breaking miracle at the Destroyer. Wiz and Megumin stood on separate watchtowers with the order to cast their magic when the shield went down. Kazuma gave the signal as soon as it had steadied itself and turned towards the town.
"Sacred Spell Break!" Aqua yelled and fired a massive ray of spell-ending death at the machine that impressed everybody to Kazuma's annoyance. Their archpriest could be genuinely impressive if she wanted to be, which only emphasized her laziness by doing something competent so rarely that he could count the examples on one hand.
Maybe his words had gotten through to her.
"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark…"
The familiar chant of the explosion spell rang through the air in stereo as Megumin and Wiz prepared to obliterate the approaching enemy. The loss of its shield didn't discourage the moving fortress from advancing and they finished just in time to unleash a detonation twice as powerful, leaving a smoking heap of metal behind.
As explosion connoisseur himself he had to give the finishing blow full points. "Pretty straightforward solution at the end. Blowing the bad thing up always works."
DUE TO EXTREME DAMAGE, THE SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE WILL NOW INITIATE.
ALL CREW, PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. ALL CREW, PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY.
Panic broke out among the adventurers after hearing the message replay over and over again from the wrecked Destroyer. People ran as fast as they could in the opposite direction although Kazuma figured nobody would be fast enough to survive an explosion of a machine that big.
Despite that, he couldn't say he was surprised about that outcome. "It's my own fault for getting careless with words. Declaring victory before confirming the outcome is a tired cliche. My old gamer self would scold me harshly for such a rookie mistake."
He disappeared in a flash of light.
"The damn HikiNEET is ditching us!"
"No Aqua, look over there! He's on top of the fortress and is going in!"
The Destroyer stopped playing it's self-destruction message, shutting down as all of the spider eyes turned from red to black. Kazuma reappeared among his party members, sheathing his sword and sitting down.
"There was a big red core in the center. I figured it was the power source, so I threw it in a portal made by my sword. That should take care of things for good." Kazuma said with a confident smile to his party which dropped as soon as he was done speaking. "Son of a… I did it again! What is wrong with me today for triggering flags?"
Every piece of glass on the Destroyer broke with hot steam bursting out.
"It's internal heat is escaping! At this rate, the city will become a sea of flames!"
"Yeah Wiz, I noticed."
Options were running low at this point. Wiz and Megumin had no power left to blast the thing a second time, which meant they either needed a way to refill their batteries or find a third magic user with explosive magic. Only one person in Axel came to mind and Kazuma really didn't like the thought.
"Megumin, do you remember the talk about explosion magic after our first quest together?"
The addressed girl looked up to him from her lying position on the ground with a scared expression. "Oh no, has Kazuma given up and chose to use his last moments to wallow in memories? Is your whole life flashing before your eyes?"
He crouched down beside her and looked at the scorching piece of metal in the distance with a serene expression. "On that day, you offered to teach me explosion magic. Is that offer still valid?"
"You want to…" Megumin couldn't finish the sentence, gasping as he took out his adventurer card.
"I have the points for the skill, but it would be rude to learn explosion magic without asking for your approval. You won't be mad like Aqua when I tried to make her teach me healing magic? There won't be any bad feelings when I learn your signature skill?"
Tears of joy wasn't something Kazuma had prepared for as a reaction. "None whatsoever! Kazuma learning explosion magic would make me very happy..."
His finger ran over the entry in the menu to confirm the skill allocation, then he used the same finger to point in the general direction of the Destroyer.
"Explosion."
The thing exploded, leaving nothing but scrap metal. A pretty anticlimactic end for a boss, but Kazuma knew better than voicing his opinion and tempting fate a third time .
Megumin had no such misgivings to make her displeasure known. "Zero points! You did your explosion without chant while sitting down! What kind of watered down explosion magic was that? How could you disappoint the hopes of a pure maiden!?"
"I couldn't think of anything on the fly. I thought going for the 'you aren't even worth my effort' style would be cool!"
Megumin kept complaining as he picked her off the ground and all the way into town. "This won't do! My crimson demon soul won't allow it! A man who walks the path of explosion with me needs to embrace it with his full heart! I will teach you everything as my pupil!"
"Does your curriculum contain lessons about falling face first without eating dirt?"
"It's a skill, don't laugh about it!"
KONOSUBA!
The pulsating migraines and his serious case of dry cottonmouth were a pretty good measuring stick for the magnitude of a party.
Kazuma's new devil powers didn't help him against the effects of ingesting copious amounts of alcohol into his body. Memory wasn't any better either, the events of yesterday's celebration just a blurry fog of roaring debauchery and merriment.
A lot of drinking experience had been accumulated since coming to this world, especially from his early beginnings as a laborer, but he could feel the last night had topped anything prior.
Most of all from the feeling of a warm body pressed against him under the sheets.
"Mmmh, good morning my little sheep. Ready to face a new day with your Aqua-sama?"
The goddess propped up on her elbow beside him cleared the cobwebs in his head. Quick flashes of images went through his mind, reconstructing the events that led Kazuma to share a bed with a serene smiling Aqua.
They had started at the guild hall, drinking with all the other adventurers until the staff kicked them out. He couldn't recall any scenes with Darkness and Megumin after that, so Kazuma assumed the two had gone home.
For Aqua and him, that was considered a warm-up. The blue-haired archpriest may be irritating but she was the greatest drinking buddy a guy could ask for in a woman. The next scene in his head showed them both bar hopping and meet up with colleagues from their times as laborers.
Somewhere around bar number five they danced on the tables wearing no clothes.
At bar nine they were dancing wearing each other's clothes.
In his humble opinion, he made a good figure in a skirt.
A headache flashed his memories forward to him holding Aqua's hair while she projectile-vomited rainbows. They supported each other walking through the streets and Aqua had led him somewhere through a secluded alley.
Kazuma's recollection got weird after that with a sudden background shift to a church, pale moonlight coming through the stained glass window as Aqua's face approached him, wearing a cute smile.
Then suddenly nothing. The last piece of the evening was missing.
A huge wave of nausea washed over him as Aqua presented a piece of paper with his signature. "I'm so excited Kazuma signed a contract to join my flock of believers! Consider it your first step in devil rehab! Eris will be so jealous!"
She put a pin with the symbol of the Axis church on his shirt. Kazuma stared at her happy face, picked up a bottle from the nightstand and began chugging its content.
"Ah, that's my wine! Kazuma you fiend!"
