2016

Tree Hill, North Carolina

(The Morning After)

Jake Jagielski could hardly believe it. Suddenly the four lavish walls of the Hilton Hotel were closing in on him. There was a lack of air in the room and he filled a glass with ice water and downed it for the third time in an hour. It still didn't stop the body shakes. It didn't stop what had happened or what he had seen. In fact, just the memory made him want to vomit.

Of all the business trips in the world, he'd had to come back to Tree Hill on that day. He cursed the stupid company he had worked for, wishing he'd just said no or somehow never have gotten on that plane. But he had and so had an unfortunate sequence of events unfolded.

Jake, comfortably located on the eighth floor, the large window gave him a great view of the town he had grown up in. It also looked over the river and off in the distance was the actual River Court. Jake closed his eyes and he could still see he and his friends laughing and playing on it. But that had been a lifetime ago, a precious time when actually all six had been alive. But over the years everything had changed and in the course of one night, everything had suddenly drastically changed forever.

Not even bothering to shower or shave, he fished in his bag and retrieved sneakers, baggy jeans, a tee shirt and a cap to pull low over his head. He dressed quickly, intentionally and desperately avoiding the heap of clothes and shoes he had worn the night before. Before the walls could close in on him, he grabbed his wallet and room key, shoving both in his pocket. He needed to get away, even if only for a few minutes.

On his way out, he looked back at the room he was temporarily leaving behind. The covers were rumpled on the king sized single bed he had tossed and turned in for hours. But he stared at the phone on the nightstand, the same telephone from which a few hours prior, he had made the desperate phone call…

"Come on, come on, come on", he had whispered to himself over and over.

If that stupid answering machine picked up again, he thought he might scream. It was late as hell. Where was she? Where was his wife?

"Hello", she finally mumbled, picking up on the sixth or so ring.

"Peyton!"

"Jake? Where are you? What's wrong?"

His voice and hands trembled.

"I'm in Tree Hill. I'm in my suite at the Hilton."

She could tell from the sound of his voice that her husband was anything but okay.

"What happened?" she asked casually. "What's wrong?"

"Pey, something…something awful has happened."

"Like? Dammitt, Jake, this better be a joke. You're really starting to freak me out here."

"We said we'd all be together forever", he whispered.

"What? Jake, who? What are you talking about? Please just tell me. What is going on?"

"The body…" he mumbled.

Peyton bolted straight up in bed as Jake frantically tried to keep his emotions in check as he explained the situation to his wife. There had been a death, a horrible murder. The victim was someone close to them.

"Oh my God", she whispered in disbelief.

No! It couldn't be true.

"I'm sorry", he said.

Peyton felt her stomach begin to knot. Jake seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In all their time together she had never heard him like that. With a single phone call he had delivered the worst news possible. It had left her reeling, a whirling dervish of anger and sorrow, a profound grief so deep it was unable to process itself into her logic. But with everything that she had felt, everything he had said, Peyton couldn't help but feel something was a little off with Jake.

"Are you okay?" she had asked.

"No. Hell no. I just want to get the hell out of here, out of Tree Hill."

"I can't believe this. I can't believe this is even happening. It can't be real. It has to be a bad dream."

Jake sighed.

"It's no, dream, Pey. It happened. It's real, very real."

A chill tingled down her spine. It was a question no wife should ever have to ask her own husband but Peyton had to know.

"Jake…Jake, tell me the truth. Did you…"

She couldn't even get the words out of her mouth.

His voice turned cold and flat.

"Did I what?"

She could feel herself getting sick.

"Never mind. Look, I can't believe this. I…I don't know what I need to do."

He nodded as he intently listened to his wife's reaction. There was emotion but at the same time, he found her reaction to be odd.

"I tried to call you earlier to tell you. No one answered the house phone and your cell was off."

"Yeah…"

"Where were you, Peyton?"

She seemed stunned at the question, especially knowing where she had in fact been.

"Out. I, um, I had the party and then stuff to do. It, it's no big deal."

"Okay…"

"Are you coming home soon?"

"Soon as I can. I'll keep you posted."

"Alright."

"Peyton, maybe you, we, should hold off on telling the kids. I mean, they're so young. They won't understand this. It's gonna just devastate them."

"It's death, Jake. Loss. It's devastating me right now and I'm sure you feel the same way but I can't keep the truth from the kids. You know how I feel about it. They deserve to know what's going on. I know it's going to hurt, them losing someone that's been such a big part of their lives but we can't hide this."

"Dammitt!" Jake started to dissolve in tears. "I wish this had never happened."

Peyton felt empty inside.

"Me either."

"Look, I have to go."

"Okay."

"I'll call you back and uh, let me know if you hear from the others."

"Yeah. You do the same."

He exhaled and wiped away a tear.

"I love you, Peyton", he finally said.

"Love you, too."

He hadn't slept since. The phone hadn't rang either. Not wanting to miss any calls, Jake looked for his own cell but he couldn't find it. There was no time to look. He needed to leave that goddamned room before he passed out.

Walking down the hall, into the elevator and out the corridor's revolving door, Jake felt like the eyes of the whole world were upon him. He pulled the beat up baseball cap down a little lower, head down and sunglasses on despite the bright sun trying to pierce its way through. He walked slowly and quietly, his mind and heart racing as Water Street intersected with Market. He tried to keep himself from looking but human curiosity got the better of him. His eyes darted to the right. For a split second he still expected to see that lifeless bleeding body sprawled out on the concrete. But it had been removed before sunrise, large crimson stains and yellow police tape, the only clues that something horrific had happened there less than 12 hours before. It was all such a shame. The docks were so much more forgiving in the daylight.

