Smoke...
Grey and curling from the tip of a newly lit cigarette. It seemed to dance in the dark void of the bedroom. He could hear the man next to him inhale gently, taking another pull from that foul thing. The tip glowed bright in the darkness before dying down just as quickly. It reminded him of himself. Of his hope... his dreams. One minute they were there, burning brightly in his mind, and the next they were gone. Along with the one person he loved more than life itself.
That's when the realization hit him again. It had been only a few days since the funeral. Ah, what a dreadful day that had been. He'd spent hours upon hours locked in his room, bawling and blaming himself for the loss of his lover.
"If he had just told me...No. If I had just paid more attention."
This was his reasoning. If only he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own affairs, maybe he would have noticed that Hughes' life was in danger. It was too late now, though. The deed had been done and Hughes was gone forever. There was a soft rustling sound next to him, but like everything else, he paid it no mind. It wasn't until he heard a voice that he was jarred from his sulking.
"Roy...? Are you alright?"
The blonde stared at the man laying in bed next to him, soft blue eyes narrowed curiously. Ever since the funeral he'd been worried about Roy. After all, it was only natural to be worried about the man you look up to, the man you call boss, the man who... the man who you would give your very life to protect. And he didn't feel this sense of duty just because he was Roy's subordinate. He wanted to protect Roy because he loved the man. He always had, but he would dare never tell. In fact, he was damn near shocked when Roy had come to him and asked him to go to the bar for a few drinks. And he surely wasn't about to protest when Roy, half drunk at this point, latched onto him and asked Havoc to take him home. This was a day he'd been waiting for.
Still, even when he and Roy walked through the front door of the small apartment, Havoc hadn't expected anything more than to help Roy to bed and then go sleep on the couch. It all changed though when Roy started being playful with him. At first it started with a hug, a few playful nips to the neck, hell even a little kiss. When Roy had pulled Havoc on top of him and down onto the bed, though, well now that was a different story all together.
"Hm? Oh... yeah. I'm fine Jean."
Those were the only words Roy had for the man. It didn't surprise him though. As a matter of fact, that's what he had expected. Havoc knew that Roy and Maes were lovers, and that he was nothing more than a poor, temporary relief from the pain Roy was feeling. Hah, even the thought of Mustang being interested in him for more than a way of escaping reality made him laugh. Well, not really laugh, but it was laughable from an outside point of view.
Sighing, Jean let his fingers sift through his messily ruffled strands before reaching for the cigarette between his lips. Graspin it between his thumb and index finger, he removed it form his mouth, letting the smoke curl out in a thin stream from between his lips. Reaching over to the nightstand, he put out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray. While he was snuffing out the last bits of life from the thing, he heard the soft sobs coming from Roy. Immediately he felt his chest tighten and his throat nearly close. Roy Mustang was crying. And to make matters worse, he was crying while someone was around. That alone made Havoc want to break down along with him. All he could do was take the sobbing man into his arms, let Roy's head rest against his chest while he stroked those dark strands lovingly, and try to comfort him.
Minutes passed, though it felt like nothing short of an eternity. The muffled sobs had ceased, and Roy had succumb to his exhaustion. Sighing heavily, Jean shifted carefully so he wouldn't wake Roy. He wasn't going to leave and let Roy wake up alone. If that was what the other wanted, he surely would have kicked Havoc out after they were done screwing around. Looks like he was spending the night. Making himself comfortable, he continued to hold Roy through the night, eventually falling asleep himself. And in that instant before he finally found the peace of sleep, he felt a pang of jealousy deep down in his heart.
He was jealous of the fact that Hughes had been allowed to hold Roy like that every night, to kiss him, to make love to him. It would be so nice to have Roy love him the way he had loved Hughes... the way he still loved Hughes.Gritting his teeth, he tried to push the thought from his mind and forced himself to sleep.
"Tomorrow's another day..." Havoc thought to himself. Maybe he'd work up enough courage to tell Roy how he really felt.
