"Where the hell is he? This trip was his idea and now he's ditching us?"

Aqua only got half hearted agreement from the rest of the group. They knew why Kazuma had fled and couldn't blame him after severely underestimating the potency of a succubus dream. It sounded like a fun idea to fulfill your fantasies from the secure confines of harmless dreams. What they didn't tell you is how intensely the experience affects your body without any conscious way to stop it.

Cue a room with sex fumes so thick it absorbed into the carpet and wallpapers. After waking up, the blushing girls used most of the morning to scrub, wash and cleanse the evidence of their debauchery, burning all of the bedding in the process. Worst of all, every single one of them had liked what they had seen and didn't want to live without it anymore. This meant either dropping a lot of cash in regular dream service or fighting for the real deal against three other competitors.

At this point nobody felt the need to deny what this was all about.

They wanted Kazuma and nobody was inclined to share.

There was another problem besides the competition. The realization how much they liked their party leader was in equal parts freeing and scary. Loving a man like Kazuma Satou would be a herculean task on its own, countering his many faults and shortcoming to form a functioning relationship.

Despite that, each of them caught their minds thinking about a possible future together with fondness.

"Why are you all looking so serious? I woke up this morning bursting with energy!" ++ "Let's have the HikiNEET treat us to something nice once we find him!"

As usual, Aqua was the most oblivious and nonchalant in handling the situation. Darkness felt once again the bitter sting of envy from watching the self-proclaimed goddess act without a care in the world. The crusader wished she could be as selfish as her, forgetting responsibilities and only living for your own happiness.

Their party leader was similar in a way, always thinking about himself first and thus making any form of selfless action when it happened so much more meaningful. If Kazuma Satou decided to help you, he really cared about your wellbeing. A perfect case in point was the demonic two-handed sword on her back and the red trench coat she was wearing.

The magical weapon named Rebellion tailor-made to her needs was one thing, but despite his denial, the red piece of clothing had a charm as well. Her visit at home had been spent identifying every inch of her new equipment and the moment she discovered the exact nature of the clothing, her heart was set to become the woman of this man.

The red leather coat had one obvious ability in making her senses sharper as addition to the agility and accuracy boost from the sword. At first Darkness had thought this was just another layer of defense, until she received a hit for the first time in her new outfit.

Touch was a sense as well and the magic didn't differentiate between good and bad touch, which meant every type of pain she felt was amplified as well. After learning about this, the crusader didn't want to take off this wondrous item under any circumstance. She almost wore it yesterday to sleep, but decided against it out of embarrassment. Wearing nothing but the gift of a man you fantasize about during a succubus dream was a line she couldn't quite cross yet, but every day her inhibitions lessened and the yearning intensified.

Most of all since she had found out about the biggest secret of her gift.

A last enchantment, only unveiled by severe study from multiple experts in the capital and the most intricate. The coat might had no real defensive abilities to prevent damage, but inhabited a very powerful safeguard against dying. Kazuma's item recognizes wounds that would end your life and counteracts with a combination of two spells, a very powerful healing magic and a teleport rune which transports the user to a secure location.

While wearing this thing, Darkness could indulge in her masochistic nature with no fear of actual death. This also meant her blunder with Vanir was so much more egregious. Getting possessed had been one of the only ways to circumvent all his efforts to protect her, which made his displeasure so much more relatable.

Otherwise, it was the perfect gift for a hopeless woman like herself and the final nudge to tell her father she found a husband. A hasty decision she had regretted immediately, because he was now chomping at the bit to meet his future son-in-law. Ironically, Darkness saw herself more and more in last place for this race.

Maybe visiting her home next would close the widening gap?


KONOSUBA!


The beauty of Arcanretia astonished Eris every time she visited for a mission. Her fellow goddess Aqua may not follow the most righteous path in most cases, but her believers were the most dedicated people amongst any religion. The zealousness of the axis cult made them a household name in spite of their small numbers.

She would see it soon enough if this damn line would move already. The teleport stations were unusually crowded lately due to the complete defeat of the evil army. People stopped holing up in the major cities out of fear and went on trips and vacations to celebrate, which put a lot of strain on the transportation systems.

Under different circumstances, Eris would be celebrating as hard as any of them. The thought of a devil king beaten back to the point of irrelevance should be enough to make all of heaven dance with joy, if it weren't for the circumstances under which it had happened.

Hell had done it.

Easily.