Feeling a tad uneasy, Jake turned and headed towards the center of town. He passed all the shops and landmarks he had grown up around. To some it was a picture perfect sleepy little town. But for Jake it wasn't. Tree Hill had long ago lost its innocence in his eyes. He had experienced the very best of times and the very worst of times there. Looking back was so painful so most of the time he didn't. But with the latest tragedy, he knew he had to face the core of his demons. There was one place that seemed to whisper his name and he knew it was where he had to be.

On the way to where he was going, Jake passed by the high school. Good old Tree Hill High. It still looked the exact same even after ten years. And next to the gym, the Whitey Durham Field House was the rock. That stupid damned rock. Jake couldn't help but stop and look. There was no one standing there but when he closed his eyes he saw himself standing next to his five best friends…

"There you two are. Jake and Peyton, it's about time you joined the rest of us. You were about to be late."

"Late for what?" Peyton rolled her eyes and took the bait.

"The Nathan Scott Appreciation Ceremony."

Jake grinned.

"Dude, appreciation for what?"

Haley rolled her eyes at her husband.

"Please don't egg him on."

"Yeah", Brooke agreed. "Please don't."

Nathan ignored them.

"For all my hard work, dedication, sacrifice and over all greatness. Today I stand with you all and dedicate this rock, already painted with my lucky number 23. May it reside here forever as a testament to athletic greatness."

"Sounds like somebody fell and hit their head", Lucas grinned, joining the gang and rounding out the number.

"Just in time, bro."

"For what? To hear you talk out your ass? Besides, look on the other side of that rock. The big number three is on it. That means they all love me just as much as they love you."

Nathan laughed as he bumped fists with his older brother.

"In your dreams, baby. I'll see you in Virginia for the championship."

"Not if I see you first in Miami."

"You're both gonna see me walking away if you two don't stop this ridiculous testosterone laced conversation", Brooke threatened.

"Don't knock the legend, babe", Lucas threw an arm around his pouting girlfriend. "3 and 23 forever."

Nathan sighed as he looked down.

"The only thing missing is 33", he said softly, referring to their deceased father's retired jersey number.

The mood suddenly turned very stoic.

"Then you do it for him, in his honor rather than his presence", Peyton spoke up.

"For him instead of in spite of him?" Nathan asked.

"Whatever, dude, as long as it gets done", Lucas added. "I'm gonna marry this little philly right here and get drafted in the first round for the NBA, make millions, live in a mansion and have sex all day. And your fashion lines are gonna be bigger than Gucci, right Brooke?"

She shrugged with a dimpled grin.

"Oh I could definitely get used to that, Broody."

Nathan smirked.

"Well, I'm already married, I will be the number one draft, before college graduation, I'm gonna make billions, live in a mansion next door to yours that is even bigger and have sex all day and night. And Haley here is gonna be the biggest singer in the world. Top that."

Haley smiled.

"You boys and your pipe dreams…"

"Damn, babe", Peyton turned to Jake. "Big shoes to follow. Where does that leave us?"

Jake shrugged.

"No worries. With friends like that, we won't have to work a day in our lives. You, me and Jenny can bounce for mansion to mansion and spend our days mooching off other people's money."

They all shared a hearty laugh and looked at each other. It was less than a month before high school graduation. They had a whole long life ahead of happiness, promise and success…

Shaking it off as he knew he needed to get away, he picked up his pace and jogged, breaking into a full sprint to arrive at his intended destination. As soon as he did, a strange and overwhelming realm of peace seemed to envelope him. God knows he needed it. Sighing, he kneeled down, making the Catholic sign of the cross over his body.

"Hey", he began. "God, it's so good to see you. I wasn't gonna come at first. I know that sounds bad, right? But you understand or at least I hope you do. It's too hard. But right now I need peace and answers and comfort and forgiveness even. You're the only one that can give that to me. You're the only one that ever could.

Things have been a mess for a while with all of us but I guess you know that already. Last night everything came to a head. So it's like, what now? I mean what else could possibly happen? It makes you think, who would do something like that? Who would take another person's life? I had to stand in a mirror this morning and ask myself that same question. It's too late now. It doesn't mater what happened or how you felt. Death is death and there's no coming back from that.

You've got to help me. I feel so lost right now. You have to help us all. It wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't how it was supposed to all end. I feel like the six of us deserved better. What a shitty way for things to turn out. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know how to act or feel. None of this even seems real anymore. I feel like I'm a walking zombie or something right now. Gosh, you have no idea how bad I wish I could wake up and start yesterday all over again. I guess we wish we all could…one of us especially.

Things will never be the same again. They haven't been the same since you left. It just hurts so much. Tell me, just give me a sign or something that it's gonna be okay and we'll all get through this. Sometimes it's tough. I swear sometimes I just feel like fizzling out, giving up. But then I think of your face and hear your voice and somehow it gives me the strength to keep going. You were always my strength. That'll never change, I guess. That and the fact that I love you with all my heart.

Look, maybe I haven't been the person I should or the man that I can be lately. After this, I guess it forces me to work on it. I'm gonna change. I have to change. Something has to give. Just…I don't know. This is hard, man. I'm really scared right now. And I'm really hurting.

I, um, I have to go. I can't stay here. But you're always with me. You're in my heart and my thoughts and my prayers always. I love you so, so much. You hear me? I always have and always will. You have to know that. So good bye for now. I'll come back soon, angel."

With that Jake wiped at his eyes and used his hand to sweep away the leaves, dirt and dander that had littered the headstone. His fingertips lingered in the crevice of the writing as his lips placed a loving kiss on it. Standing to leave, Jake took one last turn and looked back. God, how he hated leaving her. He'd never get used to seeing her name written in stone. Ever. But as heartbreaking as it was, it was true.

Jennifer Michelle Jagielski

Always Loving, Always Loved

July 28, 2004 - August 14, 2009