The anxiety of Kazuma Satou had reached new heights and wouldn't calm down. He could see the outlines of their destination in the distance, the city Arcanretia, a landmark famous for its countless hot springs and medicinal baths.
And apparently the headquarters of the axis cult.
Kazuma didn't know what to expect from a city that worshipped Aqua of all goddesses, but whatever this place had in petto for him wouldn't be anything to counter his spiraling stress level. While he couldn't sleep at all last night due to reaching first base with a person that didn't even register as a woman on his radar before, said woman happily slumbered until morning as if nothing had happened.
She still had chosen the sleeping bag right beside him though.
The restless night had given him a lot of time to think and come to two conclusions while staring at her sleeping face. Aqua was an incredibly cute girl and he dreaded what this realization would mean for him moving forward. The perception towards her had permanently changed from useless goddess, to useless goddess with a smoking hot body and blinding smile.
Should Aqua become aware of his new weakness towards her charms, Kazuma had no doubt she would use them against him without hesitation.
Luckily, he knew how to force a fake persona in public. Before he had given up on fitting in society all together and became a NEET, he had found ways to act inconspicuously among people he couldn't avoid. A battle plan similar to the version he had devised for Yunyun, just with another goal in mind.
It didn't help that Aqua was unusually quiet as well. Somehow the visit to this town was part of her plan since she was the one suggesting this place for a vacation. The way yesterday went left much for interpretation and there had been no declaration of love or a word she even liked him. She considered him hers and such a statement could mean god-knows-what for a spoiled brat as herself.
Was she looking for a servant? A pet? Or maybe really a genuine boyfriend?
Part of him was upset for thinking so deeply about it. The whole situation would be all the more humiliating when they finally arrived and she proclaimed it was one huge prank. Either that, or she might shove him in a pool full of holy water when he didn't pay attention.
Those and other grim thoughts kept his expression stony and mood unreadable during the remaining trip.
"Kazuma, we are almost there."
"Yes Aqua, I can see that."
It was the first words they had spoken to each other since yesterday, so naturally he was cautious and watched her like a hawk. On the surface she seemed like the usual bubbly airhead, unaware of the new tension between them.
"What's wrong with you two?" Megumin asked with a raised eyebrow as she saw the intense standoff. "You have been acting weird all day."
"Nonsense, everything is fine."
Yunyun touched Kazuma's arm in concern. "Kazu, you are tense enough to visibly shake."
Not to be outdone by her rival, Megumin took his other arm. The young man would have appreciated the gesture at every other time than now. Why were his companions only this perceptive when he didn't want them to be?
"Maybe it's because of the large welcoming committee." Darkness looked out of the window and pointed at the crowd blocking the town gate.
There had to be at least several hundred, stopping every traveler for a checkup. Waggon after waggon before them were granted passage into the city, until it was their turn and the mass of people closed the passageway and surrounded the horse carriage. Before he could react, Aqua burst into action and climbed on top of the roof through a window.
"Citizens of Arcanretia and devout followers of the axis faith!" Even without seeing her, he could imagine Aqua's honed movement to work a crowd. "Inside this carriage is the person you all have been waiting for!"
Kazuma gripped his armrest hard enough to splinter it to sawdust. "She really sold me out..."
He knew this had been a possible outcome from the start. She was a selfish and egotistical spoiled brat who cared only about herself.
So why did it hurt him so much?
"Let him come out! We want to make sure!" the authoritative voice of an older man commanded and Aqua stomped her feet on the roof.
"Oi stupid HikiNEET! Don't keep them waiting!"
A quick glance outside revealed at least two dozen priests among the people. Together with Aqua, they would be bothersome to deal with in a fight. Most of all the fancy looking man in the front, who made even his underused demon senses tingle.
He had no intention of getting serious and kill a bunch of misguided fanatics. "Stay inside and don't come out no matter what. It's me they want. We meet later at the first inn you find entering town."
Megumin and Yunyun nodded, but Darkness brandished her sword with a snarl. "I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself. I failed you once and won't ever again!"
A flick to the forehead silenced her. "You failed me plenty of times. It's part of your charm. The bumbling bigboobed knight never deterred or discouraged by her own shortcomings."