After centuries of struggle, one small loophole in the rules had been enough to make it all pointless. The bigshots on cloud nine weren't happy about looking stupid in front of their mortal enemies. Most of that anger was them not thinking of doing it themselves earlier.

"Are you sure about this Chris?"

Eris glanced at her companion waiting with her for their turn to be teleported. Mitsurugi Kyouya, the hero from another world, didn't need much convincing to accompany the goddess in thief disguise.

One word about Aqua and the guy was hooked.

"My sources have never failed me. Kazuma and his party left for Arcanretia via carriage and should have arrived by now."

The next set of people was teleported away and Mitsurugi became noticeably more antsy. "Why wouldn't they use a teleport station like us?"

Eris suppressed an eye roll. Mitsurugi Kyouya was everything a hero should be, but he severely lacked the knowledge of how the real world worked due to his status. Money never was a problem for somebody who could swing his magical blade in the general direction of a monster to get paid.

Kazuma was an anomaly among the heroes from another world and therefore harder to predict. Maybe they didn't have the funds or were simply too frugal to pay for the expensive magical travel. The travel itself could be part of a plan she didn't fully grasp. Or they simply forgot the possibility was available.

Whatever the reason, Chris would soon know after stepping into the magical teleport circle.

"Two people to Arcanretia?" asked the old wizard manning the station.

"Straight to the town square please."

"That will cost extra."

Eris grabbed her coin pouch to pay but an armored hand stopped her. "Let me take care of this."

The goddess had the inexplicable urge to punch this guy in the face while he paid for her ticket. No matter how genuinely nice he was, Mitsurugi had the uncanny talent of making it involuntarily look condescending and obtrusive.

His behaviour was just too nice to be believable.

Nonetheless, Eris was glad to have his help. She didn't even have to reveal her true identity to convince him. The young man revered Aqua to a fault and Eris felt a little bad for manipulating him into helping with dangling her senpai like a carrot in front of him.

"Don't forget the plan. We try to be rational and reasonable with him before taking more drastic steps."

"I still can't believe he would make a deal with a devil. Kazuma always looked like the regular but harmless kind of scumbag to me."

Eris agreed wholeheartedly as they teleported away. Kazuma wasn't evil, just misguided, which became harder every day to justify with her superiors and it wouldn't get easier if the first glance at the new face of Arcanretia was any indication.

Eris couldn't remember ever seeing goblins drinking coffee in her favorite cafe at the town square.

"Monsters!" Mitsurugi yelled and the two goblins got scared from the armored man pointing his finger at them, trying to hide under the table in the face of the approaching hero.

One of the waiters blocked his way to the cowering goblins. "Sir, we would prefer if you don't threaten our customers and use demeaning slurs against them."

"Yeah, rude much?" A young girl from the next table said with agreeing nods from her friends.

The other patrons joined to voice their frustration and brought out Mitsurugi's own. "Don't you all now what these things are?"

"They have names. Nob and Dob became valued citizens of Arcanretia and fellow followers of the axis church."

The goblins nervously showed their holy symbols and membership cards.

The waiter poured them another cup of coffee with a smile before giving the adventurers a suspicious look. "You on the other hand reek of trouble. If you don't have any business here, get lost and stop bothering innocent people."

The frosty reception to their presence was similar all around town. Monsters of all walks of life had somehow integrated over night into the city and all it had taken was for them to join the axis cult. The massive increase of population brought massive expansion. Nobody knew where the money was coming from to essentially jumpstart the construction of two additional districts as massive rings around the city, tripling its total mass to almost rival the capital.

New statues of the goddess Aqua had popped up everywhere, varying in size and materials used. Eris and Mitsurugi sat under the shadow of one such statue, twenty feet tall and made of white marble. Mitsurugi held his head with both hands and stared at the ground. "Why would the axis church allow monsters in their ranks? How could my goddess Aqua allow such a thing?"

"I don't think this was her idea…" Eris said and rubbed her forehead, having a real hard time suppressing her urge to vanquish every demon type monster they came across.

Mitsurugi looked up just in time to see the man they have been looking for all day, Kazuma Satou, the evil mastermind behind this nefarious plot.

Wearing a yellow hardhat and waving a small flag around to guide a group of gnolls. "OK guys and gals, this concludes the official tour of the town. Don't forget to wear your documentation in this transitional period. We know it's tedious but better be safe than sorry when an overzealous adventurer comes into town."

He handed out several brochures to the anthropomorphic animals and gave seconds to those who started gnawing on the paper. "A stable income will be provided after discussing your temporary work assignment. Should any of you have concerns about the assigned task, contact the nearest official from the axis cult for a possible job change."

