Gordo

I jabbed my hamburger with my fork, but my fork did not even penetrate the meat. From now on, I am bringing my lunch.

Sitting at my table, Larry and Ethan were excitedly discussing...I don't know really know, it all sounded like gibberish to me. Kate was filing her nails in her usual fashion, acting bored by her surroundings, and Veruca Scott was hanging on Larry's every word.

And I sat there wondering. How did I end up with this weird group of ecletic people?

Then I remembered. Every one of these people was directly affected by the death of Lizzie, and they subconsciously bonded together after Lizzie's death. And I, after my suicide attempt, found that I needed some people to hang around.

Only one person was missing from this group.

Miranda.

Not that she really was welcomed, especially by which Kate was concerned. Even I had not really talked to her that much since Mrs. Mcguire's funeral, and even then the conversation was awkward.

The truth was that nobody knew what to say to her, so we all just avoided the situation. What do you say to somebody who used to be your friend, but made the biggest mistake of her life, and was now paying for it? We didn't know, and the whole school did not know what to say to Miranda, with her bulging eight months pregnant belly that she usually hid with a large sweatshirt.

I looked over to the unofficial sophomore section, and saw Victoria and Matt, both restored to their throne at the soccer player/cheerleader table. They were the couple that everyone envied, not just because they were popular, but because they were both great people that found each other. It was hard to believe that a month ago, Matt hardly ever came to school, and even when he did, he was obviously stoned.

I found myself zoning out in the middle of lunch, thinking about everything that had happened. Never in a million years did I think that everything would change so drastically for the worse. I wanted this to be the theme of the documentary essay I planned to submit to NYU in my college application. I already had footage from Matt's concert, and interviews with Dr. Roberts, Ethan, Kate, Larry, and Veruca. I planned to use this in my documentary about change under the worse conditions.

There was one person that I still wanted to talk to, though. And I saw that person roaming the halls, because she had went out for lunch by herself, and too shamed of herself to join any tables.

I picked up my backpack quickly, said goodbye to the rest of my table, and I threw away my mostly uneaten lunch. I rushed over to Miranda, who was leaning against her locker, her face weary and worn.

She had changed also over the course of time, she had grown up quite a bit in this short time, and you could see it on her face.

"Hey, Miranda," I called out to her, and she turned around, not expecting someone to actually greet her (and not in a jeering way). "Ummm...I'm making a documentary, and I wanted to interview you."

Her face fell as she realized that this was only really a business conversation.

"And I wanted to talk, you know, as friends."

With my statement, her face brightened up again.

"So, how have you been doing?" I casually asked.

She patted her stomach, and grimaced.

"As good as any other pregnant eighteen year-old can be."

Quickly changing the subject, she asked me what my documentary was about. When I said that it was about Lizzie, her demeanor changed drastically.

"If it's okay with you, I would rather not be a part of your movie. I don't really take pleasure in talking about how my best friend's death royally screwed me up."

She started to walk away, but I instinctively grabbed her arm.

"Owww! What do you think you're doing, Gordo?"

"I'm sorry."

She ignored my apology, and continued to walk away.

"If you want to talk about it, we can," I yelled, and she turned around.

"What is there to talk about?" she asked coldly.

"I don't know. Anything?"

She looked at her watch.

"I'll give you until the end of lunch."

We sat in silence for a second.

"So, what have you been doing?" I asked, trying to break the silence.

"Getting ready, for...you know, my delivery, and graduation."

"What about prom?"

"There is no way I am going to prom. I'm sure no one wants to see my fat butt in a dress."

"So...what are you going to do after graduation?"

"Have a baby, I guess," she answered sarcastically.

"No, really."

"Well, seeing as that there will be no college for me, because of the baby and the fact that I not been really focusing on school, I'm going to live with my parents, until..." she trailed off. "I don't really know. What about you?"

"Hopefully I will be accepted into NYU, my dream school," I answered.

Miranda sighed.

"Yeah, I wish life were that simple."

Miranda smiled.

"I just had a crazy idea."

"What?"

"How about you and I go to the prom together? Just as friends."

"I thought you didn't want to go to prom."

"I don't want to miss out on the senior prom, and besides, it might be fun. How about it?"

I hesitated in my answer, and Miranda noticed.

"But I'm not Lizzie. And we are not going to be dating or anything. I just want someone to go to the prom with, if I go."

"I know, but..."

There was just something about going to the prom with Miranda that made my insides scream NO! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GO WITH HER BEST FRIEND! I knew that if Lizzie were alive, I would probably have asked her, but...

"You really did love Lizzie, didn't you?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"I know that, and I am not asking you to replace her or anything."

I wasn't sure about it, but after weighing the options of Alone vs. Miranda, I decided Miranda.

"Okay, but just as friends."

"And, we can dance with anyone we want to at the dance. With you, I mean. No one will want to dance with me."

The end of the lunch bell rang, and Miranda left, leaving me at that. I could not help but to feel a bit guilty, like I was betraying Lizzie.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

MATT

I drove up to Victoria's house, like I did everday to pick her up. Ever since we had gotten back together, we were almost inseperable. We had even started to plan our summer together.

But this day, something was very different. Victoria saw me in her car, and walked out slowly. Her eyes were bloodshot, as if she had been crying all day. She was still wearing her glasses, her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and instead of her usual polished look, she was wearing a pair of sweats.

She climbed into the car, and when I said hello to her, she started to cry again. Something was wrong.

"What's the matter?" I asked, putting my arm around her shoulders.

She launched into an explanation of what had happened, but all I could make out through her tears were Donovan, infection, and coma.

"What?"

She sniffed, and pulled a tissue out of her pocket, dabbing at her eyes.