He deliberately poked her in the chest. "Don't think for a second this is self-sacrifice. I'm a lazy coward who wouldn't know chivalry even if it changed its name to calvary and ran me over."
Darkness didn't show any discomfort from being touched, staring at Kazuma with a steely gaze until finally nodding.
"Should I not come to the inn by nightfall, I want you all to come and rescue my ass."
"We will."
"I will blast anything in my way to cinders!"
"Please be safe Kazu."
With that said and done, Kazuma opened the door of the carriage and stepped out with his head held high. Whatever came next, the young teen wouldn't give the satisfaction of showing weakness in front of strangers. If push came to shove, he would get out of this somehow by sheer dumb luck.
"Faithful followers, I present to you Kazuma Satou!"
Aqua loved being in the limelight.
"He's the one chosen to be my champion, despite being a frugal HikiNEET who only lets his goddess have one bite of his dessert after dinner."
The heavy weight on his chest lifted more and more as she spoke. She wasn't selling him out. The idiot made him come here to make his status official.
"He will spread the word of the axis cult as the highest authority and in doing so, I will overlook his disgusting existence as a virgin shut-in that never had the guts to force himself on his beautiful goddess."
The gifted pin had been a deliberate effort and not a drunken mistake. Under that perspective, her actions from yesterday made a lot more sense.
"I, the forgiving goddess Aqua, have decided to grant this vile pervert with no cute traits whatsoever my blessing and anoint him as my one true representative of this world."
Her bold announcement received stunned silence.
"Mommy, who is the weird lady?"
"Don't point sweetie, the goddess Aqua loves all of her followers, even the delusional ones."
Aqua took a hefty mental blow from that exchange and the fancy middle aged priest used the opportunity to step forward. "I am Zesta, high priest of the axis cult and humble servant of goddess Aqua."
It was the same person who gave Kazuma chills earlier. This unassuming brown-haired man with a goatee and moustache was most likely one of the most devoted followers of Aqua and thus either crazy or otherwise damaged in the head somehow.
Thus far, he seemed rather pleasant. "Listen, we know who he claims to be. Our spies at the eris cult told us everything. All we want to do is confirm if this man is the real deal by testing if he embodies the core values of our faith."
Kazuma bit his tongue to stop himself from saying how he never claimed to be anything.
"And if I don't?"
The fanatic twinkle in the eye of the high priest confirmed Kazuma's suspicion about his mental state. "Then we will sentence you as blasphemous heretic and grant you a swift demise."
The sudden grasp on his arm came so unexpectedly it almost scared him into drawing his sword. Aqua had come down from the carriage and joined him without noticing. All of the earlier bravado and glee was gone as she clung to him like a lifeline. "This isn't as fun as I imagined. Maybe we should find another spot for our vacation?"
"Do you actually believe they would let me go at this point?" Kazuma laughed at her childlike mood swings. "What did you think would happen when you proclaim me as the new pope of your religion?"
"I didn't want this…"
"Just… get back to the others and stay out of trouble. You aren't any help to me."
The sound out of Aqua's mouth made his heart stop. He was used to screaming, whining, wailing and dozens of other ways the goddess voiced her displeasure. The simplicity of a quiet sob and a trembling body with tears welling in her eyes proved to be effective. She usually ugly cried like a hysteric drunk, but this quiet display of sadness made his insides feel all gooey.
"Hey, none of that you hear me? Stop it right this instant!" Kazuma used one hand to flick her forehead and the other to take her by the arm, pulling the girl towards the city and the waiting crowd. "Zesta lead the way, let's get this over with!"
The benevolent look had returned to Zesta's eyes. "We prepared everything necessary at the axis main church."
The procession went through town without further discussion. Only two words were spoken from the goddess he held hands with, but to him they might as well have pierced his eardrum with their clarity.
"You care.."
Kazuma's blood turned to ice as he desperately hoped she wouldn't notice how clammy his hands had become. Fear kept him from looking at her face while they were escorted by the priests, believing he would see the usual and infuriatingly smug expression.