Eris kept staring dumbfoundedly as the half-devil explained low-level dungeon mobs the ins and outs of modern citizenship.

"According to our new fair labor standards, you have a five day and nine-to-five work week. You have a right to four weeks of paid vacation a year, so feel free to use these days to acclimate to your new home or to recover when necessary."

One click on his inventory and several dozen sacks piled up to his feet. "Your wages will always be paid at the first of the month with this first payment in advance to get the ball rolling. One sack of coins per person, each child counts as well and gets the same share. Any questions?"

One female gnoll shows one of her little pups crawling all over her. "Can I name my firstborn of the litter after you?"

Kazuma went for a pet of the furry bundle of hyena-like cuteness and was rewarded with a mangled hand in his tiny maw. The baby began chewing on his bloody hand under the horrified stares of its mother and the surrounding monsters.

"Sure, you can," he bopped the infant on the nose with his good hand to make it let go and dodged another bite. "Feisty little guy. Very cute though."

The wound was gone at the time he wiped the blood of his hand with a handkerchief. "If nobody else has a question, I thank everybody here for their attention and hope you will enjoy your new life in Arcanretia. May the benevolent goddess Aqua… yada yada and so on… you know the rest."

The atmosphere around the young man gave Eris pause and hesitation to approach him. Something had changed and it had nothing to do with his demonic influence. After watching him interact and talk with the dispersing monsters for another minute she realized the difference.

Kazuma Satou looked genuinely happy.

All the more disappointing was to see how his face fell when he saw her. The goddess couldn't bear to see a mortal look at her with such disdain present in the eyes. Her heroic companion had no such thoughts, given by the confident approach and dramatic introduction.

"You have been busy Kazuma Satou, but your suspicious machinations end now."

Kazuma glanced at the thief and back at the posturing warrior, biting the inside of his cheek and furrowing his brow in deep thought.

Mitsurugi looked crestfallen at the struggling half-devil. "Have you forgotten my name?"

"To be fair we met like once… Mitsubishi?"

"Twice! And it's Mitsurugi! Mitsurugi Kyouya! You pawned my sword!"

"And you got it back. All well that ends well, I guess?"

Kazuma acted eerily too nonplussed by their presence for the goddess's taste. Even if she wasn't registering as a threat to him, Mitsurugi arguably counted as one of the most powerful warriors this world had to offer. Granted, he owed this fact from the magical sword and divine gifts, but the guy should nonetheless invoke more respect than none at all.

Currently, she felt they were more like a nuisance and stepped in between the two guys. "Kazuma, we came to stop you."

"This guy already said that in a more flowery way, and I have to ask you from what exactly are you trying to stop me? I can't see anything reprehensible in my actions."

Eris made a sweeping gesture to take a look all around them. "You call this nothing? Monsters have no place among real people."

Once again, Kazuma realized how brutal this world was under the paper thin sugary paint job. If you are born a certain way, nobody will let you forget where your place should be. A simple roll of the dice meant either you are the chosen hero or a few thousand eris worth of reward money.

He would laugh at anybody who claimed luck was an unnecessary stat.

"Why do you care anyway? You're a damn thief!"

Eris was getting frustrated by Kazuma's stubbornness. She needed him to understand why continuing on this path only would lead to ruin. History always repeats itself and the last person to brazingly tempt fate like that currently sat behind a barrier in his demon castle, moments away from being destroyed once and for all.

She didn't want him to share the same fate.

"I care because I'm also a damn goddess!"

The careful mask of guarded indifference slipped from Kazuma's face. Mitsurugi stood with his hand ready at the sword hilt, waiting for a rash decision from his fellow countryman and hiding his own surprise about this revelation. Instead of flying off the handle, Kazuma was silent, staring at the revealed goddess intently with curiosity as if trying to figure something out.

Then he snapped his fingers in recognition. "I know who you are!"

"Kazuma?" she asked, following his eyes which were glued to a certain part of her body.

"Eris pads her chest…"

"Guh!"

The goddess stumbled backwards and didn't have much opportunity to recover from the soul-crushing burn before a nearby magic circle announced the arrival of four more people to the conversation. Aqua, Darkness, Megumin and Yunyun appeared and they honed in instantly on the only male in their party.

"There he is! I told you the tracking spell would work! Who's now sorry for not diversifying her skillset, huh Megumin?"

"Where else would he go? Don't get smug because you have to compensate for your lack of common sense with magic tricks!"