"It's Donovan. He has an infection, and he was getting better, but he went into a coma last night, and they don't know...if he will ever wake up," she said, sobbing.

I was shocked, and I did not know what to say. Donovan and I had become pretty good friends, even though his parents had hired a tutor for him (he missed too much school), and he was usually not at school. He was interested in a lot of the same things that I was, and since I had been at their house so much with Victoria, I found out that he was a pretty cool guy.

"Oh, Victoria, I am so sorry. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" I asked her gently.

"No, I just want to go to school. I was there all last night, and even though my parents said that I shouldn't go to school today, I think I need to...you know, to get my mind off of things."

But, it was obvious that there was nothing to distract her. She was silently crying the entire way to school, and when Mindy asked her what was wrong, she burst into sobs again. It was hard for her, since she and her brother were so close.

Finally, I went in to talk to the counselor. The counselor and I had been talking a lot lately, and he had become a big help.

"I have a question."

"Okay, Matt."

"It's about Victoria. Her brother, Donovan has cancer, and he went into a coma last night. She is trying to pretend everything is okay, and she is even at school today. But if you ask her about it, she starts to sob," I said in one breath.

"Oh."

"I don't know what to do."

"Well," he started. "Do you need a pass to leave?"

"What?" I asked, not knowing what he was doing.

"I'm going to let you take Victoria to the hospital," he answered, signing two pink passes, and handing one to the office aide. "Now, stand by the door, and wait for her to come."

I walked out to the front door. I just wanted to talk, but this was an added bonus. Victoria walked up slowly, looking perplexed.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Yeah," she said, and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

We walked out to my car, arm in arm, and we talked in the parking lot for awhile. We eventually made it to the hospital, where Mr. and Mrs. Smith were sitting with the asleep Donovan.

"Honey, I thought you went to school," Mrs. Smith said.

"I was, but I really needed to be here, with my brother. Matt brought me here. How is he?"

Both of her parents sighed, and she never did receive an answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later...

I could not fall asleep like Victoria did, in the uncomfortable hopsital chair. It was not that late, but the Smith family was awfully tired, so they were struggling to keep awake. I was tired as well, but I could sleep. Especially where I had once lost both my mother, and my sister. I turned around to see Mr. Smith sitting awake as well. He wasn't doing or saying anything, just looking at his son.

"I didn't know you were awake," I said.

"Oh, I just woke up, and I wanted to see how Donovan was doing. I just keep thinking that I will look over, and he will be sitting there, alive and well, like nothing ever happened."

"Yeah."

"I'm so scared, I don't want to lose my son. I might sound selfish, but I want him here with me."

"That's not selfish at all. I want my family here with me."

Mr. Smith looked down, remembering that my mother and sister had both died.

"How are you...about that?" he asked unsurely.

"It was extremely hard on me. Lizzie and I had become very close over last year, and it was really sudden. So was when my mom committed...died. But, you daughter made sure that I got help, and now I am dealing with it. My grandparents have taken guardianship of me, because my dad has nothing to do with me."

"I am so sorry," he said, looking over at the angelic-looking Victoria. "Victoria and Donovan are so close."

"I know. They are both great. Victoria is so sweet and generous, and Donovanm even though I do not know him that well, seems really cool."

"Thanks. You're a good kid, too. And I know that you will help Victoria out with whatever happens."

I smiled, and said, "I can take Victoria home with me or somthing if you want."

Victoria woke up at the mention of her name.

"Victoria, Matt's going to take you back to his home for tonight."

She rubbed her eyes, and said okay. I led her out to my car, and we drove home, mostly silent the entire way.

I walked to the kitchen, and found a note on the table.

MATT-

WE DECIDED TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT OUR HOUSE FOR TONIGHT. PLEASE, NO PARTIES, AND WE LEFT YOU A CHICKEN-TUNA CASSEROLE IN THE FRIDGE.

NANA AND GRAMPS

"Where are your grandparents?" Victoria asked.

"They are at their house for tonight," I answered, opening the fridge. "Ewww, Chicken-Tuna casserole. Hungry?"

Victoria wrinkled her nose.

"No, thanks. I'm just kind of tired."

I put the tinfoil back on the dish.

"Here, you can sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch."

I led her up to my room, where she looked at my clothes, shoes, homework, and scrap pieces of paper that littered the floor.

"Sorry, it's messy."

"That's okay."

I looked through my dresser drawer, and found a t-shirt for her to wear to bed.

"Here, you can wear this for tonight."

She held up the shirt, my soccer jersey from fifth grade. It was huge on me back then, because they ran out of my size.

"Do you have any pants taht I could wear?"

I searched my dresser again, and I found a pair of pajama pants that I hardly ever wore.

"You can wear these," I said, handing them to her.

"Great," she replied, taking her makeshift pajamas. "Where is the bathroom?"

I led her to the bathroom, where she changed and washed her face. I found a toothbrush still in its package for her to use, so she was able to freshen up a little before she went to bed.

She came back to my bedroom, where she climbed into my bed.

"Matt, I am so scared," she said, bursting into tears again. "My brother has been close to death before, but he is so close this time. I don't know what I would do without him."

I sat on the bed next to her.

"He will wake up, and everything will be okay," I said, laying my head down next to hers. "I have faith in the situation."

"How can you be so sure, though?"

"I know that there are somethings that we can't control, and this is one of them. We just have to be strong, and fight through it, and maybe faith will win out in the end."

"That's why I love you so much," she said, kissing me on the lips. "You always know the perfect thing to say to me."

"I love you," I whispered.

We kissed again, but I pulled away.

"I better go set up the couch."

She grabbed my shirt.

"Please...don't leave me."

I climbed back into the bed next to her, and stroked her hair.

"I won't."

She cuddled up next to me, and we spent the whole night next to each other, in each other's arms.