Sadly, this prevented him from witnessing a spellbound goddess, following him in a daze like a puppy.
KONOSUBA!
"One-hundred points. A perfect score."
The test to determine his faith turned out to be a written exam, a bit anticlimactic after all the excitement but he wouldn't complain. Kazuma sat at a table prepared on the stage of the great axis church, surrounded by an attendance of at least a thousand people to evaluate his performance. He had blasted through all the questions with enough ease to already be considered on a level of a high-ranking priest.
The last part was an oral exam by the high priest himself.
"What is the most important commandment of the axis order?" Zesta asked him with a smug smile.
Kazuma mirrored the look. "That's a trick question. A ranking of the commandments would require extensive effort on a philosophical level with no real benefit since you have to abide by all of them anyway. Let alone the fact such an effort would completely contradict commandment sixteen."
The smile on Zesta's face vanished. "Which is?"
"Unnecessary work brings unnecessary headaches. Find pride in avoiding hardships."
The extensive knowledge of the axis faith so far impressed everyone present, most of all Aqua, who stared speechless at his bored face.
"Did you think I wouldn't make myself familiar with the religion of the goddess in my party?"
And somehow he still had managed to overlook this town as the headquarter. All religious text he had found about the axis church mirrored the people who wrote them, an amalgamation of weird ideas about freedom and rejection of responsibility. Half of them amounted to poorly veiled potshots against other beliefs and pointless bragging.
Kazuma didn't want to think about why he had taken to their teachings so easily and what it said about him as a human being."This is pointless. We could sit here all day but all it really proves is how good my memorization skills are."
High priest Zesta nodded."What do you propose we do to settle the matter?"
Kazuma had long since realized the underlying root of the problem. Should he manage to get out of this mess by the skin of his teeth as usual, nothing would really change in the long run. All he had done since coming to this world was blundering from one dicey situation to the next without any opportunity to defend against it.
Hiding or ignoring didn't work so far, and solving the current issue only ever gave him a small moment of respite until the inevitable next one. Getting proactive like a main character went against anything he believed to be true and good in life, but things had to change for the sake of his sanity.
First point of order would be the obvious devil problem.
"Judge my character after you heard my improvement to an established commandment."
The proclamation had the expected big effect on the group of devout believers. Divine rules are as absolute in this world as in his old one. Insinuating they could be improved would be considered heresy, although Zesta seemed to be intrigued by his words.
"I'm listening. What commandment are we talking about?"
"Fourteen." If the mere notion of changing a commandment wasn't enough, choosing this one in particular took the cake. "The axis faith teaches forgiveness in all things. Whether you're a lolicon, a NEET, or a questionable fan of animal-eared girls, if you have love in your heart, and don't break the law, all will be forgiven."
"You left out the part about not involving yourself with undead and demons."
"Exactly."
The implication of his words sunk in and the mood dropped below zero. Aqua became petrified from shock in the face of this stupidity. Kazuma was supposed to be the smart one in their party, so why did he think promoting collaboration with undead and demons could garner any favors here?
Has he finally snapped and lost his mind?
"From your horrified expressions I gather you are unconvinced."
"Of course we are!" Zesta became outraged. "Why would we allow such a change?"
"It's the natural progression of our faith if you think about it. How can we as an order preach about absolution and second chances if we deny those who need it most? Whose souls need saving more than demons and undead?"
Face-to-face with the furious crowd, Kazuma kept his cool.
"How can we speak of tolerance and freedom if we enforce a practise which demands violence against those more unfortunate than us? Why not reach out to those who are willing to change?"
Zesta stopped his speech. "There is no such thing like pious demons and undead!"
"I see we are going in circles, your eminence." The icy atmosphere from earlier turned hotter by the second. Despite that, Kazuma seemed almost bored with the situation. "Let me put it in the simplest of words to disprove your claim."
Kazuma mouthed to Aqua quiet enough for only her to hear. "If this goes sideways, either stay close to me and never look back or stay here and forget about me."
Aqua silently shook her head with tears in her eyes from this sudden ultimatum. He stopped dancing around the issue and put it in clear terms; stand with Kazuma or throw him to the wolves.