"Don't pretend you knew! You searched for hours like the rest of us!"

Seeing them all squabble like always brought an involuntary smile to Kazuma's face. He would never admit it out loud, but these girls were the first people he ever gave a shit about. Nobody who spent more than five minutes with any of them would believe him anyway.

Aqua poked him in the chest. "Don't you dare grin like an idiot after leaving us behind!"

Kazuma took the hand and pulled her towards the baffled swordsman and very nervous thief. "Aqua, could you tell your coworker to stay out of my business?"

"Huh?" the archpriest looked her fellow goddess right in the face and examined every inch. Aqua's brows furrowed in confusion, until her eyes wandered down and she poked the thief in the flat chest.

"Eris?"

"You all recognize me over something stupid like that? What is wrong with you?"

Aqua hugged the crying Eris and patted her head condescendingly. "Only you can get so embarrassed over your lacking assets! Are you here to ask for guidance from a superior goddess? Did you buckle under my enormous workload and want to beg for my return?"

"I'm here to stop your companion from messing up this world! Look around what he has done to your city!"

Compelled to do so, Aqua bothered to take in how her city had changed since her last visit.

She saw monsters and demons walking among her people, wearing clear symbols to identify them to the axis faith.

She saw her city was in progress to become at least three times bigger than it had been before.

She saw her dilapidated churches getting renovated and made more opulent than she ever dared to hope.

She saw people and monsters alike, being happy to be in her city.

She saw the man responsible for it.

Aqua also saw the irritating guy with the magic sword coming towards her. "She's right about this Lady Aqua! You can't seriously want monsters and other evil creatures worshipping a pure and righteous goddess as yourself!"

Laughter rang through the street when Kazuma lost it. "Pure and righteous? What the hell did you tell him when it was his turn to be thrown in here?"

On any other occasion, Aqua would have fired back with an insult, but her mouth had become too dry to stop him.

"You have a very biased opinion of your goddess. Take it from somebody who actually spends most of his time with her that she's not close to anything you just said."

His words hurt. They hurt her so much.

"She's an alcoholic, lazy klutz, who's always getting herself into trouble through unnecessary actions. She lies, cheats and steals for petty reasons with no regard for rules or decency. I would say she's the most infuriating being I've ever come across."

Aqua's dead eyes looked at the ground, her spirit broken to pieces.

Her mind wasn't ready for his next move.

He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close until their hips touched. "But that's just how she is and I wouldn't want her any different at this point. I'm used to my useless goddess."

The closeness gave her the opportunity to take in his unique and intoxicating devil smell and before she knew it, her face was buried in his neck. Aqua put the arm around her waist lower until his fingers grazed her butt through the short skirt. The surprised half-devil flinched back and their eyes met before the goddess guided it back to grab a handful. The world and its problems disappeared for Kazuma as he continued to experience the pillowy softness in his grasp.

The magic sword Gram hit him full force while he had a smile on his face. Kazuma flew against the nearby building with enough force to make the whole thing crumble down on top of him. The dramatic effect would have been greater if the half-devil hadn't looked so bored through the whole flight and kept sighing after being buried under several tons of rubble.

"What are you doing?" Eris stared at the decimated building with dread. "Why are you attacking him out of the blue?"

"I thought the plan was to be more drastic if talking doesn't help! Besides, you saw how he groped a goddess!"

The goddess of luck prepared herself with a sigh for the inevitable confrontation when all of his party members would jump in to avenge the attack on their party leader. Strangely enough, his companions looked less angry and more relieved now that Kazuma had been violently removed from Aqua.

Then, as if suddenly realizing what they were happy about, the two crimson demons raced towards their buried party leader and began digging through the rubble. Darkness hadn't moved a muscle since coming here, staring directly at Eris with an unreadable expression. Their confrontation was another can of worms all together now that her true identity was out.

The other goddess in the mix had no eyes for such trivial matters. Aqua, goddess of water, touched the spot on her butt where Kazuma's hand had been mere seconds ago, the last bit of his warmth dissipating from her skin.

She wanted to savour this feeling.

"Are you alright, Lady Aqua?" Mitsurugi put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and the atmosphere electrified to the point his gauntlet started to melt. Hairs stood on end of every onlooker as her eyes glowed with fury against the puny mortal who dared to interrupt.

Suddenly every synapse of his devil senses screamed at Kazuma to get away as far as possible. Whatever would happen next, he didn't want any of his friends near it, so he burst from the rubble and grabbed Megumin and Yunyun to dive behind cover. Darkness had the presence of mind to do the same with Eris and shield the smaller woman with her body.

Just in time before the calamity.

"GOD BLOW!"

The impact distorted reality itself as soon as the petite fist of Aqua connected with the perfect jawline of Mitsurugi Kyouya. Blinding light enveloped the whole city block until all shapes vanished within an all-encompassing white. It took several seconds before the brightness finally returned to normal and almost a minute before the eyes of the affected could see again.

Through dancing black spots in their eyes, they saw the result of Aqua's outbreak and the tension deflated as everyone looked flabbergasted at the large crater. Dozens of feet wide and kneedeep, Aqua just sat in the hole besides a pair of armored legs.

Only a pair of legs.

Kazuma approached cautiously as the divine fallout prickled on his skin like acid rain. "Just to be sure… you had no idea this would happen, right?"

She shook her head and sat down in the fetal position, head resting on her knees. The magnitude of her attack seemed to have shocked Aqua as much as anybody else, maybe even scared her quite a bit.

He sat next to her on the ground and put an arm around her. "It's not a big deal. You're a goddess so just bring him back."

"Oh right!" Aqua jumped to her feet and brandished her staff, starting the incantation.

Eris walked up to Kazuma and whispered to him. "She can't bring him back. It's against the rules and I'm not up there to turn a blind eye."

Both watched as Aqua cast her magic with baited breath. A moment later the body of Mitsurugi was back, minus his clothes since they had been vaporized in the blast. The eyes of Eris went wide as she saw a noticeable rise and fall of his chest, showcasing working lungs pumping for air.

"Do you ever get tired of being wrong?"

The quip of Kazuma against her competence didn't even register on her mind as she was occupied with processing the monumental implications of this resurrection.

As somebody a lot more dedicated to the law of heaven, Eris had an inkling why her senpai could brute force through every divine limitation. The power of a goddess was directly linked to the faith of their followers and only hampered by the connection to this world. Even though she entered this world with her real body instead of a mortal coil like Eris, the small size of the axis cult had kept the power in balance.

Kazuma had multiplied the number of believers and thus her powers. Powers she could now use without caring about the rules.

A frightening thought.

"Now, why don't you accompany the others to our hotel for a relaxing hot bath and maybe a bottle from the wine cellar?" Kazuma suggested to four very displeased looking girls.

Aqua voiced their thoughts perfectly. "We are still mad at you for ditching us."

"Fine, everyone gets one favor."

The admission of guilt opened the floodgates.

"I want a foot massage! My feet hurt after you made us look for you all day, stupid HikiNEET."

"We haven't been on our explosion walk for ages, and this time you won't get out doing the choreograph with me! Chant and poses!"

"I need a new outfit, matching my new image. Go shopping with me, Kazu. Just the two of us!"

"I want you to meet my father and pretend to be my fiance."

Kazuma raised an eyebrow. "I notice an escalation in complexity here, especially the last one, but it's my fault for forgetting to set limitations. After Aqua's massage, you three figure out the order of the remaining requests."

A loud groan alarmed everybody to the reawakening of a magic swordsman. Kazuma jumped back into the crater and crouched down beside the defeated and very naked young man. "So what's it gonna be? Do you want to continue where we left off?"

Mitsurugi Kyouya kept lying on his back, staring at the sky.

"She killed me because of you."

There was no blame or anger in his voice, just dry stating of an undeniable fact. The guy was weirdly subdued for somebody who just died and had been brought back to life, but Kazuma figured dying could have different effects depending on the person.

"For some ungodly reason, she has chosen you of all people. Make Lady Aqua happy." The swordsman said with an accepting smile and walked into the sunset, his blade shouldered and wearing nothing but his greaves.

Kazuma waited until Mitsurugi was out of earshot. "Even when admitting defeat this guy is annoying. That's a talent."

With her ally gone, Eris considered a tactical retreat and reevaluation of strategy. The apparent infatuation of her superior with Kazuma brought a lot more variables to the table she had to carefully consider before approaching him again.

She made it two steps away before bumping into something tall and hard.

"Do you actually believe I would let you go without a proper resolution for our differences?" Kazuma said while Eris stared upwards into the unamused face of a certain crusader. "Seems like my companion thinks the same way. Darkness, be so kind and show Eris her hotel room."

Darkness stood in front of Eris like a wall. "My dear old friend will stay in my room."

"But, I…"

The armored gauntlet squeezed the thief's shoulder like a vice and dashed any hope of escape. "We have a lot to talk about."