Whichever happened, the status quo was officially dead.
"I, Satou Kazuma, am a devil."
Every stained-glass window in the church shattered at the same time as to punctuate his sentence, showering the people inside with colorful glass. Up there blocking the sunlight from coming in, bat-winged woman in revealing clothing stared down at the stunned axis cultists with disdain. The succubi of Axel had followed their master into the lion's den.
"Master, we are here to lend our support!" Lolibus roared as battlecry and flew between Kazuma and Zesta, readying a battle stance against the high priest. Their attempt of saving him was appreciated and touched him deeply, regardless of the pointlessness.
A group of thirty low level demons without much fighting capacity against twice as many priests and hundreds of fanatic cultits?
Kazuma could work with this in other ways than fighting. In fact, those succubi are perfectly suitable to bring his point across. "May I introduce you to the prime examples for my argument? These lovely ladies have integrated successfully into society and provide an important service to humanity at large."
A sea of angry faces stared back at him.
"Life-like erotic dreams about anything you want."
A noticeable portion changed from furious to curious.
"With whoever you want."
All but a handful with Zesta as their leader remained grim, so Kazuma played his last card.
"As whatever you want. Care to give it a try?" Kazuma asked, unable to hide the glee in his voice from the multitude of nose bleeding cultists in front of him. The last angry expressions broke and he got them all hooked.
Time to reel them in.
Lolibus wasn't sharing his enthusiasm. "Master, I don't know if we should provide these people with our service. Axis cult members are known to be crazy even among demons."
The succubi were hesitant to mingle with the axis cult. In order to convince them, he had to offer them something. Unfortunately, all Kazuma could offer was himself. Fortunately, he was exactly what they all wanted.
"Should you grant me this request, I will fully accept my role as your master."
"All of it?"
"Within reason, of course. I have no interest in becoming a father in my teens."
The succubi grinned like cheshire cats and prepared to spread out to every axis cult member willing to sign a dream form, only to be stopped by an angry Aqua brandishing her staff. The last line of opposition against his idea was the deity herself.
"Followers of the axis faith!" He would take a page out of Aqua's book in terms of theatrics. "I know the girl doesn't look or act like a divine being, but rest assured she is the real goddess Aqua in the flesh!"
The crowd sighed in unison. "Yeah, we know."
"What's with the lukewarm reaction to my exalted presence?!"
Kazuma couldn't say he blamed the axis church for being a bit underwhelmed about their goddess. It didn't happen every day that your deity visited and turned out to be a spoiled brat. The lack of people renouncing their faith right then and there, spoke volumes about their devotion to the blue-haired menace.
He kneeled in front of her. "It's your cult and followers, so ultimately, you decide the course of action. Care to give this a try?"
Trusting Aqua was a dangerous gamble, which he couldn't avoid to his great displeasure. The cooperation of a goddess would go a long way to make his life a lot easier. Kazuma prayed for a spark of reason and decency in her amazing body.
"Would my approval make you happy?"
"I would really appreciate your help in getting these religious fanatics off my back." Kazuma answered evenly to control his emotions. The truth enchantment might force him to always answer honestly, but there was more than one way not to tell a lie.
He just had to avoid the dangerous questions.
"Hmpf, you better not mess this up HikiNEET." The bite in Aqua's words wasn't matched by her gentle tone and smiling face, before turning to her beloved most faithful."Followers of the axis cult, a new dawn has come for all of us! From this day forward, our flock of faithful will be the first to extend our hands in reconciliation to our damned neighbours. We will show the eris cult how much more noble, kind and humble our faith is compared to their meager efforts!"
"What about the demons who won't accept our olive branch?"
Kazuma and Aqua answered Zesta in turn with a deadpan expression.
"Sucks to be them, I guess."
"Yeah, obviously."
The dumbfounded crowd turned their attention to the sound of opening church doors. In the entrance stood a muscular man with red hair and goatee, his eyes solely fixed on Kazuma with a smile.
"That's an interesting offer. Where would I sign?"
Kazuma smiled back. "I'm sure somebody can whip a form real quick. What can we put in the name field?"
"Just Hans is fine."
